Help Needed with Baby's Man-Fear

I know that my daughter had this type of thing with people - people she had been previously comfortable with all of a sudden, she would look at them and cry. It was about the same time age wise, so I can tell you, she got over it relatively quickly. I would not give much reaction to her behavior other than soothing tones to her. That allowing her to know you are close at hand, and nothing bad is going to happen to her. With my D is was my mom, she was fine until looking at her hair...weird, it didn't matter what my mom was saying, she cried. We would put her down for a minute and let her collect herself. How I was so calm about it when I was a first-time mom, I will never know. I guess it is because we all thought it was funny. We have pictures to remember it all from. I would say embrace it for now, it will pass sooner than you think. Good luck & God Bless.

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Hi S..

Sorry to tell you this, but you're just going to have to roll with it. My daughter is almost 9-months-old and she's going through what your daughter is going through, separation/stranger anxiety.

It is completely normal for her to scream and wail even if the male relative or visitor is someone she sees quite often. My daughter sadly even does this with her dad which is so distressing.

I asked her pediatrician about it and the only thing you can to is be really diligent about getting her out and seeing lots of people and interacting with others. He suggested we take her to Gymboree because she's also doing this with other children. Perhaps taking her in her stoller and pushing her around the mall so she can see people would help. I found that since she's been in her forward-facing stroller, she realizes there's a whole world of people and not just me and her dad and she seems to be less sketchy, although she has her days. I have experienced complete meltdowns while at a restaurant with her and it is not only hard on her, but it's highly stressful and anxiety-ridden for me.

You may just want to take her for walks while she's in a sling or Bjorn so she feels comfortable because she's close to you. Oftentimes, babies pick up on your own wariness of strangers. When a stranger approaches and wants to say hi to my daughter, I always try to talk her through it. I find if I am calm and smile to the person, she tends to relax and not scream and cry.

Her pediatrician said that it's a phase and will improve with time. It was disheartening when he said it could take 18 months, but he said it does get better and easier. You will have great days where she's really social and you'll also have real awful days where someone just walking towards her will freak her out. Just be reassuring and talk her through each experience and hopefully, you'll get through this phase much more quickly than 18 months.

Good luck!

E.

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Not to worry! My daughter was the same way- wouldn't even tolerate her grandfather. She outgrew it and is now just fine with men. I have also known of other little kids who are the same way. When she gets to about 16 years old you may wish some of this fear of males were still around! G.

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my daughter was the same way. She was even afraid of her grandpas who she saw all of the time. She now is 3 and sometimes is scared of men but it's better. She tends to still be shy. Don't worry she'll grow out of it.

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Both my son and daughter were afraid of people, family and strangers, about this age - it will pass!

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Your daughter is still pretty young and will probably get over this by about 1 year old. My daughter was the same way and now she loves the attention.

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It could be that your baby is experiencing more emotions... as a baby develops, their emotions develop too. Visually, there may be something about men that seems "scary" to her. And perhaps in conjunction with "separation anxiety"... perhaps feels uneasy around certain people...they also have what's called "stranger anxiety" too, at this age....anyone who is not "familiar" to a baby will scare them. This is a "phase" that can go on even past 1 years old. My son does not like "strangers" either and especially people who directly talk in his face directly or get super close. My girl, when she was much younger....didn't like "strangers" who were men as well....they scared her somehow, and she didn't like my cousin who is a man who has really bushy gray and black hair. "Visually" certain features may scare babies/children more than others.

Perhaps this is what your baby may be going through? If anything, is is a phase.... babies go through many phases each month as they develop both physically AND cognitively and emotionally. Each phase does pass, and each phase is not necessarily exclusive of each other... since they are developing so quickly, babies "feel" so many things at one time...hence over stimulation sometimes. Their world is all new to them.
Take care and good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

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My oldest daughter went through this. She is now 7, and seems to have out grown it. When she was a baby she was very timid around men, didnt want to make eye contact with them and would sometimes cry. My second daughter was the exact oposite. As a baby she would smile and flirt with any man that she would come in contact with.
Wouldnt hurt to mention it to your Doc.
I think it is a normal phase and she will grow out of it. In the mean time, dont make her uncomforable and push men onto her. She will warm up to them in her own time.
Heidi

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my little girl is 13 months old and has a male fear also. im a stay at home mom so im with her all day (shes a big mamas girl) and i think thats why she has that fear. i can hand her to her daddy to put her in the car or for him to play with her while i clean and she screams cries and reaches for me. but she also does this with women in my family too (i think thats because she thinks im going to leave her there. i just try to comfort her and distract her the best i can. i know that this isnt a lot of advice but just do your best. good luck!

