Help.. How Do I Help My Child Overcome Her Shyness???

My daughter is doing the same thing. Once she turned 3 she would no longer participate. I think it is a personality issue but I believe in gently tempering personality extremes. I notice that everything gets sort of a stamp of approval with familiarity. So my strategy is to make new things feel more familiar. The other D. I took her with kids she knew to a McDonalds where she had a great time with her buddies. She had previously not wanted to climb up high with strangers, but then when I took her about a week later by herself she played with a girl she didn't know and climbed on everything. I feel very patient and understanding because I had a brother only one yr older than me so I essentially never had to do anything alone at that age. So I encourage you to plan ahead for anything new as described by the first respondent. Remember, there's lots of kids with the opposite problem - too loud and bossy - and their parents have to soften this personality characteristic over time as well so their kids will have social success. Good luck!

K., I'm afraid I'm not going to be much help. I have a 17 year old daughter that has been shy all of her life. She has only gotton better with time. I still think she has missed out on a lot because of it. I'm not trying to brag or anything but I thought because of how pretty she is, her prettyness would help. But it didn't. Because of the shyness she was always the best behaved child in class but never noticed by anyone. She blended in. She has never had a boyfriend, at least I didn't have to worry about anything when it came to that. But I feel that she has just missed so much. If it is any consilation, her and I are very very close because we do a lot together. If people knew her the way I knew her they would love her. She (knock on wood) has never given me an ounce of trouble. So there is good and bad with being shy. My husband and I were both shy. We both grew out of it. I also had my daughter in a lot of things when she was little but when she got old enough to tell me her feelings that ended. My sister kind of made me upset because her daughter is exactly the opposite. she suggested I take her to see a pschologist that something should have been done about that a long time ago. I really don't know if I agree.
Good luck
Lonie

If she needs some time to warm up to a new situation, that's OK. I have a friend whose child is terribly uncomfortable in new situations and we've brainstormed together for ways to help him out. One thing is that you might turn your focus more to preparing her for new situations, and enlist her help. If you're getting ready for a playdate where new people will be there, tell her about it over breakfast. If you know the new kids' names, tell her their names and see if she can remember them (maybe a sing-song quiz while you're in the car or something). Ask her what she'd like to say to a new friend. "We're going to see a new friend name Chloe today. She is 4 too. What do you think you might say to Chloe when she's introduced to you?" If she shrugs her shoulders, ask if she'd like some ideas...then give her a few -- Maybe you could say "Hello Chloe, how are you?" or "Hi! What's your favorite color?" Whether or not you know the names, just do your best to prepare her in advance for anything new. Tell her the name of the place you're going to, decribe it to her, quiz her (in a fun way!) on different greetings she can say to new people, etc. I would hesitate to sign her up for a bunch of things without preparing her for it or you could have the soccer situation all over again. If she goes to preschool and swimming lessons, that seems like plenty for a 4-yr-old schedule. And I wouldn't worry about kindergarten, especially if she's in preschool already. She should be well prepared.
Also, have you talked with her about why she doesn't want to do things like school or swimming? Maybe something happened that embarrassed her or there's a bad relationship with one of her friends? Or maybe she had a dream related to something there that has made her uneasy (One friend's daughter, also 4 yrs old, developed this bizarre fear of teapots. For weeks she went around the house covering toy teapots with towels, freaked out when her mother got the real one out to make tea, etc. She could never figure it out until one day the girl ran into the kitchen to look at the kettle and said "It's happy now!" -- only then did she find out that the kid had been having a recurring dream about an angry teapot. So, you never know what could be going on in a 4 yr old's mind!!)
Try to engage her in a conversation about it. Ask her what makes her sad about going to school and swimming. It could be as simple as a renewed sense of separation anxiety.
Good luck!

Hi K.- My two cents.

You might want to check yourself to see how you're acting when your daughter hides behind you and is acting shy. I've read somewhere that if the parent says "Oh c'mon Susie, don't be shy" or if you apologize to someone for your child and say "I'm sorry, she's just being shy", you're really reinforcing the behavior and they start to think of themselves as "the shy one". What I'm saying is that it becomes a label for them and they start to believe that is who they are. My daughter will be 4 in two days (sniff sniff) and she's kind of like that too in new situations. I really try to watch what I say and so far it's helping. Confidence has a lot to do with it too. Next time she's outgoing in a new situation, praise her repeatedly so she will recall that time and want to do it again. Like I said, my two cents! Good luck!