I Am a Child of God!

First of all, can i just say to anyone who is doling out advice for someone to quit taking their anti-depressants, you have no idea what the ramifications behind that could be for that particular individual. That is a decision to be made by that individual and their dr.,psychiatrist, therapist, etc. It is dangerous to suggest it, and unless you are that persons dr, you have no business doing so.

Mac, it sounds like you should consult with your dr, and let them know that you are still suffering despite your meds. They can be changed or others added to. It also sounds as though you might benefit from counseling. There is no shame it.

God knew what he was getting when he got you. He doesn't look down and think "this one's a mess", he loves you unconditionally. As someone who suffers from depression, one of the best gifts God could have given me is the ability to remember i have been in low places before, and they have never lasted. This too shall pass. It doesn't mean that you won't have to take action(no matter how uncomfortable)to get the help you need. I think you will find that as you take the steps necessary to get past this, God will be right with you every step of the way, doing for you what you cannot do for yourself. Do not give up hope.

I believe that by posting your situation you have already begun to show courage and are taking action. Hang in there. Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle.

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I would rather not post anything here, but if you need to talk,
e-mail me at ____@____.com. I will pray for you! No, you're not heading for a divorce, but it sounds like you don't love yourself one bit, I think that is where the REAL problem is, and this is where you can start to fix things. I think you should see a counselor, possibly one that is affiliated with your church. I also think that after you go for a few sessions, it should be worked into the plan for your husband to go with you also, because as you start to feel better about the person you are inside, it will change the dynamic of your relationship quite a bit. (In a good way!)
I got teary eyed when I read this-- because honestly, nobody deserves to feel this way no matter WHO they are! And for the record, something that will help you is to realize that some things that happened in the past cannot be changed, but they can be forgiven and moved on from. You have become wiser from it all. You cannot dwell on the past, it does nothing for you, whats done is done.

Email me!!!

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First of all--Surrender your life to Christ--He can and will heal ALL your hurts and you have many. Your have prayerd to be forgiven and guesss what God has that moment you asked--the problem is that you have not forgiven yourself. That is just what the devil likes--so he can keep bringing up the past and beating you up with all the junk.

Instead of dwelling on the things that are wrong--find the positive in your life and begin to re-think how you can haandle that issue different. Begin to stand up. There are some major disfuncting issues going on in your family - you can not change them but you can change you. We all have baggage it is just how we choose to hanlde it and then dump it into the ocean. My prayer is that you fix you because without a healthy self respect it is easy to be everyones door matt.

Seek the Lord in all you do --He can and will do exceedling more than you could ever imagine.

God bless you

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I agree with Kay C. I would like to also encourage you to seek out a good Christian counselor. Either your Pastor or maybe someone he could recommend. You didn't mention if your husband was born again. If he isn't that can be a major issue too. As you know you can't control what he does but you can control your actions & decisions. Make sure that you pray first and ask The Lord to help you and to give you direction on how to handle things. If you need wisdom, ask Him! He won't let you down! One last thing, Philippians 3:13 really helped me through an especially tough time in my life and I'm sure it will help you as well. God bless you, girl!

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Mac,

I feel for you because I have been in a very similar place. I too am a born-again Christian, and I have suffered with bouts of depression and anxiety most of my almost four decades of life. The feelings you are describing are classic synmptoms of depression, and it sounds like it is getting worse. You might try talking to your doctor about changing your medicine because getting the symptoms under control is crucial to your (and by extension, your family's) well-being. I would also suggest counseling, in addition to prayer and Bible studies. The Lord heals in a variety of ways, and it will not hurt to explore different steps to healing. Know that I am praying for you because I am concerned about you. I know how hard it was for you to write this, and I hope you will reach out for assistance from a qualified professional (counselor and/or psychiatrist). Please know that there is help for you and that much of what is bothering you is caused by the depression. God bless you.

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You are not alone. It's difficult to live with anxiety/depression, but there is help. I'll be praying for you. Big hug from me to you.

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First let me say,my heart goes out to you.It sounds like you have had alot of unhappy/unhealthy times in your life.You have some self esteem problems,some you probably were there when you married but it sounds as if your husband has some control issues.Your 8 y/o is mimicking your husband's treatment of you.That behavior is not healthy for you or the child.I would urge you to get some individual counseling and gain some self confidence.Your family needs to stop treating you as a door mat but you first have to stop being one.Pray for help and guidence and then seek it!

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Hi Mac,
You've gotten some great advice and I'm a little late in my response but I had to anyways.
I just wanted to give you a huge hug, it broke my spirit to read what you wrote. What came to my mind is that you are a beautiful woman, both inside and out. You just don't see that yet.
Events in life have broken your heart, but you know what? Its not over! A new life starts today. Get back up, dust yourself off, and look inward with your eyes on God. Thats where He is.
Seek counseling, pray constantly- if God is all you've got ( like you said ) I'd say you've got it all.

