How Does a Child Become a Good Student?

TB
Have you thought about finding something that she herself acccels in? Music, soccer, ballet, a interest of hers alone? I have found that just because a child doesn't alway win the prize doesn't mean that she doesn't win at something else. Good for you that you teach her to appreciate winners because as time goes on they themselves may not always be the winners because there is always someone a little smarter than them. Good luck

Can you answer this question? Are the students who constantly win popular and have popular/wealthy parents?

I have a couple of kids that work super hard at academics and never win anything and a couple that win everything and never even try. I really think there are those kids who are just simply smart and do NOT have to try academically. I have tried to find what each of my children are good at and celebrate that. One of mine really struggles with academics but is a truly gifted artist. This is not uncommon with severe dyslexics and he is off the charts with dyslexia. One of my kids just graduated from college with her bs in biology and is already working on her masters. She could be a professional student and do well at it. Just find what your child / children excels at and celebrate that one accomplishment. hth

Life isn't always FAIR and that is a hard lesson to learn, I'm afraid. That said. Perhaps you should encourage the school to reward all children who enter, giving everyone a prize of some kind for effort.
Talk to her teachers. Some children are naturally competitive and can't understand why they do well in one area and not others... when, we know as adults we are happy to excel in one or two areas and be good or mediocre in others, as we ACCEPT ourselves...
I think her teacher, school counselor, or even pediatrician could give you some great advice.
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I hope those help.
Also - I don't think it is jealousy on your part... I think it is hard to not win while the same person does over and over. It's like being a bridesmaid and not a bride. It hurts.

OK, 1st things 1st.....

How long have you lived in the current school system? Could be the teachers "know" the parents and their kids play together. Try going to class with your child. I have done this off and one for over 25 yrs, let's the teacher know you are interested in your child and their curriculum. One thing you will never get past, teacher's pet(s).
As far as your child is concerned, the most important thing is to maintain emotional well-being. Feeling like a failure, will increase and reinforce that they are stupid and therefore this will continue to perpetuate itself throughout the school years.
To help increase your child's knowledge, you can buy computer programs that are age appropriate in reading, math, science, etc. Don't want to purchase learning CD's? Try going to your local library for books or maybe they might have learning tools that can be checked out.
The best thing that you can possibly do mom....is be there for your child and encourage them to always do their best (whatever their best may be at the time). There is always room for improvement.
But, just how much improvement do you want? Do you want a little Einstein or will you be happy with just average?
How much time do you have to help your child?
One more thing, try extracurricular activities like sports, boy or girl scouts, church programs, YMCA, etc. These are proven programs to help increase a child's self esteem and gain a sense of belonging.
As long as your child knows that they are loved unconditionally and get continual support from you mom (or dad, grandma, grandpa, close family friends, etc), they can grow up to be healthy emotional adults.
I had a daughter with a learning disability, so she was "always behind" in class. I gave her my all and I pushed her to excel. I had her tested through the school and various physicians (ADD, hearing, etc). I bought computer programs to help improve her skills. I enrolled her in Girl Scouts, she attended church regularly and had her friends to talk and play with. All of my hard work paid off, she graduated last year from high school as a graduating junior, Capt in ROTC after only 2 yrs in ROTC.
Now, I have my youngest who is at risk for failing 1st grade because of reading and math. I have increased his reading each night, have him memorizing vocabulary on index cards, figuring out word problems in his head and vocalizing how he got his answer. My son has improved dramatically and it's because of my dedication to my children's learning against what the teacher suggested. I also reward each grade improvement, books read, math problems completed, etc.
Please let me know how things go.

Respectfully submitted,

P. Sims

The first thing you need to ask yourself is - Is your daughter wanting to win or are you wanting to win? There is no magic training that makes one child more likely to win then another. As an elementary teacher & spec ed teacher- rarely is there a major competition that would tramatize your daughter self esteem. If it is based on paper a test - the reality is some students do better at tests then others. I have had students throw up before testing. My advice is to tell your daughter to compare herself to herself. If she is always worries about the other guy then that will become her focus forever. If she worries about her own growth and ability she will get to compare her growth within herself. That is what I do for my spec ed kids. Imagine them - they NEVER win anything or even come close - imagine what that does for their self esteem! Also look to her strenghts ask her teacher what are her strengths - use those to help and point them out to her. Everyone has a special strength! Just keep working with her but don't smother her let her grow within herself. Good Luck!

