Having to Hold Baby Constantly

Hi, I have a 8 year old and 5 year old.....and trust me this phase will pass:). Both of my daughters needed to be held constantly and I took a lot of grief from family and friends. Now, I wish I could go back and hold them 24/7....so as weird as it sounds. Enjoy it, revel in it, love it! That being said, my second baby came along when my first was 2 1/2 years old....so as you said, you have to have time for the older child also. I used the snuggle pack....can't think of the name, not that one that the baby hangs in with her legs dangling, but the one that the baby can be tucked into. I would put her in that and vacuum, do house work, play with my oldest....it was really wonderful. Hang in there....
S.

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Mabye see if it is colic, sometimes kids have that and need to be held. My son was similar and wanted to be held a lot, I would give him Mylicon drops and that helped relieve some tummy stuff going on. Try a sling where you can do stuff with your 2 year old too at the same time. Crying it out isn't going to work for a 9 week old as they need something. Have you tried swaddling him when you put him down? He may just need that secure feeling? Hang in there!

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Sounds like a baby (and a mom and dad) that would love a sling!

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Hi K.! My name is T.. I am also a stay-at-home Mom. I have two little girls ages 3 1/2 and 15 months. They say that you can't really spoil babies that young. My daughter (15 month old) and I had a very tight bond when she was that young. I felt guilty that I wasn't doing as much with my other daughter. My husband stepped in when he could and really gave her a ton of attention to help so she didn't feel left out. I tried to spend some real quality time with her when my newborn was sleeping. We would play games on the computer or color. I wouldn't feel guilty because this is a very special time for you and your new baby. It all goes so fast and soon he will be crawling and walking and won't want you to hold him. I hope this helps. Take care . . .

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You might try watching the video "The Happiest Baby on the Block". It was a life saver for us when we were in the same position with #2. We plan to use it for #3, as well. My cousin read the book and wasn't impressed. We had a sleeping baby 10 or 15 minutes into the video. We love it!

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I am wondering if your baby might have a health issue? My nephew had a hernia, and cried when he was laid down. Also acid reflux could cause him to not want to be in a horizontal position. If these are not the case, then I suggest a front pack until 4 months and a back pack after that. This gives him the closeness and keeps your hands free. I carried my boys around constantly in these.
Blessings

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Hi K..

I have a 12 week old daughter that is the same way. She has always been very "high need" and cries ferociously if I don't hold her constantly. I even have to wear her in the bathroom! My savior has been the Moby wrap. It is the most comfortable thing I have found. I also read Dr. Sear's "The Fussy Baby Book." It helped to normalize the situation for me and give me hope that someday I will have a very sweet, sensitive, caring child that feels secure and independant because her needs were met as a baby. Good luck!

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Put him in a sling -they love it and it allows you to do other things with your hands :)

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try a sling - you can hold your baby and play with your two year old. they are life savers. watch the video or get an experienced sling mama to show you how. good luck!

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If your baby is comforted by being upright or having the pressure on his tummy, you can check with your doctor about reflux. He might have pain associated with spitting up or with fluid coming up but not out. I went through that with my first child for 9 months before we figured it out. It's just painful to lay down flat. Sometimes bouncy chairs, carseats, and swings help for staying upright, even for sleep. Also I had to find a carrier that worked for us. Slings are good for when they are little, and at about 3 months we switched to the Baby Bjorn which holds them completely upright against mommy or daddy. Also there are medicines and gripe waters that can help, but check with the doctor for one so little to see if something else is going on other than just wanting to be held. For example, is he more uncomfortable after eating? Does he arch when you try to lay him down? Good Luck.

