Very Shy 4 Year Old, What Can I Do?

My son is in first grade this year, and although his personality has always been "shy" he has really come out of his shell this year. Friends, playdates and sports I think, have really helped.
That said, his basic personality is (and has always been) independent, quiet, introspective and thoughtful. I have a strong personality and am very social. My husband always reminds me that this world needs ALL kinds of personalities to go 'round...and he's right!
Let your little one be himself, encourage his friendships and interests and he'll be just fine.

3 moms found this helpful

aw sweet boy. sounds like mine. if mine was the middle child instead of an only i'd be right where you are. and i am a very shy person myself. i think you're doing what you need to, trying to get him used to social situations as much as you can. other than that just love on him and give him all the patience and support you can. he'll be okay. it sounds like you give him one-on-one time with you which is awesome and so important. great job mom!

2 moms found this helpful

my son is also very like this, what has helped us get "through the rough times" like starting a new and unfamiliar activity was actually the book called "the kissing hand" so when he gets nervous being dropped off, he asks for a kiss on his hand, that way he feels i'm always there with him-- he just holds "the kiss" to his cheek or squeezes it when he wants to hide. It hasn't changed his personality at all (i didn't want that to happen, obviously) but it has given him one more "coping" mechanism, which was really what he needed

2 moms found this helpful

Be there... Allow him to be himself... :-)

Our 2nd (5yr old boy) is the same way... He really did not speak at all till he was almost 4 and then not to anyone but me, hubby, or siblings...

And then Kindergarten started. We told the teacher all about how shy he was and oh, how we worried... Would he talk to the teacher? To the other kids?

Well, since starting school guess which little boy has been getting notes sent home about his talking about every other week... :-) Apparently he is talking TOO much. lol He has MANY friends at school and Has really come out of his protective shell since he's not hooked to us all the time...

Give him alone time... Even if its just the two of you going grocery shopping together or running to the gas station.... Thats not so much for the shyness, but the middle child thing. :-)

2 moms found this helpful

What your describing fits my 4 year old daughter to the T. I could go on and on about my daughter but I'll just share these couple things....

I highly recommend the book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron or even check out her website they have a list of questions to determine whether your child might fit the personality

http://highlysensitivechildren.com/pages/test_child.htm

The best part about the book is after you read it, there is a yahoo group you can join to talk to many other parents dealing with the same problems.

If anything the book might give you some ideas on working with your son.

For what its worth because I know I haven't told you much about my daughter, my daughter started preschool this past fall. I dreaded it. I knew it would be good for her but feared it would be a LONG time until she came around. I really researched teachers and talked with one that I felt really comfortable with. To my surprise it only took 1 week of crying. Although, it took almost 3 months before she really started participating. And she still is working on things daily, but for the most part really enjoys going to school.

2 moms found this helpful

Our son is very shy, too. He's definitely a follower, not a stronger personality that leads other kids in activities. My husband and I both have strong personalities (mine is the more dominant), and we embrace that our son is a different personality and try to encourage him as much as possible to be himself (he is 3.5 years).

I think all you can do is to continue to be acutely aware of him being the middle child, having a different personality, and making sure he doesn't get lost in the shuffle.

My only recommendation of what you can do differently than what you're doing now is to make sure you're out of the picture in some of the activities. We've been fortunate that our son has been in day care the past 2 years and has had exposure to different social situations in our absence and has had to work through them on his own. As much as I applaud you for engaging him in gymnastics and T-ball, your presence there may be his safety net.

He sounds like a wonderful child, and I hope he'll be very comfortable in his own skin as a different personality from his siblings. One thing we're trying to make a concerted effort to do is to have individual time with each of our children - one-on-one time with Mom and then Dad separately. We want to let them pick the activities and really get to know them for the individuals they are.

Good luck. It sounds like you're a wonderful mom to all 3 of your kids.

2 moms found this helpful

Let him be. He is who he is and you need to embrace that. Being shy is also a bit of an age thing. All three of my kids went through a shy stage around 3 to 5 and they are fine. One thing you can do to encourage him is always show excitement for what he is about to do and talk about how great it will be to hear about the fun time after. It will probably be a month or two before dropping him off at preschool before he is comfortable but he will get there. Just stay consistent and don't let him know you are worried or bothered by his behavior. This will only make his shyness worse.

Good luck!