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I can't say that i know what you are going through but i just wanted to suggest the you seek counsling right away first and foremost for yourself and then marriage and maybe eventually family counsling...I have alsway been told that you can't fix anyone but yourself and it sounds like you have some unresovleved issues that have carried over into your marriage...i would look to your church minister's for counseling first as they will give you Godly advice and help rather then worldly advice...you your church doesn't offer my pastor does, I am not sure where you live but if you live in the houston area I am sure he would be willing to talk with you!! I pray that you are able to get the help you need. Can I ask you a question...is your husband born again? If he's not that could one of your marital issues...well I will keep in my prayers...God Bless!

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Mac, I think you are very brave to express yourself and your need for help. God is ready to do a miracle in you when you are ready. Sounds like you might be close. When you are ready, find a Christian counselor (ask your pastor for a good referral). My husband went through a lot of stuff recently and a Christian counselor was able to help him see some stuff from his past that he had never dealt with. There are things that he thought he was over but instead they were affecting the way he was dealing with life currently. I benefited as well, as I got to sit in on the discussions and found out there were a lot of things I could do as well. If your husband doesn't want you to get help, just tell him that you want to be a happier, better wife for him. You can have the happy life. Your kids will benefit as well. You will be able to help them through their difficulties that will come when you learn the tools to deal with your past. Sorry you have been through so much. The good thing is that you can be happy and I will pray that you find the right counselor to help you do it.

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I agree with Jen B. forgiveness is important. Remember the people you are forgiving don't have to be worthy of forgiveness,but you are worthy of being set free once you do forgive. And secondly you are NOT sick you are being attacked by the enemy. He can't read our minds but he can put thoughts into them. Those little thoughts that we have about being not good enough or being bad at something, those aren't our own thoughts those are from the enemy. It sounds like your antidepressants may not be working, maybe you could see about changing them or trying something more natural(under the advice of a doctor). I had a really bad experience with them when I went through a divorce & I have been taking vitamins & Sam E & am doing fine. You say you have a baby? You might be having some baby blues right now. Make sure you are taking multivitamins & getting some exercise. You could also ask for help from your church, maybe another mom could watch your kids for you for a couple of hours while you do something for yourself. I also think counseling at your church would help. Your church should be your safe place & they should be able to help with some marital counseling also. You are not alone, so many women go throught what you are going through. I think that once you start to feel better about yourself other things will fall into place. You did the right thing by reaching out on here. Know that you are worthy of good things. God wants you to be happy & you can be! Again reach out at your church they can help! A great book for you to read is Captivating. They also have one for men called Wild at Heart. It explains why women are the way we are & why we long for the things that we long for & that we are made in God's image. I will be praying for you!

Hang in there & God Bless!

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You certainly have a lot of issues and seem to be very discontent with your life in spite of the fact that you say you are blessed. It would be best if you were to find a psychologist or counselor to talk to, but barring that, here are a few things to try to make yourself feel better.
1 - When you wake up in the morning, sit up in bed, stretch your arms over your head and smile - really smile. Say out loud, "What a great day to be alive!" Do this whether you are alone or not.
2 - During the day, as you go about your chores, keep smiling and sing your favorite upbeat song to yourself or put on your favorite upbeat music. Keep the TV turned off. What Oprah or something but do not watch soap operas.
3 - Stand up straight, hold your head up high, and look everyone right in the eye.
4 - When your 8 year old smarts off at you, smile serenely and say, "I love you and I would reallyn appreciate it if you would be sweet just for today."
5 - Stop thinking about yourself for one whole day. Instead, think about what it is that is motivating others. How are they feeling? Do your best to get a smile out of them. Try to be cheerful no matter what for a whole day. You would be surprised how much better you will feel at the end of the day when you smile and hold your head up high all day.

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I'll keep you in my prayers. You have a lot that you are trying to deal with all at once. Seems overwhelming I'm sure you don't know where to begin. If it were me, I would start with healing for myself and I think that healing of the marriage would flow from that. You need to see a Christian Councellor. Someone to talk to who understands your faith and importance of marriage. You also need to talk openly and lovingly with your husband- preferably in a councellor situation as well so you make sure you are heard. He sounds like a wonderful man (You seem to idolize and resent him at the same time tho) with some control issues.
Keep on keepin' on- God will see you through.

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Mac,

Been there, done this, am now cured and have a very new, free and productive life. I love myself, I'm truly happy, which I never could imagine before. I will give you my tools, it's up to you to use them. You MUST keep an open mind and really "hear" the messages.

