Fall bday...send to Kindergarten or Keep Home?

H.-
I agree with all of those who say wait. I am a December baby for a Dec. 31st cut off and I will tell you I noticed the fact that I was the youngest girl in my class. I wouldn't say it negatively effected me but I now have two boys who are August babies for a Sept. 1 cut off and they are/will be held. I am worried that my oldest who will be 6 in Kindergarten will be bored but I think in the long run it will benefit him.

Good luck.

Have you thought about sending her to a mixed age school? Children's House in Montessori schools is a 3-4-5 classroom at the beginning of the year -- she could do a year there, and if she's ready for first grade at the end, move into a first grade classroom, and if she's ready for kindergarten at the end, move either do another year there or move into a public kindergarten classroom.

My son went to a Montessori school through kindergarten and we loved it. He also is young for his class with a late August birthday. We found that it fosters so much independence that he was more than ready for first grade when the time came.

Hello H.
If I were you send her to school if she too young ans has to repeat kidnergarder she loose nothing and maybe you won't be sorry maybe she'll follow other kids, So I won't be worry, GOOD LUCK

I also have a child with a Dec. birthday and she will be one of the oldest in her class. I toyed with the idea of trying to get her in to kindergarten this year (she turned 5 in Dec.) because she knows her alphabet and is reading osme words and understands math concepts and can tie her shoes already, etc. Then I decided to look at it from a different perspective - on the other end I think I would have liked to be one year older when I had to make my life decisions. I think she will be better educated and socially more adept because she will have had an extra year of life experiences before she needs to decide on colleges or jobs. In the end I decided what is the rush - there are good teachers out there who will challenge her as needed and I am sure as she gets older and is tracked in some direction she will be abbe to take classes that might be accelerated. Once they go to school they are someone elses to raise for much of the day - I am glad I took one extra year raising my daughter and teaching her my way.

Dear H.,
Enjoy your daughter and don't be afraid to keep her home for that extra year.It will be a gift that you will always be grateful for.
As a mother of four adult offspring and a former teacher,I can tell you,children grow too fast! Once they are in school,they seem to move along even faster.
Keep in mind,also,the possibility that once she is in school,the teacher will feel that she too young and suggest holding her back for a second year in first or second grade.
Believe me,that would be a mistake.I speak from experience.
I made the decision to have my third child repeat fourth grade and wish with all my heart I had never done so.
The one piece of advice I have given to my adult children concerning child rearing has been to always do what you yourself feel is the correct thing to do.Do not pay attention to what others may think.If mistakes are made they will not be the result of having listened to the advice of another.
Listen to your own heart.You will not be sorry .
Good luck
B

Hi H. R.,
I too struggled with this last year (and still this year). My daughter turned 5 in Sept., 2007. She had been in Pre-K the previous year and I had talked to her teacher about my concerns that she will always be the youngest in her class. Academically, she will be fine. She is a bright little girl and very friendly, but very shy and alittle on the immature side. After many sleepless nights and talking to every mom, teacher and professional out there, we decided to enroll her in Kindergarten and see how she does. We are ending the Kindergarten year and she is doing fine. She is doing the work and making friends. She is still on the quiet side and shy (which is not her personality at home). As a whole, her class (all of the kindergarten kids) seem to be a nice bunch of kids. Kids that I would like her to grow up with. I know that sounds funny, but it is my gut feeling. So,to make a long story short I am almost positive that we will have her go on to 1st grade, and we will keep encouraging her at home.
I think if you have her start kindergarten and see how she does, you will know if she was ready or not. If you keep her back you may not really ever know. I hope this helps.

H., Listen to your gut. I have 3 children. I live in CT and have a Fall child who was bright but clingy just like your daughter- we held him and are very happy with that decision. He is now a sophomore. Our other 2 children are females. March and January birthdays. We did not hold them but each of them had classmates that were older than them. I do think holding them is a wise decision. It is better to hold them now than wait and keep them back later...than they will not move on with their peers. Is there a 3or4 day/week preschool that you can enroll her into? for the next school year?

Hope this helps

P.S I have a girlfriend who is a 3rd grade teacher. She says that parents are holding off sending their "fall" children for another year.

Twenty-three years ago (in CT) I was faced with the same decision. My pediatrician had an expression, "When in doubt, hold them out". Our son has a June birthday and was screened for kindergarten and given a positive(send him) report. I had all your concerns but I kept witnessing a lack of enthusiam on my sons part. I even went as far as letting him go to an orientation which included a bus ride. Two years later I was faced with the same decision for my daughter who has a December 20th birthday. Because of the date it really was a non-decision. With both children I was able to find excellent pre-K programs where all the children had been elegible for kindergarten but chose not to go.I have absolutely no regrets and neither do my now adult children. In so many ways,including academically and emotionally the extra time to mature put them both of them on top. Go with your instincts. It is such a short period of time on the time line of life.

My suggestion: keep her home one more year. My son turned 6 at the end of October, so I waited til he was 5 going on 6 for Kindergarten. I thought he'd be the oldest and he wasn't. So don't worry about your daughter being the oldest either. My son is now 17 years old and, looking back, I am so glad that I didn't put him in when he was only 4. I am glad I waited til he was 5/going on 6. Good luck!

We faced the same decision with my daughter, Dec. 9th birthday, and decided to send her to K. Halfway through the year she was struggling. We kept her in thinking she would progress, we ended up moving her ahead to first grade but then the issues became more pronounced. We decided to have her repeat first grade. Academically this was the best thing but she then suffered socially, when her friends moved on without her, and her self esteem suffered. Of course now that she is 13 this is all a distant memory for her, but it took two years for her to feel ok about herself. If I had to do it over, I would choose waiting and having her be the oldest in the class. It helps with their self confidence, which to me is greater than dealing with one year of boredom.

After having my son repeat kindergarten last year, I would recommend keeping her in preschool another year. Our pediatrician recommended the retention, as my son was not socially ready (shy, introverted, unmotivated for the work) and told us he did not want to go to 1st grade. Had we kept him in preschool (or sent to transitonal kindergarten) he would have been better off. He now is in 1st grade and is doing terrific; developmentally, he fits in with the kids that are about 6-12 months younger. Academically, he has always been at grade level, but the social skills lagged behind and his confidence had been an issue in the first kindergarten year.

