Help My Toddler Won't Sleep on His Own!!!???

I understand feeling stressed out, I have 4 little ones. My advise would be to enjoy your 2 year old while he is still the youngest. Get close to him and hold him and love on him. He will also need you when the baby comes, but soak up this time with him now. Have you considered putting a toddler matteress on the floor of your room? That might be a good compromise. I would also try to promote the siblings sleeping together as he gets bigger, that might work. Try not to stress over it, they are only little once and being there to meet his needs is important. I personally would never let him cry it out, it is a barbaric practice. Check out Dr. Sears' website, he may have some helpful hints and I know he isn't a cry it out kind of guy.

what you need to do is ask whats bothering your child and when he tells you and he still wont sleep alone yuo should maybe set up a sleeping bag in your room and work from there.

Is there any way to send your daughter to stay at grandma's for a weekend and then let him cry it out? Honestly at this point that is all there is left to do, with consistancy and a nightime ritual you should have him sleeping in his bed in no time. Good luck I know it is tough

Read the "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers". It helped me figure out why mine wouldn't sleep on their own. I have twin boys who are 4-1/2 and are now great sleepers. This has not always been the case. I am not a "cry-it-out" kind of Mom. I felt when mine were little and couldn't talk that crying was their way of telling me they needed something.

I really liked this book because it did more problem solving then forcing an issue. I tried a lot of things before I got the write combination for my two who have always shared a room. I taught one to rub his own hair to help get to sleep. He still does that if he is having a rough time getting to sleep (he also still asks for me to sleep with him. I just tell him Mommy has some work to do and will come in and check on him when I am done. I promise to sleep with him if he is still awake when I come to check on him. He is asleep 99% of the time when I check on him. On that rare 1% I do lay down with him and he is asleep in less than a minute and then sleeps all night.) The other one of mine has "Teddy Bear" that he takes to sleep. He didn't develope this habit until 2-1/2 years old or so. Help your little guy develope a lovey and follow some of the other suggestions this book has. It worked for us.

I know some people say don't take them to bed with you, but they don't live in your house. You have to do what is best for you and your family. Just try to find away to help you kids learn how to transition from one phase to the next. My kids where always in bed with us. When that became a problem for us we helped them learn to sleep on their own. Children want to feel safe and loved. You are his comfort and you need to find away to help him comfort himself.

Another thought is to read "The Kissing Hand" it is one I have heard is great for seperation type issues. It is less reading then the other book because it is a kids story to help him adjust to not having you.

Good luck I know you will do what is right for your family!

D.

S.,

My philosophy is that it is healthy for a child to develop the confidence and be comfortable with himself/herself by this age to self-soothe. Learning to enjoy their own company and to have quiet time will be detrimental into adulthood.

I don't criticize my friends who chose not to teach their kids this earlier but let me tell you, they are in your boat, they are overwhelmed and the child has no sense of independence.

I saw suggestions on sleeping the toddler on a mattress on the floor of your room. To me, that is unhealthy for the child. Eventually, he will need the skills to venture into the world and right now at his age, sleeping alone should be one of those tools to equip him to face life's challenges, of course always having you to guide him but not to do it for him.

Do whatever you need to do and don't feel guilty. We all resist change. He will be just fine, remember most children had to go through it at one point or another.
Also remember that you home has to function in harmony and it sounds like this system you have is already causing havoc, doing it before the baby is born will be benficial to all of you to get the much needed rest at night.

I wonder if it might help to replace your hair with something. Get him a blanket or something that has the silky edging on it. When he gets use to rubbing it, then perhaps that will help him self soothe back to sleep instead of wanting your hair. Sounds like he likes the soft touch. Hope it helps. Shannon G.

Ok I may not have kids but some times real good ideas for them. Try making a doll of sorts for him with your hair or a wig thats like your hair go to his bed and let him fall asleep with the doll between you and when he falls a sleep try leaving him with the doll for his comfort. He may wake but the doll is still there and he may not notice you are gone. If he does simply go back and do the same thing this way you do not have to move him and chance waking him up.

Try putting the toddler bed in your bedroom. Let him get used to knowing you are close but he can no longer sleep with you. Use "tough love".

