How Angry Should I Be with My MIL?

I wasn't going to comment, because I see that most everyone is on your side. And I am too, for the record!! I would be mad as a hornet. In fact, my FIL did the same thing (minus the dogs), a few months ago, and I had my husband talk to his dad and ask him to not let our 6 yr. old sit in the front. So far, to my knowledge, he hasn't repeated the action.
Now, what I can't contain is the response from JULIE J, I believe it was, who said "You are going to find out, you have to pick your battles, and MIL did raise your husband and he turned out fine right? I believe in seat belts, safety for children in all situation, but are you really going to make your 7 year old sit in a booster seat like manufactures recommend? if you do let me know how you did it."

First of all, when a child's safety is at risk, there is NO picking of battles. There's one way, and that's the right way (by the law). Period. End of discussion. And if someone who cares for your child doesn't have the respect for your child and YOU, to do as you ask, then they shouldn't have the responsibility of caring for them.

Yes, there weren't child safety restraint laws when some of you (or even me) were younger. But umm, did you EVER stop to THINK as to WHY we now HAVE those laws?! Simple answer here, don't over-think it.
Because of NEEDLESS TRAGEDIES in which children were harmed and even killed because of lack of restraints!!!! DOH! Go figure. These laws had to be put into effect because of the lives lost when no such laws existed.

It really burns me to read people saying "pick your battles". My response is OH HE** NO! Not with MY child.

So to L. M....stand up to your MIL. It is for the safety and well-being of your child. If you won't, who will?

Hi L.,

You have every right to be angry! Not only is riding in the front seat unsafe but it's illegal as well. Legal or not though, nothing should come before your son's safety. I frequently have the same problem -- my mother-in-law wants to do things the way she did when she raised her kids 40 years ago. She reasons that her kids all survived so it must be fine. My husband, in an effort to avoid conflict, just ignores it. I have taken it upon myself in recent months to confront her and explain to her why some of her actions are wrong and how they can be dangerous to my daughter. It's never a comfortable situation but you would never forgive yourself if your son was injured or killed just because you hadn't wanted to stand up to your mother-in-law. If you think of it in those terms it may be a little easier to speak your mind. You may also want to show her some data about it. One website I found was http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/toddler/toddlersafety.html.

I hope this helped,
J.

I think you have every right to be angry! I wouldn't let this go at all!!! If she's going to have your son, I'd make sure that his car seat/booster is strapped in before you leave him there. That way you know that he's going to be in the back. I'd be furious if I were you! Don't let this go and your husband should be just as angry. Now how would they feel if something were to have happened...god forbid? Ask them that question. Good luck and stick to it.

You are correct to be outraged. If your husband will not show the level of concern that you do, I recommend that you make an effort to limit "Grandma's" time with your son, or make sure that the visit is properly supervised by another trusted adult.

The way I see it, one of two things is happening here: (1) Your MIL is unqualified to care for young children due to her age, or an age-related condition of which you're not yet aware; -OR- (2) Her priorities are terribly out of order. Regardless of the reasons behind her careless disregard for the safety of your son, YOU have a responsibility to avoid subjecting your son to a situation that is potentially dangerous.

Thank heaven he trusted you enough to tell you about it! Best of luck to you.

As much as I empathize with you I think your son was safer in the front seat. It kills me to see pets running around in and out of drivers laps. That to me is a greater danger of distraction than a possible air bag going off. Even though it's against the law this was the wiser decision for your MIL to make. I'd still talk to her about avoiding this type of situation for the safety of your son and her grandchild. But honestly, let it go. More upset you get the more danger of stress you put on your unborn child.

The answer to you DH's question is that in trucks - an now a lot of cars - you can turn the passenger air bag off. Our 04 Camry has that feature. Not that I plan to use it - but it nice to know that if necessary - you can put a child in the front seat and not risk injury from the airbag.

I wonder if you MIL knew about the danger. Quite honestly - I had not heard of not putting kids in the front seat until about 5-7 years ago - so maybe she does not know either.

You have every right to be upset. Pickup trucks are much higher up, and deactivate the airbag on their own if they're newer. If her car is not newer it won't do that and it's just plain dumb of her to risk your child's safety for her dogs. If the backseat is available - use it! I would let her know that he is to be in the backseat, buckled in his booster, no ifs ands or buts. The dogs don't need to go on every trip, and if she needs to take them to the vet he doesn't have to go with her.

Our grandmother use to hold my brother on her lap when he was little, instead of having him safely buckled in the back with me. Then she'd tell us not to tell our mom. Very bad stuff! So definitely let her know it is not to happen again.

And good luck!

VERY! If the air bag deployed he could be killed. I would not let her watch my child again. People with 2 seat cars get their airbags turned off by the factory. THe airbag can deploy just tapping a car under 5 mph. You are right!!!

