Help, I Am Ready to Wean My 2 Year Old, at Night Especially

Hi F.~when I was ready to wean my 22 month old, I told her the 'nana' was all gone, that she drank it all. At the time, she was in to saying "Oh" to everything I told her. She looked at me, said, "Oh", and that was pretty much it. Any time she tried to lay in my lap, or asked for nana, I told her it was all gone. After a couple of days, she quit asking for it. It was a little too quick for my comfort, (ouch) but at least it was easy. Much easier than my oldest daughter was! :) Good luck!

I think we've all be there F.! It's so exhausting!

When I finally couldn't stand it anymore I enlisted the help of my husband. We co-slept and I decided to start sleeping in the other room so I wouldn't be tempted to just give in so we could all go back to sleep. The first couple nights, we skipped only one feeding. My son would wake up, my husband would comfort him back to sleep. Without me in the bed, the "option" wasn't there so my little man allowed my husband to do the comforting (this also increased their bond which was really cool). We kept increasing the amount of time I'd stay out of the bed - ie first night I'd return to bed at 10:00 then a couple days later at 12:00 then a couple days later 2:00 etc. until we reached a full nights sleep. Then a couple night of full nights without me to "make it stick". I believe it took about 2 weeks. My husband was exhausted but after 2 weeks we had a little boy who not only didn't wake to eat but stopped waking pretty much all together. We didn't believe in CIO but CIO in the arms of someone who loves you is a very different thing than CIO in your room by yourself (in our opinion anyway).

I wish you success. It's a difficult transition but worth the time and effort. Once everyone is sleeping better days become much more enjoyable for all of you.

Sweet dreams,
T.

Okay I confess. The best method is to go away for a few days leaving the child with his father. When you come back wear clothing with high necks and waist chinches or belts. Tell him over and over there he is too big to nurse any longer and stick to it. No backsliding because he begs, screams and carries on. It is over and in a few days his demands will cease.

Wow, still nursing at night at 2 years old! I must say, I reached my limit at 10 months. I was so exhausted I could hardly function--and I'm a SAHM!

I like doing a lot of the attachment parenting stuff with my babies--nursing on demand, co-sleeping, etc. But I have found that ending these things before the baby is old enough to have an opinion about it really helps. Like co-sleeping--I ended that with my daughter at 3 months (though she stayed in our room for more than a year after that), and with my son it ended more or less at 6 months, though it was on-and-off for the next 3-4. I also cut out nursing at night before one year, not because they don't want it, but because I know it will be harder when they can ask for it, and their will just gets stronger the older they get.

I said that so you can know that I really haven't been in your shoes exactly, so my advice may or may not work. But for what it's worth...

I would say, night-time nursing has to stop. Cold turkey. I weaned my daughter at 20 months because I was pregnant with our second and it was becoming unbearable. She was only nursing once a day anyhow, first thing in the morning. So I told Daddy that until she got over it, he would get her up, give her something to drink from a sippy cup, and generally just help her transition. If I did it, it would have been impossible. It worked. It took 3 days, but after that she forgot about it and was fine.

Now, for you, stopping the night-time nursing is going to be hard. I suggest starting on a weekend when you and your husband don't have to go to work, so you can sleep during the day or be non-functional if necessary. Then when he wakes up crying for naynay, ignore him. Let him cry. If you think he's in danger (like if he could climb out of his crib), then have hubby check on him. DO NOT GO YOURSELF. This could take a while. With my son, it took 1.5 hours one night of non-stop crying. But the next night it was less, maybe 40 minutes, then 30, then 15, then 5, then 1, then 5 seconds, and after about 3 nights he rarely cried. A month later, he never wakes up until morning. And I'm finally catching up on sleep and feeling more energy during the day.

At 2, he really isn't relying on breastmilk for much nutrition. So just try to look at the big picture. You can still nurse during the day. That's fine. But for everyone's sanity, the sooner you night wean, the better it will be in the long run. It might not seem like that at first, but it will a month later! Trust me!

And if this method doesn't work, I hope you can find one that does.

Hi F.,. happy holidays to you :)

I nursed both my boys past 2 yrs maybe almost even to 2 1/2 somewhat.

you have a lot of good advice already..

My suggestion would be to table this weaning for the next two weeks and worry about it in January when there is not so much other stuff going on at all. You may find it a much smoother transition.

lastly.. you could night wean and then only do daytime comfort holding/nursing - every other few days. Sometimes my boys just wanted 'a memory - or to be held' for lack of a better way to say it.
I had to have my husband lay the kids down sometimes so I wouldn't give into the nighttime cuddle.

good luck!!!

