My husband travels on a weekly basis and for the most part, I'm okay with it. It's tough work being home alone with the kids (ages 3.5 and 16 months) but I manage.
I am just wondering how you deal with the loneliness aspect? Now that the weather is getting warmer, I get so envious and sad when I see families outside playing with the kids, grilling, packing picnics for the beach, etc. I almost feel guilty that the kids are just stuck with me all week and don't have Dad around to do fun things like that. We do fun things, just the 3 of us, but I just feel like the kids miss having Dad around too. I know he's home on the weekends and I AM thankful for that, but it can still be hard those other 5 days when it's just me. Also, I don't have family around here, they live across the country. I have my in-laws but don't like to bother them too much...they are retired and do their own thing a lot.
How do other "weekly single Mom's" do it?
Thanks!
Teresa- that was awesome. :)
I have started inviting other moms with kids (either single or weekly single moms) over for a simple dinner. The kids play, we talk - it's great! What helps me is to have things to look forward to - my own playdates like that mentioned above. It's a win win situation.
My husband doesn't travel, but he does work every day except Sunday and doesn't get home until 9:30 or 10:00 most nights. I have to get up at 5:30 in the morning, so I go to bed before he gets home most of the time. Like you said, it's hard. Theresa's post was so right! We've been happily married for 17 years now. We just appreciate each other when we are together. :)
Top Ten Reasons Why It's Nice To Not Have The Man Around Every Single Night....
1) You never have to think, 'well he wants it and he should have it 'cept, I didn't shave today/ have gas/ feel unsexy, etc.....
2) You do not have to be on the same page as another parent. What you say goes, there is no other authority.
3) If you have friends/ family members he doesn't care for, you can have them over ALL the time, and not feel bad that he's not enjoying their company like you are.
4) After the kids go to sleep, you can watch WHATEVER you damn well please on TV.
5) It's almost like having an affair cause you can send him sexy texts and emails even though you know you won't have to deliver on your promise on the day you send them.
6) You have one less palette to consider when planning dinner.
7) You only have to vacuum/ dust/ sweep on Friday.
8) You do not have to worry about the quality of your breath on weekdays.
9) You can boast about how independent you are.
10) Most importantly, you ARE REALLY GLAD TO SEE HIM WHEN HE GETS HOME BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY MISS HIM WHILE HE'S GONE.
:)
I also don't have a hubby that is gone throughout the week, but my hubbs is finally retiring from the Army after 22 years and 13 deployments (not all 1 year but 3 long ones since the girls were born!)
The best thing is to keep busy, go on with your life, don't put life on hold while waiting (this also goes to Mommy 2-2)
Maybe you can do a special Daddy date with just the kids and Daddy (giving you some free time) on the weekends when he is home?
also I did like the idea where you can drop them off with a friend/mommy group and have a few hours to yourself, otherwise you will be burned out sooner or later!
Do you know if you would be bothering your in-laws? THey might jump to the "babysitting the grandkids" one afternoon/morning a week, having some one-on-one time with their grandkids and you would have some time to do what you want to do, or even to plan something special?
Haha! Go Theresa! Love your list! As for me...I'm a wife of a deployed husband this year and when he's not deployed, he works VERY long days and travels quite a bit, so basically it's similar to deployment, except that I still have to shop for him and do his laundry! LOL Honestly, I feel like I get thru the weeks without a hitch...there are enough things to keep us busy, and frankly, I'm so exhausted at night, I get on mamapedia and then crash! LOL It's the weekends that get me. It's then that I see all the families doing things and know that it won't be us for quite a while. Usually all our friends are busy doing "family stuff" and we are either excluded or if we are invited, feel a bit like the "odd man out" or 3rd wheel, invited out of pity. (that's not always the case though). We do not live in a military neighborhood where others are deployed, so we don't have that social network. I also don't have family nearby, so I can totally understand! Wish we lived closer...could keep each other company!
Theresa said it best! My husband works out of town a lot and I love it! He will be working a local job for a few months and I am kinda sad because he kinda messes up my system...then I feel guilty not wanting him around during the week because he is so homesick when he is gone!
I do all those fun things with my kids during the weekday and when dad comes home on the weekend he gets to pick what we do as the family. Bowling has been our "fun" lately.
As far as being lonely, I guess sometimes I feel that way, but usually most the time I am too busy to feel that. I have 2 or 3 girl friends that have kids that we get together once a week so kids can play and we chat.
The kids talk to their dad daily and I am always sending him pics or videos of the kids via cell phone so he can see whats going on.
Its def tough not having hubby around. We are on year 6 :( but realized we make the best of it and know we only get 2 days a week to enjoy eachother as a family.
I think Theresa summed it up pretty well.
My husband does not travel every week, but he does travel for business.
All I can offer is that kids adapt. This is what YOUR kids are used to, so I feel like you might be projecting your loneliness onto him.
Me? I rarely feel lonely. I know my hubs is of taking care of what he needs to do and I am taking care of what I need to.
Plus--I'm too busy!
AND it almost seems like his trips are mini-vacations for me & our son b/c hubs is more rigid about things like mealtimes, chores, etc so we kind of enjoy "free-wheeling" it when he's out of town. But we're always happy to have him back. :)
Get together with other Mom friends who have kids.
Have them over.
Go out with them.