My advice....keep her home. School is not only about academics, social skills and having friends is also very improtant. If a child does not have friends and feels bullied, alone, anxious...academics can fall behind. By the way you and your husband are feeling and also moving, give her time to adjust to her new life and she will be fine. I think signing her up for classes at the local Y are great. I do it with my own two children and it has been a very positive experience. I am at the point now where they can go into classes on their own, or in childwatch and I am able to work out a little bit.

I, like you am a SAHM with a now 5 year old who will be entering kindergarten in the fall and a 2-year old. I taught children who are visually impaired for 12 years before I became a SAHM.

Good luck and listen to that little voice in your head, it knows what it is talking about!

Hi H.. I dn't have a child in this kind of situation, but I was one of these children myself! I have a fall birthday and went to school early.
Not that it made a huge impact on my life, but I can tell you from personal experience there were some things that were harder being the youngest.
I was always the smallest in my class - and no one ever wanted me to be on their team in gym!
I was behind physically and emotionally but academically I did just fine.
I was the last to hit puberty - awful for a 13 year old!
I was the last to get my license - awful for a 16 year old!
Last to turn 21, last for everything.....
Sometimes I liked being the smallest and the youngest, but sometimes I hated it.
Not sure if this helps you or not, but I thought I would share!

Each child is different. I have a sister who is 15 years younger than me. She is now 18 and she will be entering college in the fall. Her birthday is in November and my mom did decide to wait a year. My sister always did well in school and never had social issues. She has been involved in honors courses and has many friends. Not everyone has a school experience that is so positive. Her positive experience may have little to do with when she entered school, but my mother thinks it made a big difference. I homeschool my kids, so my situation is different, but my children are not bored very often.

I agree, no one can make that decision for you, but if it were me, I'd keep her home another year. Going to preschool and the other activities you mentioned should be sufficient. Many states have a September cut off date for kindergarten, not December. Whether or not she's bright enough for academics (and she likely is) it's more about maturity level, separation readiness and even motor skills. I do not think you'll put her at a disadvantage by waiting another year, I don't think she'd be bored as it will be a novel experience with lots of new experiences for her to explore and I doubt she'd be a child who acts out based on your description of her personality. Don't agonize over the decision too much, many, many children with fall/early winter birthdays go to school and turn six in the first few months and they do just fine. Good luck!

H.,
I would say if you can do it, keep her home another year. My niece was in a similar situation and she ended up repeating kindergarten. She had all the academics down, but her social skills were just passable. It's a huge benefit to be one of the older kids in class, you're more prepared for what's in store both academically and emotionally. I also think the extra programs you would enroll her in to keep her busy till school net year are a fantastic idea. She'll be so super confident, and ready to be involved in big group activities. She'll also learn how to learn in a group environment and how to be less clingy. My neice had the choice (well, to be more accurate, my sister and her husband had the choice) of wether or not to keep her back and all of them agree that it was definately the best thing they could have done. Now she's one of the older kids, she's confident and she's not at all struggling to keep up.
Hope this helps, and good luck!

Sending a child to school is hardly ever about how bright they are or whether they can handle the academics. So don't let anyone say "Oh my kid was so bright, I just HAD to send him to school." Use all the resources you can find - preschool teachers are a good barometer, and going to the K parent-teacher meeting is a good idea - the K teachers can do a good job of screening the kids.

I think a key indicator is your child's clingy-ness. Giving her an extra year to develop confidence sounds like a great plan. I think your ideas to involve her in preschool and also other activities like gymnastics or art will help her get the skills to transition well from one situation to another, from one teacher/authority figure to another, and from one social group to another. It increases the amount of time she is away from you, but for shorter periods of time, seeing you in between and then getting dropped off at the next program. More experience with goodbyes and returns that way.

Our son turned 5 at the end of June and we had a September 1 cut off date, and we STILL didn't send him. We did preschool 5 days and 2 afternoon activities (lunch group and another). Best decision we ever made.

He was physically smaller than many of the kids, was extremely active and actually napped well past the age of 4 (and was nowhere near ready to take on a full day of school at 5), and needed more social development. Today he is the oldest in his class, very mature, a great leader with great self-assurance.

By contrast, he had an acquaintance who was pushed ahead - started at 5, but then the parents pushed really hard for him to skip a grade because he was "so bright" - he was also physically large. He wound up graduating high school at 16-1/2 and going to college! He was always less mature than others, constantly trying to prove himself and telling teachers how bored he was with the material, etc. He wasn't ready to be at the grade he was assigned to. He didn't want to do homework, and the mother supported this because she kept saying it was beneath him, it was just busy work, etc. It's been painful to watch him constantly trying to prove himself and live up to his parents' label of being so bright. Mind you, he IS smart, but he's not one of those genius prodigies - he has really missed out on a lot by being pressured. Never got to really be a kid.

I realize his is an extreme case, but I mention it just for that reason.

I don't see why your daughter would be bored in school if you wait a year. There will be some other kids in the same situation, and she will not know the material the teacher is covering, so shouldn't be bored. Good teachers adapt lesson plans for every child, and there will be great differences among the children anyway. Some will be great readers, and others won't. Some of the great readers will struggle in math, while the reluctant readers will be math whizzes. That's how it goes - every child has strengths.

In my view, holding them out another year can never go wrong. Sending them in at 5 can be fine, or can go wrong. You can't take it back in 2nd grade when it turns out they weren't ready.

Whatever you decide, make it YOUR decision and not something that was influenced because someone made you feel like your child wasn't smart enough to go at 5. It's really NEVER about "smart."

Good luck - and try not to stress out too much about it.

Hi H. -

As an October baby way back when, the cut off was December 31st, I was always the kid who couldnt catch up until around March. My mother tried to keep me back in school in 1st grade, but by the time March rolled around, I had finally caught on, so the teacher told my mom that she did NOT recommend me to be kept back (and my mother and I both are still upset about that). And due to that I was an average to below average student ALL through School. I was a C - D student all my life. Not until college did I remotely start to shine.

