Feeling Sad After Birthday Party

It's very sweet of you to be so caring.

She's young, she will forget it very shortly. All you can do is invite the people you want and try to be discreet. Other than that, word sometimes gets out.

The little girl will be fine. Disappointments are a part of life.

You have to learn to stick to your budget. This is a learning experience for you and for the girl that came up to your daughter about the party. Remember not every child is going to get invited to everything.

Do what you can. You can't please the whole world. Besides your pocketbook told you what you could do. This is the beginning of many parties and invites, no vites, and unvites to come.

You both will do well.

the other S.

Okay, these kids are 4 and 5 right? There is nothing wrong with saying to the girl, I'm sorry, I couldn't invite everyone in the class and then change the subject, oh look at that painting you did, that's so pretty!
My kids have ALWAYS known, that they do not get invited to every party, just like they have always known they can't have every toy they want.
I'm not sure why this concept makes you sad? Not having everything we want is simply a part of life.
And I promise you that little girl has already forgotten about this and moved on, so there's no reason for you, an adult woman, to give it another thought.
ETA: Of course I've always encouraged my kids not to talk about their parties at school, but when they're young it happens. Just remind them what to say: I'm sorry, I couldn't invite all of my friends, do you want to play now?

Not trying to sound callous here, this is sincere: No one cares! Ease your mind. The girl who asked wasn't mad and forgot 2 minutes later. I hear about parties all the time my kids weren't invited to in various class settings. They don't care. I don't care. They may ask me, "Why wasn't I invited to so and so's party?" and I may say, "Well they probably only had different friends or family". No one hold grudges about this. Honest. Or they shouldn't anyway??!

It's up to adults to be adult about this and not "make it into" a dramatic sad thing. You couldn't handle a huge class PLUS outside friends. You already had a very big party. You can only do what you can do. Don't feel bad!

When my oldest was in preschool I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed that some people were actually throwing big parties for little kids. Luckily I asked a few other moms with kids with birthdays in same month if we could share a location and have a combined party. Everyone was so relieved. Lots of parents commented "It's so nice to come to ONE party instead of several!" All the kids got lots of guests and all the guests got a bigger location than I could have afforded on my own and the parents were spared some wasted Saturdays at parties. My daughter is now 8 and still remembers that party. Next time if you want a huge amount of guests you could do something like that. Otherwise, don't sweat it. Actually I had taken in some treats for class the day of and read a few favorite books to class for my daughter's birthday, and that would have been enough. The kids had a blast. The other big party was superfluous at that point but I had committed. At the time I was afraid the small token wouldn't have been enough. It would have been. I didn't even try the big parties with my second two kids.

Birthdays are like_____. Everyone's got 'em.

At some point we all learn that not everyone is invited to every party.
It's one of the unofficial lessons learned at school.
Ultimately you throw the party you can afford to have and invite accordingly.
It's not worth going into debt over something like this (you've got your retirement and your kids college to save up for).
A little perspective straightens it all out - relax and enjoy!

I think you should let it go.

We only invite close friends. I've talked to my child extensively about never ever mentioning his party in front of someone who is not invited. But if one of the other kids does it, not much you can do. Just equip your child to say "I'm sorry, I couldn't invite everyone. But maybe we can play together some other time." if it comes up.

We invite only the closest friends, the kids that my kids play with outside of school as well as at school. These are the kids who come over to play at our house and invite my kids to play at their house. If a school friend were to ask why they were not invited the answer would be because it was a small party. It's not like you invited the entire class and left out one or two kids. You only invited a couple of kids. That is a very different situation and no reason to feel bad.

You did fine and don't worry about the rest. There is no way in heck I would invite an entire class to a party just because it may be PC to do so, in some parents' eyes. I would do the same next year; if anyone asks your daughter, prime to respond with "My mom said I could only invite 3 kids from the class. Sorry." I bet that little girl forgot about it within minutes. I doubt she will mention it to her parents and if she does, I doubt they'll have a problem with it. I imagine that you are the only one even still thinking about it.

sweetie, you are way, way too invested in this. it's NUTS to invite whole classes to parties. also nuts to expect that kids won't discuss it with each other.
this is a very normal bit of social navigation that kids must learn to do. you need to take a deep breath and relax. if you can't handle the little vagaries of kindergartners' psyches, you can't help your own child to do so.
quit inviting vast hordes, and work with your child on replying sweetly 'oh, we only had 5 guests! there wasn't room for all my friends. but you are my friend!'
you just can't allow this to be a huge heavy burden.
khairete
S.

