Feelings of Being a Complete Failure.

Your post should show you that you are not a failure. You have done everything right!

If you are unhappy with the speech therapy, switch therapists.

All my youngest wants to do is watch TV as well. He hates going to school and just wants to stay home all the time. He is not behind on speech, but he is not where his brothers were at his age either.

Just relax, take a deep breath and regroup. Your son is normal. Bilingual children usually take longer to speak, but then they do, it is in 2 languages which is way ahead of their peers.

If he is developmentally on track elsewhere , I would not worry.

Best of Luck and Hugs to you!!!

Hi L.,

Please don't be so h*** o* yourself. As you mentioned, your son is growing up in a bi-lingual household. Our 4YO was raised in Germany and he also had a speech delay (among other things like way-too-picky-eater, must have all lights on, generally high-maintenance). We also had him evaluated and he qualified for all sorts of other programs which allowed him to interact with English speaking children. Now that we're stateside, he still has a bit of a lisp (he also had tubes put in for constant ear infections) but he's doing so well as compared to a year ago when I wanted to pull my hair out!!
Also, he had NO interest in the potty until he was almost 4. He'll be 5 this NOV and he's doing 100% all-around. Give your wonderful son some time to develop on his own. It's not your fault at all. He's just a special little boy living life on his time. As long as you love him everyday...he'll be just fine.

Good luck and hope that helps a little.

Hugs,
A.

EDITED UPON READING UPDATED POST -
Your original post didn't say that he had already been evaluated by ECI, that it was a bilingual household or how much TV he was watching, so I apologize if it seems like my post is irrelevant. If he is only watching 2 shows per day, then that isn't out of line. I would continue to work with the speech therapists and see if there is anything you can work with him on at home (although I'm sure you already do that). His delays are not your fault if you're spending time talking and reading to him on a daily basis. I have a feeling he will catch up (most do), so don't sweat it. I hope that you can use some of the other ideas from my original post such as music/dancing, library time and learning through play. All of these things can really help and are fun! :-)
Most of all, just enjoy him for who he is and don't feel guilty for things you don't have any control over. As I said previously, it's hard not to compare with everyone else, but there is such a huge range of "normal" that all it does is frustrate you. I wish you the best and I hope that you are able to find what works for your son since they all learn in different ways.

You really should limit his TV watching if you feel like it is having a negative effect on his progress. If he is watching TV, it should be remotely educational (although TV will never compete with what you can teach him....it's truly just entertainment). My 3 1/2 year old daughter will watch a show or 2 when she wakes up in the morning and then one after her nap. It's her time to "wake up" since she's pretty groggy when she first gets up. That's it. She isn't allowed to watch TV all day. Get him some coloring books, playdough, paints, stickers. Do some art projects with him.

Have you had him evaluated through ECI? He may have some legitimate reasons for his delay, but sitting him in front of the TV won't solve the issues. Get out of the house a little most days. Go to the library and do story time and let him check out new books (he may be more excited about reading ones he hasn't heard before). You are going to have to be the one to take charge of this. It's so easy to just give in and turn on the TV (especially if he is throwing fits over it), but it's your job to parent him and giving in isn't the answer. If he wants TV, try a compromise and put some music on and sing and dance. That way, you can get him talking/singing and get some exercise too (will help with his coordination). Get some blocks with all different colors and/or letters and some puzzles. My daughter learned all of her letters and colors through play with me. I would just continuously ask her what color ball she had, what was the letter on the block she was holding. You don't have to sit in front of them with flash cards for them to learn. Play games that reinforce learning these things and it will come much more naturally for them. You can do this, but you have to make it a priority and stop comparing him to other kids (easier said than done, I know), because you aren't doing him any favors by pointing out where his deficiencies are unless you're willing to get additional help if necessary. If you are voicing any of these concerns to others within his earshot, I guarantee you he understands what and who you are talking about, so be sure you don't damage his confidence by doing that. Get him checked out by his pedi or ECI and go from there. If he doesn't have any medical/developmental issues (or even if he does), then you're going to have to make it a point to take the TV out of the equation and work with him by having fun! I wish you the best. It's tough being a parent, but it is also very rewarding. Don't forget that he is an individual! They are all so different, so try not to make him into someone he isn't. Good luck!

Hey L.,

If you've had him evaluated and he is receiving therapy but you feel its not enough---have them add more time to the therapy. Also, you can have the school district pay for another evaluation.

As long as you guys are active and he is exposed to normal stuff don't worry about what you're doing. I have a daughter with special needs and I will tell you that you are your childs "ONLY" true advocate, so just stay on the ball with Easter Seals.

Good luck
Debra

I don't think watching 1 show in the morning and 1 in the evening is going to cause any problems.