Every child is different though. Do you feel that she is mature enough, if she is still very clingy, that could be a sign that she isnt ready. Is the preschool that you are going to really working on letters and writing, as well as a few sight words? If not, see if the YMCA has a Pre-K class. That may help her more socially, it also may help if she were to do it 5 days a week rather than just 3, that way it would be more like Kindergarten. My kids have to go to Preschool and Pre-K 5 days because I work, but even if you can do 1/2 day Pre-K for 5 days it may help with her realizing that she will be away from you every day, rather than just 3 days a week, it also helps socially because they see there friends every day.

This has to be a hard decision, but I can give you 2 examples... 1 child (Dec 20th Birthday)who was kept back to start when they were already 5, and 1 child (Oct 17 Birthday) who was not. The Dec 20th Bday (my brother) excelled in school, was in high honors classes and had plenty of friends. The Oct 17th Bday (myself) was a C-D student in College prep and by 10-12 grade a lot of classes were below the college prep classes, but I also did have plenty of friends as well.

You can always send your daughter to Kindergarten and even to first grade, and if then you feel she needs to stay back, then DEFINATELY keep her back. Don't wait until 6th grade (like my parents actually wanted to do, but I refused because of my friends) In first grade had I been kept back, it wouldn't have been a huge deal because I really had only known my friends for a year...in 6th..that is another story.

Good luck, I hope that this helps. Just remember...if you do send her, and realize that it may have been a mistake...she can ALWAYS stay back... just do it early on! :) It is not a horrible thing to do to a child to keep her back in Kindergarten or 1st grade, you would actually be helping her for years to come!!

L.

My twins were September babies and from experience with my older child I decided to keep the twins out of kindergarten until they were 6. I enrolled them in a local pre school where they went for 3 days a week. It was the best thing for both of them. My oldest was ready at 5 but by the time he got to the 5th and 6th grade he had a difficult time. The twins were just that much more confident all through the grades and just that more mature emotionally and I believe it was because I didn't enroll them till they were 6. Keep your daughter out one more year and she will be that much more ahead when she does start school. They can mature and gain a lot of self confidence in that extra year. I was also afraid of them being bored, that is why I enrolled them in a pre school and I enrolled them in a gymnastics class to develop gross and fine motor skills along with their self confidence. Having activities will help her develop friends and social graces.
Any parent I know who has done the same has not regreted keeping them out and above all you are the parent and you know her better than anyone - the experts only know what they see. You have had her 24/7, trust yourself.

Hope this helps,
L.

I think I'd go towards keeping her home, especially since she doesn't seem overly eager to go yet and in many states sending her this fall would be putting her a year ahead. It also means she'll only be 17 when she leaves for college, two of my siblings did that and they had a rough time being so young, it seems there really is a big difference between 17 and 18. It was also annoying to them since as minors they would have to get written parental permission where other students could sign for themselves.

WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
Unfortunately there is a new trend afoot called "red shirting". MANY kids are entering public Kindergartens a year after they otherwise would have qualified for entrance. Parents are sending their children to private K-programs and then off to the public school's Kindergarten. (My youngest son had 1/3 of his Kindergarten class turn 7 by the end of the year!) If you have even the smallest bit of doubt about enrolling her, hold off. It's easier to be the pace setter than the kid whose constantly trying to play catch-up on a uneven playing field.
When you go to the Kindergarten meeting, ask what the median age is in the classes? What % of the children move on to 1st grade already reading? Talk to parents of 1st & 2nd graders in your school district and ask what their observations are concerning age in their children's classes.
It sounds like you have a plan B if she doesn't enroll in the Kindergarten this year. I leave you with this Q: would it be more advantageous to wait and gain a year of maturity and skills or have to contemplate the possibility of repeating a year once she is already in the school?

Hi H.- I started school in California where cutoff was Dec 1. So I started the year I was suppose to start. We moved around quite a bit where the school cut off was much earlier. Therefore, my sister and I were the youngest kids in the grade. I can say with confidence that I was a late bloomer. I turned 16 my senior year of high school. I turned 21 my senior year of college. I was always behind everyone else. Socially I was fine, academically I was behind everyone else. It was not until late in college that I felt like I was "getting it".

I will hold my child off to the next year because of these reasons. For boys, they will be smaller than the rest of their class which can effect them socially and in sports. For girls, it could be social or academic which I think impacts the way ones life ends up.

Just two cents from someone who has been there.

Hi H. - we are still quite far away from having to think about these issues with my daughter (who is 17 months old) but this topic resonates with me. My Mother taught in public schools for 30 years and insists its always better to wait that extra year if a kid is born in the fall and might either be younger than others or older than others. She has always maintained it helps the kids in so many ways, and why rush it and risk the behavioral issues? If she's well-adjusted she'll definitely do well "academically" but if she's unhappy the academics might fall off (personally I'm not sure the "academics" if a kindergartener are the most important thing!)

Good Luck, L.

I would wait until next year to send her. Every child is different, but I feel like what' the hurry. My daughter (3rd) grade has kids in her class who are a whole year apart. The kids whose parents didn't send at 4, are some of the brightest kids in her grade. Emotionally your daughter may not be ready. I'd do another year of preschool. Good luck.

Have you considered sending her to a "private" Kindergarten program for a year? That way at the end of the year, if she is ready for first grade she could go on to the public first grade, and if she's not, she can go into the public kindergarten with the children she will go on to first grade with. That way, she won't feel that she was held back, when her friends went on. She will just be changing schools as planned. That also gives you the time to assess how she will do in kindergarten, by seeing how she does with it.

I have a November birthday, and when I was in High School, all of the academically advanced students ended up being the youngest students with late fall birthdays.

Also, consider if you hold her back from starting school, and then she ends up needing to stay back in a later grade, due perhaps to being bored, and not doing her school-work, she will end up two years older than the other students. 15 year old seventh graders have a hard time socially as well.