We started parties in kindergarten. We invited all the girls from her class from k-2, but after that, we had to only invite closer friends. I don't think a preschool kid will obsess on this half as much as you are.

The only time my dd was upset about not being invited was in 3rd grade, a girl who she thought was a close friend who lived down the street didn't invite her (and it was a fairly large party). I was actually a bit upset too because we frequently had this girl over and I had watched her and her sibling when the mother was in a bind. That was very hurtful and things have never been the same between the girls (or mothers) since then.

But preschool? Don't sweat it!

Why not plan a reasonable party and don't do a big expensive thing?????

I see so many parents here and in real life who think it's a status emblem to have a party that costs hundreds of dollars and they just "have" to give out goody bags or people will think they're too poor to afford them or they'll think the parent just doesn't have good manners or too stupid to know they're supposed to give the attendees a present for just simply coming....

I see so many people on here who have NO idea what a normal birthday party should be like.

Go to the local park and take over the free covered picnic area, take over a group of benches, clean your house and have it in your backyard, ask grandma if you can have it there, reserve the gym at church or the big classroom by the kitchen at church. There are all kinds of free spaces to have a party.

Then buy a big sheet cake and a couple of gallons of ice cream. Paper plates and a roll of paper towels. Party complete. Less than $100 bucks. Even less if you make the cake yourself and put some cool frosting on it then sprinkle it with candy like plain M&M's.

Cheap parties can be done. YOU don't "have" to rent the stable or the gym or the park indoor facility.

If you do the party my way you can invite 50 kids, if they show up great! If they don't all show up? You get to have cake for dessert for a few days.

Parties don't have to be big huge productions. It's just a day to celebrate someone joining your life.

I think you're worrying over nothing, but I understand because I was that way too when my oldest was in preschool. However, I've been burned several times with birthday parties so I no longer care. At all. My daughter's golden birthday came when she turned 7. We had a big party at Pump It Up and invited the entire class plus family and friends. Only half of her class RSVP'd, and of those that RSVP'd yes, only 75% showed up. There was a minimum number of kids, and I had to pay for several no shows. It was then, that I no longer cared about inviting everyone, or hurting anyone's feelings. I've found that most of the time, even in the younger grades, people are not inviting the whole class, only their kids' good friends. One year my daughter was in a class where every girl was invited except my daughter and one other girl. So, yeah, I don't worry about it anymore.

Really, get over it. How are you going to survive parenthood if you are crying over this. Toughen up Mama. My rule was one child for each year, so it would have been her five friends tops. Birthday parties have gotten out of hand. Who needs 17 five year olds running around? That's insane and very expensive.

In a way this will continue until they don't have parties anymore... I feel badly I didn't invite a girl in our neighborhood to my daughter's recent party. I don't think the girl even knows but if her mom finds out she might be annoyed. I was trying to keep the cost reasonable but the extra $ wouldn't have been a big deal so I'm kicking myself now. But what can we do? I tried to draw the line somewhere and you have to. And kids DO NOT remember or care about this stuff for long at all. I think it's us mothers who mainly get worked up. You were smart to not blow your budget on a bday party for a 5 year old. I look back and think how much money we wasted in a way. So much of this seems so incredibly impt at the time but a couple of years later friends will have changed, people will have moved etc and no one, including you, will remember. So don't worry about it.

How old is your daughter? Five? Okay, can you do the birthday party in your backyard or a park and keep the cost down so that you can invite the maximum # of kids? Okay, just saw that you are dealing with winter - that makes it tougher for sure. How many kids are in the class?