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I"m not a sling person, but have you tried one? Maybe, before you go out and buy one, you could borrow one from a friend.
My boys were never that bad, but when they had tough days and just wouldn't let me put them down, I'd put them in the Snugli. I couldn't cook or do dishes, but I could fold laundry, etc. or go on a walk with my 2 year old. I have the kind that converts to a backpack, too, which was GREAT on tough days when the baby is old enough to sit up---I could cook and do dishes, etc then, because they weren't in danger of touching something hot.
Don't let your husband hand the baby back. Let the two develop their own relationship. My husband used to take our oldest outside when he just wouldn't stop crying, and he loved it. Cold, warm, or hot, it was their "thing." That developed into a habit of sitting together on the bench in front of our apartment building (back in college) and watching the lights of the cars go by. It was fun for them, and a bonding time, and I got some peaceful quiet after a long day. Often, DH would bring the baby back in fast asleep. It seems that having something to look at kept him from feeling crabby, so he could sleep. Anyway, I really believe that dads should figure things out with their babies. It helps them feel capable and more involved.

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I recommend buying a sling and figuring out a way of carrying your baby as much as possible. I believe that babies inately know what they need, and your new baby needs you! Learning ways to hold him and nurture him while you are able to care for your two year old will benefit everyone!

Some great baby carriers:
Maya Wraps
Moby Wraps
Bjorn Carriers
Snugli
Taylor Made Slings
Sling-Bling

I loved wearing my babies and i don't know how women mother multiple children without a selection of slings to wear!

Good luck, and trust that your baby needs you, and it won't last forever.

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Hi K.,

Both my kids were the same way at firsst, but my 3 year old is very independent now (and was once he became even slightly mobile). My 6 month old has been more independent for at least the last month, though she will still scream sometimes if I leave the room she is in. It does get better! I understand your frustration and your guilt over not getting to spend more time with your toddler (as I'm there plenty right now), but it will pass. Try to have books or toys around that you can play with your toddler with while holding baby. You can read while nursing, or even play some toys. At the very least, your toddler can play something near you and you can talk to him while he does so.

With my daughter, I did try continuously to get her to lie down. If she woke up, I could usually get her back to sleep at that early age, but she eventually slept in her cradle/crib for at least a little bit, and now naps in there for every nap.

Also, a pointer a lot of BTDT moms gave me was to let the baby cry if everything was taken care of, and attend to your toddler. The baby won't remember, and you can snuggle him up once you have completed something for the older child, but if you igore the older child for the loud baby, it can breed all kinds of problems and jealous and hurt feelings toward the baby. I have let my baby girl cry while I re-fill my toddler's milk or gotten him some lunch, for instance. It lets them know that they are important, too. And I say this as someone who cannot stand to let their baby cry. Sometimes it just needs to be done, and it will help the baby in the long run, as well. But make sure you are not constantly putting things off with your toddler or he may start taking out that hurt and frustration on the baby. He needs to know he comes first sometimes, too.

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seems like all mine have gone through this - A sling or a front pack is really good - sometimes it's all they need to calm down, is to feel the shape of you next to them (this can also be why dad isn't "good enough"- he's the wrong shape! LOL). Not a perfect solution, but it lets you get some things done. The other thing that I find helpful (I hope this doesn't sound mean) is I'll put the baby down and have my husband pick them up - if they start to see Dad as the alternative to the car seat/floor/etc rather than as a substitute for mom... you get the picture. Good luck! P.S. I think it's great that you don't want to let your baby cry - plenty of times he will have to, it's good to let him know you'll do something about it when you can.

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I bought a moby wrap and my baby and I both love it. You can buy them online. Now that he can hold his head up, I can turn him around so he can watch as I do stuff. (He's 12 weeks old). Also he was really fussy for a long time and that stopped when I stopped eating dairy (if you're breastfeeding).

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Hey K., Gavin was the same way when he was younger all he wanted was to be held until he could crawl and if he wasnt being held he would cry from the top of his lungs. He was so colicy. Some other mothers would tell me to put him on his stomach, but it never seemed to help. Have you taken him to see the doctor to see if mabey there is a problem? I took him to see the doctor several times but you know how the doctors are around here. I had to switch formulas a couple times. That didnt help either. He hated his swing, he didnt get better until he became more independent and started to crawl. Sorry I wasnt any help at all. Oh there is one other thing I forgot to mention there is these drops that a friend of mine swears by if you want more info about them just call me.(If you think your baby might have colic or some sort of tummy problems)

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K.,

I am a firm believer that no child, especially an infant, should be left to "cry it out". It is extremely stressful for babies, causing cortisol levels to skyrocket, amoung other damaging results. It is damaging to our children to ignore their cries- he is not trying to manipulate you, he is communicating to you the only way he knows how. Answer his cries, and help him learn that he can trust you and that you will meet his needs.