Go to www.panicaway.com

This will SOLVE your panic problems, but you must use the tools. It's easy, free and immediate relief. I've suffered for 20 years with this until the first day I read this site and have been panic free EVER SINCE. Nothing was working before...nothing! Until this.

Get off the drugs so you can see the real you. Face your problems head on without hiding, and work through them. As scary as that sounds, it is the only way to conquer the fears and gain confidence. Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but conquering something while the fear is present. Go to a good health food specialist, I recommend Betsy's Health Food on 1960 if you're in Houston, and get on some things that are natural, and use vitamines. Part of your lack of progress is the fog that the RX stuff puts you in. But FACE your fears and deal with them. Work them out with couseling and in your head and STOP putting your fears on your spouse and children. You seem to recognize your problems and that is the first step to being humble enough to solve them.

Reconcile your problems from your youth and forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive your parents and siblings and forgive all the people you believe wronged you - even the abuser(s) in your life. It is not your job to bring a resolution and cure to this, it is in God's hands. Pray to God to give you strength to understand real forgiveness. You must say "forgive..." then fill in the blank, EVEN if you don't feel it - keep saying it. God will do the rest. It's magic!

Learn to let go of things you cannot control and control yourself, your actions and decisions.

STOP trying to let everyone else be an example to you. YOU be an example. What gifts do you have to offer your family, your friends, your church? Pull strength from knowing that you have special gifts God gave you to work on and give to others. He brought some of these conflicts into YOUR life because He has a special plan just for you. Maybe He NEEDS you here on earth to help someone come through this kind of stuff without the strength and recognition that you have. God gave other people other gifts, not for you to envy or make your feel less in compairison. It is for you to admire, appreciate, recognize and use to your advantage in your life. Example: If you can't grow a beautiful garden, but someone you know can, then God put that person in your life so you can see that beauty that you don't create. Well, same thing with you. You have unique gifts to offer someone that they can't create but YOU DO and YOU CAN so DO IT! God frowns on use for being jealous of others and not developing our own gifts. He wanted you to have what you have and gave you the tools He wanted you to work with. Figure out this puzzle while praying for Him to show you how, and you can, and will, do great things. All you need to do is believe!

You are a wonderful and worthy person - like we all are in our own way. Walk away from hurt. Go to a Boundaries class and get the book "Boundaries". It sounds like yours have been walked all over all your life. Turn this into something good. Stop believing the worst.

Get the book "The Four Agreements". Very short read - good pocket book to keep on you.

Get the book "Love and Respect" for your marriage.

Stay with God. I sincerely hope you see the light of day very soon and stop condeming yourself and others. Live your life, don't just let it happen. Every day wake up with a purpose and resign to fix and face SOMETHING every day. START with your marriage and your children, it's not too late.

Oh, get the book "1, 2, 3, Magic" for your parenting help.

I wish you the best of luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers and so are the people who responded with simalar troubles.

D.

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Hello Mac,

I completely sympathize with you! I started to get treatment for depression when I was 16. My mother is depressed and it is something we deal with everyday! I have been where you are. At least in your mind and soul. I do not share your life experiences but when you are depressed you can barely see any light regardless of your situation. You need to get some help. I spent years on medication and in and out of therapy, even put myself into the hospital. I am happy to say that there is hope and God is a step in the right direction. There are other medications, if the Zoloft isn't doing what you need it to. Also, get some therapy! You are not doing yourself anygood much less your kids! Also, think about what is the worst that could happen if your husband gets mad? Take baby steps in building your confidence. Like maybe try to understand the bills. Getting motivated is hard!!!! I can't give you answers, I have felt the way you feel but please know you can get through it. I have been off medication for a year and a half when the doctor said I may never get off. I still think therapy would be good for everyone, it is important to have an objective person to talk to who can give you feedback! You are a beautiful caring and strong individual! Please believe it! Know it everytime you look at your children! I will pray for you and your family! Take each moment at 1 time and try 1 new small thing everyday to help build your confidence. God Bless!

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Bless you! I hope your situation improves soon.

The first person to post probably has a lot of nice things to say. I would encourage you to ask your bible group friends what is the difference between being assertive and being demanding. Try to open your eyes to what your friends there see when they look at you. I can believe they are not judging your appearance. It is most likely that they see a healthy young mother who has a kind heart and is a good listener.

I have been on Zoloft before, as well as Prozac. There are several antidepresents and there are some anti-anxiety medication. I encourage you to mention what you can with your doctor. If the doctor who is prescribing these medications for you is not a psychiatrist, ask about a referral to one. It made a big difference to me to learn which medication did not work well for me and which one worked better.