I used to fall asleep with my toddlers in their twin beds. When they got up, I would walk them back to their rooms to sleep in their own beds.

My girlfriend used the method of letting her son cry it out. She put two baby gates on top of the other in the door way, so her son couldn't climb over the gate. She could still hear her son if he needed her, but she didn't feel the need to run to him at every whim since he couldn't go wondering around on his own.

When I had my second son, I ended up having the twin bed at the end of the room and the crib next to my bed. I kept the formula canister and bottles with water already measured close to the bed. It saved time for those mid-night and early-morning feedings. Also, when your toddler wakes up, it's easier to put him back into his own bed multiple times during the night.

Love him, love him, love him! He will eventually get it when he is ready. This is going to sound silly - but have you ever seen the fake hair they sell sometimes at the kiosk at the mall? They have straight, curly, all different colors and they are usually just a section like to add to a pony tail. I believe Sally Beauty Supply also sells them - but my friend gave her little girl one of these to "finger" instead of her own hair (which she was pulling out). May be worth a try - you could always restrict it to his bed only.

My daughter is only a year, so I don't know if the same thing will work with him, but she also liked to fall asleep playing with my hair, and honestly, I got sick of it. We got her a Raggedy Ann Doll that has loopy yarn hair that she loves to play with as much as mine. She snuggles it and when she wakes up at night, she has Raggedy Ann, and plays with her hair again, and she falls back asleep. I'd try holding him and the doll at the same time, and he can play with its hair instead of yours, but still get the same snuggling, and then eventually switch to putting him in his bed with the doll. He might be scared in the night when he wakes up because he's not where he was when he fell asleep. Could you try holding him in his bed? That might help too.

You should have stopped it in earlier pregnancy now he will disturb the baby also; he feels another baby presence and clinged to that emotion..... I feel terrible for your daughter because it will terribly disturb her but you had better do the feber method

Hello S.,

I am a mother of 4, I have 3 boys ages 15, 10, &2 and 1 daughter age 3.5. I feel your pain as I went through the same thing with my 2 yr old not going to sleep without me. My 15 yr old was the one that had to hold onto my hair to go to sleep and did so until he was 4 yrs old. As far as the hair thing goes, I can think of 3 options: cut your hair so it isn't long enough for him to hold easily, make him hold your hand instead of your hair, put his hand on his head to feel his own hair. More importantly I would like to share that my 3.5 yr old daughter and my 2 yr old son share a room also. THis has made getting him to sleep in the room easier for me as my daughter will try to comfort him if he cries. Of course it started out with both of them crying because they both wanted mommy and I was sleeping with them for a while. I just started getting them ready for bed, put up a baby gate to keep them in their room, turn on a movie to disract them, they get a sippy cup of water, hug and kiss them, and tell them mommy has work to do and leave the room. At first they cried a bit but they eventually went to bed and to sleep. AND my 2 yr old who wouldn't sleep through the night is sleeping much better now that I am out of the room. AND I think the kids are learning to rely on each other for comfort and support which strengthens their bond and takes some stress off of me. Also, check and see if your 2 yr old is teething.....my son had a lot of pain with his 2 yr molars and I gave him childrens ibuprofen at bedtime which really helped. Hope you find some of this helpful. Congrats on your soon to be third child :-)

I didn't have that much trouble with bedtime, but from what you are saying, have you thought about buying a hair piece or wig to lay with him once you put him down. You could attach it somehow to his bed. I know you probably would have to check on him from time to time to make sure he is OK, but it might work. Have you talked to your DR. With the new baby coming, you could have a real problem. When you are in the hospital having the new baby, he just might calm down. He may not have a choice then.

