Has School Changed Your Child?

Yes. My little boy was shy and had difficulty making friends at preschool. I was very worried. I spoke to his teacher when he started kindy, and she was great. My boy has blossomed, and it is wonderful to see. The children were also great.

I have a Joy also, and she is truly the joy of my life! She is in sixth grade now and really loves school. The only thing I noticed when she started school was that she was exposed to behaviors that she had never seen before. (She is an only child, so she didn't really have experience with kids fighting over things.) I also noticed that she got a little bit of a mouth on her. That evened back out over time though. The thing that I hated most was other kids telling her things like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc. weren't real. That was a real bummer. Luckily, she still believed for a while longer.

This is the reason we started homeschooling. My son happily went off to Kindergarten. By the end of the year, my SIL was visiting and asked, "What happened to him??" He was a different child. He had a long face, seemed defeated, was miserable. He always performed well, never got in trouble, was a great student, but school just changed him from a happy, joyful, confident child, to a sad, beat up (by countenance, you would think), depressing child. I couldn't send him back. He also was taught by his teacher to disdain his parents. Everything wrong was "your fault." She never took responsibility for not communicating her intentions (and the entire class missed out because nobody understood her). She told the children they couldn't have "game day" because their parents didn't send games (nobody told us we were supposed to). So, we were the bad guys, the children were taught to dishonor us. Anyway, he healed quickly in our homeschool. I would never send any of my children back to that environment. I would prefer they be where they know they are loved, to be nurtured and taught, and be able to blossom and grow. It works for us.

I felt the same as you about public school. It was NOT a good experience. And, sure, your kids aren't you, but SO MANY KIDS have had awful experiences at school. Often people think it's just part of life and they need to learn to deal with it, but I refuse to believe that. There is no way I will put my children through that.

I'm not saying that I think everyone should homeschool (which is what we're doing with ours). I think people should do what is right for them. But you are completely justified in basing whatever decision you make off of your own experience. There ARE bullies. They ARE worse than when we were kids. Kids commit suicide more often due to what they are going through in school. School definitely changes children.

One of my friends, who public schools, told me that when you send your child off to public school, you no longer have say in what they are learning (well, you do to some degree, but her detailed explanation was interesting!). She definitely felt like her children changed when she sent them to public school.

I like my kids just the way they are:-) I like that they love everyone and are kind, compassionate children. Does it mean public school will ruin them? No. But there is definitely an overall attitude that many kids develop from public school. From my experience, public school was much more about the social aspects than about learning anything. There was TOO MUCH PRESSURE all the time. It was such a stressful time of my life. I think my kids would like some of public school, but I also believe that further along the line they would not enjoy it so much. It motivates me to make homeschooling all the more fun for them:-)

And, again, this is not meant in any way to bash those who choose public school. Everyone should do what is right for THEM. My husband and I just have very strong feelings for our children about schooling...and it means we homeschool.

Only for the better!

There are so many opportunities for growth at school. There are always bumps along the way but overall we are so grateful for the life lessons they are learning as well as the curriculum. They are surrounded with amazing teams of teachers and helpers...as well as great friends. There are enriching programs offered and opportunities for the kids to serve at the school helping others. We love public school!!

When we see negative stuff encroaching our home from school then we spend a lot of time discussing it and nipping it in the bud.

Good luck and best wishes keeping your Joy the joyful little gal she is!!

I too was extremely shy and school was hellish for me too. But I think if I had been home schooled my shyness would have lasted a lot longer adn that school was actually very good for me! Anyway, to answer your question, my son (who is 7) has greatly benefited from school. WOW! He has changed so much and for the better. He is not shy...he is very outgoing. He used to be very very difficult. Any transition or change was hard for him and caused huge outbursts. Anytime he did not get his way caused huge outbursts and he got very angry. Basically the entire day was a series of battles. When he played with other kids it usually ended badly. He wanted to boss them...he wanted to do it his way. He got upset otherwise. He used to want us to do everything for him...even putting on his shoes. He did not want to stop what he was doing EVER. School taught him to be more independent and most importantly how to interact with others! It made him more mellow! He knows now to follow the rules and he does not freak out or get upset. He now plays GREAT with other kids and he is willing to take turns and to compramise. He is such a pleasant child now! Ok, I know school is not the only thing that influenced him...his awesome parents ;) and just growing more mature also helped.

Yes, traditional school changed both my kids for the worse imho.

I have a shy one who really blossomed into performing arts with homeschooling (amazingly enough) beginning in 10th grade (!), and I have one with a visual processing disorder who had about 3 grade levels between his reading and math skills (not great for school, which relies mostly on visual processing). This one, too, blossomed with homeschooling (he started in 3rd grade so he and I have been at it going on 5 years). It's honestly not something I ever thought I would do but we love it (even though it's hard sometimes).

I would probably let her try it, and see how it goes. If there are any issues you could always homeschool, depending on your beliefs about that issue, and of course laws pertaining to your state.

Good luck and I hope she has a wonderful school year no matter where it is!