I praise the Lord who made you and molded you in your mother's womb. I have grown to love myself a bit more than I used to, by remembering that God does not make junk! He will never give up on you; He will continue to knock on your "door", inviting you to open it and see your soul as He sees it.

I wish you well.

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I have a couple of suggestions for you:

1. Counseling.
2. Learn to forgive yourself. You were forgiven the moment you prayed for forgiveness. BUT, the hardest person to ever forgive is yourself. YOU have to give yourself forgiveness too.
3. Get your husband to marriage counseling.
4. Look in the mirror every day and SAY OUT LOUD, "I AM WORTHY! I AM WORTH IT! I AM GREAT!" Because you are, but either you have beat yourself down or someone has done it for you. YOU have to get THAT under control.

Many blessings your way! I hope you can find some peace and happiness.

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Mac,

I am really scard for you and don't know how to say this in a nice way. You are a very troubled sick woman, and before you consider a divorce you had better work on you. I don't know if you can afford counceling but if you can get it!!

I was in a very one sided sick marriage for 18 years, I to sufferd with depression and anxiety, as well as an eating disorder, I am also an alcoholic. Today I thank God for all these things because I have found a way out.

First I had to get my medicne right so that I was able to think straight and be in a position to take care of myself and my childern. Not to mention paying bills maintaining a home ect...

I was fortunate in that I am an alcohlic as I have found a wonderful support group and have connected with true friends, ones that would tell me the TRUTH even if it hurt my feelings. Your thinking is extreemly warped right now and you need support, you can not think your way well it takes action.

My advice do not get diovorced until you get stronger, other wise you will end up in another relationship just like your in or worse. Sick people attract each other. I know this was not the advice you were looking for but when I was in your shoes it was what I needed to hear.

Please do not take to heart what I have said as it is mearly my opinion, and I am just tring to be helpful. I will pray for you and I wish you well

Mac take good care of you!!

A. M ____@____.com

Honey, you say you are on Zoloft. What Dr is prescribing this and are you telling the Dr what you have said here? Print your writing and give it to the Dr and/or therapist if you have one. Get some counseling, for you and with your husband. You mention things you love about him, so the feeling is still there, right? Does he feel the same? Yes, raising kids is a job, full time plus overtime. It is the hardest, and most rewarding, job there is. It is ranked right above marriage, no doubt. Does your husband understand that? Does he want to?
You are a child of the Most High. There is nothing in your past that has not already been forgiven. Now, forgive yourself, let that devil go, and turn to God for your present and future. Keep studying the Bible, answers are there. But, sweetheart, get some counseling too for the depression. Medication alone will help but not cure. Ask at your church what counseling/therapy they have or know of.

I will say a prayer for you! I do not know how to fix your problems or where to start but I would HIGHLY suggest counseling!!! I am not a fan of divorce but you guys need help! Sometime though, by working on ourselves things can change, even if we feel it is not us that needs fixing! Ha I hope you guys get it all worked out! Hang in there girl! Also, remember to find joy in all things because happiness comes and gos and our joy comes from the Lord.

From your post, it sounds as if your husband could use the counseling. I had a husband exactly like yours. Mine hit me...A lot. Does yours? He sounds very controlling, emotionally abusive, and a small person on the inside. I feel for you and hope that some day you will find the smart confident woman inside you. Husbands are supposed to build you up not tear you down. Do some soul searching...You do not want your daughters to grow up to "marry their father" do you? Or your sons to be disrespectful towards women? Pray about it...CB

I will definitely pray for you and your family. You need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. At some point in life, we decide that we are never going to look like a fashion model (and many of those photos are airbrushed or put together) - and we decide to become the best ME we can be.

I think you could really benefit from talking to someone professional about all your issues - because your issues are preventing you from living your life to the fullest. You have asked GOD for forgiveness; but at some point, you need to forgive yourself and stop putting yourself down. People at your Church recognize your abilities - you are the one who does not.

Your husband may be enabeling you to be depressed and anxious and to feel down about yourself. He may not want you to ever get better, because he may realize deep down that if you did, your marriage would be over. Why is it that your father likes him & puts him on a pedastle?

If your doctor has prescribed Zoloft has he recommended that you talk with a psycharist or a psychologist about your anxiety/depression/OCD and feelings of worthlessness? I hate to say it, but your husband seems to be feeding your problem instead of taking it away.

Talk to someone sooner rather than later - even if it is just your pastor.

Wow! I think you need some SERIOUS counceling. I am not hating on you. If your Dr. has you on meds without counceling, that is just wrong. You are right to believe that you can only work on yourself. It seems as if you like that your DH is "stronger" that you, kind of like the father you never had.

I do not think you are headed for divorce, but PLEASE see a councelor.