One of the best solutions is to wear your baby- wraps, ring slings,pouches- these are best. I do not recommend the soft structured carriers like baby bjorn or snuggli as they do not support the babies developing spine appropriately (the ERGO would be a good pick, if you like that style of carrier.)
Wearing your baby gives your baby the security he is seeking, babies are not meant to be alone in swings, playyards and bouncey seats. The movements of going about your day will lull him to sleep, keep him occupied while he's awake and provide wonderful learning experiences for him as he interacts with the world on your level. You will have 2 hands free to play with Thomas, do chores or whatever else you need to do. THere are truly so many benefits to babywearing.

To help you learn more, go to www.naturalchoices4baby.com and click on the babywearing tab. Or contact me- I would love to help you find the prefect carrier for you and your family. It is shown that babies that are carried cry less than those that aren't. My daughter is 1 year old and walking, but she loves being carried in her wrap and sling for hours everyday. It is so wonderful to have the baby carriers- they have been my saving grace!
Good luck and please let me know if I can be of any help!
H. Gaitten
www.naturalchoices4baby.com

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How about getting a baby sling so he can stay close to you and you can be hands free?

C. McCollett, CBE, CLD, MWA
The Westside Birth Connection
###-###-####
www.westsidebirthconnection.com
Marketing Chair, Colorado Doulas Association
www.coloradodoulas.com

You can take him to the doctor, if you want. But in my non-expert opinion --- I don't think there is anything wrong with the baby. Expecially since he's fine when you pick him up. It's you. It seems like he's pretty smart. He has figured out that if he cries, you pick him up. It's a battle of the wills. Of course, you need to make sure his needs are taken care of --- Is he hungry? Feed him. Are his diapers wet? Change them. Does he have gas? Give him medicine. Does he have a temperature? Give him medicine. Is he warm/cool enough? Add/remove layers. Is he bored? Provide toys. If all is good --- you need to let go of him. He's got to learn independence and how to sooth himself. It is difficult to let him cry. Try letting him cry for 5 minutes. Then return to reassure him. Then let him cry for minutes. And return to him. Repeat at 15, 20, 25, and 30 minutes. You might need to put him in a crib/pack-n-play and shut the door and go somewhere in the house where you can't hear him. Turn up the music or turn on the vacuum. You are not going to fix this in one day. It may take weeks. You're going to have to be tough for his (and you and your other son) own good. If you keep holding him, you'll be neglecting the other son, which will compound the problem. Ten you will be writing to the group about your two-year-old acting out. Plus, Dad needs to help so it isn't all on your shoulders.

It's so sad when our babies cry. And how hard it is to meet the needs of all the children at once. Do you own a baby sling, and do you know how to use it? babyholder.com is a great web site for baby slings, and they come in three sizes. The brands purchased through stores are one-size-fits-all, which is silly because they don't. Having the baby in a sling will keep your baby happy, and allow you to meet the needs of your two-yo. Win-win!

Babies like and need to be held, some more than others. A great book is The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears. This is the older book...the newer edition is Parenting the High Need Child and Fussy Baby Book. Pretty much the same info, but the older edition is more baby specific and shorter. Baby gadgets (swings, chairs) are substitutes for mom. Sounds like you have a smart baby who recognizes the difference!

Try a swing. Babies get used to all the movement and security when they are in the womb and feel vulnerable without it.