I feel ya! My older son was a very avid nurser, he wasn't going more than 3 hours at night when I needed him to nightwean at 24 months (I was having trouble going back to sleep). We were co-sleeping, so he and dad stayed in our bed and I slept in another room.
It ended up being no big deal, dh offered ds a drink when he'd wake and on the 3rd night he slept thru.
But...dh was telling ds he couldn't nurse because "mom's not here." I didn't know this, so we had 2 or 3 tantrumy nights when I came back to the bed since ds thought he wasn't nursing b/c I wasn't there, so why couldn't he when I *was* there?--so if you go that route make sure clear language is used! :-) It was easier to say no to him knowing he'd gone a week or 2 without nursing all night.
I'd go with nightweaning and see how you feel after that. With a better nights sleep you might not feel so taxed by the daytime nursing.
My son fully weaned about 6 months after nightweaning (mostly on his own, I had to do the final push). Some of that was just by accident, we had replaced nursing session with other things. Like at bedtime we'd nurse on the couch then go to bed and read stories, then lay with him. He loved stories so much that he started wanting to get to the books and basically forgot to nurse first. And at nap, i'd be gone sometimes so he'd lay with dad or I'd have him fall asleep in the car so we'd skip nap nursing at least a few days a week. And if I got out of bed before him in the morning he'd get up and we'd just jump into cartoons and breakfast, he wouldn't ask to nurse (but if I was in bed with him he'd throw a groggy fit wanting a wake-up nurse). The other one was demanding to nurse when i'd pick him up from my dad's, but he discovered pudding cups so my dad would tell him he had to wait until he got home to have it, so ds was eager to get home and broke that pick-up nurse association.
Good luck! And give an update.

Night time went easier for us when i just tried to cut one feeding at a time. Then it wasn't 'no nursing', just 'no nursing until 4am', and then 'no nursing until 6am'.

Also, it was imperative that my husband, not i, went in to settle the baby if it wasn't time for a feeding yet.

You did not say why you are ready for night weaning....is it because you have trouble sleeping? Do you sleep with your child or are you getting up and nursing?I have found with my kids ( I have 4 and 3 are older than 2) that they need to nurse most at night....I simply shorten the nursings as once they get to a certain size ( for me usually around 3.5 to 4 years old) I have trouble sleeping and nursing them and also in most cases I have a new baby also nursing.

I have made sure that they get short nursings and long stories at night, to cut back on night nursing I also offer to nurse more often during the day and this helps too.

If your child drinks things other than mama milk you can also give a little more food and water just before bed time, that seems to help for us since they often wake because they are hungry....I have found also that if they sleep with me they wake me up to nurse less, in fact begin sleeping though much of the night really early.

I had decided with my first child that I would nurse for a year only. However when I had a child who had reacations to almost everything we offered him I had to change my tune since he could not tolerate foods at all until he was past 18 months and did not tolerate them well until he was closer to 3....I then changed the commitment to I would nurse for as long as their need to nurse was greater than my need to quit. I did in the midst of that find ways to make things easier for me by directing the amount of nursing and when a bit, but so far they have weaned on their own when they were ready, although later than most would think a child weans...I do not regret it at all, although sometimes it has been challenging.

I have a 28 month old boy and we are working on the weaning, too. I am slowly weaning by increasing his food intake. He nurses occassionally for naps, and to go to sleep at night, but rarely wakes during the night. I find that if he didn't get enough food during the day, he wants to nurse during the night. We often have a bedtime snack if he hasn't had enough during the day. You get a feel for how much food he needs to consume to stay asleep.

Of course, when he is sick, everything goes out the window and we start all over again when he gets well.

Make sure his snacks and meals provide enough protein to carry him awhile. Very well balanced meals and snacks work best when trying to wean and keep his tummy full. Not always easy to do with a toddler.

Best of luck to you. I am just taking it slowly and not rushing the weaning. It seems to work for us and it worked well with my daughter, too. It helped with engorgement later, as well - didn't experience much since I slowly lowered my supply.

D.

I night-weaned both my kids with success. Whatever date you set to start, tell your son there will be no more nursing at night in bed. Tell him he is too old for that and you need more sleep. Once he goes to bed, that is it until the sun comes up. (Here is where you invest in blackout curtains!)You can nurse him before bed if you want, but do it in another room sitting up. Have dad put him to bed and sleep with him while you sleep in another room. I suggest getting ear plugs or head phones so his plaintive cries for you don't rip your heart out. The first night is usually hard, but the next several nights, he'll get the picture. Be sure to thank your husband for dealing with a potentially unahappy sleeping buddy for a few nights. As far as nursing in the morning, don't do it until you are out of bed and in a different room. This is hard because we all want those last luscious moments in bed and nursing can gain you some time, but... Tell him it has to be light out or designate a time on the digital clock that he can see and understand. Kids want reasons for things, even if they seem silly or arbitrary to us.

Once you have done this, DO NOT GO BACK. Even if he's sick, scared, whatever. There are a myriad other ways to comfort him.

Be sure to never nurse in your bedroom again. Break that association.

Good for you for setting some personal boundaries. You will be so much happier with a full night of sleep. He won't take it personally and will be fine with it once the routine is set. Good luck!

I wish I had some advise. My son will be three in April and still nurses a couple times a day. It is getting less and less but I really thought we would be done by now. I even was out of town for four days and thought we were done but he asked as soon as I got back. Good luck!