Help with Potty Training - McHenry, IL

J.,
I know of at least three children who preferred pooping in the diaper. The parents all tried various rewards and incentives to alter the behavior... to no avail. It seems that some children feel more comfortable pooping with the diaper on. But each child eventually outgrew the need for the diaper... on his own terms and timeline. My guess is that you keep the necessary supply of diapers handy and be confident that this need will pass.

Hi J.,

I just went through this and my son - 3 years and 7 months - has been pooping on the toilet for 2 weeks. Seems like it just had to be the right time for him to decide the potty was ok. For the last couple months I had him stay in the bathroom while he went in the diaper so he'd know - even with a diaper, pooping happens in the bathroom. We are using a sticker chart to reinforce and encourage him and he is very happy - already got one trip to Chuck E Cheese and he's working on another reward.

He uses a seat the rests on the big potty. It has little handles on the sides that he likes to hang onto while he sits.

Good look.

I remember the frustration well!. My son who is now 15 was potty trained at 1 1/2. He couldn't stand to have any wetness on him, but when it came to poo poo he just refused to use the toliet. What ever you do, do not show your frustration to him. Trust me, this will set him back. I know my son's doctor had expressed they have fears of releasing the poo poo in the toliet, something with it dropping out. My son still remembers how affraid he was to let everything just fall out naturally. (He too wanted a pull up for that) Just be patient and talk to him about this. I know it may sound strange, but maybe have him join your husband when he has to use the bathroom in that manner also (or yourself if your comfortable) and during this time, talk to him about it. (we used reading a book and lightly talking about it)

But, I will be honest with you, it can take a long time for a boy to be comfortable with this. Just try not to show your frustration. It will happen naturally when HE is ready. I know it can be frustrating.

My advice to you is try to let him go around naked. My son was always looking for somewhere his poop could land. NOT ON THE FLOOR! If there's something there to catch it, it's safe for him. Sounds strange, but it worked. After a week or so, he was running to the bathroom to have the potty catch the poop, not underwear or a pull up. I've told you this before, now all you have to do is implement it, J.. Give it a shot and be consistent!! And whatever you do, try as hard as you can to NOT get angry with him if he does go on the floor. YOU train your children how to behave. If he knows that you will eventually cave in and put underwear or a pull-up on him, he will do whatever it takes to get you to give in and it becomes a Power-Struggle. YOU ARE THE PARENT, remember that! Good Luck and I love you. You can do this!
Love C. K

I'm lucky on this one with my son but have been through 4 other children that have had this problem. First off what worked easily with my son was telling him how proud I was of him for pooping and peeing on the potty and if he had an accident I would tell him I loved him but was very dissapointed with him.

My niece we made sit on the toilet every half hour for ten minutes until she decided to start pooping on the potty. Nothing else would work and this was a pain because she only pooped once every couple of days. Someone also told her that the poopy monster ate your poop after you flushed and she was scared it was going to come up and bite her butt so we also made her emptying poopy underwear in the toilet and flush it so she could see there was no poopy monster.

With the other children one started when he was ready which was about 4 or so and the other two or over 5 and we still have problems with them even though their 3 year old cousin is fully trained. Their parents started rewarding them every time they just sat on the toilet with a handful of M & M's and now they want a treat every time they go in the bathroom. I refused to reward my son any more than hugs, kisses, and verbal encouragement (lots of all three). In my opinion this is something they should do once they become "bigger" and shouldn't be apart of a reward system unless it is one big reward once they have actaully accomplished the task regularly for more than just a week.

Not sure if this will help but a potty training "expert" told me not to have kids sit on the potty longer than 10 minutes because it can cause physical pain. Maybe you could try having him only do the deed in the bathroom (with a reward for that) and then closer and closer to the toilet until he is sitting on there with a diaper. Then the diaper gets a little unfastened one side at a time (note: better to use diapers than pullups for this) until it is just being held and then gone. May want to lay low if there's been a recent showdown about performing on the potty. There is actually a name for this method but I can't recall what it is. It is a very gradual process but seems like it may help your son. PM me if you want more info. Good luck!

Hi J.,
My son (just turned 5) was the same. He put on underpants a month before he was 3, and never wore a diaper again unless he had to poop. He would also hold it and started to poop every 2 days. It was very very stressful, and lasted a year until his 4th birthday. We planned on that day for no more diapers, and the transition was easy and swift. He was ready.. Perhaps if you plan a special day to celebrate or do something special, you can use that day as the goal for the potty. I know it can be pretty stressful when a 3 1/2 year old starts asking for a diaper. I don't think it's uncommon though, my nephew was the same!

