Haven't Left Our 2YO with Anyone Who Is Not Family/close Friend

I started hiring teenagers to watch my twins when they were about a year old (they're now 2.5). They are daughters of people I know pretty well, like coworkers. I've also left them with a coworker and her family before. I know they'll be safe, even if no one does things quite like we do.

My daughters are 8 and 2 and No i never have, or will. My oldest never slept over anywhere without me till she was 6, and that was at great grandmas!, Ive only left my two year old 4 times in her life(never over night), and that was with my brother and his wife.

Im like you, taking no chances here.

I hate it.. l dont care who they are familyor not.. i dont feel comfortable with anyone.
my DD is 3.5 and oly stayed a handful of nights at my moms..

Its nice to read that I am not alone on this one. I constantly receive flack for how over protective I am with our 15 month old daughter. I cant leave her with anyone other than my Mother or my MIL and ppl think its nuts. They all say that I need to get out and that I can be away from her for a few hours without stressing but I say I feel how I feel and thats that.
If this is how you feel stick to your guns and go on with what works for you

I don't leave my kids with anyone.
If I HAVE to I leave them with trusted family friends who are more like family than our actual family. In this day and age, you can trust NO ONE.
People are always saying how nice it is that our kids like being with us and how their kids don't like being at home and/or with them and would rather be with friends and others. I agree, I love that my kids love being home, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's great. :)

I wouldn't worry about it at all. You're doing great, mamma.

Whatever you chose to do is fine. Like the vast majority of choices we make about parenting, no single thing is a "make it or break it" decision for how our kids turn out.

My kids have been in daycare since they were 6 and 4 months, respectively, and we've had a lot of their trusted daycare teachers babysit. My kids love it when they come over, and we feel lucky that there are so many people who care about our kids. We've had a couple of emergencies where we've needed people to take care of the kids, and we were really glad that we had so many potential people that we can call on who the kids also feel really comfortable with.

Ultimately, of course, the decision is up to you. But just keep in mind that there are lots of really good people out there even if you aren't related by blood. If your marriage starts to suffer (and I'm not saying it will) by not getting enough "alone time" you might want to seek some of those people out. And please remember that there are lots of really really good moms and dads who do leave their kids with babysitters. I didn't get this from your post, but sometimes there is a vibe from "family only" people that they must care about their kids so much more than parents who utilize babysitters. Not everyone makes the same parenting choices, but that doesn't mean that one way is better than another.

Off the soapbox now : )

Most of the time, DD is with her cousin or her aunt if we are away. She has never had the teenager next door type babysit her. She was in daycare, so they were non-family caregivers, and she also spends time away from us in Sunday School/nursery time. I don't know if it would work for you, but are you involved in local children's programs? I am part of a playgroup for toddlers and I find that the same people attend similar events and that usually means we think similarly about our kids. One of my now-friends I met because our kids played together at the library.

I was the teenage babysitter once and I was responsible, but I know many are not. I would only use a sitter that a good friend recommended and had good luck with. My stepson's ex-girlfriend is a responsible sitter...but the ex-gf part makes her not a good choice for us, which is kind of a bummer (I think he'd feel awkward).

I don't feel this way, but then again we don't really have options other than "strangers" b/c my family lives a plane ride away and my husband's family is dysfunctional and time alone with them would be a risk.

We spent a lot of time researching and seeking-out references for our childcare provider and trust her completely. She is very good with our son and he loves her! That's the real "test"... if the kids don't like the person, it's not a good match (relative or not).

We have a good friend who offers to watch our son once in a while so we can go out to dinner. While I don't love her parenting style (late nights, vacations during the school year, candy)... one night every-other-month is a treat for all of us.

If you're not comfortable, then don't leave your child with people, but do keep in mind that you won't be able to have your child with a family member forever! At some point, your child needs to learn how to function and thrive in different environments. She won't necessarily be "dependent" on you when she gets older, but she may have a hard time playing and learning with people who don't think the same way that you do!

