Have Your Kids Seen Their "School Friends" This Summer?

Updated on August 30, 2011
J.P. asks from Winchester, MA
15 answers

I am just wondering how many kids see their classmates, "school Friends" regularly over the summer. I feel bad that I have not scheduled any playdates for my 5 year old. I have 3 of my own and babysit 2 other kids the same ages all week at my house. They play together all day 5 days a week so I have been unable to handle more kids. None of the school friends from last year are going to be in the same class this year either.

Also, we had a classmate that was really aggressive trying to schedule a playdate in the beginning of the summer. For whatever reason, my daughter doesn't want to play over there so I was honest and said that "maybe" sometime we could get together at our house. That never happened due to vacations, babysitting, etc. I feel guilty not setting that up and I am going to feel awkward if I bump into them.

Am I being ridiculous worrying that she didn't see her old friends when she had plenty of play time with other kids? would you feel weird bumping into the family that you said "maybe" we can get together sometime? I am not very good at playdates especially when my child is more comfortable playing at her own house most of the time.

Thanks!

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

No, you're not being ridiculous. My 7 year old played with friends 3 or 4 times this summer. Some of my other friends had playdates or activities scheduled for their kids practically every day of the summer. I really don't understand this but then realized they are the parents who constantly over-schedule their kids throughout the entire year. I also have a two year old, and am pregnant and pretty tired. The three of us did lots of things together...including playing at home.
I did mention to another mom that I wanted to set up a playdate, but I never got around to it. I saw her once school started and just quickly apologized, and we both just mentioned how busy everyone gets. I don't think she thought anything of it.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

The kids typically see/saw only a few friends who were more local. They also spend summers with their mom, so there wasn't a lot of opportunity if the friend did not live in our immediate neighborhood. If the friend's family says anything say you were sorry but it never worked out. The summer got away from you.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

Nah. Kids need a break and so do parents. My son saw some friends over the summer, but they are family friends that he doesn't go to school with and camp friends (at camp).
As your child gets older she'll let you know when she wants to see her school friends more. Enjoy the bye-time now!:)
However, now that school has started for us, I did let my older son have a friend accompany us to the water park to reconnect and they had a blast!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, my son is an only, so we DO make it a point to see his buddies over the summer. But I work PT so I have days off to do this. Sounds like you don't and if your kids aren't complaining, I wouldn't worry about it.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My 16 yo has not seen any of her classmates. I homeschool the others.

It did it again. AAAAAGH I press a button and the whoel thing disappears to post before i get a chance to finish.

Anyway.................No mine have not seen anyone this summer and they don't miss it. But they were on a swim league and we had company. So they were pretty busy.

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

No. None.
My kids are 7 and 9 and spent time playing with cousins and some other friends that they don't normally see very often (moms are teachers, so they have summers off and we play more often with them).

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

No you should not feel bad BUT usually the kids that did see each other and bond over the summer tend to flock together when school starts b/c school turns out to be a continuation of how they spent their time together in the summer (if they got along).

I've been on both ends...invited fav friends over only for my kid to be turned down, and my kid declining invites of other kids. Both situations are awkward for everyone all around. I balance this out by inviting a wide variety of friends over the summer weeks and making sure we get together w/someone new every once in a while whether we like them or not.

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I feel bad that my kids don't see their friends too much, but we only have a few that live right near us and summers are super busy. We were gone a lot so the weekends weren't an option. My husband and I both work full-time. Even if I was working from home (which I did for most of the summer) friends weren't allowed because I was working. I want to do more of it and make a point to have friends over more or play more, but I'm trying to get my kids to realize that just because friends are over does not mean I want to talk to another mom for 2 hours or that I want to have a sleepover. Play dates are just that, a few hours of play and then go home. Also - not that I mind talking to other mom's, but I normally need to cook dinner, clean the house, do my school work, etc.

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J.C.

answers from Cleveland on

My children's classes have regularly scheduled get togethers throughout the summer. But their classes are small - 15 and 19 kids - and they have been together since first grade and will be together through 8th grade, so it's probably a little different situation than what you have.

But summertime should be "downtime" for the kiddos, so there's nothing wrong with NOT scheduling playdates for your daughter. And don't feel weird if you run into that other family. After all, "maybe" does not mean "yes"! In fact, in our house, it usually means "probably not"! lol

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

My kids are older, 12 and 9. They don't see much of their school friends over the summer, and it always bothers me a little. They are old enough now to decide on their own who they want to get together with, and they are old enough to call up their own friends and make some plans (with my OK). But truthfullly, they just rarely make that effort to reach out. My oldest DD's best friend lives down the street, and she spends nearly 100% of her social time with her. Her 2 best school friends she has seen only a few times. She's not the type to reach back further to friends she hasn't seen for awhile, though there are so many girls she could reconnect with, it doesn't come easy for her. My youngest is a happy homebody. She'll get busy with younger neighbors that come often and ring our doorbell and ask her to play. They are both too old for me to be arranging "playdates," they would love to see their school friends, yet they just aren't motivated enough to make those calls and plan ahead. They're more just living in the moment this summer. And playing quiet a bit with each other. I'm totally fine with that arrangement. I know once school starts they will be once again be bombarded for playdate and sleepover requests. If anyone gets upset with us for not having them over for playdates in the summer, I'd say that's pretty ridiculous. The phone does work both ways!

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K.G.

answers from Burlington on

I would just say "Boy the summer has gone by so fast!!" Don't waste your time thinking about what if. We never saw school friends over the summer...had plenty of neighbors and siblings to play with...survived just fine :)

L.A.

answers from Austin on

You should not feel guilty, sounds like a busy summer. She has years and years of school friends..

And do not worry about your child being away from last years friends and classmates.. She will expand her circle of friends..

The deal about your child being more comfortable at your house.. That is normal, but you will want her to learn the social rules of being away from home without you. The more "normal" it is, the easier it will be each time she visits with others, It is good for our children to be in these different situations.

Most children love "hosting" in their homes, so do not take that away from her friends..

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I felt bad then talked to other moms. We have kids age 4-14 and most only had the one very best friend over. Other friends were not seen since school let out.

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A.R.

answers from Milwaukee on

We met up with school friends twice.

R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

My kids haven't seen any of thier friends. Most of thier friends live in the neighboring town ( two towns combined in one school) so they dont see them unless they went to rec swimming.. took the rec bus to get there... otherwise they didn't see anyone. At 5 I wouldn't worry too much about it, she was able to still play with other kids even if they weren't from her class.

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