I actually went through this this year with my oldest son. He turned five on October 5th and the cut off was October 15th. We started the year off homeschooling and I had not even planned on sending him to school full time. I was sending him for specials only (French, Art, Music) and he liked the teacher and other classmates so much that he wanted to try it out full time. I was impressed with the school also, small class size and I liked the curriculum they used a lot. I am also a previous teacher and was disillusioned by the schools that we left where we came from in NY (part of the reason for my homeschooling). Anyway, he is doing very well academically. He is the youngest in his class and that can be seen sometimes in his social behavior. His teacher said he can be very silly. There are two "behavior problems" in the class an my son thinks it is funny when they act out. She said he is very easily redirected and she thinks that he is uncomfortable when they act out and that is why he laughs sometimes. He tends to "go along" with whatever the others do and is a basically a pushover, I guess because he is the youngest and at that age they all compare ages. He definitely isn't shy and that saves him. He is very easy going and always has been. I would go speak with the kindergarten teacher and see what she says. Girls usually mature faster than boys, though as you stated each child is a different individual and you know your daughter better than anyone. It is a tough decision, but I am glad that I started my son this year and didn't wait. He is doing so well and wants more work when he comes home from school at night :)

I was compelled to write because this decision is an important one with life long repercussions that many people do not appreciate. I am a preschool teacher, ESL teacher, mother of a 4 and 2 year old. My birthday is Dec 17 and I went to kindergarten when i was 4. So with that said, my advice is: Do not send your child to kindergarten until the following year. Kindergarten is the new first grade due to the pressure to have our students do well on state testing requirements. The expectations are huge. Give her another year of preschool. I am even doing so for my son who is 5 in August.
As an additional note, when I was sent to kindergarten in 1975, before it was the new "first grade", I was not conceptually ready for the math and reading. I caught up with reading but never did with math and it carried through all during my academic life. It was like a dominoe effect. I didn't get it and then I lost confidence and interest in trying. I almost didn't graduate from high school because of math. I am sure that going to school early was not the only factor in my math issues, but it certainly contributed.

I was also a little more immature than my older friends in school. Think about the fact that you don't want your child to be on the younger side when peers begin to date, to drive, to experiment with autonomy. It is a gift of a little more time to develop if you have her one more year.

Finally, if you have any doubt in your mind at all, do not take the chance of starting her in kindergarten and then choosing to keep her back a year. Even in kindergarten, this is a difficult thing to experience. She will watch her peers that she had just spent a year with go on together. It seems unfair if you have the slightest doubt.

Good luck.

Good Morning H.. I also have a son who is born at the beginning of December and although our cutoff is 5 by the end of September, I can certainly see how that choice would be a difficult one to make. First of all, I wanted to ask if you have full day kindgarten or half day, that would make a big difference in my decision. Secondly, I'm not sure how your preschool is set up but I sent my son to preschool for 5 mornings the year before kindergarten just to get him prepared (we have full day kindergarten). I am SO happy that I made that choice as it has paid off 10 fold. It's amazing to see what a vast difference a year can make socially. So, i guess my suggestion would be that if you have half day kindergarten, I don't think it would be that big of a deal to send your child this year. If it's full day kindergarten, I would definitely wait. I volunteer in my sons class very frequently as well as substitute on occasion and I know how exhausted these little guys can get in a full day program. It is SO worth it though, they learn SO much. As a stay at home mom of two, I was so sad about the full day program (for selfish reasons, i didn't want them gone from me) but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Good luck with your decision, and just remember if you trust your instincts as a mom, you can't make the wrong choice!! :-)

I am a first grade teacher and mom to three boys. If you are on the fence and the preschool teachers are suggesting some more time for developing socially, wait the extra year. In my 12 years of experience, parents are never sorry when they wait. There is a huge difference between 5, 6, and 7 year olds in terms of maturity. Stay with the preschool and extra classes, plus she will have more time with you...once grade school begins you will never have that time again. Good luck with your decision...I am you will make the right one for your family.

Hi,

This is such a hard decision and so many parents pass judgement on it. You are right that it is an individual decision. My first three children are right on the border for their grade. We have a sept 1 cut off and they turned 5 for K in july and august with one child as late as aug 19. Ironically, my preschool was somewhat helpful but children develop at different rates and so much happens in a year that their advice was helpful but did not capture the whole picture. I did send each child on as they were the right age. I did run into a few situations where, socially, I really did notice the age difference in K and first grade. A friend gave me great advice which was that I would occasionally notice the difference the first few years and then it would dissapear. That is what happened with my now fourth and second grader, both are flourishing although I did note occasional episodes that seemed age related. Interestingly, both my second and fourth grader seemed to find best friends that had similar bdays by coincidence. Finally, what really also pushed me to send them along was that I could not imagine another year at their preschool. They had started at age 2 (I work) and had been there for three years. I could not imagine a fourth year being productive. Some people suggested a transitional K and I did not see the value of starting a new school, only to transition again the next year. My town only has half day K (we get optional full day for a fee next year) that was actually less time than the preschool day had been. I am glad I sent the kids along and do not regret it. It is a tough place to be in as there is no easy answer, I think if you wait, your child is much more advanced socially and that can also create inequality. My husband's one consideration was that maybe they would be bigger (I have really tiny children) but we realized that was sort of silly. Fortuneately, my fourth is a clear cut middle of the year birthday, phew. Good luck! and remember, feel good about your decision and do what is best for your family and child.

My daughter's birthday is dec 7 too! She is 28 now and during her school years she started school in Mass where the cut off was Dec 31 where she attended private K and public 1st. and we moved to NH to start her 2nd grade. I wondered whether I should have had her repeat 1st when we moved up here. But due to my own stubbornness I kept her in the grade I thought she should be in. She fared fairly well. She was one of the tallest kids in her class as it was and if I kept her back a year who's to say her behavior would have been different. I found the teachers very easy to work with and my daughter was nothing compared to other discipline problem children. She was never a problem really and I'd rather say it was her ADD which she comes by naturally and which her two younger brother's definitely have.

My advice is to send her. The shyness is not to worry about. Maybe make friends with one of the other little girls and have some play date prior to school starting so she starts off with a friend. You are an educated woman and your husband as well. Don't over do your worry.

