15 Month Old Keeps Slapping Everyone

Updated on July 21, 2008
B.B. asks from Du Bois, PA
17 answers

my 15 month old son thinks it is funny to slap everyone he comes in contact with. sometimes it is all in fun (high-fives) but mostly it's out of control hitting. he will go up to my 13 month old nephew and slap him in the face. i yell at him, telling him no slapping and i'll punish him by swatting his behind but he thinks it's funny. i don't want him coming in contact with someone outside the immediate family and slapping them. help! obviously people think i'm a complete idiot for asking for advice and YES I DO UNDERSTAND THAT I AM SENDING MIXED MESSAGES WHEN I PUNISH HIM WITH A SPANKING AFTER HE HITS SOMEBODY... I DON'T WANT TO BE SPANKING HIM FOR THAT... THAT'S WHY I PUT THIS REQUEST UP HERE... TO GET OTHER SUGGESTIONS! CAN YOU TELL I'M FRUSTRATED? AND SOME PPL AREN'T HELPING THE MATTER HERE...

I have used the time-out method in his high chair w/ the 5 point harness & no toys. He hates this & it works well as punishment... there's only 1 problem... we live w/ my parents & grandparents and none of them will respect my choices and my son always ends up w/ a toy or somebody making him laugh or even somebody letting him out of the high chair. Thank goodness my husband & I should be moved into our new home within a week or so and I will be able to go about raising my child the way I see fit. Thank you all for your help!

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M.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sooner or later, someone on his level will slap him back in a similar manner. Then all the reinforcement by discipline from you, will fall into place and he will get it and stop.
IMO

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Start taking away the things he likes the most, toys games etc. and keep putting him in time outs. This may sound wrong but since he likes to slap people tap him on the hand. It could just be a phase but don't treat it that way. Keep reinforcing that it is wrong to do that. Good luck.

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C.W.

answers from Reading on

If you can't understand how hitting as punishment for hitting is confusing for your child, I don't know what to tell you. He runs around hitting everyone, your response is to hit him (I understand that you are not beating him), this is more like positive reinforcement versus punishment and it totally makes sense that he would think that was funny. You are imitating him.
I would suggest ignoring the behavior if it is mild (not in the case of hitting the other baby), this is what I would as much as possible. Don't look at him, do not respond. If he hits someone like the baby, take him out of the situation, tell him why it is not ok and make him apologize (maybe give them a hug or something like that since he is probably pre-verbal at 15 months).

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C.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

My daughter started experimenting with hitting just a few months ago. I (like some already posted) would take her hand and firmly say "no hitting". I would also tell her that it was not nice to hit people and show her the nice way to touch people (and just rub her arm gently). If someone else was in the room I would rub their arm as well and let her know that it is the nice way to touch someone, and then give her a chance to try it. We also use her baby doll to teach her how to be gentle, and remind her that it is not nice to throw the baby or hit her. If your son has a favorite stuffed animal or toy maybe you could use that to give him a positive example.

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H.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

my son went through this and a hair pulling/biting phase all at the same time! I would quickly remove his hand, and still holding on to it say "that wasn't nice, you gave mommy an owie", "don't do that again, that is not nice".. I wouldn't let go of his hand until I was done scolding him and by that time he was just really happy that I let him go. it took a couple times but he understood after a bit that it hurts people when he does that.

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H.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think he likes the reaction he is getting. The next time he smacks someone I would get down on your knees and look him eye to eye - hold on to his shoulders and tell him we do not hit other people. I also would refrain from swatting him since you don't want him to hit. My son went through this a few months ago as well. Getting down to his level worked the best for us. Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

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K.B.

answers from Harrisburg on

I wouldn't have him do high fives or anything similar to swatting or hitting until he understands the difference between them all. I don't think swatting his bottom will help. In my experience, I've shown my five that hitting hurts and would give them an example by slapping their hand, on the skin. I'd tell them that "Hitting hurts, see?" and show them and then tell again that hitting hurts and not to do it, and then remove the child from the area, usually to their crib or room. When they've calmed down I remind them again not to hit because it hurts. Sometimes I'd have to let them know ahead of time when another child would be near them NOT to hit and to be nice. Sometimes if your words don't work you have to give an example.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I didn't go through this but I think hitting his butt may be counter productive. Imagine his POV he thinks mommy says no hitting and then hits me?? What is going on here. Plus since he laughs it is really not effective. I have other behavior issues with my 2 yo. I have finally found the time out that works for him. It took a long time but if you keep trying different things you will finally find the one thing he hates so much he won't want to do it again. For the record. My toddler HATES to be put in the highchair with the five point harness on it. He can't get out and make any more mischeif until I let him out. It has helped to decrease the amount of time he spends in trouble.