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Sometimes they feed off of your energy so if you start to feel anxious when she starts to act up she feels you. Try to focus your energy on something positive or ignore it when this happens in order to help her get over this fear.

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It's normal and she'll most likely grow out of it. My daughter was fearful of men who didn't have facial hair because my husband has a goatee. She's cool with everyone now. I don't remember how long it lasted, but it didn't last too long. Hang in there. Just tell men, no sudden moves and maybe don't try to interact with her too much. If she sees you being friendly, she may end up being more comfortable, but let her take her own time. Best wishes!

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My daughter went through that. At first she was fine, then all of a sudden, around 5 or 6 months old, she'd see an uncle or one of her grandfathers, and the screams would come. She was even like that with male photographers and men out in public. For us she kind of grew out of it, she's 3 now, even though at times she will still steers clear of men she does not know. The doctor gave us no explination, just that maybe she didn't see them often enough.

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I agree with Susan - it is just a developmental phase. My son is usually scared of men he doesn't know either, but it's getting better as he gets older (he's 14.5 months right now). He loves Dada and Grandpa, and will tolerate his uncle Andy and great grandpas, but would rather be with someone else. Strange men, especially in our house, often freak him out. Our landlord came one day with his son to do some work in the kitchen and my son whined/cried anytime he came near them, even though he'd met them before. Women strangers he will tolerate better but usually looks to get away.

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My granddaughter went through the same thing about the same age. She was terrified of her grandpa which broke his heart. We heard somewhere to tell the men not to look them in the eye. If the baby looks at them and they make eye contact it seems to freak them out more. Just let the baby observe the men from a distance and ask the men to not make eye contact and let the baby get used to the person. Never force the baby into close contact. Let them set their own pace. We found they did better if Mom was out of the room. Then they are fine but when Mom returns then they cry for her again. Now my granddaughter is 18 months and says hi to all the men at the grocery store. So I think it is a phase that most babies go through. Just tell the baby it is okay and never try to force the contact.

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This is totally normal. My DD is the same way. I was the same way as a baby. She will eventually get used to the men that are around her regularly.

I just figure that for some reason my DD doesn't trust the folks that she cries around and I don't push it. It took her 1 year to get used to my BF (a female), now she absolutely LOVES her aunty!

My DD is now almost 1 years old and is more friendly than she was when she was 6months to 11 months old.

I think babies also go through a "Clingy" phase around the 6 month to 1 year old time.

I wouldn't worry about it. Your DD is using her natural instincts and trying to determine who she can trust.

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Little bits at a time is about the best you can do. My daughter was not happy with ANYONE else holding her other than me, her grandma or her dad. But we stuck with it - all through the screaming, we'd pat her, soothe her, distract her, etc. We started with real short doses and increased them. She's 13 now, but I remember clearly how odd it felt to have her be so afraid of others as a baby. Eventually she trusted a handful of people. NOW, she's a social butterfly - go figure.

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My daughter did the same things the only difference is that her father was not in the home but her papa was around all the time. She wouldnt give him the time of day. I was concerned about the relationships she would have with men as she got older, but i havent had any issues and she is perfectly fine. Has no men issues and is 13 years old

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Don't worry - this is normal and she will get over it in time. Nine mos is the usual age when fear of strangers develops in an infant so she's just a little early with it. Respect her feelings, don't force her to interact - I wouldn't clutch her really tight but I would say "it's ok, you're fine" to reassure her. You could tell the man simply that she is afraid of people she doesn't know well and let it go at that.

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Both of our son's had this problem with my dad and step-dad, but not their father. I found out it was their mustaches that scared them! Is her doctor a male? Maybe she associates all men with giving her shots, just a thought. There is probably some association that she is making with them. You might have to try out different scenarios to try and narrow it down. Some babies are more attached than others. My oldest wouldn't go to anyone and my youngest goes to everyone! My dad didn't like it, but it was what it was and I moved on. I am sure she will grow out of it :)

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