It sounds like you are doing great. Since you mentioned a bilingual household, is your son also learning both languages? If so then he is a step ahead in my opinion. If he can grasp both languages, even if he isn't speaking as much as everyone else, then great!

Don't beat yourself up about this. All children are different, and your son will get there in his own time. Also don't stress about the potty training, Keep introducing the subject but don't push, he will train when he is ready. My pediatrician says it very common for boys to potty train between 3-4. My son was about 3 1/2, so don't worry about that.

He will get to a point where he is talking non stop, and you will look back and say to yourself "what was I thinking!"

Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing all the right things!

EVERY child is on their own schedule. You cannot compare because they are so different. You love your child and you are doing your best. I like what a female comedian said about being a good mom she said something like. "I have 3 children 1 year old, 3 yr old and 7 year old. They are still alive, so I think they are lucky kids and that makes me a good mom!" I knew exactly what that meant..

If your doctor thinks your son is thriving and falling on the proper scales, your son will be fine. A few months in age, sex of the child, multiple siblings, extended families all of this can make a huge difference.. Not better or worse, just individual.

The speaking and having a large vocabulary can be because some people speak non stop in their homes (in our home it was a running dialogue). I would tell everything I was doing all day long. I explained everything. Even when driving and out in public. I know it drove my husband crazy, but our daughter liked to know everything going on.
We made up rhymes and limericks. We would sometimes, just ask her to tell us a story.

Our daughter ate pretty much what was put in front of her, but she still does not like casseroles or food that is "mushy". She likes her foods to be fresh and separate on the plate.. She has never liked mac and cheese. We have a friend who's child only liked "meat" and cheese sticks for the longest time.

Our daughter loved TV, but we also made sure she spent most of her day outside. Since we live in an area that is so fair, we cooked out a lot and made sure she was always walking, riding, climbing, pulling, pushing something. We also gave her more challenging toys than what was normally suggested. We made sure to always have a "project table" available with paper, colors, and playdo. We would also sometimes, bring home some empty boxes and let the kids do whatever they wanted with them.

We were very fortunate to live in a neighborhood with lots of families with young children, we spent lots of time with them. We had kids that were toilet trained before they were 2, but we also had kids that did not toilet trained till they were almost ready to go to kindergarten.
Our daughter walked at 6 months (no kidding) and we had kids that did not walk till 14 months. We had a neighbor who had a child that could catch a ball by the age of 1. Any ball... Our child still cannot do that and she is 18.

Most of the kids are now in middle school or in high school. They are all so different and into so many different activities. You cannot tell who "spoke first", "potty trained early", who ate their "vegetables", who was "breast fed", Who "slept in a crib till they were 3". They are all alive and survived, so I think we are all good parents.

My daughter spoke a little later than the other kids around because we spoke both english and spanish. when she began to speak, she understood/spoke both. If you are worried about the t.v., just get rid of it. Put it in a closet or sell it.

I have been telling a lot of people this lately:
Who cares what the other kids are doing when? It's not your kid. Just worry about your kid and don't bother comparing him to other children. People will be trying to do that the rest of his life. It just doesn't matter. He'll get there. He'll be potty trained when he's ready to understand and wants to do it for himself. He won't be behind, the rest of his life will not be traumatically impaired because he's not doing the exact same things at the same times as your friends' children. If they hassle you about it, remind them that every child is different.

You're not a failure. Every kid is different. He's an entirely different person than the other children, their parents, and you. He'll get there! He'll get where he needs to be at the time he needs to...a lot of kids vary with the rate of development very early on. By the time he starts kindergarten (even before) he will probably be caught up and everything will be peachy. I say probably because I've never met him, but you hopefully get my drift...

Quit worrying. The US society and culture has sort of instilled this freakish "standard of normalcy" on all sorts of child development that isn't necessary. It's just another aspect of trying to compare people when there's no need to...but that's just my .02. And personally i think verbal language can be sort of overrated. You'll have plenty of time for nonstop chattering later on ;)