I would also HIGHLY suggest a baby carrier. I went to wearyourbaby.com and they have great ideas about different positions based on what you wil be doing and the age of the baby. They also have patterns for different types of carriers that require little or no sewing. I use one that is just 5 yards of cloth and my son and I both love it. We raise horses and I have even built fence with my 2 month old son sleeping on my back. The carrier is that comfortable for both you and the baby. I always have people stop and ask me about it whenever we go out. Be patient and persistent if it does not work immediately it will be a learning curve for both of you.

I hope that helps

Hi
I have two boys also Jalen 3, and Isaiah 3months 3weeks. Isaiah loves to be held and at time I just have to let him cry. I don't want Jalen to grow up resenting his brother. You might try finding a seperate my mommy and me class for you and your boys, so they can have special time with you. I take my boys to my gym which has a sibling room with videos and toys, so I can give my attention to eachone. if you would like to get together give me a call

Get a Snugli - a baby carrier that you wear like a backpack, only on your front. That may help him feel like he is being carried, but you can also do things like cook dinner or vacuum or dust.

Or buy him or make him a toy that he can lay under. My husband bought some PVC pipe and made a stand that our baby could lay under. We got some inexpensive toys that we could hook onto the top bar - an unbreakable mirror, some toys he could pull on and make rattle, things he could make spin . . . Laying him down under there and playing with him for a bit, and gradually "weaning" your holding time with him might help. Good luck.

R.

My son was like that. I guess some people call them High Needs Babies. So I held him. A lot. And it was hard and awkward -- but wonderful. I'd go find yourself a sling that fits your body and your lifestyle and wear this child.

You might explore NINO, Nine in, nine out - the idea that human babies spend nine months inside mama and the really should spend the next nine months ON mama for proper development.

After all, it won't be long before he's too big to hold in your arms and then he won't even want you touching him when his friends can see! Holding our babies is one of the sweetest and most fleeting moments of being a mother.

Arms around, mama!

Blessings,

M.

Have you heard about Happiest Baby on the Block??? I just took a class on it through Public Health and I would HIGHLY recommend that method. It works like magic!!!

It's ok it's just a phase almost every baby goes through this.

I understand how you are feeling. When my 5 year old Ean was a baby, I had to hold him all the time. He wouldn’t let anyone else hold him. That made it hard on me because I would try to give him to his dad so I could get things done, and he would cry the whole time. This made it hard because I couldn’t do to many things with my 18 month daughter. He did decide that he would let my best friend hold him as long as I was in view. I had a snugly from when my daughter was a baby, and I would put him in it so that I could hold him and also have my hands free to do other things. Try holding him in a snugly when you are doing things. That way he will be close to you, and you will have your hands free to do other things.

A baby's natural response to the world is to cry because that is their survival technique. Listening to my daughter cry was the hardest thing about being her mom. I have read in many recent studies about the importance of self soothing. My daughter has been going to sleep on her own every night since I made the decision to let her cry. She was two months old. The only thing I could do to keep myself from running in to "save" her was, watch the clock. I started out with five min. then I would give her the security that I was still there, even when she couldn't see me. Short and sweet you're okey, I'm okey. Next wait ten min. and so on. By the time I waited 15 min she was asleep in ten! You will be a calmer mom when disaster strikes, and your kids will too. Be strong, you are building strong kids.

K.- it sounds like we are in the same boat! I have a 21 month old girl and a new 9 week old baby boy. My 9 wk old son does the exact same thing. The doctor thinks he has reflux and colic. Does he cry for almost 3 hours like this at a time? Good news if it is colic- it tends to go away once they hit 3 months so we are almost there! Are you nursing? Could be too that he just wants to be near mommy. My husband can't calm mine down either. It makes housecleaning and other chores non- existant. I tried wearing a sling so I can hold him while playing with my daughter- that works pretty good. Know that you are not alone- good luck and God Bless!

Hi K.. My son was very much similiar. I felt like I wasn't getting anything done around the house, and my back and arms were dead after holding him for so long. I couldn't stand to let him scream either. Finally we decided to get a little front carrier for him. It's like a back-pack thing, only you wear it on your front and they sit in it facing you. It worked wonders. He could be close to me, and see my face, but I had both arms free to do what I needed to. So I'd reccommend you investing in one. Also, though, he's growing out of his needy stage. He's able to spend more time by himself in his swing or on his back. So I think it's also just a phase. Hang in there! Hope you find something that works!

