Hi all-
I was just informed that the father of one of the girls in my daughter's Girl Scout troop passed away today. She is an only child - 7 years old. As troop leader, I would like to do something on behalf of our troop.
Our troop is fortunate to have the budget to do something nice, just not entirely sure what. I was thinking of sending some flowers for the funeral (likely to be on Friday) but not sure what else we could do.
I would love suggestions. I've also read about purchasing a small tree that the family could plant at their home in memory of him, but not sure if that would be the way to go. I've also thought about creating a Build a Bear (the girl loves stuffed animals) for her to snuggle when she's missing him and having the girls all sign a card for her.
Thanks in advance - I'm sure some of you have been in a similar situation and would love to see what you do.
~L.
Additional note (since someone asked) - He was in the hospital for blood clots (one in his leg, the other in his lung). He had initially responded well to treatments, only to stop responding over the weekend. He died of a pulmonary embolism this morning.
**UPDATE - First off, thank you all so much! I appreciate the feedback. We ended up doing the Build a Bear Idea - my daughter (one of the troop gals) assisted me in making sure every part of the selection was meaningful. We went with a pink bunny that said BFF and Friends Forever on it in a few places, plus had a cute little heart symbol on the outside on the chest. We put a heartbeat heart inside so she'll hear the comforting tap/tap of the heartbeat, along with some other meaningful touches such as the name, etc. We also provided a to-go meal from Olive Garden (family requested Italian) for them one night that first week while they had a bunch of out of town family arriving in, so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking, etc. My co-leader and I both attended the funeral, as well as three of the other parents from our troop. The mom doesn't want us bringing meals over, as the daughter is very picky and mom isn't eating consistenly so she requested instead to have play dates for her daughter. Our troop parents and girls have all been reaching out to them and helping them through this.
Thanks again for all your input. Both the mom and daughter have all told several of us troop parents and girls, as well as many other acquaintences, just how blessed they are to have us and how thoughtful and meaningful the bunny is to the daughter.
I love the build a bear idea.
My housekeeper's husband just passed. Someone gave her 7 year old son an angel. She says he sleeps with it every night and tells the angel how much he misses his daddy.
Also, I love the tree idea. As long as they stayed in the house, it could mean something really special.
I like the bear idea. For a child to hold onto something is better.
Don't send flowers. They are useless and just die too. My husband just passed away and having to cart all those flowers back to my house and then watch them die. YUK! I am not sure why that ever started.
A nice card meant alot to me. Also find out if the mom needs financial help. Maybe set up a fund. Funerals are expensive.
Check back on them in a month. See how they are getting along. Whatever you decide, thank you for trying to help!
Good luck and GOD BLESS!
D.
I tend to like the tree idea with watering/tending from the troop. Maybe the tree sound be at a park or some other place in case they move in the future. Also, maybe it would be best to wait a bit to see what develops especially since the services haven't taken place. There might be ideas that come from that.
I've had this happen 3 times over the years, but the girls were a little older.
We never sent flowers.
The first thing that comes to mind, which is what each of the troops did, is to make a meal for the family or even provide them with a gift card to a local restaurant that has both sit in and take out service.
Have each of the girls make a card.
The girls could make a nice fruit basket to take to the house. That way the girls actually feel that they are doing something.
I love the bear idea.
I would send flowers to the funeral home in the Girl Scout colors and a nice card. You could also get together with a few other Mom's and their girls and make a nice dinner or several meals that can be frozen. Remember to invite them for the holidays to your home. I lost my SO at this time of year 25 years ago and the holidays will be rough. If you can include Mom and daughter in your holiday plans please do so. Rest assured that Mom will not feel like going shopping or making a meal on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve-Day or New Years. But the saddness will continue through Easter and the rest of the year. A call to check on them at every holiday for the next year or two will be greatly appreciated. The holidays are so tough you see ads all over with Mom and Dad and kids all enjoying the holiday; whether it's trimming a tree or Easter egg hunting or watching fire works on the 4th of July. You see these ads and just feel incomplete and sometimes you get angry because they left you to carry on without them. The first year or two are the worst.
I wouldn't get a tree to plant in their yard. That tree will tie her to the home. If she gets the opportunity to move to another state for a better job or just to a new neighborhood, it may be difficult for her to leave that tree behind.
When my brother died we planted 3 trees in a park in his memory.
Someone posted that you shouldn't give something that is a big reminder of her loss. Don't worry about that. Everyday she wakes up and doesn't see Daddy will be a reminder that he is gone.
Skip the flowers. They will get so many that it is overwhelming and then they die. Plants are better but if the mom isn't up to watering or replanting, they too will die. I like the restaurant gift cards idea.
Being a busy season, have the troop plan things that will help out the family: including the girl in a cookie baking day, taking a group trip at night to see Christmas lit houses, having each family make a meal (make a calendar of what others are bringing and what the family likes and put in foil pans to be frozen if desired), making individual cards, etc. Teach the girls that it is all about finding what would be helpful and being there for others in a time of tragedy.
Bless you for wanting to help.
I'd not do the tree (extra work for them) or the bear (bad association regardless of the intent).
I think sending a card signed by all of the girls and flowers to the funeral would be very nice.
The cause of death--was it cancer, etc.? maybe consider making a donation to a fund for that particular disease?
Don't do anything to make work for the family. Make a donation in his name. Organize the girls to write a condolence card. Mayb plant a small garden or tree in the community with a marker (with HOA permission). Maybe even a small gift for the girl is okay, like a gift card to Barnes and Noble or a bag with coloring books and crayons. The Build a Bear is nice, but again I see it as one big reminder that Dad's gone, Try to avoid big reminders of the loss.
The truth is there is very little you could ever do to comfort this girl, althought that is your intention. Letting her know you care is really enough. Target your energy on the troop and helping them learn to deal with this and support a friend. You may even want to bring in a therapist to the troop who specializes in this sort of thing, with parental permission of course.
I have a 7 year old. This is awful.
You're very thoughtful. I think the Build a Bear idea is great...take the girls and let them participate. It will help them feel they're doing something for their friend. Flowers or a donation to the charity of their choice are also a great idea. I hope your daughter and her friends are ok through all this. Watch and listen for concerns and fears from them.
How awful. She is so young. :( I really, really like the tree idea. I actually did the same for myself when I had a significant loss in my life. I love those trees!! I love to watch them change and grow as the year goes by. Get something that does well in our Texas climate. Something hardy that won't struggle. Maybe something that blooms too.
I would say NO to the tree...seems like a nice idea, but I would hate for it to die:( That might be another "loss" and they may feel bad that they couldn't keep it alive.... Just a thought, I could TOTALLY be reading into it.
If someone sews, maybe ask the mother if you can make a quilt or teddy bear out of the father's clothes for the little girl. We got a teddy made from my grandma's clothes for my girls and they sleep with it every night. So meaningful! And maybe the troop moms can take turns providing babysitting and meals?
I love the tree idea, really do. If they have a big yard and the means to keep it going with minimal help I would do that. Be sure you get a hearty variety. One that is not disease prone, or drought prone. It would h*** o* them if it didnt make it through the year. The bear is good as well.
