Grandparents' Day at School, and No Grandparents :(

At my son's school the ones who didn't have guests (he brought one of my best friends along to be his guest) got to have special meals with the teachers. His teacher made a huge deal about how she was so honored to sit with ___ and ____. It was so special for those kiddos as they still got some one on one time with an adult who cared for them.

When my daughter was in grade school and they did this, she also had no grandparents to attend. I'm such a stickler for the rules that I did not ask if any exceptions could be made, if Dh or I could go instead as we don't have local family. Thankfully, a good friend of hers had a grandma there who invited my daughter to join them when she saw that K did not have anyone there for her and my daughter enjoyed being with her friend and her granny.

My girlfriend's daughter actually just had this same situation. She is in pre-school and they had a "grandparent's day". My girlfriend's parents are no longer alive and my girlfriend's daughter's father's family is no longer available either. Well, when my girlfriend's daughter brought it up, my girlfriend said that she could bring her mommy since mommies are special people too like the paper also stated. My girlfriend's daughter was ecstatic and it made everything better. They made it a special day that they were "special people" because they always have each other and whatnot. it was adorable and it didn't make her feel left out or anything!

Our school also does grandparents day and I heard that for kids who didn't have someone to bring, they just paired them with another student who did. I'm sure if you explain the situation to the teacher, he or she will handle this in a sensitive way.

This has happened regularly for the past three years with my 9 year old. He always had the grandparent's day coming up. Well my parents are both out of state and my wife's have passed away. When these days come up we always look for "special guests" as well. We've talked to our son and he always says that it doesn't matter that there aren't grandparents to be there as long as he has my wife and I. He loves when both his moms can come and hang with him. He's very proud of the family we have and he is always looking forward to family time.

So don't fret darling. She will do just fine. Talk to her and ask her if it's okay that mommy comes or if there is an elderly neighbor she's taken to, both of you can ask. Keep your chin up and she'll be fine. Our four children don't have fathers, but they DO have two mothers who love them with everything inside us. So if ours can survive without fathers and grandparents, your little one will do great with such a wonderful, caring mother of her own. Best of luck to you and your dear child.

It doesn't have to be sad at all. My parents travel quite a bit and her other set are far from us ( and frankly not inclined to participate. ) There are so many different types of families and not all can be there, but knowing that there are older people in her life thinking about her and love her is all that matters. She may wonder, eventually, but I think these types of occasions are a nice way to talk about family... perhaps life before she was born, loving things your parents did with you and though you are sad they are not there, your stories become a part of who she is.

I don't understand not sending a child to school on that day to avoid the topic. There is no way my ex could go to school on day for fathers. He can't go to any events. Again, there are so many types of families. Celebrate who is in the child's life.

This is why some schools no longer label things as "grandparents' day" or "father and daughter dance" and so on -- families are no longer mom married to dad, with grandparents nearby and involved. I credit the school for noting that other significant adults are welcome to come on grandparents' day, though the school could consider renaming the event; it sends a better signal to kids -- and there are more than you know -- who don't have grandparents, or whose grandparents are far away, or close and not involved for many reasons.

My parents are both dead and my husband's parents live in another country an eight-hour flight away; plus, they are elderly and both have very serious health issues that mean they won't ever travel to see us again. We do go to visit them for two weeks every summer, which is precious to us all. My daughter (12) has never expressed any feelings about missing having grandparents around specifically (but then, her school does not have a grandparents' day to bring it to her mind). We talk a lot about her grandparents and she talks to them on the phone maybe once a month; I also mention my late mother frequently, when things come up: "Oh, your grandmother would have really liked that movie we just saw because...." or "Hey, that kind of flower was your grandmother's favorite and you like it too!" That's all I can do to keep my mom alive not just for my daughter but for me too -- and it really does help!

Kids are very resilient. If your child has other adults in her life, like family friends, who are close and trusted, she will have a larger "family" through knowing them. Children do have to learn over time that they have other things some kids don't have, and they lack some things that their friends have -- such as grandparents who are around a lot. It is just the way things are, and kids learn to accept it.

My daughter went through this as well for similar reasons. She was sad, the day before but the teachers are sensitive to those who don't have anyone and now she is fine. It is a disappointment to them, but the teachers know how to handle it.

Our school actually did away with it last year as it was causing too many issues like this.

My parents have both passed on and my husband is estranged from his dad. My boys only have one grand-parent, my husbands mom. She is great, but she is very busy. She still works, has a very active social life and spends a lot of time travelling. So basically she comes for a 1/2 visit a couple times a month and brings gifts. We do have wonderful neighbours who are like grand parents to our boys, and we go to a church where most of the congregation is over the age of 70, so lots of "grandmas" and "grandpa" figures there! Anyway, my boys understand that there are all kinds of families, some kids have grand-parents, some don't, some have grand-parents who live far away etc.

I only had a relationship with my maternal grandmother. She passed when I was in my early 20s. My maternal grandfather lived abroad and died when I was 6. My paternal grandparents lived abroad, we never met, and seldom spoke.

I was a "surrogate grandchild" for many of my grandmother's friends who either had none of their own, had ones which were distant, had ones which were grown, or were just extra full of love for little ones. I would visit them, "help" them weed their garden, bake cookies, water their lawn, read books with them, show off my fancy dresses, talk about school, my brother, typical kid stuff. They were doting and patient, and loving. Gave me the occassional sweater or easter basket. As I grew older, I would drive them to bingo, stop by with some fruit etc. I was richer for having them in my life.

