Friends Can't Make Daughter's Party but Want to Do Something Another Day

You're definitely overthinking this. It's not really a problem. When someone says, "I can't make the party but would love to plan something for another day," what they're saying is code for, "Let's get together the way we usually do and when that happens maybe we can have cupcakes and I'll give Janie her birthday gift."

You're under no obligation to actually plan something.

The responsibility is not on you to plan a second event. Accept their offers and say "we'd love to get together. Let me know when you're free!" If the people are friends with each other, then once you set a date with one friend, tell her "oh, so-and-so was interested in doing something too, will you ask her if she can come along that day too?"

I don't think anyone is expecting you to come up with and plan some big other event - sounds like they maybe just want to set up a low-key play-date kind of thing and then be able to wish your daughter Happy Birthday +/- give a gift. I would just try to set up play dates with the others as you are able - no pressure!

You're assuming that the folks saying "we'd like to get together another time" are expecting YOU to organize that! They are not. The effort is up to them now -- if they say "we'd like to see her" they they, not you, are the ones to arrange it. Focus on your one party and then next time you talk to them, just say, "Whenever you'd like to see Daughter and us just let us know what you have in mind."

It's very, very typical that some folks just cannot make a specific date and time and it's also nice that they mentioned doing something else. But you are not expected to arrange and provide some alternative "event" for them and your daughter. I'm sure the folks who said this to you did not mean to make you think you had to create multiple new events for all of them. Remember-- they, not you, made suggestions about the park or the zoo; so just mention when you talk to them, hey, if you still want to meet at the zoo or whatever, let me know what your plans are.

Don't add to your stress over the party by thinking you are now expected to create more parties in other locations.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I kind of don't think you gave enough notice for the party. I usually send out invites about 3-4 weeks ahead and have the rsvp date about 5 days before the party.
As for doing something on another date with the people who can't make it. Don't make it a big deal. If they call you up and say "hey, I got your daughter a gift. Lets go to the park for a playdate so I can give it to her", then just go and have fun. No need to plan or do anything special or extra. Just make it a regular day. I wouldn't be upset that some people can't go espically when the invites weren't sent out in enough time.

I would not have thought the 'no' rsvp people want to have another birthday celebration as much as they just want to get together on another date for a playdate. I would not expect a present or plan to host a trip to the zoo. Sometime people just say 'let's get together' as a pleasantry. Also, are these people you regularly have playdates? Some mom friends and I meet up at certain places regularly (child's museum, beach or park).

Birthday parties are stressful and I would not want to do a second 'make-up' party. You could try to get together with another parent or two, but also remember the ones who are making the effort to go to the original party could be the people you can do more playdates with as well. They (and/or their child) are interested in making the effort for your child in the first place.

I mean, honestly I think people just say that. not sure if they relly mean to follow through. I would leave it to them to initiate and plan.

Do not 'do' a birthday party on those other dates. Keep it simple. If they want to 'do something on another day' then it is their obligation to provide a 'birthday' if they choose.

Just because they said "let's get together another time" doesn't necessarily mean that they all want to do a bigger get-together. Break it down as simply as possible. The zoo people? They (or you) can buy an ice cream bar or other zoo treat. The park people? They can bring some cookies. You don't have to make it full-on birthday for it to be a treat. It's more about spending time together.

(Incidentally, we had friends who took our son yesterday for 'late birthday' at their house. It was popsicles and a few presents and playing outside. We'll take that friend (his best friend) to do a nickel arcade trip with him on Saturday-- our choice-- and to have lunch and play Legos at our house. It doesn't need to be a big celebration. You already did that!!!)

You are way over thinking this. You don't have to plan *extra* events for the people that can't make it, they just said that to be kind. You would normally go to the zoo or park so just go and don't worry about it being a birthday celebration.

Why not do what they said and just get together with them when you both can go do something. They're not asking you to have multiple birthday parties, they're saying they just want to get together another day. That means they want to call you up and say "Hey, want to go to the park today?". Then you say yes or no. it's nothing formal.

Actually, it sounds more like a formality that they are saying "lets get together another time".
Yes, I'm sure they still want to see you, but I don't think they intended for you to actually plan another get together. Let it go, when you see them, you see them.

