To answer...My husband noticed right away that something was going on. (He knew he wasn't feeling well and was going back and forth checking on him) they left right away. My husband called me from his car to say they were on the way home. Again he knew my son called me and was checking on him to see how he was doing. I did not explain everything when I wrote this I just ask the question. I can't thank you all that gave me such great advice this has helped me so much. Thank you for being so kind I really appreciate it.
My 10 year old son and husband was at my mom in laws today. My son called me from another room because he felt sick he was crying. I was talking to him on my husbands cell phone and my mother in law took the phone out of his hands and said he wasnt sick until he talked to me. At the time I did not know this is what happened....My husband walked in the room a little later and said where's my phone. My son said grandma took it! She took really it away from him. My son has been gettting sick lately and were going to the doctors to find out why he is getting sick. Anyways come to find out that she took the cell phone and did not give it back to my son. So we were cut off of our conversation and he couldnt call me back. My husband found his phone where he had been sitting. He left right away knowing that something was up. He was is very supportive to me about my mom in law. My mom in law and us have had big probems before. But this is NOT ok. I am so so mad right now. I dont want to talk to her alone on the phone, I will ask someone to sit with me when I call, because she always twists things around and says she did not say or do that. I dont want to put things in writing. I need advice on what to say. Please be kind I need support with this and I have things I want to say but don't know how to say them nice at this point. Sorry I am human and very upset. As I said my husband is very supportive he ususally talks for me but I want to tell her this is not ok and she will never take a phone away from my family again. She needs to know this is serious and I mean this. I am going to ask a few of my friends also. There is so much more that has happened I cant type it now. Thank you so much
Thank you all I am so much calmer about this after reading your posts. (It is still not ok but I feel better knowing were doing the right thing) I will not be saying anything to her. I think not giving her attention will be the best way to handle it. My husband has tried to talk to them in the passed and they just don't hear it. We tried lots of counseling and talking and not going over there nothing has worked. So we won't be taking my son to see them. I do not work. He doesn't go there that much. I have always been polite to them for my husband and son. Were planing on not going there for Thanksgiving we will do our own thing. This was not ok. It is very sad because of course we want a healthy relationship with his family. But it can't happen unless both sides can do this. We are taking him to the doctors for his stomach he is getting tests and care for this. We will protect our son.Thank you all again so much for posting.
I forgot to say my son is in a special class due to him not being able to commutcate very well. He can talk but cant put stuff together well. I am so frusterated I want to stand up to her and say this is enough she has to be nice but it won't and hasn't worked. But like you say it didnt work. We have had them stop seeing his grandparents before. They have been to counciling before with us not my son though. Thank you again any hugs out there from moms would be appreciated i am so sad this happened to my son he is very sweet and loving. Thank you for responding. Thank you moms
Let it go.
Your husband found out and immediately left. That sent her a message.
Have your husband deal with his family.
Good luck!
My MIL wouldn't do that (take a phone away) but she has complained about our boys to make them out to sound as if they aren't 'good' kids - over something as small as say, not brushing their teeth. It started to get really weird and we were uncomfortable, and so we stopped visits with them for the time being. Now, as our kids are older, they don't enjoy spending time with her one-on-one so they don't. Their choice.
But while they were small - my husband was the one to communicate with this mother, and if he had issues, he addressed them with her. She got angry, resentful and sometimes hostile, so ... we don't see a lot of Grandma anymore.
I don't care for my MIL much. I don't know how it is between your husband and his mother, but in our case, my MIL also does not treat my husband with much respect. She feels because she is his mother, it's ok to say what she thinks and criticize. So - I can't personally watch that. My husband gets it. I don't visit with her much at all - certainly not expected to. Now, it's mostly my husband who sees his mother - on a very limited basis.
We went to counselling - sounds like you did also - to figure out how best to handle these kinds of things. My MIL doesn't respect boundaries so what we came up with was - husband and I decide on boundaries for our family, my husband enforces them, I have minimal contact (just what I am comfortable with), and husband (and I) protect kids from negativity/weirdness. My husband calls his mother out on it.
It works - however, it's not an ideal situation. Because she doesn't respect my husband, she isn't about to respect our family. Essentially - that's the problem. My husband and his mother don't have a good relationship. So she's not going to have a good one with our kids. We've tried, we put the work in - it wasn't worth it in the end.
I don't know where you guys are with all that - but sometimes, you just have to say no for a while until you figure things out - and take a break. If it were me, I wouldn't have your son visit for a while. Clearly this upset you all. She overstepped. She will again.
Keep us posted and good luck
It's hard to know all that's going on here, but it's clear that you and your mother-in-law don't communicate well. It sounds like she is difficult and cuts you off. So stop the communications - that's all I can suggest. You say your husband is supportive, but why isn't he the one communicating with his own mother? Why are you in the middle of it?
