Girls night...should Be Excited but I'm Not

just wanted to tell you to relax and enjoy it, as tough as it is. maybe you need to probe a little bit and dig to find out what your friends need. Obviously, they need you or they wouldn't still be going out with you. and remember your tough times won't last forever and there will be a chance for you to be a help to them.

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Just a thought (and I don't know how to 'fix' it) but maybe they don't talk to you about their problems because they worry how you will take it. By this I mean maybe they don't complain about how hard it is to do stuff at home or how awful their husband is because they worry about you thinking 'I'm a single mom with no husband, what right do you have to complain?"

I in no way think you think that but maybe it's something that crossed thier minds.

You could just (in a joking tone) say something like, "I'm tired of talking about my problems. You're all married, so I KNOW you have issues you need to talk about. SPILL!!!!"

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I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I know you are worried and anxious, and I don't know if saying don't be will help. But, truly, the best thing you could do is eat at home, sip on water while you're there, and listen intently to their happy talk. Make yourself focus on it rather than thinking about your own problems. Ask little questions throughout. Promise yourself that you won't talk about things that make you sad.

All my best,
D.

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If I were your friend, I would appreciate your company and your honesty. I would rather help cover your dinner if that's what it took to be able to spend time with you than to have you come stressed--it's not charity, it's what friends do because they love one another. Some day you will be able return the favor in whatever way is needed.

Hum, you need some topics to talk about... you've known these ladies for some time so that at times makes the conversation harder to come by because you know each other so well. How about weird quirks (like always counting stairs, reading magazines backward, or your food can't touch...) I just had this conversation with some friends and it was a riot, any good book you've read recently (or one they've read), movies, TV shows, dream vacations, new recipes, Botox mom, talk about your friendship--name one thing that you really appreciate about one another....

One suggestion I have for you is to set out a jar on your counter top and put $5 (or what you can afford) into it every week to help plan ahead for ladies nite expenses. Or suggest places to meet that are free/activity based -- meet at a park, museum, etc. That way you can focus on and talk about the activity. Maybe do an afternoon "wine & cheese tasting" at one girlfriend's house while the kids play--each girlfriend brings a bottle of wine (you can cap the cost to $10-15; it doesn't have to be great wine) and one cheese and a box of crackers.

Enjoy tonight and try to have some fun, things will work out!! Opt for an appetizer and water with lemon or cucumber instead of an entree (if you can).

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I would bet that just being with the girls and talking about mundane stuff is a great support to all your friends. By organizing this girls' night out, you've essentially given them a time and place to just relax and enjoy the evening without being "on call" as a mom or wife. You may not feel like you're needed and you may feel like you're the one always disclosing your problems to them, but it goes both ways. Every group of friends needs the one who organizes them and gets them to go out. And every woman needs a group of neutral friends (NOT close family) to discuss the weather, religion, and raising children. THAT'S the support YOU give THEM. You are all there for each other, and right now, you may be the *troubled* one - I bet in three years it'll be one of your other friends, and another friend the year after that. It all goes in cycles and as long as you're there for them like they're here for you now, it's all good. You're lucky to have each other. Have a fantastic evening with them!

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People love talking about themselves.. that being said, you be Oprah tonight and YOU ask the questions.. Can you afford sparkling water with ice and some lime? (it will calm your tummy)

Here are some ideas..
"How about all of the yahoos and the "Rapture today"?
Here is what I planned in case I found a car running and no one was in it..

"I heard the Zombie apocalypse is coming, now that sounds like something I need to worry about."

"What are you all going to do this summer?"

"What are your husbands up to? How are they doing?"

"What are some of the free activities going on around town this summer?"

Have you read any books? If yes ask or suggest the books if not find out what they have read.

Just keep listening to them. Steal some of their energy.

You do sound down, stressed and tired, but friends can revitalize you if you will allow it..

In the future, consider swapping babysitting with another mom. Or Babysit to make some money.. This can be your own "Mad Money"

Look at the free summer activities going on around you this summer and get out there with your child..

Have fun tonight..

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Honestly, your post is so humble and jolly I bet they enjoy your company WAY more than you think. I would!

Hope you're having a great time!

:)

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I certainly understand where you are coming from. I am a single parent and try to get out with the girls but it is tough. I have felt jealousy for them as they are not worried about how much the babsitter is costing. All of their kids are home with their dad, etc. When I was really broke my friends were kind enough to come over after my son went to bed and we would all bring food and wine and have a great time so maybe that is an option for you. Eventually I decided I had to make the most of my situation. You can dwell on the problems or you can look forward and find creative ways to get through what life has dealt you. I am certainly not making light of your situation because it is very tough. I still have days that I want to throw up my hands and crawl into bed and through the covers over my head, but I have found that a change in my attitude gets me through the day a lot easier. Hang in there! <hugs>

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I started to feel like my "girls night" group conversations were getting stale and a bit mean at times when it came to talking gossip (I don't condone) so I actually started a box that we each take turns filling up with stuff about ourselves. We laugh at the things we never knew about one another and it's been over a year, and no one has got tired of it! After you present your box to everyone, we put everyone's name in the box who has yet to receive it then the next girl takes it home to bring back full the next "girls night". We put a cost limit on ours since some ladies have struggled with finances but you really don't have to. It definitely keeps the conversations from going in a direction you just don't feel like always going (aka, the mean gossip).

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check out www.meetup.com. its free and there are all kinds of groups that "meetup". there are single mom groups, poker, hiking, reading, you name it, its there. maybe you can find other women that you have more in common with that you can "vent" to. i know when i divorced and have a crappy ex, most people just didn't "get" it. it was really hard. so maybe you can keep it light with these friends and share with some new friends what's really going on since they would understand as they are in the same boat. good luck!

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Aww,sorry you are having a hard day! I think that it is so easy to just get caught up in chattering about spouses and kids bc they consume so much of life that is easy to forget how to talk about anything else!! I know sometimes even when my husband and I go out we will end up talking about the kids, like there is nothing else in the world to discuss! You could bring up this weird thing about the world ending and ask for thoughts, or maybe some other things you have seen online that are interesting, Arnold and Maria come to mind.... Or if ya'll are movie goers, you can talk movies and actors etc. Some people are really into sports I know, so that is always a subject that can get some animated convo going. And of course funny stories about something weird that happened at Target or whatever can always get a fun giggly girl night off right. Heck even things like waxing or where is a good place to go for pedicures can get the ball rolling!! Think about all the weird stuff we talk about on here! As far as the money goes, I think eating at home is best and then order some yummy dessert or fun drink. You can say you just never have room for something scrumptious bc the size of the meal is always too much so you wanted to opt for dessert ;) When you big brownie whatever comes, you won't feel left out :D With tax and tip you should come out at just like $7, if that is doable for you. Most of all, have fun, and don't worry about being the friend with problems, that's just life! Your good friends love you and don't mind giving an ear.

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Hi,

Isn't it nice to be able to just lean on the virtual friend. It makes you feel good to know people are out there that care.

I'm glad you are still taking time for yourself, but here is another thought to help you with affording this night. Can you call your friends and tell them the sitter canceled and invite them to your place? Maybe you can make some quick inexpensive appetizers, ask someone to bring wine and then just hang out at your place?

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I want to say I LOVE and appreciate your transparency. Maybe your friends need to hear this from you too!!!

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