Good luck!

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A.F.

answers from Scranton on

I hate to tell you this but you're sending your child mixed messages. You tell him not to hit yet you "swatt" him. You need to find another way to punish him other than spanking. try a time out to take him out of the situation. but smacking in punishment for smacking is not going to work.

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L.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have a 15 month old son as well and I would suggest you get down on his level, grab his slapping hand firmly, bring it down, look him in the eye and tell him no! Not nice! If he continues, I would remove him from the situation completely until he stops.

Until he understands that it isn't acceptable, I would refrain from the high-fives as well since it seems he doesn't understand the difference yet.

I would also stop swatting his butt, it doesn't get his attention or hurt him because of the diaper padding and it will only tell him its okay to hit since you are hitting him.

They really test us at this age, don't they?! It's hard not to laugh at them too since they can be funny but they do understand NO this young. Be consistent and have your husband and any other care giver do the same thing.

Good luck!

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S.K.

answers from Scranton on

Hi Becky-
I totally get your frustration with the responses. I was frustrated reading them. After the first one, did you really need to hear it again?
My son (19 months) also went through this for several months. Exactly like your son, he would do it and laugh. And continue to laugh when I scolded him. We started the time-out thing. Put him in his crib or a pack-n-play with a firm "NO, we do not hit!" and he got the message quickly.
Good luck.
And good luck with the move.

S.

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K.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Unfortunatly, a lot of kids seem to go through this. I would try this. Take his hands in yours, look him in the eye, and say we do not hit. Then if he laughs or does it again immediatly (which could happen) do it again but then follow up with a time out. I started time outs around this time, and the firs week or so will be a lot of you running after him to sit him back down, but just don't talk to him and don't smile or laugh and it will kick in. Good luck.

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A.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

My son does pretty much the same thing, but reserves all his hitting for me - I'm so lucky! Anyway, I've done a similar response to what Holly posted. As soon as he does it I grab his hand and say something along the lines of, "No hitting, that's not nice, that hurts mommy". I did read in a magazine that boys are more prone to do this behaviour than girls as they physicially can't control their emotions and bodies they way girls can at this age. It doesn't help stop the behaviour, but you can at least rest assured that you didn't do anything to provoke this behaviour.

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F.H.

answers from Sharon on

The high chair can be a great place for a time out at this age. I would only do it for about 30 seconds as your child is small and will forget why hes there. First firmly say, )dont yell but keep your voice quiet and low), "No you may not hit" but him in his high chair for a few seconds and then get him out and say you need to have nice hands and gently stroke his face and show him what nice hands do! Get him to copy the behaviour and praise praise praise! Catch him being good as often as possible.
If you know he hits then you cant let him alone to play. It will take a little bit to help turn his bahviour around but he will do it if he knows he likes the feeling of when he does something nice. He gets more attention.
Distraction is also a great tool. REdirect his bahivour to something different. Also pay attention to a reason why he may be hitting. Is he tired, hungry, thirsty, overstimualted, jealous, craving attention?

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N.H.

answers from Harrisburg on

It's really hard getting kids this age to understand their behavior isn't acceptable. My older son went through a biting mommy phase when he was around 12 months old. It took literally about a month of me saying to him "no biting, biting hurts mommy!", facing him away from me and walking away. He finally stopped. I've been doing the same thing with my 14 month old twin boys and they hardly do it anymore. Good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

I agree, swatting on the butt isn't the solution for this. Hitting usually means he's trying to communicate something and doesn't have the words, pretty typical of 15 mos.

He probably wants the attention at this point. DONT give it to him! If he hits, take his hand, tell him no! but in not too many words, that's the attention that he wants. Then put him on the "naughty fill-in-the-blank" for 1 min (a minute per year of age). Ignore him while he's there. When he's done tell him again why he's there, then tell him to say sorry to the offended person.

Good Luck!

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L.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I don't think that swatting his behind at this point is going to stop the behavior. You are trying to stop him from hitting someone by hitting him. He thinks it is funny to hit others, so that is why he laughs when you are hitting him.

I would suggest in a firm voice scolding him and removing him from the situation and sit him in a chair or somewhere where he doesn't want to be in a time out, of sorts. He's too young to really reason, but he will not like to have to sit away from the fun and action.

I haven't had a hitting problem with my 4 kids, but have found that removing them from a situation (or with older kids, taking a privilege away, but again, your son is too young for that) have worked.

Good luck! You're smart to want to end the behavior now before it gets any worse.

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