Fair or Unfair Treatment of Kids

I don't believe everyone deserves a reward or prize...just automatically. I think they should be earned. Life isn't fair! There will always be the haves and the have-nots and the winners and the losers. I believe it is an injustice to kids today for everyone who tries to make everything 'fair' for them all the time.

Life is unfair sometimes. Trophies and prizes aren't handed out to everyone and those who think that everyone is a winner is only doing their children a disservice. There is no such thing as, "we're all winners".

I don't really think it is unfair. That is how life is you don't always get a prize or recognition but you still want to do the best that you can do and strive for excellence. Their prize was being able to learn a new skill and discipline. Not all kids can afford to go to classes or camps like that.

I don't think it's unfair. I think that handing out awards when they haven't been earned is unfair because ultimately it teaches our children that they don't have to stretch and strive to achieve because they're going to reap the benefits whether they are successful or not.

I was a soccer coach and got crucified by the parents and by parks and rec because I didn't hand out trophies at the end of the year. Why would I hand out trophies? They didn't WIN A SINGLE GAME? Giving them trophies for losing is insanity!!! BTW, my own child was on the team in question so it was double jeopardy for my principles here.

I expect my kids to grow up to be gracious losers as well as gracious winners. I expect them to be able to handle failure as well as success and to learn from their failures. I expect them to realize that doing their own best is it's own reward and they can't always expect external rewards for the things they do. They should do things because it's character building or because it hold some intrinsic value, they should not go into anything EXPECTING a reward. They also need to grow up humble. They need to understand that no matter how good they think they are at something, there is always someone out there that is better. I want them to be proud of themselves, NOT prideful. There's a difference.

Not allowing children these lessons in life can have serious repercussions down the road if you ask me. The world our children live in has been too "sissy-fied" if you ask me. I am NOT raising sissies. I am raising boys that will be competent, confident, gracious and Godly MEN.

I think they were being given out fairly. They had reasons to give out the prizes as you said. So yes 2/3 of the class got a prize, but those kids earned their prize. It used to be, that you had to earn your trophies and prizes, and in sports, you kept score to know who won the games. And now, everyone thinks that all kids should be treated just the same. This doesn't teach our kids anything, but sets them up later in life for more difficult times. If everyone always gets a prize, how do they learn that not everyone can do the same things. how are they going to learn that everyone is better at different things. Everyone is worried about kids getting their feeling hurt and so now all kids need to be rewarded for everything. But that's not how the real world works. I think we need to go back to teaching our kids, that there are winners and losers, and no matter which category you are in, you need to learn how to be that way with respect to the other side.

When they get to highschool, the yearbook is going to pick people to be "Voted most likely to succeed", "Class Clown" etc. When they play sports they'll have to get picked for teams and may not get the spot they want. If they try out for plays and want the lead but end up as part of the chorus, that's life! It's not fair but it's your job to teach them to deal with it. They seem to have a handle on it already by getting over it.

Not everyone can win first place, and sometimes in life, all you end up with is a "participation trophy". If this program had special rewards for certain criteria and your kids didn't make the cut, don't get annoyed, just use this as a learning experience since they're going to have to learn to deal with disappointment in this exact way without letting it fester.

And maybe next time they attend a camp or something, they'll keep this experience in the back of their minds and it will cause them to try extra hard since they know that there may be a possibility for extra rewards if they do. It will help them try there best all the time. Getting over it is the right attitude. I would not make a fuss at all.

sorry, i dont think its unfair. if you had a reason to believe there was bias, or nepitism, fine. But me personally i get a little annoyed with every person (be it kid or not) getting the same reward. Working towards a goal is a good thing to teach. Your kids got a prize, it would be unfair if they had not. I dont see the big prizes being awarded to the "contest winners" or "best efforts" of the class as being a bad thing at all. I know you probably think your kids deserved it (i would to).

Agree completely with LovinLife and Dyreka K.'s responses!

This is a great opportunity for you to talk to your boys about how important it is to try their hardest in life, & although there may not be a trophy or a prize, that it is important to put a lot of effort into whatever it is they are doing.

As moms we want to protect our kids from getting hurt, but I say come to their rescue when it's a serious issue & use this experience to talk to them about doing their best.

First of all, I really dislike when young kids are put in a situation like that. I am a firm believer that in non-competitive sports everyone deserves a medal.

That being said, the karate camp chose to handle things this way. In some ways it is good for your children to see early on that they will not always be the best. It's a horrible lesson for kids (and their parents) to learn, but it is the reality of things. At this point in time, if your kids don't bring it up then you don't either. If they do bring it up maybe explain that everyone has their strengths in life, and that they will eventually find the thing that gets them the medal! If it continues to bother you, maybe call the school and explain your disappointment with the "ceremony".

I don't think its unfair, and the practice of rewarding every child that participates or plays rather than the few who excelled in specific areas has begun to create a slight problem in our society as a whole.
I work in higher education and mindset of the students who have entered in the past 2 years is that they should receive something for nothing. Its not their fault really...its the way they have been taught to expect things. Back in the day if you played little league and weren't the best at it, you either didn't play much or didn't receive a reward at the end. Now sports are geared to reward all no matter what and its creating a sense in children that they don't have to give much effort.
There are some sports which reward all for participation, then reward a specific few for the accomplishments that you listed and i totally agree with that.
You should take the opportunity to encourage your children. Tell them something like, "you did great! but if you maybe practiced a little more, (or whatever it is that maybe you'd like to see them do) next time you could earn a prize"

I agree with the posters that not every kid should be getting prizes for their performance - but I won't go into my rant about that. Instead, I will note that I think it was poorly thought out to give 2/3 of the kids prizes and leave 1/3 without. If I was a parent in the class, I would have rather seen the percentage reversed (even if it meant my kid did not get a prize). Just my preference.