Wow! This could have been my post! I don't have any suggestions, as I'm in the same boat you are, but I figured I'd let you know that I feel for you. I only have one, and I start to go crazy by the time my hubby's due home, so I don't know how you do it with 2! My hubby was gone for the last 6 weeks, and it was really tough. We did go to church, and tried to make it to the services on Wednesday night. That was about the extent of our socialization... On nice days, we go to the park, and on the last few nice days, we've done some spring cleaning and I let ds use the hose - he thought that was cool! I try to do at least one "fun" thing per day, be it finger painting, going for a walk/to the park, digging out a toy we haven't used in a long time, etc. I know it's little, but it keeps each day different. I'm hoping to get some suggestions from the other responses!
You have two things going for you: 1) you don't have the burden of cooking your husband dinner during the week, and 2) you don't have the burden of giving him sex during the week! How lucky for you that you are off the hook during the week! The downside: getting no help w/ the kids during the week (he better help you on the weekends)! If you are lonely, invite some friends over on a Thursday night for a potluck dinner, or if that won't work due to getting the kids ready for bed, invite them over a bit later for dessert and wine. Or, if money will allow it (and it should, since you buy less food during the week since your husband isn't around), get a sitter and go out w/ your friends every Thursday night! You need an outlet, so I stongly suggest you do it! You don't even have to tell your husband that you get a sitter every week (if you think he will go through the roof). You can tell him that you do it once in a while! Do what you need to do to survive the week. Other option - invite your friends over in the morning for a potluck breakfast, or just for coffee. Then you won't need a sitter (however, it's necessary to actually go out once in a while). Hang in there!
Right there with you.
My husband travels from Monday to Friday,and sometimes study and takes test in here (NJ) Saturdays half day.
So I drop him to the airport on Sunday after 4pm and pick him up on Friday night, then Saturdays only see him half day!!
It wasn't always like this, when we just got married he worked from home (he is a computer guy) so we see each other 24/7.
I didn't mind much because, well, we were just married, lol.
Then after a couple years he start working some times home some times traveling, that was my favorite time.
Then he lost his job, and many things happen that we end up losing EVERYTHING, it was really bad.
Well, we had a angel in our lifes, she not only gave my husband work in her school but the best she let him take computer test for free, salary was little but the test for free were a bless that help my husband to grow very fast.
In a couple months he start to have more and more calls for work, all out of town, until he got hire for a big comapny and he travels now all the time, and he still help our "angel" on Saturdays and she still let him take test in return from teaching some classes for her school.
I tell you all this because the reason I don't go crazy everytime he leaves is because we were so under the water with 2 kids that now we appreciate every work that comes.
He calls me often, and I hate being in the phone but I try anyway, he has a camara an he can see us all the time (I know is freaky and sometimes I turn it off when I need to) we talk for sky, we text a lot.
He spoils us when he is here and we got "every" Friday night to the movies, just him and I.
He is my best friend, he knows me so well, and he is a great guy, is never being a day in our marriage that he doesn't tell me he loves, those details help.
We pretty much gave up almost all kind of social life on weekends so we spend our time as a family.
Even after all this, it gets hard and lonely many times, and every once in a while we wonder if it is worth sense some times I feel like we never see each other anymore and he misses so many things of the kids, and while the 13 year old understand better the 2.5 often ask for him :( I takeons of pictures and videos for him.
But we always think that we are doing what we need to do, and we recognize that each other works hard as individuals for the good of the family, and hopeful soon we would be able to slow down again, or I can start traveling with him.
My only advice: keep the communication any way that works for you, spend sometimes alone as a couple, take tons of pictures for dad, talk a lot to your kids about dad, appreciate each other hard work and keep your self busy (you will find me here a lot, lol).
Feel free to PM if you need support.
Yovana
My husband used to travel a LOT!
I joined a mom's group and made sure that I had the time I needed during the week. That mom's group was my sanity! They took the children for 2 hours while I did a bible study/women's group thing.
The other thing I did was to make friends with other moms and make plans with them and their children. It got all of us out of the house during the week. Sometimes we'd meet at the park and have a picnic. Sometimes we met at the mall and walked. Sometimes we met at a local pool. It was awesome!
It's not easy, but we do what we gotta do, right?
LBC
My hubby is usually gone a week a month. I know how you feel - it sucks! Life is so much more fun when we are all together! I have no family near by either. How I handle it is I invite people over for dinner once during the week. I will order pizza or make something easy like spaghetti. It's always a potluck or they pitch in for pizza. They bring their kid or kids. I get some adult interaction at dinner time which I need! Sometimes a friend invites us over for dinner during that week. As for fun outdoor activities or going to the park - again, I plan ahead and invite friends to go with us. Then we are all together and I don't focus on my hubby not being there bc I'm happily engaged in conversation with friends. During the day I do a fun kid activity every morning before lunch/naptime and it always involves other people I know or have gotten to know over time by doing these activities. (library music/storytime, open swim at the pool, toddler yoga class, a babysitting/run swap with a friend, etc). This helps my sanity too bc at least I'm getting out and around other moms and have someone to talk to for a bit till it's time for lunch and nap.
I know what you mean. My hubby travels too and I'm home with two little kids and no family around. I have a close friend who I talk to and visit frequently, and hubby and I call one another as much as his work allows. It helps. I try to take the kids to the park, library, we do fun things like go to the zoo, but it's definitely more fun when hubby's around. My hubby has been gone for months without coming home, so I know how hard it is. I know one thing for sure--I sure do miss him and appreciate him when he comes back (so do the kids). I always pray and hope that my hubby gets a new job that doesn't require travelling; no luck thus far though:(
I am in the same boat. It's tough, but we manage. My son misses his dad, but we try to do a lot of Skpe and Facetime. We also try to do a lot of activities with local friends, but I try to make sure we do super fun things on the weekend and that son/dad have quality time.