I think this is the fault of the school. They should be rewarding and praising all achievement, not just academic. Does she work hard, listen well, contribute to discussion? Is she responsible, thoughtful, a good friend? These are qualities which far outweigh being smart. Sounds like you are doing a good job with your daughter. How does a child become a good student? I think she probably already is. The school needs to boost every pupil's self esteem.

M.

I was a good student--mostly I just have a strong dislike for being wrong. Despite everything, I still flunked out of college the first time because I did not have the strong foundation you have given your daughter and it took me years to figure out how to be happy. Honestly, now that I'm back in college and have ten years on my peers it is obvious to me that natural talent has it's place, but the most important factors that determine GPAs in the end are 1) how much sleep 2)what was eaten and 3)how much sheer time was put into preparing. Truly, my advice is for you and your daughter to think of academic success as marathon and not a sprint...in the end she will be on top if she paces herself and doesn't burn out!

I am sure you have already gone over these core ideals with your child, but they are worth revisiting. Each child or adult, for that matter, has their own set of "gifts"- natural bents or skills that are unique to that person. But, these "skills" are not what gives us value or makes us smart or beautiful. The other children who "always win"-do not have some special secret and outside of the small school contest environment they do not "always win"..no one does! You are so right to encourage your child to cheer for other people's success.Your child's strength of character will carry them much farther in life if he or she is grounded in the truth that sometimes our efforts pay off with a "win" or "prize" and sometimes they don't, but we only really lose, if we don't try at all! Recognition is important to each child. Reward your child if he or she does their best work regardless of the outcome. Of course there are always new strategies to improve their spelling, reading or writing etc...but children have to take ownership of their own skills and find the area in which they excel. Your child's teacher is probably a great resource for how your child can use her competitive spirit to her advantage! Hang in there...you're doing a great job.

Mother of 2 daughters! :)

TB,
My children aren't old enough to be in this struggle yet but I still know lots about it because my husband always tried extremely hard when he was young to do as well in school as his brother did. It didn't matter how hard he studied, his brother was simply brilliant and always did better in school than he did. Ultimately, my husband's parents decided to figure out what my husband was really passionate about and let him concentrate on his life's passion. In the end, my husband graduated high school, but never went to college. Now he is a very successful business owner who loves what he does and looks forward to going to work everyday. We live in our dream home and marvel at how wonderful our lives are on a daily basis. He is an extremely happy and fulfilled person because he does what he loves and because he concentrates his efforts on what he is good at - not what other people are good at. School is extremely important. But ultimately our job as parents is to prepare them to be self-sufficient adults. Perhaps instead of trying to figure out why she's not succeeding at someone else's game, you may try to figure out exactly what her game is.
Hope this helps!

Politics is a possibility, but so is the fact that the child/children who get the academic wins are exceptional. I have three great children and while we live in a society that likes to tell children "YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT" this is nonsense. If you are a boy, you cannot be a surrogate for a infertile couple, if you are 4 ft 11 you realistically can't be an NBA player, if your IQ is 80 you aren't going to be the Provost of UT. So I would encourage you to continue doing what sounds like a fantastic job, and you focus on her successes - which I have no doubt are many.

You need to try to destract her from thinking about the kids that always win. Maybe by making her feel like a winner yourself when she has tried her best and did good but maybe did not win. You can treat her to a day out or a little prize this way you are teaching her that it does not matter if she wins the competition she is always a winner as long as she has done her best.