S.,
I am also against the Ferber Method and don't believe it helps a child in any way other than adding to their insecurities! When my kids were younger, I went thru very similar circumstances to what you are experiencing. Some children have higher needs, like your Caleb. Even though our kids had siblings to share a room with in our very small house, it never failed that we would end up with one child in bed with us during the night and you're right...it does get a little crowded especially with a newborn as well! So here's a suggestion that may help: We made certain the favorite toy or books (one of ours actually slept with books in her bed!) were tucked in with them when we put them to sleep in their room. Stories were always read and we even had a small radio that we had playing soft music to alleviate fears. You can also put a sleeping bag on the floor of your room for your son to sleep upon when he awakens at night..is reassuring that you're nearby and will allow you room in your own bed. Caleb will gradually outgrow his fears and will eventually sleep in his own room with his sister. Just try to be patient, try the radio, stories, favorite toy, and as last resort, the sleeping bag in your room. I've raised five kids and was told many years ago that when you meet all the needs of your children when they are young and continue to meet their needs as they grow, you will amazed at the relationship you have with them as they get older. I can highly recommend this advice as I've experienced it with my own! Congratulations on your expected family addition!

I'm really not going to be much help, but get the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers". Maybe introducing a new lovey to replace your hair? I think the first thing is to get him to fall asleep in his bed with you there instead of in a totally separate room. Then work on him staying there.

Good Luck!

Have you tried talking to Caleb about the baby and all the changes coming? I have found with my two year old daughter that she is much wiser and "with it" than I sometimes give her credit for. Maybe try having a talk with Caleb about the new baby coming and how he needs to be a big boy and sleep in his big boy bed. Tell him that Mackenzie is going to need to learn from him. Then, at bed time give him all the same security items and sit with him. I think you said he's in a toddler bed?? Sit on the floor next to him (if you think you can get back up :) I was HUGE at the end of my pregnancy. Read him big boy bedtime stories (NO more than 2), rub his back, play music just for him and send him off to sleep with lots of love and kisses and wishes for sweet dreams. Keep telling him what a big boy he is and how proud you are of him. When he wakes in the night, I'm afraid you'll probably have to do the same thing (no stories, just the rubbing of the back while he drifts back off to sleep). I've never been good with the whole "scream it out" method. While I know it can be very effective, it doesn't work on all kids. My sister's kids went on for over an hour or two. I hope this helps. Unfortunately, Kailey will probably have sleepless night or two during all this, but better sooner rather than later. It's not going to get any easier.

S.,
I know it sounds too tough, but letting him cry it out works too. He's not the first baby to go to sleep this way. Have you thought of putting him to bed first,allowing him to "cry it out",then putting your daughter to bed?? This way he's not disturbing her. Maybe even try telling him he's a "Big" brother now he needs to sleep in his "Big" boy bed.
Good Luck!
R.

idk what to tell you my baby never slept in my bed since the day she was born i was think that mybe u can try them to older ones togather but that cant last long and dont put this one in the bed with u

S.,

I can understand your dilemma. I am also a "non-ferberizer". There are gentler ways to get a toddler to sleep on his own. However, there will be some amount of crying involved, simply because it is not your son's preferred choice of sleeping. In my view, although this is somewhat cry it out, it is not cry it out ALONE.

There are many different ways to do this. 1) you could make a special "nest" for him right next to your bed. When he comes into your room after waking up, you could insist that he lay there. Talk about it during the day when he is happy and awake. Show him the place where he will sleep. Tell him that Mommy needs to sleep too. I believe that is is ok to teach your child that you have needs too. Then when he comes in at night, put him in the nest. He will most likely scream and immediately get up and try to get in your bed. Each time he gets up, put him back down (you may not be able to get him to lay down) and calmly tell him is is time to go to sleep, (my words are Mommy go nite-nite, Daddy go nite-nite, Sister is nitie-nite and son go nite nite.) Don't belabor the process with a long explanation, answering every statement that he says. Just keep putting him down. You may not even have to get out of bed, as long as he doesn't run out of the room. Eventually, if you are consistant, he will get the idea. The first few nights may be rough, but eventually, he will understand. The trick --and the hard part--is consistancy. 2) you could do this same process in your son's bed, with you and your hubby switching off putting him in bed. If it were me, I would stay in the room and plan to camp out for a few nights while he gets used to going back to sleep in his own bed. If your daughter wakes up, maybe you could move your daughter to your bed while you get your son settled in.

Also, if you choose the nest idea next to your bed, you can transistion him to his own room when you move.

Good luck.
Laura