H.,

I have a daughter 11 with an Aug birthday, in Florida the cut off is Sept 1 and a son with a Sept 16th birthday. I pushed her ahead full steam and when I had the chance for her to repeat 1st grade I listened to the teachers and moved her along, she has had to have tutoring ever since. Our son is the oldest and the biggest physically and is far from the smartest but he is fine. Go with your gut, I did not and have regretted ever since. We have since moved to NH and still have issues though we moved from an expensive private school in Miami to a public school here....I would not consider changing now but if I had to do it all over, I would have her repeat 1st grade and build her reading and math ability because it only gets harder! Not just academically but also socially... good luck and remember go with your gut!

Many, many years ago our son (now 32) started kindergarden on the schedule set up by the state of NY. He had a Sept. 4 birthday and was eligible for school in Sept. Back then I had never heard that the parent had a choice to delay the start. He was evaluated by the school and started all very routinely.

He had not gone to pre-school and was probably immature for his age & inexperienced in the social skills of dealing with peers. He started school and we never had any issues. We had just moved over the summer and he had a new friend who headed off to kindergarden with him. It's hard to pinpoint what we were seeing in his adjustment to school life. From as early as kindergarden we were receiving messages that he was reserved or withdrawn in comparison to the other children. The messages were never very clear and unfortunately we moved again which meant a new school at the end of second grade.

He was very intimidated with a new school and the transition didn't go well. He was very anxious in the mornings and by the end of the second year the teacher strongly suggested that he repeat the year. Being one of the younger children and also a boy, who sometimes are said to mature more slowly, it was obvious to her that he was not doing well. She felt this issues were creating obstacles to the learning process.

We asked for the school psychiatrist to do some evaluation before we made the decision. Her interviews and tests indicated that having him repeat - putting him with younger students - should benefit him.

As a parent, I felt that I let him down. We didn't want him to think he was failing. We explained to him that possibly our decision to start him in school because he was the right age was the wrong decision. He repeated the year and things worked out well. I started to ask questions and talk to other parents and learned that using the birth date as the only guide was wrong. As I said earlier, I didn't realize that the parent had a choice.

I wish so much that I had given him that extra year but that's hindsight. You, as a parent, are the best judge of what is best for your child. I don't see the downside of waiting - especially if you are providing other stimulation which you obviously are.

Hope this is helpful - I'm grateful for the opportunity to help another parent think through this very important decision.

Ask if you can visit the classroom and while you are there picture your child in that environment. God bless you - as he obviously has blessed your children with a caring, loving parent.

I am going thru this exact same issue only my son's bday is in August.. he'll be 5 yrs 1 week when school starts.. he's had 2 years of preschool already (speech delays too). so my dilemma is one more year of preschool? His teacher says yes, but register him for K anyway.. just in case.. he's small and immature.. BUT ... here's the kicker - kids generally go thru a huge maturity jump by age 5, soooooo... here's what I think we are doing .. 3 years of preschool seems like a lot to me.. He's registered for Kindergarten so we will probably send him - and repeat Kindergarten if needed. Two years of K wouldn't be a bad thing. and if he catches up in the mean time, then he's all set.. It's also not really an issue if they are ready now too - most of the issue is once they hit middle and high school, will they be mature enough to handle the pressures of peer pressure and all the other things they need to deal with.. good luck.. it's a tough one!

Definitely keep her home!! Too many kids are pushed through- emotional and social readiness is just as important, if not more so, than academic readiness. IF she does end up ahead academically, she can always be challenged with extra work, etc. However, if she is behind socially, she will struggle and the emotional toll is too much to risk. My mother has taught first grade for almost 40 years, and every year she has a kid who is too young socially (shyness is usually a factor) and she strongly recommends that the child be held back, even though this could be difficult, she realizes that pushing along a child who is not socially ready is even more detrimental! I am a licensed social worker, but of course this is my opinion, but I strongly urge you to consider.

Hi H.........you and your husband sound like you have good heads on your shoulders so relax with this one. Like you said, ultimately you two have to make this decision. It's tough though when different states have different rules. I am a grand mother of 6 and 4 of them had to wait until the next year and it was all for the good. Girls mature earlier (89%), so that could be on her side if you decide to send her this Sept. I was a school board member for 13 years and this decision more than any other for a parent(s) was the hardest. Especially because it's your first one. I've always opted to keep them home that last year. After all, they will become independent of you soon enough.

You're gonna do just fine, Go with your heart on this one dear.
Blessings to you, P.

I would wait...I ended up repeating a grade and my mother wishes she had kept me home another year. I just was not mature enough.

Hi H., I can only tell you what I did in that situation. My son's birthday is October 16 (46 days after the cut off in Illinois where he started school) and he has 3 older siblings that came home to "play school" with him since he was born. I saw what he learned and how quickly he absorbed things, he also was/is (he's 11 now) a very shy and reserved child. He adjusted very well, and didn't get bullied even though he was the youngest and smallest in his class, he made friends right from the start, and has not been bored except by some of the academics. I had him tested by an independant (expensive, but worth it) agency when he was 4, to see if he was even almost ready for school. I believe that no matter what, only the parents know when their child is ready for school. You can get pinions from the dr's, and school officials, but in the end you really do know best. I can also tell you that my mother (December 31 birthday) started early, also in Illinois. And my birthday is Jan. 18, I started early here in Conecticut. Oh, and my son was also my most clingy child, but he LOVED to go to school and be independant, knowing that at home he could be as clingy as he wanted to. I hope this has helped you in some way. Good luck on your decision, and trust me, you will make the right decision for your child no matter what anyone else thinks.

C.

My oldest daughter's birthday is Dec. 14. In our state, a child must be 5 by October 15 to be eligible for kindergarten. I homeschooled her for K, 1 and 2 but we did a lot of informal stuff the year she turned 5. She is now 10 years old and in the 4th grade at a private school. She is the top student in her class and very confident socially. There are a couple of subjects she is a bit bored in but her teacher uses her as a peer tutor some and we work with her at home. I would not do it any differently. Each child is different and you have to weigh her strengths and weaknesses but, generally, it's best not push at this young age. You also need to consider her age at the other end of her education. Do you want a 17 year old going off to college by herself? Hope this helps some.