L., the fact that you have involved ECI tells me you are not a bad mom and you are definitely not responsible. As I'm sure you are sick of hearing, children do all develop differently and I have experienced all of the same feelings you have. However, I'm not the type to sit back and wait to see what happens (it seems as if you feel the same way or you wouldn't be posting). My son had/has Sensory Integration Disorder and when I read your post, I thought of this as a possibility (although, my son's brain is overstimulated. If this were a possibility with your son, he would probably fall under the "understimulated brain.") Read this article and it will make a lot more sense. http://www.sps-atlanta.com/Resources/Articles/SensoryInte.... Does this sound like it could be a possibility? If so, you should have him evaluated by an Occupational Therapist who deals with SID (also called SPD-Sensory Processing Disorder). They will determine if he would benefit from Occupational Therapy. You can get some names and numbers from your pediatrician and just ask around. I can tell you that I recommend a big gym environment rather than a private OT who comes to your home. The gyms are just much better equipped to give them the best of the best. I don't know what city you are in. My son was in OT for 8 months and he has improved GREATLY!!!!! So much that I went ahead and pulled him out. He's still hyper active (at times...not always) still very often distracted; it's difficult for him to handle his anger and emotions and although he talks all day and all night, he is in speech therapy for articulation. He has really, really improved and I no longer feel like his (and our) future is doomed. I have learned the techniques to help him when he's "out of control." It really helps! I think you should rule this out. Six months behind isn't much at all; there's no reason he shouldn't be able to get caught up. Like you, I would compare my son to these sweet little children who sat by their parents side and didn't have impulse control problems like my son. It was so hard because I just knew people judged me thinking it was poor parenting but not understanding how complicated the brain is and that he has challenges that other kids don't. It was/is so hard. It still is (to some extent). I have had to train myself to accept and love my son for who he is. I have to remember to focus more on his great qualities instead of the characteristics that bothered me oh so much. Good luck.

Hi L.. It sounds like maybe you do not have any other kids. Am i right? If so, it may just be that your child does not find a need to use words. If he is able to communicate with you and you understand what he is communicating without words. That is all he needs. He does not need to learn to use his words because he does just fine with the people most important, you and your hubby. My eldest child didn't speak much until he was about 20months and was not potty trained until 2+a few months. My other kids all moved faster with an older brother to follow. My youngest child was running at about 9 1/2 10 months and potty trained at 16months. SO, all I can say is encourage him to speak. Just speak to him like you would any other child. No baby talk. When he is using motions to communicate, say what you think he is trying to communicate. Like if he points to his cup. You could say "do you want a drink?" "are you thirsty" "do you want mama to get you your cup"? Things like that. The potty thing might be helped by him seeing daddy use the potty. By the time kids are 1 they know if they are female or male and relate to the same sex parent. The same sex parent is very important as that parent is the model the child will follow. Hang in there and don't worry so much. I think it will be fine in the end. BTW; most moms feel like complete failures from time to time. We often feel like we have not given our kids enough time. Maybe I should have been more patient. Did I do that right? When at work torn about not being home and when at home being torn about not doing more at work. It is in most of our DNA. You will do just fine. Kids don't come with instruction books. As long as you are trying your best; that is all any of us can do. Best of luck to you.

Hi L.-

EDITED: I read your update after I posted my response. It sounds like you are doing fine. Just so that you don't feel so alone....my son was diagnosed with Aspergers which causes mood swings and meltdowns among other things. Everytime he has one I feel like I'm his mother, I should know how to help him deal with this or I should know how to prevent/avoid it. My daughter is a headstrong 5 year old. Everytime she talks back or gives me one of her famous looks, I ask myself what I did wrong to raise her this way. I don't have answers for you, but I do know what it's like to feel the way you do. Best of luck to you and your family!

I've been there! Sometimes I feel like everyone else is "Supermom" and I'm lucky if my kids are dressed and still in one piece by the end of the day. You're not going to be able to change everything overnight. If you have a vision of what your "perfect" day would be with your son then get it down on paper and make it happen. If you don't know what you want it to look like but just know that you don't like the current situation then write down the things that you don't like and think of small changes you can start making. Example: if your son watches a lot of TV the two of you will not be able to go cold turkey without it. Identify his favorite 2 or 3 shows and plan to let him have TV time when they are on but then the TV is off the rest of the day. If you feel that you are talking with your son a lot and his speech is not improving, then I would have him evaluated. Speech therapists can do wonders in a short amount of time so this maybe one area in which you will need some help. As for his eating habits, I have found that including the kids in the shopping and the menu preparation helps with their willingness to try new things. Your son is still young, but my 7 and 5 year olds love to get cookbooks at the library and we try new recipes together. They have not liked everything that we have tried but they certainly are more willing to try it when they were a part of the process.
The last thing I will say is this....just because you are a stay at home mom, it doesn't mean that you have to be the one to provide all of the educational and developmental stimulation that he needs. Some people are just gifted at coming up with fun and interesting new things to do with kids and some aren't (I'm in this last group). It's not a bad thing to consider enrolling him in part time preschool or daycare to get him into a more structured environment with other kids. Sometimes kids learn by just being around other kids and seeing them do things. If you can't afford a preschool check out local programs that are free (or cheap) such as gettting a membership to a children's museum or your local library's story time. Whatever you decide to try, just know that as long as you are doing your best and continuing to try to improve where needed, you are not a failure!

Good luck,
K.

Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.