We are like you, only family and friends watch our kids. However, we are very lucky and have a lot of family close and available to watch them. I have two boys, 10 & 13, and they are definitely not dependent on us! We have never had any separation issues with them.

You always go with your gut. Whom ever you are comfortable with, that is who you trust and that is who you leave your baby with.

I've never left my 8, 7, or almost-4yo with anyone other than family or one specific babysitter (our upstairs neighbor, whom we've since moved away from), and certainly not my infant. They're actually quite independent children, happy to try new activities and experiences whenever they're able.
I'm pretty much always in the building/general area with them, but there are no leg-clingers in the family. I promise. :-)

Nadia, my kids are 8, 6 and 3... and I still do not leave them with a babysitter who is not family/close friend. For the exact reasons you mentioned. I do not trust that a teenage babysitter, no matter how responsible, is going to make the wisest decisions regarding my kids. I have had minor issues with even close family and friends babysitting that have made me really think about this. One time, my twenty-year old sis in law was babysitting my kids and allowed a salesman to come inside and do cleaning demonstrations! She had no interest in his pitch, of course, but didn't know how to tell him "no". She was freaked out the whole time that a strange man was in the house (as was I when I found out). Another time, I had a close friend babysit my kids. This is a lady whom I have know for over 15 years and we are almost like family. She has very different ideas on things. She yelled at my kids the whole time and threatened to flush one of them down the toilet it she didn't behave. For real. My 6 year old still talks about it and this was years ago. I am really only comfortable with my mom and mother in law watching my kids and that is because I know what kind of care they provide and that they love the kids very very much. My moms live 2 hours away, so we obviously do go that route very often. Trust your gut. Your child will not be too dependent on you. You are doing great.

I have a 4 1/2 and a 2 1/2 year old and they have only been cared for by my parents, my brother, and my mil and bil (and even then just about a dozen times). My 4 1/2 yo goes to school and classes and is very social, outgoing, independent, and confident. My 2 1/2 yo hasn't been anywhere without me yet, but she is very independent so I don't think it will be a problem when she attends school. The main thing we do at home is empower them to independent, capable, and assertive.

My children were also never left with anyone other than family. I had a friend who would leave her kids with anything that breathed and it turns out that there were some serious problems going on. I had also heard scarey sitter stories from other people, so I don't regret my decision for one minute.

My kiddos are confident, independent and self-assured. They have never been over-dependent on me or my husband. We received a lot of grief from people about this- but we did what we felt was best for our family.

So don't worry about it. Do what makes you comfortable. My husband and I had a better time when we were out knowing that our kids were safe and loved, not being ignored by a babysitter who was sitting on the couch making out with her boyfriend.

Yes If you dont feel comfortable leaving your child with anyone then dont do it! You might have a mothers instinct that your child would,nt be completely safe. I myself would not leave my child with a stranger until she could talk. So at least you know she could tell you if any weird stuff was goin on. I think I heard 1 out of every 4 children gets molested by usually family or freinds. So all you moms hang on tight to your babies! If you child throws a fit and does,nt want to stay with a certain person, I would find someone they do like. Our babies are more important than anything else in this world.!!!

My girls are 12 years and 18 months. They are either with me, my parents, one of my sisters, at the daycare I work(ed) at, or very very rarely a close friend. Until the older went to school of course and a couple years the after school program. It's too hard to find trustworthy people anymore especially with your child! I used to babysit all the neighborhood kids from the time I was 12 on. My 12 year old doesn't even stay home alone unless it's while I run across the street to the store and am only gone 10 minutes!! and I really wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my youngest home for hours with any 12 year old. Too much can happen and now as an adult I think that's an awful lot of responsibility for a child!