You definitly need to say something to her or she'll do it again. Some trucks you can turn the air bag off on the passenger side but still it's safer in the back nevertheless.

I have to agree that I would talk to your MIL too. I also have a 4 year old and she also doesn't always get the story straight. My daughter has rode up front before with my husband in his car and I'm fine with it as long as they aren't going far and they aren't on the freeway. I think it would be very harsh to not let your MIL watch your son again. I have to agree that if you let her watch him now then you have faith that she would never purposely hurt him. Not to mention (and not to be rude) but we all survived and we didn't ride in carseats, we rode in the front seats, and half the time our parents didn't seatbelt us in the car. I'm not saying that it's right, just something to think about.

To be honest with you, you have every reason to be upset. I work in the Children's Hospital here in Dayton and we see kids killed every year from not being the right height and weight to be sitting in the front seat of a car, regardless of if the air bag goes off or not.
It is not real responsible of the grandmother to want or let her dogs take precedent over your son's safety.
So again, I would just explain to her your concerns and let her know that you hope it doesn't happen again.

WOW!!! I can't even fathom the anger you must feel!!! Granted back in the day they never put us in car seats and most of us are fine, but it is against the law!!! Hello! People w/ 2 seaters get a different car!!! Has your hubby heard of trade -ins? Sorry, but I'm so mad for you!!! Thankfully no one got hurt, but does you MIL have any respect for your wishes? That is a no-brainer! Why don't you go on-line and see if you can find some stats and/ pics of what could have happened! You've got another one on the way so you need to nip this in the bud right now! Maybe even call the local police dept. don't turn her in or anything, but ask them for literature for a "friend" who doesn't think that this is serious. They are sooo precious,why take a silly risk like that? What would she have done if something would have happened? How could she say sorry for that? Did you ask her or your hubby that question?

I think you should talk to your MIL first. After all your basing everything on what a 4 y/o is saying. I am not saying he is lying but perhaps doesnt know all the details. I have a 4 y/o and she doesnt always get stories straight! Ask why and if the explination isnt good enough for you explain to her why he needs to ride in the back. Dont attack her or try to put your husband in the middle (as that is never good). You have a right to be upset if she did indeed put the dogs comfort over your sons safety. However you have to remember she loves him too and wouldnt do anything to intentionally hurt him. (I guess I am assuming all that)
Good luck
S.
On an added note the laws regarding carseats are:
Ohio state law requires that children under four years old and under 40 pounds must ride in a car seat or booster that is appropriate for the child's age and weight. Children under one year old and under 20 pounds must ride in a rear-facing car seat.
I got the info from "Google-ing" carseat laws, Ohio and by calling a local police department.
However it is HIGHLY RECCOMENDED if they are under 4'8" tall they ride in the back seat and/or with a booster seat.

I think you're very justified in being angry with your mother-in-law. You might check out a website like the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration at www.nhtsa.gov
There's lots of information on the site about child safety in motor vehicles. I'm not sure if it's the law, but I know that it's suggested that children under 4 foot 9 inches should be in a booster seat, and I thought I read or heard somewhere that children should ride in the back seat until they're 11 or 12 years old. That might be on the website. These are things your mother-in-law should know and be aware of before your son travels with her, again. You're the mother in this situation, and if your mother-in-law doesn't respect your parenting rules/beliefs, then you have every right to not allow your son to go with her in a car until she obeys what are probably some very basic traffic laws. Your son's life is more important than the comfort of her dogs. My son's almost seven months old, and I've been trying hard to make certain my in-laws respect some of my parenting beliefs. They live in another state, so they don't get much time with him. Still, I have every right to let them know how I want my son to grow up (and be safe and healthy). PM me if you want to talk.

I second the last mom, you have every right to be angery. I admit, I have a small SUV and my son has had to ride up front when I was hauling large item in the past. But I had my air bags replaced with ones that I can turn off and on with a key. PS - when riding with my dogs, they always ride behind the back seat, so my son get the back seat to himself ;). This is the safety of your child, what is she gonna do when your baby gets here, strap her to the roof? You better put an end to it now. Good luck!

I would be angry as well.. But yelling or belittling your MIL is bound to cause friction in the family. Most assuredly between you and her most probably between you and your husband. Ask her if she let him ride in the front. If she did, explain to her that you need him to sit in the back seat for his safety and for her. As she could get sited. Explain to her that it is very important to you, So if she needs her dogs to sit in the back instead of your child than it is ok, and you will find someone to care for your child.