How often is he getting speech therapy? I work with special needs children, and some of my students get speech 2 or even 3 days out of the week for 30 mins.

When your son turns 3, you can have him tested @ the school in your attendance area. He will need to get tested for services. These are the policies for Northside Independent School District in San Antonio.

Good Luck, and contact me, if you need more info.

Dear L.,

Take a cue from yourself - being a female mechanic is not in the norm, so perhaps you are raising a "not of the norm" little guy! I know that it is hard NOT to feel like a failure - that seems to be a typical female thing that you retained. Especially since you were working prior to having your son - you are used to being able to literally FIX THINGS. It is easy to say "don't compare" but we all do it, so perhaps you can find a way that your son is "better at" or ahead of your friend's kids? Also, are you friends kids little boys or girls? Are the friends kids first kids or second, third, etc. kids? All those things make a difference and being a bi-lingual household makes a difference too!

It sounds like to me that you are doing ALL of the right things and all of that work will soon turn into good news, but the day to day can be frustrating and hard in the meantime. Keep coming here for support and share your thoughts with your friends too - perhaps they will think of ways that your little guy is "ahead" of them or their kids.

Good luck.
blessings,
stacy

O gosh! None of my kids (who had no delays otherwise) were potty trained before 3 1/2...and my middle child was closer to four and continued to wear pull-ups at night until she was 8 because she was such a heavy sleeper. That same middle child is the PICKIEST eater- she usually picks one food item and prefers that every day for months until she moves on to something else. She is also my healthiest child and wildly creative and entertaining...and a bit dyslexic. My oldest I was told should be held back at kindergarten because he wasn't interested in learning his letters. I didn't hold him back and he was reading at a high school level by 4th grade- but he truly cannot do math! They all have their idiosyncracies and they all grow up to be their own people. It sounds like you have taken steps in the right direction in helping w/ his speech- and a bilingual kid usually is slower to talk- but once he does he will have such an edge! (That same middle child of mine was evaluated for speech issues when she was 4- she grew out of her speech "impediment" on her own.) Cut yourself some slack- even those people who you THINK have such perfect children- they have problems, also. Good luck.

1) If your son's speech therapy is not going as well as you would have hoped, call ECI (Early Childhood Intervention). I know that their name makes them sound as though they are a part of CPS (Child Protective Services) but they are not. They are around to help families of children 3 and under with issues just like this. My son was a year behind in his speech. (they assured me not only is this common among boys - being speech delayed - but gave me several reasons to investigate, non of which came across as "my fault"). The best part is if your insurance doesn't cover their services they offer a sliding scale to make it affordable to families of ALL types! I even donate most of my twins' old clothes and baby items to them to help with any families they service who have a need.

2)Let me help with the guilt you are feeling.
a) my tv is on all day as background noise. I know this horriifes most of you, but it is always on educational shows for my childeren and I monitor anything they actually bother to stop and watch. Mostly, music attracts them. Or they will stop for a rest from playing now and again and watch part of a show. Then they are off and running...My son's speech problem had not a thing to do with this as he was capable of writing by the age of two and is already reading at the age of 4. (a large part in thanks to Super Why and Word World on PBS. They teach through fun cartoons how to spell, read and sound out words).

My son's speech delay was due to two simultaneous things. 1- he didn't HAVE to talk, he had a twin and a big sister who would happily do all the talking for him. and 2 - he had constant fluid on his ears due to allergies that prevented him from hearing appropriately. We encouraged the girls to let him speak for himself and had tubes placed in his ears. ECI did the speech therapy with me, including teaching some sign language skills to help him along and within 6 - 10 months he was completely caught up to his peers in speech.

b) I have twin 4 year olds. 1 boy and 1 girl. To demonstrate to you exactly how drastic the difference in development from one child to another I will share with you that my 4 yo son can read short "i can read" books (we are using the BOB series - thanks so much Laurie A!!!) but his twin sister is still struggling to learn to recognize her alphabet (and for some reason she leaves out all the letters H-P when she sings the song and gets mad when we correct her). The reason for this HUGE difference in learning curve?? My son has all the patience that my daughter lacks. She would rather be running, playing and using her imagination than stay still for any amount of time to learn to recognize her letters. So we work with her in shorter spurts and try to find tactile ways to teach her.

But our little girls is no slouch in other areas, she was crawling, walking and running before her brother decided to even sit up on his own. And, very obviously she was speaking long before brother.

We are allowing them to deveolp at their own pace and REFUSE to compare them to anyone, but especially we do not compare them to each other. We are okay with them being very unique and wonderful little individuals on their own and when one gets frustrated that the other is doing something they can't?? We simply stop and point out all the things that THEY are great at!!!

Good Luck and I hope this helps you out... ;-)

Please don't feel like your son's delays are your fault. They are not!

