Friends Child Throwing Fits, Involves Mine Not Giving Him His Way.

Hi Kathy,

First I would say don't worry about next year. Kids changed so much at this age. Also, when a child is having a hard time as this kid seems to be they get very controlling. Don't judge said child - we forget that we are parents to all children not just our own. Your children have already gone thru or will go thru rough patches as well and the difference in them getting out of it (or not) is the adults around them help and do not judge. Now this doesn't mean letting the child get away with bad behavior. I think going by age is best - the big ones learn to respect the little ones and gender - the boys learn to respect the girls and not knock them over.

Don't confront the mom. Just get out of the fight. One person can't fight by themselves, so there is no conflict if you decide not to be in it. Do you want to discipline the child? It's not going to happen a few minutes in the early morning on the bus stop. If you get their first you make sure any little ones go before your children and then load them on the bus. If the kid is their first let him go on first. He is equal to a little one at this moment. I say forget the schedule today and next year. Also on the last day of school by the kid a present as well as the bus driver. When the kid comes to his senses he will remember you as an adult who was their during a difficult moment. Be part of the solution, by not getting caught up in negative energy. And you are caught up, because why does it matter who goes first?

The new rule is the kid goes first. Look for him,say, "Hi honey the bus is here hurry up get on first." He will be so suprise. And your hildren? Look for any little ones and let them go on first. And when your children ask why does he always get to go on first? You say he needs it more right now.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Kathy -

Like you I cant believe this has become such a huge issue. I dont believe it matters who is at the stop first.

The bus stop for my kids is actually at my house, we live on the corner. I would always make my kids get on after the smaller ones. This way she could help them if they needed it.

As for my son, he is always last on at his stop because he lets all the girls go first. Im glad he does this, it shows he is respectful. Some of the other teen boys, walk right in front, like cutting, to get on first. Maybe they are like your little neighbor boy?!

I would say, call the bus garage and have a talk with the supervior there and let them know the situation. Dont make any rules or guidelines, tell your children not to comment on anything the little boy says about getting on first and let the bus driver handle the whole situation. They are very good and it is part of their job. You will be amazed the difference if you let that happen. Try not to let your relationship with the other mother be harmed due to this situation. The bus driver will then handle it and you can have a stress free year!

Best of luck! Have a safe and enjoyable summer! Thanks for all your family has done to serve and protect our country! I pray your husband will be returned to you safe and sound.

S. M.
www.EmpoweringWomenForSuccess.com

1 mom found this helpful

So parents get so overly involved in stupid kid stuff that it just drives you NUTS!!! We use to go thru the same thing back when my kids were young but with 7 kids at the stop all because one of the other kids had a learning disorder and was OC. The other mom and I were good friends and decided it was totally stupid but needed to be addressed. I bought 2 calendars and we wrote all the days off of school and then wrote in who would be getting on the bus first each day. Worked well because we both laughed the whole time knowing that it was a totally stupid thing to do.

Since your kids don't care when they get on the bus tell your 9 yr old to tell the kindergardener to line up so he's ready when the bus stops. 9 yr olds love bossing around little kids. lol. If the other mom mentions anything again I'd be frank about the whole situation and say something like "When you were holding that new little baby in your arms did you ever think that you'd actually be talking to another grown up about the order the kids get on the bus? Really how silly the things we end up talking about because of our kids."

1 mom found this helpful

frankly,

I would have just flat out told the other mom, that the issue is not your children,

that the true issue is this younger child, whom believes that if he arrives at the stop first then he should get on the bus first.

Unfortunately reality is that the bus company nor the school have assigned this rule

there is a reason,

Because there is no such condition which would make you first .

Its important to explain this to her child,

What happens if a 7th or 8th child enters the group?

you should not have to constantly entertain his childs notion of reality, and appease his needs.

you are very kind to do so,
and if it were me i would just be out on the corner waiting
and let the kids fight it out,

if she says anything tell her to talk to the school and they'll tell her how absurd her request is.

if he wants to be first he should stand at the curb in line waiting, and hopefully the bus will stop immediately before him which is not usually the case.

Its important for him to realize that just because your kind enough to go along with the newly created rule , others more probably will not.

M
EDIT:

Just read the comments
Personally to go as far as making a yearly calandar is just going too far, what happens if another child moves into the area?

