HELP: 4 Yr Old Initially Refused to Wear Underwear NOW Everything "HURTS"

Talk to your pediatrician. She may have a yeast or urinary tract infection. If there's no underlying medical cause, I would just be very, very low-key about it. Respect what she is telling you about her body and her needs - if you can't let her sleep naked, maybe you could come up with a compromise together. As a preschool teacher, I can tell you, the best course of action with anything potty-related is to follow the child's lead. Anything else is just setting yourself up for frustration.

Hi S., it sounds like your daughter may have some sensory issues. Our son is two y/o and he has the same problem with his pull-ups. He is constantly touching himself and pulling the underwear down. When he's naked he is fine but as soon as that pull-up goes, it's a problem. We just had him evaluated and he was diagnosed with a slight sensory disorder. The therapist recommended this book: Sensational Kids by Lucy Miller. They say some children have a high threshold for sensory and some do not not. Get the book from the library and see if it helps. We were told to try different types of pull-ups, basically it's a trial and error.
Hope this was helpful.
Peace.
M.

I think I run my own nudist colony or that is how it appears!!! My girls (7yo and 2yo) prefer naked over anything else. The 2yo now "strips" in stores and then throws her cloths at people. They both prefer to sleep in just diaper (2yo)or underwear (7yo).

If she wants to sleep naked let her. Put a sleep outfit out and show her where it is and when she gets cold tell her to put it on. The 7yo almost always starts in her underwear and by morning is dressed. She has done that since she was 3yo. As for cloths when needed or a must get the 13 to help. If the 2yo wont get dressed without a fight I get the 7yo to "make a fuss" about what a great outfit and maybe she could wear it and it usually works or tell her to get something to wear.

As for the cloths "hurting" she may use that as a "term" for some other problem. Scratchy, too tight, doesn't like, want to pick her own, etc. Let her pick her own cloths. The Preschool my oldest went to always knew when I let her dress herself. She didn't match but she was dressed and I picked my battles and that was one that in the truth of it all doesn't matter. At 4 independence is everything! Good Luck! A.

Hi there. Sounds like a possible case of sensory integration dysfunction. I can't recommend any specific web sites but if you google you can read more about it, or check out the popular book, The Out-of-Sync Child. If the problem disrupts everyday routines or continues, you may want to consider consulting with an occupational therapist for some therapy to help your daughter deal with sensory stimuli that is uncomfortable for her right now.OT is covered by most insurance companies and kids LOVE it! Good luck,
Jen G

Hi S., I can understand your frustration. Have you asked your Doctor about this? Yes, she could be reacting to the separation. I hope you two can work things out. Try talking to her. At 4 she should be able to talk about what she is feeling. My two grandchildren are struggling with their parents divorce and I see many behaviors that are a result of this. My heart breaks for them because there is no chance of them getting back. Dad has already started another family. All I can do is love them more and be there for them. Grandma Mary

Wow, you have been given a range of adive so here goes another:)When my youngest was 5 he started complaining of shoes, tags, seams....Even now almost a year later socks are often an issue. It probly is worth a call to your doctor to rule in or out an actual issue. Other wise its tough. We picked put hios clothes the day before and that was it. Often I had to dress him in tears and frustration= but after we got to where we were going and he knew no adult was going to listen any more, it was over.

My 2 cents is this is for attention and asserting herself. Don't go through pair after pair of jammies or underwear. Pick your day, and then put limits on it. Tell her she can pick her jammies out of her drawer for bed. If she doesn't like them and wants to go nude, let her. Who cares? She'll either get cold, or see you don't care and then put them on anyhow. The other day my daughter did NOT want to put her shoes on, and we were about to go walk on a large gravel driveway. I explained to her, etc. I said, okay, no shoes and set her down on the gravel and went about unpacking the car. 20 seconds later she said, "ouch, mommy, shoes." I said, "oh, you want your shoes. I think that is a great idea you have because the gravel is very ouchy on our feet. Okay, mommy will get your shoes." Her comfort will win out in the end! Don't let her play you and dad either. If she pees her bed, she is the one who has to clean it up, and herself. Let her call the shots and when she makes a decision you know is good for her, praise her on what a good choice it is. But, I really think the only way you're going to get through this is to limit things for her. Maybe because of the separation with you and dad, she needs to feel what her boundaries are in the home again to feel safe? Also, some kids are more touchy than others, and this can come out by saying clothes hurt. Look up spirited or touchy toddler on google. My daughter does that too sometimes when she's in a frustrated mood. Suddenly the cuff of her sleeve is painful. So, I just play around with it and say, "ok all better." For now that appeases her. Anyhow, good luck!!! Hang in there!!

Hi S.,

I thought about everything that was written. By the time I got to the end, what I really thought the most was stress/attention. My husband and I separated for a year when my dgtr was 3 weeks old. She knew when things were not good - though, even then, we both tried to keep the stress from her. Even now - at 26 mos - she knows if we are upset and reacts to it.

With your situation - her daddy left - then came back - she must be thinking - what if he leaves again. I think it is great that you both do bedtime together. She is trying to control things (it may be sensory - I know I become extremely tactile defensive when I am stressed or tired!). But - she wants to see what you'll put up with, i think. Let her sleep naked - does it really matter in the end? She really just wants to know that there is consistency and that she is loved. Her world entirely changed and that is really scary for adults - nevermind children who don't get how or why things work.