Hi H., We had fallen into the same issue. The cut off date for us is the beginning of September and our son will be 5 the first week in August. We know that he's going to be one of the youngest for Kindergarden. We feel that we really want him to get the exposure of Kindergarden and how much there is to learn. We can always assess the situation towards the end of the year and have him repeat kindergarden if we don't feel that he's ready for the first grade. I'd rather keep him back in Kindergarden than in 3rd or 4th grade. Our other son has a March birthday so he was actually 5 1/2 when he started kindergarden this year. Hope this helps. You're not alone :-).

Hi,

We have the same problem, so I'll be interested in reading the replies you receive. My daughter's birthday is August 31st, and here in MA, the cutoff IS August 31st, so she would literally be the youngest in her class. We decided to send her to preschool this year (she'll be three in August, although I initially was not planning to), and then just see how she is doing in two years. I lean towards holding her back, but a few preschool teachers have told me that holding back is not always the best decision. If she's ready, then it may be best to send her. She does have two older siblings, so they are pulling her along with them, and she's learning things a bit earlier than they did. I wish you all the best in your decision!

I haven't really thought about this myself, but my daughter also has a December birthday (December 6th, oddly enough), but now that you bring it up, I don't think I would hesitate to put her in school when she is 4. I have an October birthday, so I always felt sort of "young", but I also had lots of friends with birthdays after mine,even in December. We felt kind of special because we would talk about how when a lot of our other friends would graduate high school they would be 18 and we would only be 17, granted only for a few more months.
I think there is a good chance there will be other children with birthdays after hers this year, but there might not be such a good chance of other children having birthdays before hers next year. A good thing to do might be to get her involved with other children that might be going to school with her. Are there any places around your area you can you can take her to meet other children? Around here we have a place for play groups so children can interact while parents are kind of on the side-lines. Don't lose too much sleep over this, I'm sure whatever you decide, it will be fine.

Hi H.,
My son has a December b-day, and we waited. My daughter has an Oct. b-day and we sent her. Both did fine. My son was more reserved and quiet, and my daughter was a social butterfly, so I think that's part of what helped her. However, after first grade, we started homeschooling, which leads me to ask if you would consider that for your daughter for kindergarten. That way she gets the academics but also gets another year of the security of being with you, and growing in social skills, and may be more confident going to first grade. We've noticed a dramatic increase in confidence and good social skills development since we started homeschooling. Kindergarten can be accomplished at home in about 20 minutes a day -- you'd be amazed. But really I would say, you know better than anyone what your child can handle. Don't beat yourself up over this decision, because ultimately, it will probably not be huge in the overall scheme of things. And it's not an irreversible decision, either. I've had six kids and they're all so different that just when I think I understand something, one of them throws me for a loop. Guess that's why God made them so resilient! :}

My sister and I were both born in October (7 years apart). Due to changes in the cut off date, my sister was young for her grade, and I was old for my grade. Knowing what they do now, I think my parents would have had my sister wait a year too.

Hi H.- I haven't read the other posts, so sorry if I repeat what many others have said. I am a preschool teacher and mom of a shy daughter with a Dec. birthday. She entered kindergarten in Sept. at 5.9 (our cut off is 5 by Sept. 1st). I can't imagine having sent her at 4! As a teacher, I have often helped parents with this difficult decision. My philosophy is, when in doubt, give the child an extra year! Kindergarten can be a big transition for many children. Allowing them an extra year to develop confidence (especially with a shy child) and mature socially and emotionally, can only help. I have always received positive feedback from parents (after their children moved on to kindergarten) who chose to give their child an extra year. I have also had parents express regret at not having given their child the added year. A couple families even took their children out of kindergarten after a month, and put them back in preschool.
If you are concerned that another year of preschool would not be challenging enough for your daughter, look for a pre-k program that provides more of the focused kindergarten readiness activities your daughter is ready for. These programs continue to provide lots of unstructured social play time too! (which they don't get enough of in kindergarten).
Good luck with your decision!

Hi H.,

Yes, I'd wait too. We kept our son back a year because he would've been among the youngest in his kindergarten, and, although it was a tough decision for many reasons, as soon as he started school, we knew we'd done the right thing. He's now a very happy, well-adjusted second grader. My daughter is quite different than him and has always been very mature and sophisticated, but she missed the kindergarten cutoff by 27 days; therefore she's among the oldest in her class too. She would be absolutely fine in first grade, but I'm still glad I had another year at home with her.

Hi H.,
All of my children were 'late' in the year babies. The decision was made for me by our school district. Of the three, my oldest could of gone on to kindergarten at age 4 3/4 (Dec. 20th b-day). So, the year she was 4 going on 5 I sent her to a 5 day a week, private kindergarten. She thrived. Then the year she was 5 going on 6 she went to public school kindergarten. She had a wonderful teacher (young, excited about kids), and I basically asked her to teach my daughter to have a lot of fun, because she could read etc already. (at the tender age of almost 6, she was a very serious child). The other two needed the extra year. It gave them a chance to be on a level playing field in all arenas: social, academic, and fun. They are all now grown up, married, with babies.. I'm so proud of them all. Trust that what ever your decision, the right thing will happen for your child. Best Wishes.
L.,

Keep her home, and do pre-school and gymnastics. Kids grow up too fast these days! I can't imagine her being bored if you stay at home and have education experience up your sleeve. Think about highschool- do you want her to be the youngest when it comes to some hard peer decisions she may have to make, or the oldest. Let her be one of the first in her group to have her license to drive, then she's not a younger passenger with a new driver. I don't think you would regret keeping her where all her peers are (I'm sure there are other dec. birthdays)
but you might regret pushing her to grow up to fast. And on the bright side... it is one more year to save for college! Get some sleep and Happy Easter! S.