You don't need to plan anything or invite anyone that couldn't come, it's on them if they choose to do something. You've done your part :)

I would have RSVPd regrets because that is not enough notice.
I would not have offered to meet up another time-that was nice of them.
I would not set up one plateaus for everyone. If you can set something up with any of them, great! If none-well, at least they offered!

Yes, you are over thinking this. If they really want to connect after the party, they will call you. This is not something that you need to stress out over. Your focus should be on your party guests who are coming.

Frankly, I would NOT... even.... plan any "party" or get together with anyone that is not attending even if they said that you all can get together another time.
Whatever.
It is not for you to plan.
It is not up to them, to issue a rain check, on a party they could not attend for whatever reason.
It is NOT up to you... nor your responsibility, to do.

The party was planned.
They could not come.
There is no reason to make more parties after the fact.
For them.
They are just suggesting getting together... afterward, because they turned down the invitation.
That is all.
And they are excusing their non-attendance with a "we can get together another time..." to make it less rude or polite or however they intended it to be.
It is just perfunctory.

your over thinking it. have your party as you have planned and all the people who want to do something with her you calll back and say "she would love to spend some time with you just let me know when you would like to pick her up" and leave it at that. no planning for you. they just want to spend some time with her and they can do it one on one.

It just means they care.They are not saying you have to organize something in the future.They just want to hang out some time. It might or might not naturally happen. You don't have to do anything! Maybe one day in the next few months they will call and say, hey, want to meet us at the park (or whatever) this Saturday? And you can say yes or no depending on your plans. No worries!

Trust me when people call to say they cannot make party, they always say lets get together. Chances are none of them will call to set up day. You are putting way too much thought into this. She is four. When my kids were four they were allowed one friend for each year. So 4 friends. First birthday was a big celebration. After that small.

They're just being nice and wanting you to know that they couldn't make it, but they're not brushing you off.

Just leave it at, "Sorry to hear you can't make it, we'd love to (whatever they suggested) sometime". Chances are it won't be a big deal, just at some point they'll invite you to the zoo or something and that will be that. You don't need to feel like you have to organize anything, just say the above and let the ball be in their court.

I think for the most part, they are apologizing for missing the party and they will likely bring her a gift on another day...when you meet up again.

I have to do this because my daughter's friend has a December birthday and we are usually doing some type of Christmas show at that time. We just invite them for pizza or bowling and bring her gift later. But we invite them.

don't let this be such a big issue in your head.
thank them, agree that you'd love to do something at some point, and then agree or decline suggestions as they offer them. let THEM do the planning.
i absolutely would not go through the hassle of setting up a whole alternative party at the park. she's 4, she really doesn't need 2 big dos (no kid does.) but the onus is not on you to plan to make-up date for any one friend. let them do it. just let it be and focus on the party you have planned.
khairete
S.

I wouldn't worry about planning anything additional. Most if not all of the folks who made those comments probably don't really expect you to plan something. I know if I were calling with a regret I might very well say something like "We can't make it to the party. Maybe we can get together some other time at the park or something." NOT expecting that the next thing I know, we're being invited to a play date at the park. Just to let you know that we do like doing things with you and are sorry we can't come. Kind of like a rhetorical question - not really expecting a response.

I know it's nice to think that all those people love your daughter so much and they really want to celebrate her birthday, but trust me, it's really not all that to them.

Your child sounds very fortunate..
People want to celebrate her!

I think that people in general just have a lot going on.. so sometimes, those of us with more flexible schedules, get to enjoy different groups of people on their schedules.

IF you cannot do all of this skip celebrating her birthday with them and just see them the next time you all have time.

OR find the time to see and spend time with these different people.

My husband swears I can stretch a birthday for months.. this is how I celebrate have celelbrated my birthday for months at a time!
I have a gathering with my lunch bunch.. then a dinner with my mom and her husband.. Lunch with my dad and step mom.. My husband and Daughter take me somewhere special.. Then my lady friends will meet for a Happy Hour. Neighbors gather together.. This may take 3 months but hey, good excuse to get to see everyone.

It goes on and on.. I love it.