Family Finances

I would say for you to take back doing the finances. He is a spender and is not willing to talk about the budget. You do not want to give up the reigns to him! At the very least you should insist he talks to you about it and let the both of you be involved. He should not be in charge of the money until you know what he is doing with it and that he can handle it appropriately.

This sounds like a financial disaster waiting to happen if you ask me. Why do I say this? Well, you mention that "he is the spender", he "didn't want to talk about...budget". This is clearly not the type of person you want to put in charge of the household financial responsibility, let alone shaping your credit record!

Is there a reason why he needs to do it, other than you want him to be aware of "what is coming in and going out"? If that's the only reason, just give him a monthly statement and let him know how much money the family is bringing in and how much the family MUST spend on household/regularly occurring expenses and how much the family CHOOSES to spend on luxury/recreation items.

From the little bit of information you've provided, it doesn't sound like a good reason to let him take over. At very minimum the two of you should work together so that you know that responsibilities are being taken care of and that your money isn't being frittered away.

I do all the finances and talk to hubby about it when I'm not sure what he wants me to do like how much extra do I pay on the mortgage, etc. I pay all the bills, buy all the stuff in our home and I talk to him about the big things. If I'm going to buy something $75 or more (not groceries), I talk to him about it. Sometimes he has some different ideas and sometimes he questions if we actually need it.

My husband is really bad about spending money. I don't like him to go to the grocery store for anything because he will walk out of there with a big bill. He also doesn't try and use coupons or any discounts available.

So I do all the money stuff. We have a budget and we know how much each item is. We have Quicken which really helps. When I thought he was spending too much at the grocery store, I ran a report and showed him. Since he only goes to Dominicks, it was pretty easy to point out.

Do you have computer software for your finances? I would highly recommend it. That way you could check on things without even asking your hubby about it.

I'm curious why you handed the responsibility over to him since he is the spender.

I read the other responses and bottom line you need to be involved!!! You need to have a handle on your finances and access to your accounts so you know that bills are paid on time and that money is being put away into savings. As women sometimes we get the short end of the stick but it doesn't have to be that way if we have a handle on what is going on. Get a budget and agreed to spending and savings and periodically check in with eachother.

I have found that if you both aren't involved, then there isn't a system of checks and balances. You both need to set goals and priorities with your income and savings.

M. in Elk Grove Vlg.

Hi B., I wanted to share a situation a former co-worker ended up. His wife and himself were both quite conservative with money but she was someone who just refused to talk about things. She bottled everything up and then one day explained that at the end of each month they are short $200 and that this had been happening for a couple months. After this happened, I went straight home to my boyfriend and asked him exactly how much we saved at the end of each month and from then on we have an end of month talk. He is actually a micromanager of expenses but I realized that I trusted him so much I forgot to have the conversation with him. Financially, we are doing ok but now I know that we are actually doing ok and I now know all the details. My travel with work kept me in the dark because I was too buy and my boyfriend's schedule was more manageable. The one little question opened up a whole discussion. For you, could a simple question like savings at the end of month be easier than a complicated budget question. Maybe it would naturally progress.
I really hope things go well for you. I do understand how complicated things are. I just hope that he is organized with the finances and that you guys are able to both feel good about the finances.
Good Luck to you,
V.

In the nearly 16 years of our relationship I was the primary bill payer in the house and 2 years ago, one day, I got fed up and handed over the finances to my husband. Last year, I started getting calls from collection agencies asking to be paid.

Never in my life have I ever had collections calling me for anything. My credit rating was around 800 or so and now it's hit bottom. I can't get credit to save my life.

He's messed up my credit and his own. I was one month away from losing my house and none of my utilities were paid for months. He jacked up my credit card to $20,000.

I was finally able to take back the responsibility after 6 months of begging. I don't know why he refused---probably because he messed it up so bad. I was finally able to take them back in February and I'm still working on getting out of the hole.

This is the short version---there's so much more that happened, but you get the idea....

Trust me on this---Keep the responsibility, it'll save your life and rating

In the end, I got screwed BIG TIME!

I guess my question is, why did you give up doing them? If he is not open to discussing it and won't open up, that's a problem. No matter who does/doesn't do the finances, there has to be open communication.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Words I live by. Why would you hand over the finances to someone who is a "spender"? This economy that we are in needs someone who can save save for the uncertainty of tomorrow. Have him help you so he knows where the money goes, but the "saver" always needs to be in charge of the budget in this day and age.

B. - you BOTH MUST be involved in the finances - what if something happened to one of you and the other didn't know how much money you had, where you had it or how much debt you owed, how to pay the bills, what gets paid online, what gets paid by check, etc.? Also, you should put together a financial document that includes details of every one of your accounts, charge cards, bills, subscriptions, loans and how much is owed or saved, the account number, password, etc. You should also have someone you trust keep this document - what if you were in a car accident and one of you died and the other was incapacitated/in the hospital for a long time. Who would know how to pay your bills for you - where you checking was, etc. I have a document that was created by a money group I was involved in several years ago that captures all of the important information you should have on hand - important contact numbers, etc. I'm happy to share that with you if you want to e-mail me.
L.

Hi B.,

I had the same problem with my husband with finances; and since he kept spending too much money, I had to take matters in my own hands. He is really likes to spend money. I demanded that I handle all expenses plus we have separate accounts until our bills were paid up. He does not have access to my accounts; however, I still have access to his account. This way, there is communication between the two us and it forces him to tell me where's the money going...in my case, I make more than he does at this time. I had problems with him telling me how he was spending the money. He likes to buy cars, boats, guns etc.. This is probably too drastic, but it sure beats being bankrupt.

I was in the same situation that you are in. My husband never knew what was going on with the money, and everytime I told him we didn't have enough, it was somehow my fault. I did what you did also, I gave the whole thing over to him for 2 months so he could get a feel for what was going on. He was starting to understand what was going on. Then the greatest thing happened....My son got us Dave Ramseys book "The Total Money Makeover" and it has changed the way BOTH of us handle money. He(Dave) believes that no one should be in charge of the money. Marriage is a partnership and both partners need to be involved for it to be successful. We sit down before the 1st of the month and talk about our budget and then on sunday afternoons we go over it. Talk about what we have spent, where we are over, where we are under and it has keep us on track. It is so nice not to feel like all of the pressure is on me to take care of everything. And it has taken our communication to another level.
Hope this helps and good luck!!!!!!

I'd reccommend taking a financial planning class together. My husband and I went through the Dave Ramsey course before we were married. He has some very sound advice, but it isn't always that easy to live by. Most of the couples in the class did at least feel like it opened the lines of communication. So even though we still aren't living debt free at least we can talk about money with out all the anger and resentment.