I haven't read the other responses, so I apologize if I am repeating anything. Personally I would keep them home as long as you can. Starting K when your a little older is only beneficial, being too young can have its downsides. I have two December boys and waited with both of them and do not regret it one bit. My youngest is an October baby and misses the cutoff anyway . . . however I would keep him home and start him when he was turning 6 given the option. Hope this helps.

My DS has a birthday in March. When he started kindergarten, he was exactly 5 1/2. By the time he started, he could read. It was fine. When 1st grade started I received a note from his teacher on the 3rd day of school wanting to meet with us to discuss DS. I thought what could he have possibly done in 3 days?! Well, to our surprise, she wanted to ask permission to have him tested and promoted up. He was reading at a 4th grade level. We said yes. The testing didn't start until December. Mid-January we met with his teacher, school psychologist, and district administrators. They all agrees that he should move up. Well, I didn't want to disrupt him by moving him mid year. His teacher was great. She would give him 2nd grade work. In September he was double promoted to 3rd grade. He is now in 5th grade. Yes, he is at least 1 year younger than most in his class and in some cases 2 years younger, but he is thriving and is still challenged. I meet with his teachers a few times a year to make sure his is staying ahead of the game. This Sept. he will be heading to middle school. I should probably tell you that I also have a DD who is in the 6th grade. At first she wasn't thrilled that he was promoted up, but she understands that he learns differently.

My advice to you is wait until a teacher comes to you. You don't want to look like the parent that thinks she has the next Einstein!

H.,

Both of my children are summer bithdays and I kept both of them in pre-school an extra year. I have no regrets and from a social standpoint I know it was the right thing to do.

My dughter who is now 12 was very shy and the extra year gave her more time to develop and gain confidence. She is still quiet in school but socially she is wonderful.

My son who is very smart needed it for his immaturity. There were 8 boys with summer birthdays in his pre-school and all of the moms gave them another year. I did notice that my son
was becoming a little bored by Spring in his 3rd year of pre-school.

P.

I am a December baby and was the next to the youngest in my class and I loved it. I talked all the time and was very social and had trouble sitting still. But I did fine.

Sometimes the teachers know who will be in class as well, and this would have a bearing on my making a decision like this. If all the children are a lot older or a good mix.

Do what your gut is telling you to do. Keeping her out and doing activities is a form of schooling, but being too old could pose problems with the other kids next year. School kids can be very mean sometimes....sad, but true.

Hi H.,
My daughter is a November baby...just went through the same situation. We decided to hold her so she will go to K this year(5 turning 6 in Nov) I am SO glad I did!! I was young starting out & ended up staying back in 4th grade-not a good thing. I spoke with lots of teachers about the issues the younger ones can have, the 1 that sticks out most in my head is the fact that if a child is on the older side he/she will most likely be "ahead of the game" which will boost their self esteem/confidence, which obviously is an extremely positive thing for life. My daughter dosen't realize we held her back-shes just extremely excited, and ready to go to K!! Another point her preschool teacher had was there are never regrets for parents thet make the decision to hold their kids, but lots of regrets for parents that send kids young. Good luck!

Hello!
My 6&1/2 year old son's is in August and in Massachusetts the cut off is Sept. 1 and he was one of the youngest in his kindergarten class and he was a late talker and was receiving speech...He did wonderfully and has blossomed!!!!
He would have becomed incredibly bored if we'd kept him in preschool for another year. However, back in the 60's when I was growing up, still in Massachusetts, the cut off was Dec. 31. I had several classmates all the way thru college (BC) who had December b'days of the same year as mine and they were fine.....Hope this helps.

I'm an almost 45 year old semi-stay at home mom(I work a few hours a week at my son's school) and have a 6&1/2 year old boy thru adoption. Prior to this, auditted claims an HMO...My husband is also in healthcare.

Hello H.!

I am a single mother of a 15 year old August 22nd baby! I made the decision (as an educator and sadly as a mother ... THEN) to retain my son in Kindergarten due to his more delayed social maturity. He was handling the academics, but still so young in comparison to the others in his class.

Spencer is now a very bright, social, athletic and spiritual young man. A young man, who ironically, told me last week that he is so grateful that he wasn't in his Sophomore year this year as his age would have dictated. I asked why and he stated that he realizes how much harder it would have been to adjust and that academically he is so much more solid.

However, the girls, and I was taught in my grad program that "GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT THAN BOYS"..( I hope you are chuckling!), and often a female child will compensate. However, my sister was a late August baby who was sent to school and I feel, encountered many obstacles and especially in social issues. She was one who had do find her way, and did so at her own pace. This is the main lesson. Each child IS and individual and should be addressed that way! Proudly, she completed her undergraduate education at 35 years of age and is very successful, both in business as well as parenting.

So, I guess the proof can be in the proverbial pudding when we consider our child's needs versus the social mores that can often be dictated. Ensuring the success of the child has always been my goal, and I am grateful I took that path in following my mother's advice as well as my own instincts.

I must tell you also that I am a 20 year veteran of teaching middle school, grades 5-8 in Music. In that time, I have seen so many sweet children reach the upper grades of 7th and 8th who are then faced with retention due to their growth status. It is my thoughts here to you that being held back at the later age is much more devastating at that crucial point of adolescence than at the earlier onset to their education when they are really less aware of the social aspects that drive them later on.

I wish you blessings in whatever you choose. I just felt that I should share a story which hopefully continues to be a success (as we NEVER know what choices they will make), with prayer and care. Just love her.

Blessings to you and your family. H. G

For me this is a no brainer. I would not send a 4 year old turning 5 to school this year. My third son also has a December birthday. I didn't send him last fall.(his preschool teacher also recommended waiting) The demands on kids are very great in school (not so much now, but as they get older) My sister and sister in law both sent their 4 year old turning 5 to school and my sister in law (whose kids are older now, and who watched her kids struggle in school) regrets doing it. In September, your 4 year old will be with 5 and 6 year olds in school. Some of whom can read already and write and know their ABC's by heart. Other kids won't be doing those things. Do you really want to be pressured in getting your 4 year old to read? Especially when you have other demands at home with a younger toddler? People always say that kids grow up fast and they don't have time to be kids. I say, let them be kids, take some fun classes and spend time at home. It will be busy and fun and she will still be growing. Then, next year she will be totally ready and it won't be a struggle. After sending 3 kids to school......mornings are so hectic once they start school. Once they're in, you can't really take them out. Enjoy your kids and your family----- keep her out and have a fun year. Trust me, you won't regret it!! Enjoy!