Maybe you can find someone or several someones to be a stand in grandma as were my "Aunties and Uncles" and now to name them
Iced-Tea Marie
Kevork
Hasmig
Siran
Emma
Sue
FooFoo
and my Aunt by marriages parent's who we also called Grandma and Grandpa

Thanks for that trip down memory lane.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My ILs can't attend much due to their health issues and my mom lives far away. Do you have any friends who are retired or have flexible schedules that could visit with DD that day? I have a friend who is like an honorary grandma to my DD and under similar circumstances, I would invite her, or maybe even attend myself.

The schools here call it grandparents & special friends day. That way a child without grandparents can invite anyone else they choose & no one gets left out.

My kids grandparents live 5-13 hrs away and all over the US. We move a lot so this isn't a new thing for us . At one time they were a 5 day drive away.
It's never been an issue. Grandparents day came around and really not that many grandparents come. I've volunteered on grandparents day, which is why I know.
If it comes up I have said that they just couldn't be there. They understand. We have dance recitals coming up and only one grandparent of the 4 sets of grandparents they have can attend this year. That's the way it is sometimes.

We're in a similar situation with my kids - ALL our living relatives are out of state.

What we have is a very dear friend of our family who is 'grandmotherly' and loves my kids to pieces -- she attends Grandparent's Day and was honored we asked.

That's a tough one. I had to deal with that on Mother's Day with my GD. Her mom was just "not present" in her life for a while and made going to school around Mother's Day very difficult for her. She participated in making the Mother's Day art project, but it really made her sad because she knew she would not be seeing her mom on MOther's Day. Thank goodness Father's Day is during the summer vacation so we kind of just glossed over that one.

If there are "special" people in her life, I would have one of them attend with her. She will feel so horrible if she has to be there alone while others have someone with them.

Then, mention the issue to the school. They need to understand that they have to be more sensitive to issues like this; no everyone has a grandparent to bring.

I kept my son home, when his Dad couldn't go to Dad's day. I just didn't want him to be the only one without a Dad there that day.

I'm sorry your parents are gone:( As a volunteer in the elementary schools for many years, I've seen many Grandparents' Days! While a lot of the kids had their grandparents attend, we had many other guests as well. Some brought their parents, aunts, uncles, big brothers, sisters; even babysitters and/or nannies would attend. I would just address the issue with your daughter and explain why she doesn't have grandparents. Then tell her she can take someone else in their place - if she can't think of anyone, then maybe you and her dad could attend. At least she'd have someone there and could show off her drawings, teachers, etc.

Good luck!!!

I think there are a lot of people out there with this situation. Is there a wonderful neighbor, or a church member? Anyway I also have a question because I keep seeing this, why do people type pretty sufficiently long posts but keep using all these abbreviations? I can't seem to follow this. Sorry...

If there is any special adult in your child's life, I would invite that person.

Another option is to have her share a grandparent with a buddy. Earlier this year I was babysitting for a girl after my daughter got out of preschool. We often had my mom with us and the little girl considered her to be a pseudo grandmother. I know my mom wouldn't have any issue going to a school event and standing in for grammy for both my daughter and her friend.

My elementary school used to do something like this and some of the staff in school would be special buddies to kids who didn't have a grandparent with them. These were usually not classroom teachers, but aides or other specialist teachers. You might want to ask the school if there is anyone available in the school.

Does your child have a scout leader, religious ed teacher, sport instructor etc she could take?

I hope you find someone to hand out with your kiddo. Good luck!

Over half the kids at school will not have anyone there. If you think your little one will feel left out ask a church friend or someone from the neighborhood that they know. Maybe someone special?

I imagine most kids are either cool about this or go ahead and ask mom questions. Your daughter isn't the only grandparent-less child in the school.

If you and she are friends with another older person - a close neighbor? - whom she would feel comfortable inviting as an honorary grandparent, then go right ahead.

I didn't have grandparents growing up. By the time I was eight, all of them had died, and they didn't live near us anyhow. I was not traumatized by that, although I would have liked to know them. It's just the way things go. My parents told me all about their parents, so they did seem like real (although deceased) persons to me.

My kid's grandparents don't live in our city. If there was grandparents day now, I would have my kid invite the mother of a long-term family friend. She has no grandkids of her own yet and dotes on our children.

My kids took an older lady from my husband's office. She loved going because she attended that school when she was a child. It worked out great!!

My DD also had a grandparents day in kindergarten. While she does have grandparents, they all live states away. In fact, no real family that isn't at least 2 hours away from us. So, she just didn't have anyone go with her. She was upset at first, but we talked to her about it, and that was that. She got paired up with a friend at school who had 2 grandparents there with her.

My daughter grew up without a dad, so father/daughter affairs she took an uncle or her grandfather, my Dad. It wasn't a biggie for her, she knew she had special men in her life. I didn't stress the fact she wasn't taking her dad, and being that your DD can take another special person or persons I would just encourage her to do that so she can participate. I'm pretty sure she's not the only child without a grandparent to take :)

Who is another special adult in your child's life?

That is who you all can invite. Neighbor, favorite baby sitter, one of your good friends that your child is close to...

I feel like even if your child does not have an adult to attend, you or your child's father could still go..meet the grandparents of the classmates.. It will be fun..

Our daughter knows a lot f her friends and old classmates grandparents..

How about a friend. There has to be someone. A neighbor that she likes. I have a feeling though she won't be the only one. Families are so scattered today. Speak with he teacher. How about Skype. An au t or uncle.

if you can take the day off. or you can ask a really close family friend that dd adores to go (not infront of dd of course).
my sister went with my daughter to her "special friends day" because my dads wife was unable to take off work. she didnt mind at all that her grandparent wasnt there. i think that is she doesnt have someone there he will be a little on the sad side.

We asked a special someone who then became a grandmother to me in my life, however my mother agreed that if she said no then I would stay home with my Mom and we would have a special day together.