THANK YOU for asking this question and starting this thread- I feel the exact same way and get SO much flack from other people about how we need to just go on "vacations" and leave our kids behind... Our children are almost 1 and almost 3, and have never been left with anyone other than family. In fact, when our first child was a few weeks old, I got talked into leaving her with inlaws while my husband and I went to a movie. When we came home 3 hours later, they said our baby was perfectly happy- OF COURSE she was perfectly happy- she was propped up in front of the TV!!!

I was absolutely crushed and I think this played a huge role in why I am so careful about who we ask to watch our babies now! Those people rarely ever get a call to watch our children, but we do utilize other family members and are blessed to have loving, trusting people in our lives who want to spend time with our babies!

I know our babies are still young, but I don't feel like they are going to "suffer" in any way because of this, other than they might be missing out on a lot of inappropriate television shows... :)

In all honesty, I think you just do what you are comfortable with and what you feel is best for your family- even if people judge you for it, it doesn't matter. These are your children and you have the right to raise your family however you feel is best.

My girls are well adjusted, independent teens. They were never left in the care of anyone other than family or close friends until they were old enough (age 6) for sleep overs with friends. Even then it was with people I knew well.

If we didn't have family or close friends available to watch our kids, they came with us or we stayed home.

My sons are 8,5,and 12 months(on tuesday) and not one of them have been with anyone other than family and one close friend. My kids are fine they are not too dependant on me or my husband. They both did great in preschool and are fine in elementry school. My baby is too young to not be dependant on me so he doesn't really count. I usually have my parents or inlawa watch the kids my sisters or my bil and sil once in a while. My husbands cousin has watched them and my good friend, I just these last couple months have had my 15yo neice watch the kids for me so I can run to the store. Only because she comes over after school sometimes and its easier to run when she is there then to drag the baby out for milk...Don't worry about her being too dependant. You have to trust the person caring for your child. If she stays with Grandma or Auntie then she is not too dependand on you....

We are the same as you. My son is 3.5 and has never stayed with anyone other than granparents, aunt/uncle, and one friend of mine. I couldn't do a sitter yet- if ever. I do take him to the gym daycare with me, but I can see him on tv's throughout the gym and I'm really only a few steps away. He is also in preschool, but that is 2 days a week for 2.5 hrs at a time. He is very shy, so I think it would be hard for him if i were to leave him with some one he doesn't really know. So you aren't the only one. If you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. Its better to go with your gut then to regret doing something that made you uncomfortable to begin with.

I was the same way-my ex FIL did a lot of the baby sitting-I would come home and the house would be a disaster-but the kids were extremely happy and well cared for! There were two nurses that I would hire from time to time-one was a nurse where we all went to the doctor-and one was a nurse from the hospital where all my children were born-I trusted them completely. This is such a little window of time-don't take any chances.

I have two a 9 yrold and a 6 yr old and neither of them have ever been watched by anyone besides family and maybe a few times I've let my daughter do things with her best friend's family , who are right next door.
Both of mine are pretty independent, my older more than my younger but that's normal for their age.

I have a 2.5yo who has never in her entire life been left with anyone except once and that was a very close friend. We live overseas in a third world country and I do not trust anyone to stay with my child. The person who stayed with her once was my husband's secretary and it was just a few weeks ago. Our circumstances are a bit different than anyone else and even when we move back to the states I highly doubt I will be leaving her with anyone. She is extremely outgoing, loves to play with the neighborhood kids and really could care less if we are around. She really does her own thing and is not dependent on us at all. Everyone has different comfort zones when it comes to their kids and we all make different decisions regarding their care. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

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I am the same way... my daughter is two and i have only left her with my parents and sister. I have never been away from her over night, the longest prob 4 hrs. I can not see myself just finding someone in the neighborhood or on a babysitter website to watch her. It is a scary world out there and there are just too many creepy/dirty people. I think i've watched one too many Oprah episodes! My daughter is very independent and is fine in social environments. It is your child and only you can choose who to leave her with! I will always be the same, only family.