Hi H.,

My son's birthday is in December also. The cutoff day was in September so he ended up being one of the older children in his class. He had some social issues also. But the opposite. He just wanted to talk to all the other children instead of doing work. It did him some good to go later. As a matter of fact he ended up going to pre-1st instead of going straight to 1st grade in order to work on his social skillls a little mpre and it did him a lot of good. Also I think it will do your daughter a world of good to go to preschool and practice those social skills a little more. He is now 15 and is doing just fine. I hope this helps.

I think it basically comes down to you and your gut feeling. Maybe have her do the Kindergarten screening and that may help you in your decision.
I was the youngest in my class throughout my school career and it never really bothered me or hindered me in any way.
Good Luck with whatever you choose!
S.

Hi H.,

I'm going through something similar...What I was advised was to take in to consideration her development for her age. And, if it will be to her advantage to wait another year, then do so. Another option advised to me was that start her in kindergarten, and if she seems to be socially or intellectually behind her peers, keep her back in kindergarten - as the environment will only help in her learning development.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet, but did want to share.

Good luck!
M.

I'm a proud single (divorced) mom of 2 beautiful girls , ages 11 and 13 . My 11 year olds birthday is January 10th so we didn't have a choice ( she was due in December ) . I was hoping she and her sister would be closer in school . It's been harder on her ONLY because her sister is 2 years ahead in school! She is one of the oldest and does have some issues with the maturity level of some of her classmates and is drawn to older kids because she is mature for her age . However , she manages ! Academically , she is an honor roll student , she doesn't struggle very much with her studies and this leaves her open to work on peer relationships.
I'm grateful that it worked out this way even though earlier I had trouble with her being the oldest , etc.
They grow up so quickly and will always have issues with development , peers and social issues . At least she doesn't have to struggle academically.

Good Luck to you !!
Suzanna

Hi H.
I was a child the child in my class who started school late because of my birthday is in December, and it was the best thing to do. I was more adjusted, more mature, and was ready and eager to learn. If I had a child with the option to wait a year I would do it but you need to listen to your child and your motherly intution.

Hello! My sons' B-day is Dec 13th, and he's 6 now and currently in his 2nd yr of kindergarten! He has a 2nd grade reading level, and has surpassed expectations regarding to his academic skills, and I credit this to being in K for as long as he has been. He could have gone to 1st grade this year, but I decided to keep him back (along with the teachers urging), and he is doing wonderful now....although he still has his moments with behavioral issues...lol...He is now older than some of his classmates, but that's ok, last year he was younger than most! And think of it this way, if you enroll her this year, and you feel she isn't doing well, you can always take her out and try again next year!! Good Luck!! Hope this helped.

Hi H.,
This topic is near and dear to my heart because I have lost sleep over it too. I have four children (3 late fall birthdays. We had such a hard time deciding what to do with our first daughter. She is bright, mature but was shy and quiet. We held her and up until the week school started, I was panicking that I make that wrong decision. We sent her to a 5 half day preschool program. I went to the regular school at the end of the first week telling them I made a mistake. I principal sat down with me and said that she can have everything together for her to start school right away and then we talked about my decision. She gave me some great advice about what she sees with younger and the older children. I went home, talked to my husband and we decided with heavy heart to just let her have another year. Well, today is 10 and doing wonderfully. She is academically very strong and socially a leader. There are other children who I have seen to be extremely bright, sent early who socially cannot quite keep up. Good luck

Absolutely wait! Both of my children went to kindergarten on the older side (one because she had a Jan birthday, and one who had a 12/20 birthday) and they have had great experiences. Especially if you live in a town with all day kindergarten - it is a whole new world now. They do so much more in kindergarten now than what they used to. My daughter's first grade teacher says that kindergarten is what first grade used to be, and that she would totally recommend waiting. And by the way, don't think that YOU can decide if you want your child to repeat kindergarten. It's not that easy - there has to be a major reason why to keep your kid back to repeat a grade. It is not up to you as a parent. Good luck!

My son's B-day is January... and, in Maine, we didnt have a choice. My son is small for his age, and he's not socially at his age level... However.. he is doing fine..

As a matter of fact, he did so well on the academnic side (he was reading at 3), he advanced a year -- and was 5 in first grade! So, he's younger, smaller (than a 5 year old... almost a head shorter than his classmates) and socially behind -- but academically - he fits.

Go to the meeting, see what you think... (You didn't mention how your child was doing academically...... and I think that has a lot to do with it too because socially, all the kids are going to be about the same age ;-)

My daughter is a July baby. So, when she turned 3 in July, we started her that September in preschool 3 half days. She went Mon-Wed-Fri 8:00 to 10:30. She was one of the youngest in the class, but she loved it! She did 2 years of preschool. She started kindergarten this past September and she is still one of the youngest. But, the experience for her has been wonderful. She is learning so much and she has made many friends. It was hard for me to let go when she started preschool because she was so young, but it was the best thing we could have done for her. Good luck!

I would find a preschool program in your town for older kids, and keep her home another year. If she is that shy and clingy that is your answer, being a teacher yourself i think you know already that she is not mature enough. In the end it would be better for her to have that extra year. my sister's twins were born in october, she waited another year and it has made such a big difference. my daughter was born in july and i wish i had kept her back another year because she is not mature enough still, and entering high school in the fall
hope this helps good luck

My daughter has a November birthday, but in NH, the cut-off date is before that. She was ready for Kindergarten last year, but it was suggested that, because she didn't reach the age requirement, I hold her back. I am still regretting that decision. She is starting school this fall, and it KILLS me to be putting a 6-year-old in Kindergarten. Besides the fact that she already knows everything she will be learning in K! I am going to request that she be put in 1st grade. When they test her, they should agree - her doctor AND her Preschool teacher both think so.