Hello, I need some help advice so on. 3 years ago I offered to take my niece (5) and nephew 10) from my sister until she got back on he feet. The day she was to sign the guardianship paper I got a call from CPS that they were being taken away due to drugs in the house and so on. I was able to get the kids and now have full custody of them. The kids have been in therapy from day one for multiple issues both mental and physical. It is a constant battle they are all ways having melt downs to the point where they have destroyed stuff, hit and bit, and just out right crazy behavior. We have been to every therapist, hospital and dr in my area and no one seems to be able to help. I have now had CPS called on me twice, A friend watched my niece for a while and let her live with her to give us a break and that lasted 3 weeks before she said she could not do it any more because of her behavior. Now for the really bad part, because of all of this my wife is leaving me, she has said for months that she cannot take it anymore and worries about her own kids in the house with them. I talked to CPS and if I take them back to my sister and something happen I am responsible and held accountable, if I put them in foster care then I am still responsible. I am so lost at this point; my one good deed has turned into my worst nightmare and have no clue what to do. Any advice would be great. Thanks!! R.D.
Look into boys town in Omaha, they are residential and take in boys and girls - its a FABULOUS place.
They have a 24/7 hotline, and it sounds like those kids really need some intense and specialized care.
If these kids have been in therapy for 3 years and you are seeing ne improvement, then you need a different therapist. The one you have now is not helping.
From what you have said I am seeing definate signs and symtoms of Autisim. Have you looked into the Autisim Diet? Changing their diet especially taking all dairy and MSG out of their diets will improve their behavior. Both dairy and MSG cause violent behavior in Autistic Children and children with any type of learning disabilities. Go to www.autisimspeaks.org and www.easterseals.com for more info.
While Boys Town and other similar programs have proven to be effective the cost of these programs is astronomical $2500/month per child so you are looking at a $5000/month cost to place these kids in a residential program. Few people can afford these programs.
I believe you need to get a proper diagnoses for these kids. They may have been born drug addicted, have autisim, ADD or ADHD. Whatever school they attend should be able to direct you to someone who can work effectively with them. If their school will not or can not recommend someone to you contact the had of a department at a local University with a teaching/learning disability program.
You tried your best and 3 years is a long time.
It's destroying your marriage and relationships.
The kids need more help than you can give them.
CPS may not be the best source of legal advice for you.
You just can't do this anymore.
You are not their parents.
You need to see a lawyer about having your guardianship / custody agreement revoked.
If the agreement was just 'until your sister got back on her feet' - was it a temporary guardianship?
The plan was for them to go back to their mother at some point.
If their mother then puts them into foster care or CPS takes them away from her the responsibility is on her.
http://premium.docstoc.com/docs/104010547/Nebraska-Revoca...
I don't understand how you are responsible for children you surrender to CPS, RD. You are not the parent. You have custody, but that doesn't mean that they are your own children. Why can you not surrender custody?
I'm sorry for these children, but you are losing your wife and children over this. It's time to get a lawyer and get some help with CPS. You need to understand what it means when they tell you are are still "responsible" when they put them in foster care.
I hope you can get your family back. I hope these children will end up in a home where the foster parents can handle them. It is CPS's job to find the right fit.
Get a lawyer now.
Dawn
I would just like to add that these kids are acting out because they have been abandoned by their mother. You don't say where their father is, but he's not in their life and that's a second abandonment, even if they never knew him. They have come to you with a whole host of problems, and it sounds like you have tried a number of remedies which have not worked. Sending the niece to your friend for 3 weeks made sense to you, and maybe is was good to separate the niece and nephew ( you don't say so, but I'm allowing for the possibility), but the result is that both kids see that abandonment can happen again. Now you are thinking of sending them elsewhere. Obviously giving them back to their mother is not a good option, and I think you can be held responsible if you do that "unofficially." However, putting them into CPS care is not ditching your responsibility and I can't see how you are accountable if something happens. That said, I also don't see that standard foster care is going to help them - most likely, they will disrupt any foster home they are in (separately or together), and probably be removed. More abandonment.