Yes its silly, yes we want to get along, but when does this little guy learn every thing in life is not fair, not everyone will care about his feelings FIRST.

and By the BY by fight it out I meant merely to work it out themselves,

1 mom found this helpful

Personally, I would stand your ground and let the kid throw a fit. I know it's probably easier to let this kid just do what he wants but I look at it almost as teaching our children how to deal with people who expect the world to revolve around them. If you teach them to give in when someone is throwing a fit, they will be more inclined to always do that and become door mats for people like this boy. I would stand my ground and if your friend is being unreasonable, then you need to decide how important your friendship is. The lessons your children are learning are more important in my opinion.

Maybe he will grow a bit in maturity before September. :|

L.

1 mom found this helpful

As a mom of 5 who has been through ridiculous things like this , my advice is there is no - who gets on first irregardless of who gets to the bus stop first. The mom of the child will need to have to deal with it on herself. There is no reason why any other child should have to suffer for the sake of one child. Tell mom to get a grip iff she has a problem. Next this child will want a specific seat!

1 mom found this helpful

My son is only 2, so I can't say I've been in your shoes. However, I do have an opinion about this. You are right, your children, and the other children should not have to "tiptoe" just to satisfy one spoiled child. I understand you and this other mom are friends, but sometimes you have to put your foot down. We all parent our children differently, and if your friend wants to baby her child, so be it. But it's not your job to satisfy her child. And if this hasn't been an issue with any of the other children before, then maybe you and the other moms @ the bus stop need to have a sit down "pow wow" with her.

I understand this child is only 6, but his mom needs to bone up, and explain to him that it's not his world. Hope this helped. Happy summer!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, the boy has a discipline issue. And it's hard when the parent is not aware of it. But if that's your friend, how about you talk to her a little. I don't think it's going to be good for your relationship if you don't, I would talk to her like this. "I feel uncomfortable when your son is ignoring others and getting on the bus first all the time." Well, if you do care about your friend and talk to her not with judgmental tone, but really caring attitude and if you really mean it, I think she won't feel hurt. In our society, we often don't have close family members living near by or our friendship with others are not so close. So there's no one who can tell you things honestly. But it's more real relationship, isn't it?

You may lose a friend over this but if other people agree, I would just keep the schedule. You can say "lets just stick the schedule" hiopefully with out hurting her feelings. i wouldn't worry so much about the child, he needs to learn you can get what you want all the time. Thats life. I am sure there have been many a days where kids were sick, holidays and such that other children missed their day and after Thursday he won't care anymore............until September (I guess). I couldn't imagine a mother wanting to give in to such nonsense, but this will be a learning expereince for her as well. Good Luck!!

Hi, I too have 4 children, but mine are older; youngest is 19. This one is a hard one, because as you said your friend doesn't disapline her child and you can't tell her to. But, in my opinion, she is showing you and everyone else absolutely no respect. And she is teaching her child to have no respect for anyone. What a shame, because this child is going to have no one to play with, eventually. And she herself won't be invited anywhere. And to tell you the truth, if she were my friend, she would become an ex-friend real quick. And I would treat her as such. I don't mean I would be disrespectful, because I wouldn't want my children to learn disrespectfulness. But, I certainly would become very distant toward her, certainly angry (but not show my anger) and then I would be more able to speak up and not just hint. And say to her the truth, that,obviously, it doesn't matter who gets on the bus first and we need to teach the children that. And that it's important for us to deal with this in a mature, adult way. Notice, I used the words "us" "we"not "you". Because then she can't say that your picking on her. Sometimes people need to be told more bluntly, then other people do. They just don't get it!; no clue. What would you have to lose, she doesn't show any respect anyway. Good luck

You're wise to realize you can't advise the other parents on parenting. If indeed your kids don't at all care who gets on first or whether they get on first, I'd suggest that your kids be advised to stay out of it and get on whenever there is the opening. Let the other two or three kids/parents duke it out ridiculously and you can continue to teach your kids to take the high road. They will encounter these types of kids their whole lives (adults do it, too!) and teaching them now how ridiculous these types of kids are will help them to continue to NOT behave that way. I'd tell the mother you're friendly with when it arises again in Sept, "I've asked my kids to stay out of this issue and focus on getting on the bus safely and to focus on school and to focus on being a good friend." She may get the hint but it doesn't matter. Kids eventually create their own pecking order and he will suffer unfortunately for his behavior among his peers. This can't be the only place he behaves this way.
Thank you to your husband for his service and a prayer for his safe return.