My oldest son was born with some birth defects that have affected his development. But to the person who meets him and doesn't know of his issues, they are not usually aware of them. Now we were told to expect some delays, but weren't told specifics. When he was three, he was only saying a few words (not sentences) and grunting. Neither of my boys were toilet trained at 3. My younger boy who doesn't have delays was potty trained around 4. My older one with the delays potty trained at close to 5.

My delayed child liked to be read to sometimes, but mainly just wanted to fling the books across the room. His favorite thing to do was sit in his bean bag chair and watch Barney and Sesame Street.

We too had ECI come out and do physical therapy and speech therapy, but the real advances in therapy came from the private sector I have to tell you. ECI can help you identify the areas to work on, but they can only do so much in their weekly visits. That was where they helped us. I had some info to go to the doctors when they didn't seem all that concerned with his delays. They said it was normal for a child with his birth defects to be that way. I said "I know this, but what help can we give him to minmize them?"

And my older son still isn't interested much in crafts (he is almost 10). His sensory issues make it hard for him to deal with glue, glitter, paint, etc. Also his physical issues make using scissors difficult, so he just would rather do other things.

He loves to play in the pool, video games and tv. Also loves to go on walks on nature trails and animals. He really is a joy in spite of his delays. This summer we are trying to work on lifeskills stuff, like self dressing and hygeine. My 6 year old already does many independent things, so that gives me courage that I can teach the older one.

You are doing all you can to help him. You are his best advocate. The Internet is a great source of ideas and networking. This is how I learned ways to deal with many of my son's "quirks" was ideas from other moms who had dealt with similar issues.

Good luck and please don't feel you have failed your son, because if anything you are diligently searching for answers and you will find them!

K. Howell
mom to two active boys ages 6 and 9 and loving wife to my husband of 15 years.

L.,

Don't worry. The reason you are not supposed to compare your child with others is that they are all different. My oldest did everything early. My second son didn't walk until he was 12 months and didn't care about talking very much. Mainly, if they have an older sibling, the older sibling communicates for them and they don't have to do it themselves at an early age. I understand that Einstein didn't talk until he was 5, so don't worry. He will do everything if he feels the need. To help with his speech, it is good to always talk to him. Explain what you are doing when giving him a bath, cooking dinner, driving in the car, etc. Maybe those other parents talk to their child more. But, that is not always the case. You can do your own speech therapy. Read to him alot and don't let him zombie out in front of the TV too much. That just puts them in a trance and tunes them out to you.

Learn to relax and learn to enjoy your child. Don't worry about being a failure. As long as you love your child and work on being a better mother, you are like anyone else. No mother is perfect and if there was a perfect mother, she would probably have really screwed-up kids. They don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to love and care for them.

BonnieW

Hello L.,

My daughters are also in a biligual home. It was very difficult for me to see my in-laws kids advancing in their speech and even the kids at their school have such a better vocabulary. They would often tell me things like my daughter was mentally delayed. As long as the speech therapist is not worried then you shouldn´t be either. Your son is learnign double of what all the other kids are learning so it is just taking him a little longer. My older daughter Jennifer will be turning 6 in sept just started doing better with making more sentances and putting things together. Sometime she still forgets some words, but it is worth her knowing and being able to communicate with all of her family. On the other hand my 4 year old can easily change from one language to the other and even is much better at talking and making sentences.
Just remember he may be behind right now but in a year or two (which may seem long) when he starts school he will be where he is supposed to be.
I praise you that you are allowing your son to be biligual.

You're a GREAT mom! {Forgive me. This Post is LONG, but it's a lot of useful info for getting testing & therapy starting with ECI and continuing at age 3 in the local school system. I realize you have already gone through ECI, but I left it there in case someone else needs the info :)}

Potty Training:
My son wasn't potty trained until after 4 years old While my older daughter was an early bloomer in EVERYTHING. I was worried about whether potty training my son would happen before Kinder, too. It did!

Speech:
You're trying to help your son NOW rather than "letting him catch up in his own time". In some cases that works, but in others (like communication) it can lead to frustration in the child. My son was ALWAYS angry when he had to say something because he thought he WAS saying the words correctly. My son started Speech Tharapy at 2 1/2 with ECI. He "aged out of ECI and started Speech Therapy at his Elementary school at 3 and attended individual Speech Therapy two days a week for 30 minutes a day during for 2 school years until he started Kinder. He is now 6 and graduated Kinder with flying colors. When he started Speech at age 3 most people, including family could not understand more than 10% of what he said. By age 5 most people could understand about 70% of what he said and when he started Kinder he could not say his ABCs because of his speech difficulty (he knows the word and believes he's saying correctly but it doesn't come out correctly). He has a large vocabulary, just can't pronounce them. He took Speech during Kinder and now MOST people can understand MOST of what he says. His progress is amazing. He will continue with Speech until he no longer needs it. I don't worry about when that will be.