I wonder if the best option for the immediate future is a secure treatment facility with intensive therapy and strict structure. They need a full evaluation to see if medication is warranted, and they certainly need supervision 24/7. You can still visit them and stay in contact with them, letting them know they are not forgotten and that they are loved. But you cannot jeopardize the kids in your household (your wife's kids) and your marriage. This is out of your control and way beyond your expertise.
This is such a difficult situation, and I feel for you. Obviously your niece and nephew have issues, and most of us here would not be qualified to help you. Just brainstorming some ideas - do you have them in organised activities after school? Can you provide a structured and beneficial activity for them that will tire them out for their home time? My own parents had me and my brother and sister in a swimming squad after school. They swore it tuckered us out, and behaviour was better. Also, look to their diet. Studies have shown that a healthy diet, low in saturated fats and refined sugars can help in behaviour issues.
I suppose what I'm saying is direct their energy somewhere else, and improve their diet. I know, easier said than done. May the force be with you.
Wow, what a pickle you're in! I would definitely chat with a family law attorney. It sounds like you've tried very hard to give these kids what they need. I sure hope things work out the best for all involved!
It's a painstaking process, but you can't quit. They need to truly believe that you will never abandon them, that you will raise them and educate them so they can become self sufficient and productive. It sounds like they are emulating their mother's drug crazed behavior and you need to learn how to modify that-no easy task, but doable. You can drive home the fact that they are never going back to that hell and that they are loved and have an opportunity to be part of a family. Their lives will be more enjoyable if they willingly participate. I have never tried this but it is free:
http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/?dsource=gawbehfbod...
Best of luck-don't give up!
You have great answers here. And you definitely need a lawyer at least for consultation. It hard to believe that things have come to this, that you are held responsible no matter what. And now your marriage and wife's children are threatened too.
My Lord you are in a fix. There is no easy answer whether based in fact or opinion.
I would defintely check in Boys Town like one of the posters mentioned, they've done wonders for many.
My heart goes out to you and I am going to light a candle for you and everyone ivolved and for your situation, light a candle with deep prayer.
I also suggest going to the site Clinic Earth, they have a world wide prayer group as well as other things. There are other sites that have prayer groups as well. You could also call the Unity Prayer line: 816- ###-###-####. I've seen some pretty dramatic results with them.
Believe it or not taking them to a good Naturopath doctor could help aswell as a chiropractor. Don't know if you have the money for this but if you do, do it. Certian homopathic medicines could also help their conditions.
I know there aren't any easy answers to this. These children had problems before you got them. They're proof of early childhood being key to developmental health. I do know they NEED LOVE and a calm, balanced presence no matter what. Easier said then done sometimes.
Suggest looking into the Beyond Consequences Institute ... It will feel contradictory to the things your gut tells you to do, but I have seen it work with my own eyes ...
Consult a family law attorney. It might be possible to switch your gaurdianship to the courts.
I would look into some sort of Christian based boarding school. Then you havn't abandoned them, but they will get boundaries, God, education, and see how other kids act. They can come home to you in the holidays.
My friends brother died, and her and her husband adopted her twin nieces, and they had a similar problem with behavior issues. So they sent them here - https://www.happyhillfarm.org/.
Now they are both in university, and are fairly well adjusted 21 year olds
My heart goes out to you. I would hire a family law attorney for a consult. You need to know your options.
there are residential treatment centers for kids like this. look it up and see what is in your area. sounds like they need more help than a family can provide. residential treatment centers have psychiatrists, psychologists a school on site.. all kinds of resources.. the kids might need medication also..
It is great that you offered to take them. You are a kind man. However, unless there is something mentally wrong with these kids, which is possible, their behavior indicates that you (and your wife) need some serious parenting training. They are obviously not easy kids, but a different parenting structure might make a huge difference.
Have you ever watched Supernanny? This advice might sound trite, but try watching a few episodes online, and see if you can't learn some things. If you try out her techniques, you must be 100% consistent.
Other good, and probably better, advice below.
Ask CPS for referrals and help is my best suggestion. Depending on how bad things are and how much attention they need you may try having them institutionalized, it's desperate but you seem desperate. However this is based on what you gave - and it's not a lot regarding what their issues are and how they respond.