Dear T.,

I can't really answer your question, since my son is literally starting kindergarten next week, but I really want to say, wow, I can relate.

I was bullied constantly, from kindergarten through 5th grade. Teachers ran the gamut from fantastic to clueless to being full-on bullies themselves. I wasn't shy going in, but I sure was getting out, and have been ever since.

And, though I KNOW schools today take bullying seriously, I can't help but be worried for my shy, nerdy son. All I can do is the following: I have made a silent pledge to my son, more or less as follows: If you experience bullying, I will raise some holy m*****f***ing hell. I will hold every teacher and administrator accountable, by every means I have. And if that doesn't work, we're finding a new school (moving to a new district, in other words). In short, no denial on my part, I swear.

So, I know I haven't answered your question at all, but I recommend making a similar pledge. If enough parents hold schools accountable (something unheard of in the "bad old days"), things, well, they may not change 100%, but they can get a whole lot better.

Yes, school has changed them for the better, because of the wonderful teachers and activities and diversity of students. And I helped guide them through the rough spots.

school has taught my daughter to speak incorrectly. All of the kids she knows speak in double negatives and incorrect contractions, it SO rubs off and i feel as if its ruined all my tireless years of teaching her the proper way to talk.

My daughter loves school! She attends a public Arts & Science Magnet School. She is starting 4th grade next week. School has facilitated her learning so much more than I ever could. She has had excellent teachers and support people. She has had accelerated classes and remedial help in the subjects she needed them.

We attended the open house today and she ran around hugging all her friends - and there were a lot of hugs!!

it has made my kid a little more sassy, takes about an hour to get him back unless he is super tired then he just stays sassy and rude. He has learned quite a bit from kids who have older siblings (to be expected) learned quickly that those words don't fly in my house. Other than that my son is the energetic, likable, talkable little boy that he always has been.

My daughter is 5 and a bowl full of sunshine. I too had the same concerns. She has the personality to be the most outgoing and popular girl or one of the "mean girls". It worries me, but I have to keep in mind that as long as I correct her behavior if she starts acting like a brat and let her know what's acceptable and what's not, she will not grow up to be the type of girl I hated in school.

Nanc

School will always change at least a part of the child. The lessons they learn, the peer pressure, and the influence of the teachers shape and mold the child even more than their home life since most of their waking hours are spent at school. My schooling made me have very low-self esteem and have suicidal thoughts. Yes I went to school over 30 years ago, but the bullying was so bad that even the teachers were bullies. I really didn't see too much change in my son, but school still influences him. There were both negative and possitive changes. He learned how to talk back when someone bullies him, he learns what the lastest toys are, he learned that he needs to be careful not to get caught when defending himself, he learned lots of helpful stuff in science, he learned Latin is useless by his teacher, he learned why you shouldn't smoke or do drugs, he learned baby siblings can be a real "pain," etc. If your daughter is now extra shy, you might want to make sure something isn't happening at school that she's uncomfortable with.

My son went to 2 different awayschools.

The first, preschool, was phenomenal. He blossomed! He was so excited and thrilled and happy... it was just an amazing thing to watch/be a part of.

The second; K, almost killed him. My curious, excited, loved-learning kid, who had all of these amazing questions and ideas turned into a one-word-answer/ don't think about it, miserable little guy. It was heartbreaking. It was like he just started shutting down. One of my greatest regrets was that I didn't pull him out sooner. I talk about the many reasons that went into our decision to homeschool... but that right there was THE reason. ((We had a great teacher, amazing students/friends, great parents, and a decent school... but the structure of the school system itself was crushing him. Changing him into a kid I could barely recognize). It took more than 6 months before he wouldn't just shut down at anything that even remotely resemebled school or learning. This, from the kid who used to come running at top speed to tell me that the brain had a 'longy-tude-na fishy (longitudinal fissure) in it! It's a big crack! A big crack, right down the middle!!!" and would go on and on about the different lobes and what they did... or how much stars weigh... or spend hours doing maths... and a million questions). A single year just crushed his spirit. It's taken a LONG time to bring back (we're in our 4th year, now), and even now there are still effects that crop up from time to time. The following essay I read our first year hs'ing made me cry when I first read it... and highlights only a few of the many problems we had to sort http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html as did this one http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm

Now... I happened to love school. This wasn't about me. This was about him.

Like anything you get out of it what you put into it. Thus far school has not made a change in my son but it has not been long since he has been in school.

I know i couldn't be disciplined enough myself or be ..pushy/motivating enough to home school. My kids are still my kids they haven't changed by being in school. Are they tired yes, they need to decompress after school. do they love it, yes, do i sometimes wish they never had to be around mean people yes. But i'm going to do all i can to help them through it.
So i hope that answers your question.

I just want to point out that schools have alot more resources to help kids that are having trouble for what ever reason. I'm not very out going either but It almost sounds like your shyness was related to something else. If there is a social issue sometime guidance office can help, if its acedemic problems there are tons of special ed programs. Plus all the fun sport and band activitie to join and make friends. I don't know what your parents were like if they supported you or not, but Just think of all the great stuff that awaits your Joy!