I hope you don't mind, I'm reposting my suggestion to another Mom. It was easier than retyping the whole thing :)

**Posted Jul. 12, 2008**
For hearing testing we went to:
PENT (Pediatric Ear, Nose, and Throat), on Huebner. It is a wonderful group of people. Drs Bonilla (both of them) are AWESOME.

Our son has been through all of this and maybe it can help you, especially the part about the Sedated Hearing Test (in Paragraph 7 of the following post). I am so glad you caught it early! He'll be a much happier little boy once he can make himself understood more.

This is long, but I hope it gives you an idea as to where to start. I am giving as much info as possible to help others who have children UNDER 3, as well as OVER 3.

My son does the same thing. We noticed at about 2 1/2 simply because my stepson (who is now 24) is 87% deaf. So when we started this, we were going in to this with my husband thinking our youngest was also deaf, but I KNEW he wasn't. I could softly say things like ice cream in one room and he'd come running from the other room :) Thankfully my husband insisted on getting him checked. It has made all of the difference in the world.

I just thought he was "average" compared with our daughter who was speaking complete phrases such as "How disgusting. Somebody has really bad gas!" at the age 18 months and EVERYBODY could understand her. No exaggeration - she really said that at a party when an uncle let out an SBD (silent but deadly). It was hilarious! She had a vocabulary that most kids don't develope until 1st or second grade because she hears "big" words in everyday conversation and we will give a definition if the kids ask. She is 8 1/2 but can read on a 12 year old level or higher.

Some people will say "(s)he'll grow out of it", but what if (s)he doesn't? S/He then won't get help until Kindergarten which will be even more frustrating for her. Because he started speaking late, my son does have a bit of "baby sound" to his speech. He has the vocabulary of a 1st grader, but his voice sounds like a 3 year old compared to other 5 year olds because of his pronunciation. My son is just-turned-five and is just now, over the last few months, getting a grasp on the sounds of the Alphabet because he didn't know how to make his mouth work. Since he couldn't say them, he didn't want to learn them. He LOVES the DVD by LeapFrog called "The Letter Factory". It has helped so much in pronouncing the letters he sees. It teaches more of the SOUNDS of the letters than the NAMES, which for him is more important to me AND his Teacher.

First, we have never spoken "baby" to him or our daughter, but he had "baby" words for most of everything. He would say the baby word, I would repeat the real word (if I figured it out), then he would say "yes, that", repeat it as correctly as he could and the next time he would say it his way again. If not, then he grew so frustrated that he would literally hit himself on the head or bang his head on the wall or cabinet or start throwing things - not a typical temper tantrum, but almost grown-man-sized anger. He was not playing any "games" about this, he was truly having a problem with making the words come out right. That has gone away since he can make himself understood now. Now it's just "go to the corner, 5 year old" tanrums once in a great while.

I could only truly understand about 30% of what he said and the rest I translated out of what I knew he was TRYING to say, my husband could only understand about 15% and I had to translate everything else for him, strangers could not understand him but maybe 10% of the time. My little one would repeat what he was saying over and over and over again until he just flew into a rage totally out of proportion for a 2-3 year old. He has gotten really good at charades because he would act out what he tried to say if he couldn't make us understand. Here's what we did to get help.

We took him to his pediatrician and got a referral to a Pediatriac Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. Our Health Insurance covered the tests, we just paid our usual Specialist co-pays. They set him up for a sedated hearing test. This is done in a hospital so that he has a bed to lie in and all that. They give him a med to make him sleepy and place an earbud that is hooked up to a computer in one ear and do a series of tests (they cover things like sounds to pressure in the ear), then do the other side. Be prepared, my son fought the meds, so they had to give about 3 doses before he would even just lie quietly for a while. They err on the side of caution and don't give "big" doses to begin with, so it's a little at a time. My son had a slight cold that morning, so his right ear showed a little bit of pressure that they were concerned about, but they didn't push about it since I knew he had a stuffy nose that day.

Next they set him up for the hearing test in the ENT's office where he sits in a little room and they activate sounds of different levels around him to see if he looks at the sounds. They let me sit with him in my lap, so long as I just sat there and didn't give ANY hints to him about where the sounds were coming from. This is more helpful at this age because some kids this age don't always understand the "raise your left hand when you hear something in your left ear and your right hand for your right ear" instructions.