J. ~ had a similar situation - if you go to your local "Wal-mart" type store you can purchase his 'very own' seat - it is just a round/oval plastic circle with a cushion on it - Let YOUR SON pick out which one he likes and tell him it will be his own special seat. He is the only one who gets to use it <It was a 'kings/super hero' seat for the boys and the girls had a 'princess' seat.>: Diapers disappear when the seat comes home. You might have a few 'accidents' before perfection, but it was a smooth transition for our children <We have six, age 22 – 5; been there!>
Good Luck – oh, and total cost, about 15 dollars. Worth it!

My son was the same way. He is almost 3-1/2 and did not want to even try sitting on the potty to poop. He would pee all of the time, but when it came to poop, it would only be in his pullup. We started to tell him that after Christmas, he would have to poop on the potty. He would repeat it to us and even tell total strangers that he was going to poop on the potty after Chrismtas. (very cute!). When it came time, he was just about to go in his diaper and I pretty much carried him in to the bathroom, screaming at me, but told him in a stern voice that it was time. He pooped and then cried. The second time, he did the same thing, cried all the way to the potty, but then seemed excited afterwards. We made a huge deal out of it, called Grandma, and gave him a reward (matchbox cars). It seemed that each time, he was only upset for a few minutes while sitting there, but then got excited because "it wasn't yucky" and he got a car afterwards. Now he goes everytime. He still has accidents when he pees, but so far, no poop in the underpants. Maybe just bite the bullet and physically put him on the potty when you see him starting to go in his diaper. He might be upset the first few times, but maybe figure out that it's actually easier. Good luck! I know it's frustrating, and all kids are different. Jen S.

Hi J.,
I have found that this is common in boys. They'll gladly pee in the toilet but not go poop. I am wondering if it's because front they can see back they can't and it's kinda a "mystery".
My nephew was this EXACT same way. Right down to pooping in a pull up/diaper.
I started babysitting him and nobody told me. He was potty trained otherwise.
He came to me and said he needed a diaper he had to poop. I said "no you better get in there on the potty"
I took him in there and put him on the pot and he kinda fussed but he went. I priased him and when my sister came to pick him up I had let her know he did poop that day.
She was amazed it was in the toilet. She then took the pull ups away completely not letting that be an option. And we never had an issue with it (unless he got constipated)
I then got him one of those small toilet seats and he feels more comfortable. Many kids feel like they are going to "fall in".

Another thing too is when you or your husband need to go to the bathroom even if it's just to pee, SAY "Mommy will be right back, she has to go poopy on the potty".

Just some suggestions.

Have you tried a little potty chair. My son would not sit on a regular potty for the first 6 months he was trained. I got the one that the seat comes off and the bottom turns over and is a step stool. That way when we transitioned him it was easy. It was about $10 more than the other seats but still very reasonable.
A trick I used with my third was to put his favorite video on and let him go in the living room while he watched and then I just moved it farther away from the TV each day closer to the bathroom. When he complained I told him he could choose it moving or going completely in the bathroom.
I would try and just act like this is totally normal, mostly because it is and you don't want it to become about control. Most boys go through this and it's a different solution for every kid you just have to find what works for him. Good luck!
W.

Try leaving pants off altogether. While at home or at grans let him run free of any pants or diapers. Take him with you to the bathroom, sounds a little gross i know, but seeing you and dad use the toilet for poo poo may encourage him, especially if you and dad congratulate yourself and say what a big boy/girl you are for using the toilet. You never know...stranger things have worked!
Good luck!

I went to a "Potty Training Discussion" with a pediatrian at a Babies R'Us. No one else came so I picked his brain for ideas. He has 4 children who have all been potty trained at different ages and ways. I tried the reward thing with my 4 yr. old when potty training him. I tried stickers of some of his favorite characters and things. Did not work at first. Then this Doc told me to turn him around backwards on the adult size toilet. It lets them relax their legs. My son actually did this a couple times with my Mom, then he came home and started trying it. I followed the potty time with stickers and a reward every so many days of going in the potty! He was potty trained at 3 yrs. old, 2 weeks before starting Preschool. We also sat in there with him and read a Potty book and sometimes just special book for reading material. He will do it in his time and sometimes for someone else first! Hope this helps in some way!
K. S.