First off, the party should be no longer than 90 minutes long. You say something like 3-4:30pm. Most won't be there until 3:15 or so and the kids do free play during that time. Then do some inexpensive games (remember musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, hot potato, sack races, etc) and get "prizes" from the dollar store. I would plan that each game takes at least 5 minutes between set up, doing the game and awarding your prize. At 4pm, gather the children for cake, sing happy birthday and serve cake or cake and ice cream. By 4:20 your party is basically over. I hate party gift bags but if you feel they are necessary, again, the dollar store is your friend. You can probably do the whole party for under $30 but certainly under $50 if you can do it in your house.

If your house won't work, see if you can find a cheap or free place to hold the bday party. Maybe a church basement or other hall type of place. What about the preschool?

Actually, that is another option. Have a cake at the preschool and call it her party! Good luck! C.

Oye. My kids are 14 and 11 and we have NEVER invited classmates to a birthday party. They take cupcakes or donuts to share with the class on their actual birthday so that is their "party" with their school friends. No hurt feelings. Then at home, the neighborhood kids are invited to their party. They are the ones that they see and play with more often. Even the ones in the neighborhood that go to school were invited but that is a clear line and made the difference. My kids didn't care they didn't get to invite classmates because they knew we just didn't do it. Maybe think about doing something like that for the future. I also would NEVER invite/pay for 17 kids at a party. That is ridiculous in my opinion. Good luck.

You did fine. Not every kid gets invited to every party. Next time prepare your daughter to answer with something like "sorry but I couldn't invite everyone. Maybe we can have a play date sometime" and leave it at that.

You're very sweet and sensitive, but this really isn't the end of the world and it's not reasonable to expect that everyone invite every classmate to every party. The "all or none" expectation is just impractical. Please don't spend any more mental energy on this.

Have that little girl over for a playmate.

I let my kid decide who to invite. I don't make them invite someone just because that person invited them (although if we were having a big party I might). I let my kids decide what kind of party they want (movies, sleep over, ect) and then based off party type give them a number of kids they can invite, and they choose who. Sometimes someones feelings may get hurt, but that is okay and is part of growing up sometimes. I do find the smaller parties result in less hurt feelings, it was easy for my son to say to those who asked why there were not invited that he was very sorry but he could only invite 2 friends (we did a movie at the theater and dinner out).

When my boys were younger we did the big parties. I would rent the back room at the bounce house place and then I paid for each kid that showed up, and we would invite the entire class, but as the boys have gotten older they have narrowed down their core group of friends so I don't find the whole class parties to be needed any longer. They prefer a small sleep over.

I always think it's weird when my kids get invited to classmate parties unless it's someone that they have an established friendship with (i.e. Have had playmates with, were on their sports teams, neighbors, or kids who's parents I've met/volunteered with).
My daughter may have had te same reaction in case that the little girl did-but would have been over it quick. IF she came home talking about it I would have explained to her that we have to know people a little better before I will allow her to go to their parties.
I volunteer in her class (K) twice a week and those little ones sure can tug your heartstrings! But I still wouldn't invite kids who were not more familiar with (their families).

geeeeze quit being so h*** o* yourself-unless you got bookoo bucks and a few nannies to help you-17 kids was plenty-you cant please everyone or invite everyone.weve all been there.dont regret what youve done-learn by it.but quit beating yourself up.from what i read you made the right choices.i raised my 2 kids by myself.tight budget n all..i regret no bday party invites.let it go..life goes on..really it does..

I am going to get 'sh^&' for this but I had two parties for my daughter.

One with 'my friends' who each have 2 kids close to both of my kids age plus a relative. This was a total of 10 kids. I made it after lunch time and had snacks.

Second was preschool girls during the day will big kids were in school. I had 8 little girls over with a fairy who did face painting. we had fruit, veggie, sandwiches and cupcakes. I only had milk or water (no juice).

It was her golden birthday, so I explained that to my son who was wondering why she got 2 parties.

My advice is to invite this little girl over if your daughter wants to play with her.

edit: it was a lot better for me since it was at my house. I was able to talk to all the parents.

edit: I still did not invite everyone.