I think you have a right to be annoyed. I know I know, life isn't fair and I tell my kids that all the time. If they let two-thirds of the class pick out of a box and the other third got shafted with something pre-choosen...that is just mean of the adults. I would contact the owners and explain that not only was it mean it damages the child's self-esteem, they could have put the bracelets in the box and let everyone choose. And really, a four day camp...how much could they really improve anyways LOL I say if your boys bring it up just tell them how proud you are of them.

I am sorry that this has upset you. BUT I would try to think of this as a teaching opportunity for your kids. Did either of your kids have the best push-up? No. But if this bothers them, now they have the opportunity to work at it, practice practice, practice, and next time, it could be them getting the award for best push-up! Or they can reflect upon what actions and words the child displayed who received the award for encouraging others, and try doing some of those things in their daily lives. They will not win everything they try in life - not even close! But 5 and 7 is not too young to learn what attributes they'll need to be excellent in their chosen activities, and it's not too young to admire and study those who have excelled. I do not agree that every child should win something, because then none of the awards is really special.

R.,
I think you have a right to be upset! Toys as rewards for a Karate Camp are a bit much. I think the better choice would have been to verbally acknowledge the kids for each of these awards.... Everyone can clap and say great job, support each other.
I know everyone has to deal with losing graciously at some point in their lives, but this was a camp which I assume is non-competitive, correct?
I think the only way you’re going to get over it is to say something. Or do as your kids have already done, brush it off and move on and don't send them back to that camp and ask more questions in regards to the competiveness of the camp before putting your kids in it.
Good Luck!
J. in Macomb

I think the karate instructors should have handed out the certificates to all of the kids first. Most of the kids would have been admiring their certificates and really not paid attention to the additional awards being handed out. Also, I think the instructors could have found something positive about each child and therefore given a special award to each child. Good Lord there were only 12 or 13 kids involved and it was a camp, each child should have been able to learn something or improve on something during the camp days or the instructors weren't doing their jobs!!!
V.

I agree with all the moms who basically said "life isn't fair, and they need to learn that". When they're adults and going for a promotion at work and someone else gets it, there is no consolation prize for everyone who didn't get the promotion. Those folks just have to deal with it and work harder to have a better chance next time. It's how the world works and sheltering them from that (especially now when it's something small and, as you mentioned, they quickly got over it) would be doing them a great disservice. It's hard to watch your kids get passed over for awards, but there is no better motivation to work harder next time that that. It seems to have been harder on you than it was on them! :o)

I think that is terrible and you should say something!

As both a teacher and a parent, I would suggest you contact whoever is in charge of the program and suggest that, unless those students did something VERY specific, like 20 pushups, or learned every move correctly and that is what the award is for, then everyone should get one for something if they are going to do it at all. Why not just the certificate for a job well done, anyway???

When you were a kid, did you get a prize for everything you participated in? I didn't. It's called learning how to be proud of what you did do and congratulate those who did better than you.

I don't mean to sound like a nasty person, but I don't understand the mentality that "everyone is a winner" in all competitive events now. That is not reality!

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I don't think that you should do a thing. I think that your kids have moved on - follow their lead. I agree with many of the posters here that we have become a society that is so overly concerned with everyone's self esteem, that we reward everyone and then basically the awards become meaningless. HOWEVER, having said that, I agree with you that it is thoughtless to hand out "special" awards to half the class. It is similar to inviting the majority of a class to a birthday party and ignoring the others. It would be so much better to single out one or two children who have really excelled: it really does reward their effort, and it gives the other kids something to strive for next time. And why, oh why, does everything in a kid's life have to involve a prize? Isn't doing your best prize enough???

You aren't a karate mom, right? The reason I ask is I've been involved since 1992 and still help out during a couple of classes during the schoolyear. I have 3 sons, all second degree black belts.
NOW, I never went to karate camp with my kids. Never volunteered to be a cabin counsellor either. I let my kids go to camp, get away from mom and dad, concentrate on karate and fun. By doing that I put my kids in the hands of their instructor and the other instructors. Ultimately they became assistant instructors as well and cabin counsellors.
What I'm getting at is if you are there to see exactly how your kids are doing, then you could have a valid complaint. If you aren't there following your kids, then how do you know they put more or less effort in. Basically it's the call of the cabin counsellor to give marks for the students in their cabins. Not everyone DOES get a reward or award. It's still all about training and having fun. Even the awards/rewards can be useless but fun. My group always had such fun. Even awarded a booby prize for some really goofy reason.
Karate camp is about training, having fun, not having to have the daily social mores and pressures, and meet other kids. Don't worry so much about this that it's an issue. I've found that when parents get all bent out of shape about small things like this, it makes doing karate a drag and they ultimately want to drop out.
I've been a karate mom 18.5 years. Seen kids come and go, parents too. I get in the kids' faces when necessary. But I let them know too when they're looking good out on the floor.

life is unfair. they will learn that throughout their lives. no need to fret over it.

It does seem unfair, but honestly, let your kids lead you on this one. They don't seem to think its a big deal. And there will be many times in life where they need to learn to deal with disappointments, and it looks like they're ready to take on that challenge. It seems like this is striking a chord with you and not them. Try not to push your issues onto your kids.

If this teacher seems to be unfair in general, you might want to avoid their karate class in the future and find a different one. :)