Gift Questions

If they are having a small private wedding I think that a bridal shower and Bachelorette party are a little inappropriate and poor etiquette. Its like buy us gifts but sorry you wont be invited to share our day. So my answer to your wedding gift answer is no, you shouldn't feel you need to get them another gift. Bachelorette gifts are usually wedding night type gifts!! But I don't think that you should have to buy something. Sorry if this was a little to the point... proper etiquette is one of my sore spots.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,

I agree with most of the other posts. If you are not invited to the wedding, you are not required to give a wedding gift. I also find it strange that she planned a shower and a bachelorette party and invited people who are not invited to the wedding itself - that seems to me like poor etiquette.

Regarding the bachelorette party, I've only been to a couple myself. I've never taken a gift but have bought the bride-to-be a drink or two. I've seen gag gifts given, and I guess in my opinion, unless your friend is wild & crazy, that would just be a waste of money.

In both cases, if you want to give a gift, go for it. However, neither situation requires one. Have fun at the party!

I agree w/Elizabeth 100%.

As far as the bachelorette party, you do not have to bring a gift. Some people give a gag gift or some lingerie or something, but you don't have to. A gift for the wedding? That's tough. I think the shower gift is enough, but maybe it depends on how good of friends you are. If she is one of your best friends (well, you would probably be invited to the wedding, along with family) I would get her a gift. But I think NO. You gave her something for her wedding at the shower. That is enough.

The wedding is easy, you do not send a gift for that. You only bring one if you are attending, or if you can't make it and were invited, but didn't do a shower.

I have no idea about bachelorette parties, but I would think that there are no gifts involved. I didn't have one and have never been to one.

Hi there,
I've been in 10 weddings and have participated in many bachelorette parties! So, here's my opinion: I don't think that you need to send a wedding gift. Since you're not invited to the wedding or reception, you're not obligated to send anything. Of course, it would be a very nice gesture, but you're not obligated. It sounds like you got her something very nice for her shower :) But, I do think you should take something to the bachelorette party--it doesn't have to be big--some fun body lotion or something else cute in the whole theme of the celebration of the marriage. Have fun!

I think if you weren't invited to the wedding, you don't need to give a gift.
I also think it's pretty tacky to invite you to a shower and a bachelorette party and not invite you to the wedding!
I was given some gag gifts by my bridesmaids for my bachelorette, and did the same when I was a bridesmaid for my friends' weddings. Again, since you're not a bridesmaid, I don't think you need to do anything gift-wise for the bachelorette. Maybe buy her a drink.

I know for my bachelorette party I got gag gifts and lingerie. One of my friends got me a really big flannel night gown (from a 2nd hand store) and when I unfolded it there was $15 on a Victory Secret Card. I thought that was pretty cleaver! Then there is the edible underwear, which I never wore and ate them that night (they taste pretty good when tipsy!). As someone also mentioned if you are going out bar hoping or just to one place to drink you can always buy her a few shots, drinks whatever and that is more then enough of a gift!

Regarding the wedding gift, you went to her bridal shower and got her a gift so since you are not invited to the wedding (good friend or not) you are not required or expected to give them a gift. I would not give them a wedding gift.

As for the wedding, that is up to you. i do not think your friend is expecting anything if you are not attending, but if you want to get her something that is up to you.

In regards to the bridal shower, I have never taken an actual "gift" to the shower but sometimes have given fun gifts. Basically a game for the bachelorette to play through the night or something for her to wear. I had a tiara and a white feather boa for mine instead of the usual veil. I would check with whoever is coordinating the event to see what you can help with or bring. We also did a fun cake.

Hi J.! I would say that you are not expected to give a wedding gift. Often gifts are given at batchelorette parties but it's not required.
So, I think, given your relationship and that you were not invited to the wedding (ettiquette generally requires that a person invited should send a gift even if not attending) that you are okay with just a shower gift.
If you would still like to be included in giving a gift for the party, ask a friend to share the cost of a gift, but don't feel obligated! Have fun!

For the bachlorette party, you could do gag gifts but that is all. As for the wedding gift, that would be up to you. If there is a party, I go and bring a gift. If not, I do not. In this case, it would be completely up to you and I think either way would be fine. Or what you could do is take pictures at the bachlorette party and make a photo album for her for the wedding. You could also chip in with everyone at the bachlorette party to get her something personal like spa day or to get her hair/nails done for the wedding. That would be your wedding gift and a nice way to be personal.
Tam

Ohh my J. -

Giving shouldn't feel this way ... if you'd like to talk - you are invited to connect. My career and life have been about supporting the 'gifting' and 'receiving' spirit in all of us. Blessings, M

Personally, I wouldn't worry about getting anything for the bachlorette party. If you wanted, you could always buy her a few drinks or shots throughout the night. For the wedding, I wouldn't buy a gift. You said your shower gift was generous. We had a destination wedding, so it was pretty small. We invited everyone we would have to a traditional wedding, but didn't expect gifts from any of them. I do think some of my shower gifts were a little "bigger" than they would have been had they also planned to buy us wedding gifts.

When I had my bachelorette party the girls got me gifts (mostly gag gifts, nothing expensive).

Since you are not invited to the wedding, I would think that she would not be expecting a gift from you. However, since you have been friends for so long, it would be up to you if you wanted to get her something. I doubt she would be offended if you did not get her a gift.