After all of the tests, my son was diagnosed with hearing that is as perfect as possible. He is extremely intelligent like your little one. They recommended that I call Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) since he was under the age of 3. He only qualifies until age 3. They receive grants which fund them. My husband was making about $35,000 with a family of 4 at the time and we were covered by the Family Cost Share. They recently REALLY raised how much you can make and still receive free services. They can also help you with what you need to know about contacting your school, since she's three. Through your school district, it is at NO EXTRA charge to you. It is paid for by school taxes. They got me in contact with Brighton Learning and they verified that my son had a speech delay, not a learning diability. After this, I started making lists of which sounds he said correctly, which sounds he substitued for others, how he dropped the beginning, middle AND endings of words and just said the vowel sounds (ih-e instead if Sissy - he still calls his sister E-E and E-on because he can't pronounce the v in Yvie or Yvonne), naming a stuffed animal "gahg-gahg" instead "dog-dog" because he would switch the beginning and ending sounds, drop the 'd' but keep the middle sounds in place, which words he couldn't wrap his little mind around, which words he added to his "correctly said" list, etc.

http://www.dars.state.tx.us/ecis/FCSFeeScale.pdf This is the page for the fee scale.

http://www.dars.state.tx.us/ecis/index.shtml This is the website about ECI.

Once he turned 3, we had to contact our elementary school. Thankfully it's the one he will attend for Kinder. First we had to fill out the enrollment forms as if he were starting Kinder: shot records, SSN, proof of residency, vision and hearing exams (plenty of those), etc. We took in all of the hearing test results.

First they set up a test for my son with the Speech Pathologist. It asks A LOT of questions. It tests where the child is developmentally, but more importantly it shows the Speech Pathologist how he pronounces words, which sounds he knows and doesn't know, how he mispronounces sounds and words, which sounds he mixes up, etc. The test can take a while and we actually had to let him stop for the morning because it ran into his nap time and he stopped responding to questions that I knew he knew the anwers to, so we set up an appointment to come back and finish the test. I never helped him answer, but sometimes I would help ask a question the way he had heard it before with out telling him what to say. It was good that I didn't "give" him answers because that can give him a better score than he deserved and he wouldn't have qualified for help.

They then set up a meeting with us called an ARD: Admissions, Reviews, & Dismissals. This is a meeting with the Speech Pathologist and a school counselor. It helps in placing children with Special Needs in the correct classes, whether it is for Speech or for Down's Syndrome. They do not lump each Need with all of the others, they group them according to the help needed. They went over the results of his test. On his knowledge for his age he got an 86% which just means that he he's right on target for what he is supposed to know (no parent can teach their child 100% of everything). However, on what he could SAY OUT LOUD he received a whopping score of 9%! He was correctly saying 9% of what a 3 year old should be able to say. What my husband and I had noticed and what I had listed from the beginning was pretty much on the nose.

The problem my son has been diagnosed with is that his brain KNOWS the word. He thinks the word, tries to say the word and it gets all mixed up when his mouth tries to form the word. What his teacher is helping him do is think how his mouth needs to move to make each sound in combination with other sounds to make the word.

My son began 30 minute classes twice a week. He did not qualify for Pre-K based on my husband's income or any of the other requirements for Pre-K. I'm a SAHM, so scheduling is not an issue for me. The only other way he could have qualified is if I had pushed for him to be labeled "Special Needs" in other areas. They suggested that I not do that since he doesn't have any mental or physical challenges because this would have stayed on his school record and is difficult to remove later. "Why do you want the Special Needs taken off his record? If he is not Special Needs why did you have him labeled that way? etc." Hard to prove he's not special needs if I had lied to get him in.

He has been going class for the last 2 years. They work on specific sounds at a time. They started with final k, until he could say that without being reminded most of the time, then to another sound, always working with ONE sound at a time until he was usually saying the sound on his own or correcting himself on his own with that sound. He loves class and he loves his teacher, Miss Christa. He has gone from being understood by only me, to being understandable to strangers about 80% of the time, unless he gets excited and starts talking too fast to control his speech... Just mention trains and I have to either start translating or try to make him slow down and think about forming his words. He speaks slower now and with more forethought. If he can't remember how to say a word, he'll stop and ask "Mommy, what's that word I'm thinking 'bout?" or "How do I say it again?" I ask him what the word means, he'll define the word and I'll ask "Do you mean /this/?" "Yeah! That's word! /this/!" My son has gotten to the point where he will say a word wrong, stop, and repeat the word correctly or ask for help. I watch him as he speaks so that I can tell if he's having trouble with a particular word. When he says a word incorrectly, we just ask him to repeat it once or twice, then go on. We don't have "class time" at home. We just work on it as it comes up. His teacher says that is really a good way of not making him self-concious but still making him think about forming his sounds. Sometimes he will say it's time to "work on his words" and will work on the words his teacher sends home or reinforce words/sounds he has already gotten pretty good at.

