How and If I Should Consider Dating Again

Something like this is hard when you have children. Believe me, when I started dating my fiancee it was totally unexpected. I didn't date or anything like that. Granted with me it was only 6 months that I had stopped dating after my relationship of 7 years came apart and my 3 year old boy was only 2-3 months old at the time we split. I didn't date anyone, I didn't go out with my friends though they did come over to the house because they understood my situation and felt that I didn't always need to be alone even if I did have my kids there with me. I thought I would think about my kids and my own security and stability before I even thought of bringing anyone into our lives. St Patrick's Day of 2005 a friend of mine called to wish me a Happy St. Patrick's Day (he was half Irish so his family was hardcore on celebrating :D ) but he got on said "Happy St. Patrick's Day, here talk to Burt". I was dumbfounded, no warning or anything. That is who I am with today and have my youngest child with. Little did I know that when I answered that phone that my friends were planning behind my back trying to find someone for me that would treat me with respect, honesty and love that I wasn't getting in my last relationship. Our first two phone calls lasted 13 and 14 hours each! (Happens that the kid's Dad had them for St. Patrick's Day weekend so I was able to pull that off - LOL) Not saying that this is what is going on for you or that this is how it should go, but when it is time for you to date and time for you to have a man in your life you will know. Whether it happens the same way that it did for me or maybe you will run into him at work, you'll know when it is time. :D

What would you tell your clients to do? :) I have two kids and it is always bittersweet when I leave them home. Try this though: Imagine you have one month to live. In that month, what would you do? Now, if you have a month to do something without your children around, take the ideas from the exercise and DO them. You only live once!!!

Hi! This is your time to go out or at least to take a little time for yrself while yr kids are with their dad. Even if its just going to the movie stor and renting some movies to watch all night and ordering pizza or yr favorite dish, go to the spa.

L.,
It is so wonderful that you are even asking this question with your children in mind! A lot of mothers out there would just worry about their life and not put a second thought to their children. Anyway, only you know when it is appropriate for you to date. The only advice that I would have is to make sure that your children know that even though there may be a new man in your life, that you are first and foremost, their mother, and that will never change. I also, would make sure that the man you bring into your home, into your children's lives is a special one. Someone that you can trust with the hearts of your children. It's not only you that is at risk here. You children can be hurt by loosing someone that they are permitted to get close to also. I'll be sure to include you in my prayers. Good luck to you, and if it's in God's will, may you meet a man that will bless the lives of you and your children.

Dear L.,
I have been single since my ex broke up with me the day I learned I was pregnant... My daughter is now two years old. I have not been ready to consider getting into a relationship emotionally or physically. I am now considering dating, but I am not going to try to force it "just to date". I would recommend you do the same... be yourself, do something nice for yourself... like take yourself to a movie or dinner. If you meet someone, take it very slow. You are obviously a very capable, independent lady who doesn't need a man to validate your existance. While your children are at their father's house, keep in touch with them but also use the downtime to rest, treat yourself, take a mini-vacation. Don't let dating be your sole focus... when it's meant to be, it will. Good Luck~ A.

L.,
What a wonderful mother you are!
It takes real personal discipline to put your children's well being above your own personal recreation/socialization. Please don't let anyone convince you that mothering is not worthwhile or is a mis-use of your time. Mothering is only a season, and I am sure you realize how quickly childhood ends. You will not be a bed-ridden old lady when they are all grown and gone... you'll only be my age when the 4 yr old is 18! I can promise you that life does not end at 45....

Only you can know when you are ready to add dating into the mix of what sounds like a very busy life. There are so many things to consider before dating, not the least of which is your childrens emotional health.

There are other ways that you can "Get a life" - if you feel that you need anything else in your schedule.
There are many single-parent groups and clubs you could join to find friends with similar circumstances and values. This would provide you with the emotional support you will need while your boys are away.

Do you have a church home in Memphis? That may be a good place to begin looking for friends or referral to groups that would interest you.

It is sad to think of how empty our days feel when the children are away. But it can also be our own personal mini-vacation. Think of the change in time required to clean and do laundry when it is only you.... Check out a few new books from the library (Fun books, not study books) or make a date with yourself to spend the difference in laundry money (I use a public laundry mat, so the difference is immediately apparent) to treat yourself to a new movie every week - or a night out with the girls. Take this time for long hot baths with a nice cup of tea of hot chocolate, and some candles...
Just use the time to rejuvenate and recharge your batteries - before you know it they will all be home again - and if it is anything like my house, it will take all your patience and fortitude to get them back on schedule and functioning the way they were when they left. :)

Here's to your YOU time!
L. G

As long as you can find someone who will repect you and your children and not try to play the 'stern father' role with the boys, by all means.. date!
Just because you're a mother doesn't mean that you don't deserve to have a love life. Take this time while the boys' are gone to their dad's to have a little fun.
Make sure you are very careful before you introduce your new man to the boys. If you don't know for sure that it's going to be a serious relationship, then don't bring him around. Kids' get attached really easily and it'll be like a break up all over for them. Consider how they'd feel.
When it comes time for all of them to meet, do something together like go on a picnic or to the zoo so there's not so much pressure on the kids.