Be consistent - be on the same page - if it is sensory, I think you will see it more clearly as your try the other things and the sensation stuff continues.

As for your marriage - good luck. I wish you all the best. Believe me - going through the worst can sometimes make the best marriage. We have been reading and following along a webclass to "A New Earth" by Eckhardt Tolle. It really has helped us put things in perspective and helped me really understand what our therapist tells us too. It is a hard read, but I think it is really great. Good luck to you both and your family and congratulations on the second try!

My 13 y/o had an awful time of this when she was little, A pediatric neurologist finally made the diagnosis at age 11 of Sensory Integrations Disorder. There are desensitizing therapies available, but you must check to see if that diagnosis is appropriate in your child. BTW, my niece also suffered from this.. while they do outgrow it (for the most part)... it is something that needs to be addressed for the child's sake and yours. address this sooner than later, and your life will be sooo much easier.

VAl

I am so sorry about all your recent stresses. I too work full time and have a one year old, so it seems like I am constantly using all my energy until I am completely empty.
I can't truly say that I have been in your shoes. I was however in a version of your daughter's shoes when my parents divorced when I was 13. When my parents seperated I threw myself into a frenzy of schoolwork and then stopped eating for a few months. I am no psychologist, but I am a firm believer (and experiencer) that children cannot express themselves in high stress situations and their anxiety and stress manifests behaviorly. You are a great Mom, you are doing exactly what you should for your duaghter and your family, you have to keep telling yourself that. But perhaps consider taking her to see a psychologist. Perhaps this might give her an outlet to express herself and a professional can interpret these things better. It might also releive some of your stress to know that there is someone else looking at this than just you.
Best of Luck.

maybe she is allergic to the laundry soap you use, try the baby laundry soap or something from the natural foods aisle. it may be for attention, but it might not. try cutting off the tags too, i know my son complains about those and is frequently scratching the back of his neck.

My twelve-year-old has always been sensitive to clothes. She has a lot of anxiety and is currently on medication. I'm not suggesting that for you--but I just wanted to let you know where we are now with my daughter's issues. She could never wear socks with seams, at times shoes have been an issue. One year she wore furry crocs all winter w/o socks. Smelly! She can only wear stretchy clothes. One fall she couldn't wear underwear and then virtually no clothes at all. It would take 1/2 an hour to get dressed and then be followed by a tantrum for another 1/2 an hour.
Things to try:
1)Desensitizing her skin by rubbing lotion.
2)She doesn't need to wear anything at night--let her have freedom from clothes then.
3)Baths calm my daughter--she likes to feel the water all over her skin. In fact she loves to swim in general--she feels comfortable in the water.
4)Cut out all tags (there are even some in underwear). No tight waistbands.
5)Picking out clothes the night before relieves some of the decision-making and anxiety of getting dressed in the morning.
6)Try bribery. If she can get dressed 5 days in a row maybe you can do something special with her--whatever it would be for your family.

I hope something here is helpful. Good luck.

I am with everyone here who has suggested she has a sensory problem. Get it checked out right away. With regard to pull ups, throw them out and get Pampers brand Easy Ups. They are nice and soft. My son had the same issue with Huggies Pull ups, and now that we have Pampers Easy Ups it's not a problem anymore. Good luck.

She might be allergic to your laundry detergent or have an allergy to something like polyester. My daughter did. She loved silk and actually went into my drawers to take out my silk pajamas and put them on. Silk, organic cotton, bamboo are all pretty safe fibers for such a child. Another common allergen is latex. Not sure if there is latex in spandex or elastics these days but you might want to check out that angle. Hope you find a solution!

Well, the previous posts covered most of the things that occurred to me except one. People and especially kids do have sometimes reactions to stress. I know when I am extremely stressed and overtired I sometimes itch all over (nothing visible like a rash, just iching). It can be totally maddening especially when trying to sleep. I eventually saw a dermatologist who perscribed an antihistimine (although benadryl also works).
also a shower and lotion helps. I know hurting and itching are not the same but it could still be an unusual reaction to stress. Maybe after you have ruled out some other posibilities (yeast or bladder infection, detergent allergy, etc.) some plain 100% cotton tagless undershirts might be good nightshirts (at least they are cheap and easy to get). Maybe cotton cloth diapers might be better than pull ups?

Have you brought her in to see her doctor? SHe may have a sensory sensitivity issue or other problem that is not readily obvious to the untrained or eye. Best of Luck!

If this just started sounds like she's reacting from the seperation. If this started before the seperation then I would have her evaluated by an Pediactric Occupational Therapist. It could be sensory disfunction. Get the book the out-of-sync child. You will not need to read the whole book, you would have to skim through and find the appropriate chapter. My daughter has snesory issues also but is the opposite, and we have meet kids their who cannot wear clothing. Good luck.

You probably will find that if you can let you of it she will too - this seems to be her responding to your anxiousness about it? She will realize soon that if she is in diapers, or covered in pee / poop outside, that she really wants the underwear. You might to just remind her of what she needs to do if she is naked under her pants (hold it in).... pants itch little girls more than underwear! So soon she will come around if its not a point of contention anymore. If you or your husband can deal with letting her learn this for herself for a few days (more cleanign up) that is what I would suggest. Good Luck!

it sounds like it's for attentions, but if it's not, maybe she's allergic to the detergent or to polyester(or even the plastic in the pullups). get some 100% cotton clothes and use Wisk.(tide and Era seam to be to harsh). good luck.