He gets reviewed every year on how he's doing and when they AND we feel he no longer needs help, then he will no longer go to speech class. For now though, he will start Kinder this fall and will only be taken out of his regular classroom two or three times a week for half an hour, and he will have speech class with other students then. Since he wasn't in a "class" this year he had solo sessions.

My husband was away for a week recently and we noticed that my son spoke clearer on the phone. I asked his teacher and she said it's because he can hear himself and that helps a lot of kids. She said they will assign him a little take-home phone when he starts school next year if I like but that I can pick one up at Lakeshore Learning for $4 to use over the summer and it's THE SAME ONE. Guess what I'm getting after we pay bills!

Well, sorry this took so much space to write, but I'm passionate about speech pathology, now, and there is so much involved in getting the process started to get your child help if s/he needs it. You know your child best, if YOU feel s/he needs, s/he probably does; and if s/he doesn't then you can rest having taken that pressure off.

You will have to get over YOUR expectations of your son. All children are individuals and thus they grow, mature and learn individually. Stop compareing him to other children he will get that for the rest of his life, through school and work. Just love him and he will come into his own.

You're right, you shouldn't compare your child to theirs. Your child is completely normal for him. You are doing everything right. All children develop at different paces, and yours is right on schedule. My son was almost 4 before was potty trained and that was normal for him. Boys develop later than girls also.
Hang in there and just enjoy your child right where he is.
Blessings,
D.

Remember when you were a teenager and people told you not to compare because all it will do is cause you to look at your negatives instead of your positives?

It sounds like you are a wonderful mom. You seem to be way ahead of a lot of moms in that you stay at home with your son, you give him time to play outside away from the TV, you got him checked for speech delays, and you spend time with him! Wow!

I was in a play group with a group of moms and their toddlers when my kids were young. There was such a variety that it taught me that all kids were different and develop at different rates. They all have different likes and dislikes and that was fun to watch.

Check with your son's preschool teacher from time to time to see if she has any concerns. They can be very insightful. Otherwise, just continue to enjoy your son for who he is.

I would see if you can get a different speech teacher. work on the problems. and twice a day tv watching isnt much at all! he is fine and healthy count your blessings. sorry your so worried about your little one. keep working with him. six months delay isnt terrible for his age. love him as much as you can. my son is quick with some things but others he is not so good at. parents brag and my son will eat ANYTHING the daycare has for him but only a few things we make for him. kids sometimes have your number and know what they can get away with.

L.,
You should never compare your child to other children. (And I don't mean that in a lecturing type of way) ;) What if you were to compare your child to others less along than he, then it would look like your child was so smart, right.

You need to realize that your son is who he is. That's it and that's okay. You're trying to help him, right? Every child develops at their own age. All you can do is provide the best environment that you can and maybe just find ways to change things up. Does he like to go to the park? Does he like to go swimming? What does he do by himself that he enjoys (maybe when you're not watching)? What tv shows does he like? Maybe you could watch some and see what he enjoys about them to incorporate that into something you could do together. Take advantage of the little things he enjoys and try to expand on that if possible.

How many doctors or specialists have expressed that your child is less adequate than should be? I have a feeling the guilt is something more that you're doing to yourself. Every mother goes through that at some point about something, because a lot of the time, there is always a kid out there that appears to be better (in many ways) than yours. Again...every child is different. They grow up who they are because that's just who they are.

If you're worried that you just aren't doing enough to challenge him, then see if you can find playgroups that could help or ask some teachers to give you some advice. Sometimes teachers are great go-to people because they always get to help kids at a later point, but sometimes deal with the "if only they'd tried this or that". This type of thing could help you now instead of later.

Just love your son with all your heart and let those willing to help him, help him. That's all you need to do (and worry about) right now. He's still got room (and time) to grow into whatever he decides. =)

Your child is only 3. He is still a baby. Stop comparing him with other children and let him develop naturally. Does he understand both languages spoken to him? This should be your only concern just now.

Turn the TV OFF. You're not a failed parent until you stop trying. All your decisions won't be perfect, and you will mess up big time; but once you realize that you need to do better, then there's no excuse for continuing down the same road.

Take him to the doctor to make sure that there is nothing medically prohibitive. Then get some parenting books or take classes or something. Aggressively obtain the tools that you need to help you love your child.

Hi L.
You should not feel guilty- some children are just late bloomers- If he has been tested and they (the professionals) seem to think all is ok- then ok- but the first thing I would do is get rid of the tv- tv's and the programming in todays world is absolutely brain washing our children- making them lazy- and - decide which language you want in your home- it is ok and very important, if the home is bilingual- that they know and understand both languages- but only one should be spoken on a daily basis- this keeps the child- in his early learning years from being confused.
good luck and blessings