Help with a Mother That Acts like a Teen!

I think your suspicions are correct. I feel really bad for all of you, especially your minor brother and your grandmother, both of whom depend on your mom for a place to love and care.
Your mother sounds like she has an addiction to alcohol, maybe to drugs or both.
Until that is addressed, all else is futile.
I would suggest you:
1. Attend some Alanon meetings.
2. Find alternative arrangements for your grandmother, either with you & hubs or a special facility that can address her needs.
3. make sure your brother is aware of the alcohol problem and he can attend Alanon too.
Unfortunately, since you are moving next door, a lot of this drama is going to remain on your shoulders.
Good luck to you.

I think you need to make some calls. When you move, she's not going to take care of your grandmother. She's not taking care of your brother, either. I think "where the money goes" is to alcohol. You might call your brother's school and talk to the guidance office there for advice, call Al-anon to talk about how to deal with a situation like this. I think that grin and bear it won't H. anybody. You might also call your grandmother's doctor. Even if they can't discuss her case specifically, they should be able to point you to resources. You may need to push for assisted living for your grandmother.

Bear in mind that your mom might get very angry about all this, but you need to hold firm before her neglect further hurts your grandmother and brother. I suspect she will miss the SS and pension if it is instead channeled to your grandmother's care with professionals, but it isn't all about her. And if your mom is an alcoholic (sure sounds like it), SHE needs H., too.

Hope that helps.

If you are having a problem with the situation now, do you think it will improve just because you move next door? Probably not. Granny and brother will just move in with you.

So you have one of two choices.
Choice 1- either call Adult Services and get a home aid to come in. This should be available at no charge to you. OR continue what your doing and get power of attorney for her so that you receive her SS for her care.

Choice 2 - don't buy the house next door and move away. Call Adult Services for Granny.

Unfortunately, since you live there you are part of the drama. Do your best to H. out but like Denise P said look at making some other arrangements to get extra support for Granny and your brother.

Call your local county office and ask to be connected to the department that handles cases involving the elderly. They should be able to hook you up with a social worker who can H. you fill out the medicaid forms, if necessary, and find a nursing home for your grandmother to be transferred to. Make the call today. These things take times so the longer you wait on getting the ball rolling, the longer it will take to find a safe and secure home for your grandmother to live.

As for your mom, she is not acting like a teenager. She acting like an alcoholic who is out of control. The only suggestion that I can give you is for you and your brother to start attending your local Alanon meetings. You will meet people there that can H. you put everything in perspective and possibly let you know what resources are out there to H. your mother when she is ready to receive some H..

I'm really praying for you. Please make those calls today. Your grandmother sounds like she needs 24/7 care from qualified professionals. And you need to ease out of your roll of being her primary caretaker and just be her granddaughter once again.

Blessings.

Well, you are in a mess. It sounds like your mother still has a major problem with drinking, and it's saddest of all for your little brother. Your granny needs special care. Once someone really goes downhill with Alzheimer's they can be a danger to themselves or others. Your mother obviously isn't up to the task of caring for her once you move, so yes, you need to get granny somewhere. You should contact the Medicare offices before DFACS. Your grandmother is on Medicare, so they should have several homes/assisted living centers or home health nurses (that's sometimes done -they basically have a "sitter" -often with nursing experience -to come in during the day when your grandmother would be alone). Hopefully you won't have to go through DFACS this way.

You have a choice when it comes to your brother. First of all -it sounds like he needs to get his license. Secondly, if you want and it's okay with your husband, you can offer for him to live with you. All of you ultimately need to sit down and confront your mom about the drinking. Let her know this is her wake up -that you're about to move out, granny is going to a home, and she can drink herself to death or seek treatment. Not by intention, but your being there is basically enabling her because she knows someone else will catch the slack, so she's seen it as a big party opportunity. During your intervention with her, you can remind her that she would have money if she didn't drink it away. Booze is NOT cheap! She may also be using drugs of some sort -and then the money really goes fast. Sorry you're having to deal with this, but confront Mama and don't let her condition get in the way of your family's happiness. Unfortunately some people really have to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they wake up.

I agree with all of the previous posters about the H. you need to get. I just want to add that you please please don't assume your brother is okay with all of this. Yes, he's 16 and probably more mature because of everything that he is living with but he's still a kid and needs support. He needs at least one parent and from the sound of it doesn't have any! I am so sorry you were put in this position of having to care for everyone, not fair but hopefully you can get the H. for your grandmom and brother.

So the first thing you need to do is have this discussion with your brother. He knows what his own home is like and he deserves to be a part of this discussion. Next get advise on how to get power od atourney and try to avoid callingbthe officials until absolutely necessary. Once you ring that bell that's it, no longer in your hands. You may need to call anyway but you'll know when the time is right. Next talk to your mom. If her drinking problems are as bad as you say they are the tone should be here's what I'm about to do. Start with helping your grandma. If she needs constant care and you are unable to do it, you need to find constant care. This process will suck, be time consuming and I'm sure enough red tape to strangle a horse... But it needs to be done, by you if possible. Social workers are overworked already, try. Next its time to H. your brother. That's a tricky one. See what happens with mom and grandma. Good luck!