Your son should not be alone with his grandmother at all. Your husband should be there. I can't imagine why she keeps taking the phone away from him - a child should be allowed to talk to his parents even if it's true that he's making up the problem of being sick. (I'm not saying he IS doing that, but that he should be able to talk to you no matter what.)
I don't know why your son is getting sick - it's hard to know if it's medical or emotional right now, but you're doing the right thing to start with the doctor's office to rule out problems.
Your husband needs to start establishing boundaries with his mother if she is so inappropriate. Your child should be protected from this behavior. You sound very stressed out, and I'd suggest that you focus a lot less on trying to change your mother-in-law's behavior or even understand it, and focus entirely on avoiding it and keeping your child away from it.
It sounds like your son shouldn't be visiting his grandmother for awhile.
If your husband wants to see her - fine - he can visit any time.
You have good reason to be mad at your mother in law but you don't have to say a lot or anything to her.
She doesn't sound like she can be reasoned with - and what's the point of talking to a brick wall?
Your husband can handle communicating with her and he can say that the last visit with her grandson didn't go very well and he thinks visits with grandson need to stop for awhile or at least until your son is old enough to be able to defend himself against her.
Does she babysit your son every day while you work? Or was he just visiting? Can you update us so we know?
Does your phone record? If it's a smart phone, it does. If I were you, I would record every single phone call so that your husband can hear it.
I don't know your financial situation, but if you can possibly afford for someone else to watch your son, you should.
There is a difference in coddling a child, and showing them a lack of care. Sometimes even sick kids need a just a LITTLE matter-of-factness so that they don't feel someone else's nervousness and think that they are going die from what is wrong with them. However, the opposite is just as bad - feeling like someone doesn't care one wit about their suffering. And that's hard when it's someone who is supposed to love you.
Sometimes children can make themselves sicker by worrying themselves about what's wrong. The unknown is tough on little kids. Try not to overcompensate for your MIL's rudeness. Give your son attention based on something other than him feeling sick. Giving too much attention to it is as problematic as not giving enough. And definitely get him to a children's hospital for an evaluation if you can't find out something definitive from the ped.
About the phone - ABSOLUTELY let your husband handle this. He should tell his mom that she may not take away the phone from his son, in no uncertain terms. It sounds to me that she wouldn't listen to you if you told her, even though you want to do it. And don't hesitate to play phone conversations between you two for parties that she lies to. You have every right to do that, and you do not have to tell her that you are recording the phone conversation. Period.
I would let your husband deal with her it's his mother. And next time have your son stay with you and if she has a problem with it she can deal with her son about it. Try to stay out of it that way she can't twist your words. I am glad your husband is supportive of you with this! Good luck.
I am more concerned that rather than telling his parent who was right there, in the house with him, that he was sick, he tried to sneak away and call you. Why didn't he go to his dad, who was there with him? And when you could not call your son back, why didn't you immediately call your husband to let him know what was going on so he could check on your son? Something is not right with this family dynamic - and I don't mean your mother-in-law. I mean your immediate family of you, your husband, and your son.
In any case, you won't get anywhere by calling his mom. Your husband has to handle his own mom. You should focus on your own family.
ETA: I'm really baffled by all the answers saying that mom needs to keep her son with her to protect him. The child's father was with him - why can't he be trusted to protect his own son?
Why didn't your husband say, "Mom, nope, you are not to take the phone away from my son. Go give it back to him. Don't do that again, Mom". Or why didn't you say to her, "give the phone back to my son right now Betty. Please don't grab the phone from him again". I would have my husband talk to his mom when things like this happen...it would be his job. Right now he can talk to her today and say, "Mom, remember when you took the phone away from Bobby? I don't want you to do that again. He is allowed to use my phone and call his mom and you are NOT to take the phone out of his hand. Do you understand?" Anytime something like this happens your husband needs to step up and say something...he needs to stick up for his son/wife with his parents each and every time. If needed then he will need to stop seeing them as often if his mom cannot control herself and be respectful. If his mom is like my mom he should expect her to have an adult tantrum about it...get mad...or cry and try to lay on a guilt trip...my mom even cut me off once for a few months. But each time I confront her and call her out on something she later is more respectful. I just read your SWH...just keep working on them and if you need to spend much less time with them. I understand your frustration bc my mom also can be difficult/controlling/critical.
This is how the next visit to mom's house would go.
"What? Where's my son? Well, last time he was here he took my phone to call his mother and you decided that he wasn't allowed to call and speak to his mother so I, and I said "I", decided he didn't need to come visit you until you understand it is not your job to decide what my, and "I" said "MY", son can or cannot do in this regard. Would you like me to stay and visit or should I leave and go home to my family?".