Try getting a sling or a front carrier. That way you can carry your baby, but still do other things.

When my 22 year old was first born I had the same problem, until one day my husband suggested he wasn't too young for the wind up swing if we bundled blankets in around him to prop him up. (In those days they weren't quite built for newborns.) It worked but the only problem was that I got to leaving him in there probably longer than I should have at times. He'd drift off to sleep with the swinging motion. When he would wake up and cry again, I'd rewind it and he'd be fine again. So, you'd have to watch that, if it works. Hope it helps.

my second son was exactally the same. the one thing that saved me was a wrap.... moby wraps are great/easy to use with a small learning curve. More comortable then a bjorn type carrier for long term wearing. If you live in/near Boulder you are welcome to borrow my wrap and see what you think. With my 3rd son I took him to an energy worker and she determined that he has multiple food sensitivities, once I cut the offending foods out of my diet he became very mellow! I know it sounds a little bit like hocus pocus, but anything is worth trying if it might give you a mellower baby!

As much as it breaks it your heart to hear your baby scream you need to do just that. He will eventually stop. I have never known a child to scream for days weeks or months without stopping. It will be rough but it will be worth it. Humans learn from birth how to get what they want. They figure out that if I cry, I get picked up. But the first time and each time after that you don't pick them up, they figure that out too. My son is 12 yrs old and I did him no favors by doing that. Its like a 4 yr old wanting something and throws a tantrum to get it. After 5 minutes you give in. The next time, he knows that if he throws a tantrum even if he has to do it for 6 or 7 minutes, you will give in. It becomes a vicious cycle and can carry on into toddler years and so forth. Love for your child may mean letting him scream it out and it may be for quite a while for the first couple of times because he knows from learning that you will pick him up but it will eventually stop. I have learned-let your nos always be no and your yes' be yes! Goodluck!!! As far as a doctor, I would guess not. He is fine when you pick him up and if something were wrong it would still be wrong with you holding him. He has learned to get what he wants!

If you have a vibrating bouncer or swing babies usually enjoy the lights, music, and movement they provide. Put your baby in one with a pacifier and that might help you out. Let him cry it out and learn how to comfort himself.

I have a 3 1/2 month old at home who was doing the same thing. Last week it got soo bad that I took him to the doctor. Is he worse before or after a feeding? My son is being formula fed and had been an extremely fussy baby since day 1. We switched formula which helped but is was still bad. The doctor thinks he might have silent reflux( which mimics heartburn) They put him on zantac and I was told to give it a full month to get the full effect of the medicine. He has been a completely different baby since then. He eating has gotten better as has his sleep pattern.
It probably wouldnt hurt to call the doctor. good luck!

i think this is better known as colic...it should go away at about 3 months. I am in the same situation with my 6 week old.
here is my source. http://intermountainhealthcare.org/xp/public/kidscare/fev...
I pick my baby up and do as much as I can with him in my arms because until he's 6 months old, they need you to respond to their cries to build their trust that you will respond. They don't start manipulation until about 6 months. This is just what I've read. Good Luck!

I'm going through the crying thing with my baby. Yes, let him cry. Also, try to get him interested in doing other things, like being in his swing, or playing with toys. Yesterday, I played with my boy while folding laundry. I would dangle the clothes over him and let him grab them, I also would lightly drag some over his face

My baby was exactly like that at 9 weeks. It was hard, but it ended up being a phase for us. I couldn't let him cry because I wanted him to feel that I was always there for him and could meet his needs. I think that actually helped because as he got older, he was more confident to let me be farther away because he knew I would always come when needed. Anyway, he grew out of that phase as he got older and could play with toys on the floor, then as he could sit up on his own and play, and now that he can crawl, he prefers to be on his own. So I just had to wait it out.. it's just hard to not be able to get enough done! Baby carriers are great though.