I would be very angry if I found out this happened to my son as well!
You need to let your mother-in-law know that you are aware of what happened, and also that you do not appreciate having to hear things like this from your son.
Make sure she (and ANYONE who cares for your son, inside or outside of your home) is aware that it is a state law that children under 80 pounds must ride in child seats, in the BACK SEAT of a car. (trucks/2-seaters are obviously different situations) It is illegal, and very dangerous, for children to ride in the front seat. Please let her know that if she cannot obey the law, she will not be able to enjoy the company of your son.
I hope in time that your husband will also understand why it is such an important issue... you might do a bit of Google searching for statistics and articles dealing with toddlers' injuries due to riding in the front seat. : \

Best of luck to you,

K.

You should be angry and concerned. I would definitely talk to your MIL about this--maybe she just did not realize the danger involved being in the mindset of an "older" generation. If your MIL minimizes your concerns, do not let her care for your child unsupervised again. I know you don't want to cause any family drama, but it is better to be safe than sorry when your child's safety is concerned. Also, your husband needs to be behind you on this. People in two-seaters don't drive kids around! Talk it out and communicate your concerns. Good luck.

I completely understand your anger. After thibking about it abit, I have several feelings on the issue. First, I have put small children in the front seat (4- 8 year olds) of my Honda. I ONLY do this when I need to because my car (an Element) actually only has seats for three passengers. When I do it is only for a few minutes. I feel fairly safe in doing this because I know that my airbags won't go off unless there is at least 100 pounds in the seat. However, I would not make it common practice and I certainly wouldn't bump a kid from teh back seat for dogs no matter how loved the dogs are. I feel that you are right in being angry because in this case her dogs were more important than your child. That is just my take on the situation. Good Luck.

Absolutely not! There are child restraint laws for a reason. Children are to ride in restraints for their saftey.

I recently experienced something very similar. My MIL allowed my 17 year old sister in law to take my four year old in her car in the back seat with the straps crisscrossed over her. I was shocked that they first of all didn't get my permission to take her anywhere, but would put her at such risk.

Granted when my MIL was a young mother laws were very different. Actually I don't believe there was a law for child restraints. Times have changed. Chilren must weigh at least 40 lbs in Ohio to ride without a proper child restraint. Some states are more strict.

I told my MIL and SIL not to do that again. My child's safety is more important than simple convenience.

I suggest you read up on restraint info and maybe even print it off for your hubby and MIL. It is a very serious matter.

I wish you the best.

Of course you are upset, because that is the safety of your child, but.... do you really think she was trying to put her grandchild in harms way? Would she say do anything dangerous to him any other time? I think your husband is right. You are going to find out, you have to pick your battles, and MIL did raise your husband and he turned out fine right? I believe in seat belts, safety for children in all situation, but are you really going to make your 7 year old sit in a booster seat like manufactures recommend? if you do let me know how you did it. Perhaps when your emotions are in check, you can talk with your MIL about how it made you feel and to ask her not to do it again. Have an adult conversation and perhaps she will understand. Back when we grew up they did not have seat belted car seats for us even. Different generation. Just talk with her and see what happens. Just don't get in her face about it. You get more bees with honey you know?

Good luck.

I would be VERY angry if I were in your position. You can be the safest driver in the world, but you can not control how the other people on the road drive. Your son was in danger while sitting in the front seat. I would speak to your MIL and explain your feelings. If she doesn't agree with you, then I would make sure she doesn't drive your son anywhere until she respects your wishes. Good luck.

Actually, a child is only allowed to ride in the front seat of a two seater or truck as long as there is NO air bag, or the air bag has been disabled.

I know this for a fact as I have a 2 seater pickup truck that's used for hauling my dogs and if my regular car breaks down. Needless to say, the truck doesn't get driven often. But, I must say when I do drive the truck with my daughter in it, she loves it. She likes seeing out the front and sitting up high.

I would just talk to your MIL. I think one thing people need to remember, is that she most likely comes from the generation where there weren't even car seats, or if there were, they were rarely used.

I'm an older mother, and I can tell you that my mother didn't have a car seat for me. They had an old VW van and they put a playpen in the back and that's what I would ride in.

Just calmly ask to speak to her and ask her to tell you exactly what happened. From there you can have a calm conversation. Going in upset will only make the situation worse.

Okay, I'm not originally from here, so I don't know the laws around here, but isn't there a law that kids under a certain age have to ride in the backseat if it is not a two seat vehicle? That would be worth looking into. Also, why were the dogs in the car in the first place, and where was she going? Maybe I'm a little overprotective, but I don't want anyone driving my little girl around (except my husband and I and maybe a couple other people) unless it's necessary. People are such stupid drivers sometimes. Anyway, I'd check the laws out on the KY DOT page and see what the laws are, then ask your MIL if she did let him ride in the front seat. If she did, tell her that unless it is a true emergency (not because of the dogs), you don't want him the front seat, and that the back seat is much safer. If she can't abide by this, then don't let her drive him around. One other thought- she may have thought that the dogs would behave better in the back, and would be jumping all over in the front seat, so she may have thought your son was safer in the front seat. You'll have to do a little education possibly. Good luck.