Gift for Family Who Lost a Child to a Terminal Illness

I went through a situation that was a little different.
I lost a friend who left 7 children behind.
I sent money to her mother to help with things the children would need.
Other people contributed flowers, brought food, helped with the funeral arrangements. I knew she loved her kids more than anything and I sent money for the children.
I sent a check and a very heartfelt letter about how much I had adored my friend and how much she loved and lived for her kids. I wish I could have given more, but as a single mother myself, I gave quite a nice amount to be used solely for the children.
Checks are not impersonal if you send it with love behind it. Money, even in small amounts could be a real blessing to them right now.

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. I'm sure anything you do to try to help will be appreciated.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful

Sounds like they could really use the financial help at this time.
Pretty sure from the interaction you've had that this is not a "sham". (So sorry you had to hear that from another responder--how rude.)

Send a card and a check. Include a note saying how you fell, and how much it would make you happy if they could put this money toward something they need. Tell her you wish it could be more, and it's an honor for you to offer what you can at this time.

3 moms found this helpful

A check would NOT be impersonal in this case, trust me.

I spent 6mo at Childrens Hospital this year... many of my friends' children didn't make it. Cash gifts were the MOST appreciated.

Why?

Headstones are 6k.

And that's not even taking into account all the HUGE living expenses that have gone by the wayside. Many people are *literally* starting over from less than scratch (having to file bankruptcy) when their children are terminally ill, or have given up their homes to be at Ronald's, or need to scrape together first/last/deposit on a new apt back "home" after giving up their apt , to moving to an apt to be close to the hosp (and living at the hosp or RMcDs). Funeral clothes, flowers, caskets or cremation... and when it's you BABY that got sick... well... not many people buy life insurance for their infants. So there's no $ for a funeral. And insurance companies won't insure sick kids.

A check, and maybe something like this:

The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!

Anonymous

3 moms found this helpful

I would either send a check with a nice card, or make a donation to a leukemia research foundation in their childs name. I think they would appreciate that as well. I know my situation is much different and not tragic, but my boys were all born with cleft lip and palate. one of my cousins made a large donation to a major childrens hospital in pennsylvania to their craniofacial/cleft department instead of sending a baby gift. I will always cherish the fact that she did that, to help another family going through the same thing is something you dont forget.

2 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry to hear this. Have you considered making a donation to the Leukema/Lymphoma Association in the child's name? They might appreciate that. Also, send monthly cards to the family to let them know you are thinking of them. Especially on the child's birthday and date they passed away. Just my two cents.

2 moms found this helpful

How about to their local grocery store? Amazon.com is a wonderful idea.

I am so sorry for them. I lost my sister to leukemia when she was 11. The siblings get lost along the way. Something just for them would be a good idea. Maybe journals, coloring books, arts and crafts... that kind of thing. They are in my prayers.

2 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry for her and her family's loss, her son is the same age as mine, I can't imagine her grief.

A check or pre-paid Visa card in a nice sympathy card would be very much appreciated and not impersonal.

1 mom found this helpful

I think a check would be the way to go. It wouldn't be impersonal, plus they can actually use it towards those hospital bills that are probably still coming in. Just send a card/note to the family with it.

1 mom found this helpful

When my girls died everyone gave us cash and checks. I was very thankful for the money because we were given so much that everyone's gift's paid for their funeral, and that took a big burden off of us.

You have a good heart. I joined a group of moms about 15 years ago. When my daughter was out of control. I am closer to these women than my own sister. We had a loop that we used on AOL and then when facebook became available we started using that. We have met in person. 2 of us have died. It was awful and I wanted to go to the funeral but like you decided to send money instead.

We did have one mom who joined our group that never seemed quite right. in the end she was a scammer who got her kickes by pretending to be be someone she wasn't and getting everyone involved in her drama. she ended up volunteering to collect money from all of us for flowers for one of the funerals. she never bought the flowers and thru some detective work one of the moms found that she was fired from her job for embezzlement. people are not always what they seem.

A gift card would definitely be ok.

If you still feel weird sending money - I have a friend who lost a daughter and we called the florist nearby and had a garden stone sent to the funeral home with a small arrangement of flowers around it and it has very nice sayings for someone who lost someone too early. They can take the stone home and put it in the their garden or put it at the burial site if they are being buried. Just a thought.

I'm so sorry for the loss of this child. I'll keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm not sure receiving a gift after your child died is really appropriate.
I might be going out on a limb here but I once heard about a gal that had an internet friend that led her to believe her child died... she dooped a lot of people with the scam, just sayin.
But, if you know for sure it's all for real, I think the normal condolence is all you really need to do. Flowers to the mortuary and a heart felt card since you live far from her and don't know her in person.
I've never sent a gift to someone that lost a loved one. Just plants, flowers and food.
You could donate to the cancer fund, and send her the acknowledgement of that.

That's so awful...is the boy's name Tyler? I have other friends (from iVillage) who have posted about him on FB because they were in the same EC/PG and I think we're talking about the same family. So tragic.

They have set up a donation link on their CaringBridge site so I think that a donation really is the way to go given their dire financial straits. If we're talking about the same family, I know that they were worried about funeral costs, etc.

Sending out a prayer to your friend's family. I can't imagine their pain.