The kid is only 6. Don't worry too much about next year. There is a lot of growth in the summer months and hopefully he'll be more patient.

I think the younger kids should get on the bus first anyway...just common courtesy. This bus experience was brand new to this child this year. Unfortunately his mom didn't prepare him better.Regardless, iff the older kids really don't care then line them up according to grade; Kindergarteners firt, 1st graders next, etc. If that kid can't handle that try not to be too hard on him After all it is his parents fault not his.

He'll grow up soon enough and this won't even be an issue.
Good luck.
A.

as they get older .. they will have to work it out with the other kids ...

Well you should tell your friend how you feel and how you think this whole thing is going to turn out.It shouldn't be a problem because this is to simply if your friend cares about respect she would talk to her child it's not fair for someone to suffer because you don't correct your kid.It's best if you talk about the situation soon because this just might be a problem as long as your kids share that bus stop.However this maybe a phase for him seeing that he may have never ride the bus before or is just been plan selfish. Try talking this out choose your words carefully am sure she should give you some sort of satisfaction.

Kathy,
If I were you I would tell my kids to let the other kid go on the bus first and that it doesn't matter because they will all get to school at the same time. Next year is a different story, as soon as he starts up I would call the school and file a complaint, let the school deal with him, I am sure if he is doing this at the bus stop he is also doing it at school. I for one have a 9 year old who did the same thing, plus he constantly tattles on everyone and doesn't have many friends because of it. The catch here is I don't tolerate it and have taken privilages away from him. Plus now whenever he tells on someone at home we do the same to him and the same thing at school. Your friend's son is not quite 6 years old and therefor needs to change before he ends up like my son (whom we are hoping has learned his lesson). While I don't want to see you loose a friend over this, I think someone needs to do something before this kid ends up getting beat up at school. Kids are kids, they make good and bad choices, that is how they learn and we, as parents, are there to guide them.
I am so proud of you for having to deal with this plus a husband who has been deployed, and of your husband for serving our country. I hope he is safe and that you have a wonderful reunion when he returns. Let me know if you need to talk, etc., I am here for you.
Hugs,
T.
P.S. (I have 5 children, ages 25 down to 9, a girl first and then the boys, just like you.)

You will need to get the school transportation department involved. What are the rules for getting on the bus? Go by the school rules. Call the school now and mention the issue. You are your childrens best advocate. Vigilance and documentation is everything make sure you do. What does the bus driver say? I am sure he doesnt have time to wait around

We had something like this happen this year, when a new first grader wanted to get on the bus first. My younger child is in third grade. I always told my kids when they were young, that they were the low man on the totem pole, and there were privileges the older kids got that they would get when they were the older kids. I wasn't having my son being bossed around by a first grader, and I spoke nicely with the mom and let her know this. The first grader was feeling like she should get to do everything her third grade brother got to, and she really needed to be told that she was the low man now. For her sake, we did make a schedule of what order the kids would get on and off the bus on each day and it seems to have taken care of the conflicts. If you have made one and the kid is not adhering to it, then I think he just needs to be told that everyone else has been doing the bus stop for years, there are established rules and he just can't always have his way.

Although it feels like it, it's really not your problem....stick to your guns..."Excuse me, I have an appointment to keep"...bypass the up roar and get your kids onto the bus and get on with your day.
Next year if possible, talk to the bus driver...insist he/her make the rules for all to follow making sure he/she announces it to all who gets onto this bus. If your friend's child then acts up, or makes a fuss, or holds up the process it's then between his Mom and the bus driver to deal with it.
If you are told by the driver it's not their job to get involved with this.... ask yourself if you want to take on someone elses problem every morning. It's your choice to bypass it and just get your kids on the bus. If your friend isn't happy with your choice, then she's going to have to deal with her childs behavior...

First of all, no parent, including you wants "hints on how to parent their child". If no one cares, just let the kid on the bus first. What is the big deal??? I think it takes a village and if there are all these adults there this should not be problem. Your email sounds a little as if you are being difficult just to make a point to this mom that you won't bend to accomdate this kids. Which to me means you that are acting like a child yourself.