Help! My Husbands Gambling Has Gotten Out of Control!

I would contact a gambling hotline, and ask some advise. There are several I know that have popped up especially since poker became a big game on tv. And you might want to get a separate bank account that he does not have access to, and transfer money that you need to pay bills and live on into that and take over paying them so they get paid on time. I would also talk with his friends who may be helping to support this addiction and tell them it is hurting your family and you need their help to get through to your husband. The other thing would be to stage an intervention with friends and family, and tell him that he needs to get help. And if all else fails tell him that you are going to be asking him to leave, and filing for temporary child support from him to help with your monthly expenses til he gets help for his addiction. It will need to be something that is a shock to him and make him think about what he is throwing away. I hope things work out for you.

You cannot help him if he doesn't want help so you need to help yourself and youd daughter. There are resources out there to help. Sometimes leaving will make them wake up, other times it does not. God be with you in this difficult time!

Hi J.,
I don't know that I can be of much help, but I want you to know you are not alone in this.

Hi J.. I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. I don't think my situation is quite as desperate as yours, but I can relate to some extent. My husband did not gamble, but he did spend a lot of time away from home in the name of making money, only to come home without any. Bills did not get paid, we were slowly losing everything, and we had virtually no relationship. I felt desperate and alone. I can only offer two pieces of advice. First, try to communicate with him somehow. With my husband, talking only led to fighting, so I wrote a long letter in as loving and understanding (but serious and firm) a tone as possible. It was something he could read and re-read without feeling like he had to immediately respond and defend himself. The second thing I would recommend is to PRAY. I don't know if you know God, but He is mighty and can change even the most hopeless situations. As I said, we were losing everything and I didn't know how much longer I could go on like that. Nothing I tried seemed to help or get through to him at all. But the power of God is amazing. He worked through some of my husband's friends and made an incredible change in him. He has been more loving, attentive and responsible. It's like my old husband suddenly came back. I can't promise anything to you except that God will work according to His will, either by dealing with your husband or by working within you. Just hang in there, and please feel free to send me a personal e-mail if you want to talk more. God bless you.

J.,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Gambling is an addiction, just like alcohol and drugs. Your husband is ill and needs help. I know how difficult it can be to deal with addicts. You cannot make your husband change. He has to first recognize that he has a problem, and then decide to do something about it. However, you can inform yourself, and find support for your family. Please look in your local phone book for gambling support groups and/or counselors. Also, here is a link to Gambler's Anonymous which can provide many great resources: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/. You will be in my prayers.

B.

Dear J.,
Your husband needs to get into a "gambler's anonymous" program. Staying in denial will not do any of you any good at all.
I also would suggest a weekend retreat coming up at the end of this month called "Love and Respect". I will include the info below. Focus on the Family is sponsoring the Love and Respect Marriage Conference in Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 29-30.

Dear Focus Friend,

Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs present the Love and Respect Marriage Conference, a dynamic, high-energy, practical seminar designed to help even the most troubled marriages obey the command of Ephesians 5:33, "... each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband."

Who: Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
What: Love and Respect Marriage Conference
When: September 29-30, 2006
Venue: Blackhawk Ministries
Where: 7400 E State Blvd
Fort Wayne, IN 46815
Cost: $70/Couple, $35/Single
Contact: ###-###-#### ext 222

Visit MapQuest for directions to this event.

We've All Been There...
Men: Your wife cries, saying she's too overweight for the 6th zillionth time, so when you see that great new biblical diet plan at the bookstore you think, "Cool! Just what the doctor ordered." She'll see how much you love her with this thoughtful gift. Not quite! Unfortunately, her reaction is not what you expected.

Ladies: You've felt it too. You're looking forward to getting away for the day with your husband, who's got some secret fun planned for just the two of you! Then it turns out to be a day at his favorite fishing hole, you're disappointed—he's angry. What was supposed to be a time of closeness leaves you feeling as though you're just his fishing buddy.

But there's good news! You can crack the communication code and end the crazy cycle and the simple, biblical message presented by the Eggerichs will show you how.

You see, without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love—the crazy cycle! Her pink ears long to hear love; his blue ears yearn to hear respect. Neither is wrong: we're just wired differently, and understanding those differences—and more importantly, how to overcome them—makes all the difference.

Sponsored by Focus on the Family, a name you've trusted for advice and encouragement, the Love and Respect Marriage Conference will be a weekend you remember as the time you chose to learn simple ways to show unconditional love and respect to one another—and set—or reset—your marriage on a firm biblical foundation.

Register online today at Blackhawk Ministries, or by calling ###-###-#### ext 222 for more details.

The reason I keep suggesting this info for Mamasource is that in our society today, we have lost these two very basic concepts taken from the Bible. Women crave to be loved and cared for as God intended. Men crave the respect that our society has thrown away. We simply don't respect one another and it sounds as though your husband had a great goal and enough brains and self respect to attain it and then money got in the way, which it so often does. If you approach him softly and unaccusingly, with love and respectful concern for him, he may see reason, but like you said, he is a different person with the gambling and money issues which only grows worse with time. If you can't reach him, I feel he will self destruct. I pray that you can truly help him in time.
May God bless and guide you,
M.

Dear J.~

This is a VERY difficult situation. The first step is to contact Gamblers Anonymous.
Secondly, is to have your OWN back account that he can not have acess to.
Is he still in school? If so, is he in Medical School yet?
Many chronic gamblers are depressed and very hard to convince they acutally have a problem. Sit down, be real and talk to him...tell him your concerns and insights.

He needs help soon, before things really get out of control which is sounds like they already are.

Do you live in Charlotte?

Write me back if you wish. ____@____.com