There are children who are exceptional. They are the brightest and will excel in all areas of academics. Trying to "be as good as they are" will lead to disappointment and a sense of failure. The best way to deal with your child is to always encourage them to give their best effort at whatever it is they are doing. Point out that each person has different gifts and some children are gifted academics. There are many areas to be gifted in. Compliment her effort. IHelp her find things that she does excel in- sports, drama, music, etc and let her feel success in that area. There are exceptionally bright children who will always be at the top no matter what.
Mom of seven year old in first grade

I agree with BP. Everyone is different and everyone is good at something -- some kids are just good at winning. This doesn't mean that they're any smarter than the kids they beat, nor does it means they necessarily work harder or have more ambition. I was the kid and young adult who won everything. It always astonished me that I did, and was actually embarrassing, but it got to the point where I was expected to win every time and the pressure was too much to bear. I actually hated that other people came in with a lower score or award...I didn't like "beating" anyone, but if I didn't come in first I felt like a failure because of everyone's reaction. It can be VERY hard to be the winner. This was compounded by the fact that my brother had smarts that danced circles around me and he won pretty much nothing. I felt like such a fraud. Frankly I hate competition with kids. I don't know what I think the answer is, but I know that my winning hurt a lot of kids AND their parents. It's been a struggle for me as a parent myself. I have three kids: 17, 14 and 4. We talk ALL the time about these issues because they are constantly relevant. Each of my children is considered "gifted", but each has a different mental talent. I think it's hard because society still sees standard academics as the only evaluation of "smart", and yet there are so many brilliant children who never grow up thinking they are the "smart ones" because their intelligence is a bit more intangible. Competition tends to further this concept and reinforces the idea that some kids are not winners. It has been hard watching my kids enter something and not do well at all, much less win. My daughter has had to go from activity to activity, still trying to find out what her "thing" is. For some things we try again, especially things she loves to do. But at some point, if the child is miserable from losing, I figure why are we still participating in this particular activity? Just because life is like this doesn't mean to me that we have to take part. I believe that sometimes our losing gives us a goal to reach, but more often it just breaks us down. Maybe it's just the wrong arena. My husband often says, "Everybody is good at something -- some people are good at high school!" I think all moms can look back at their high school years and know that that's true. When my kids have hit a wall with some sort of competition, we either move on to the next idea, or move the idea out of whatever playing field we were on (usually the school.) I know a handful of girls who could never make the dance team at school because they were not the "right" girls. They all went to a local dance studio and joined the competition team there and were fabulous! They just had to change venues. When my daughter was nominated in each of her classes for homecoming queen and lost (again), she actually came home this year and said, "Well, ***** won again...I guess that's her job, she's the queen." It may seem strange, but I was SO proud of her. To me, THAT'S life -- knowing the role you want might just not be for you, and usually it means something better is in store.

Dear TB,

I agree with the politics, unfortunately I believe that it is true.

And I do help, and run a ministry through our church, that affects the teachers, and students of our school district, and I am seen a lot at their school. Please check it out. I t will help your and yours also.

www.angelfoodministries.com

However, I did learn some things from my ex's parents. My ex was tested with a 140 IQ in the 5th grade!

My 10 yr old has made perfect grades on his TASK tests, and or missing just one question on the tests.

If you are not a Christian, please don’t be offended be the next.

Before they get up, during my prayer and meditation time. I evoke my rights as a child of God. I ask that he send his Angels with them for safety, and his Spirit upon them. A Spirit of obedience, wisdom, intelligence, discernment, ect. Whatever their challenges, and needs are that day.

And, I keep God FIRST in my life, so he sees me, as one of his righteous children, and gives special attention to my prayers. I ask that he SHOW ME how to be the parent that he wants me to be. AND he has. You have no idea the improvement from were I came from. These changes were not made over night. It has taken me years to get to were we are today.

I get up an hour before them, and cook a hot, nutritious breakfast. Trying to stay low in sugar, and high in whole grains, not processed white flour, which turns to sugar while digesting. I have found BOB’S RED MILL mixes are very good. Some however I do add a little extra Molasses to and Oil that improves the taste, and consistency.

While we are eating, I try to shower them with positive affirmations. With their breakfast, give them a multi-vitamin. And OMEGA 3/OMEGA 6 Fish Oil 1200mg.

I saw a study last year with school age children. The only thing that was done different was they gave them this Fish Oil. And the children with the supplement, consistently scored higher on tests.

Lastly, I have given up the TV on Thursday nights. It is now Family night. We play games, and do puzzles and such.

Good Luck,

P.

I looks like you're doing a really good job with your daughter, so keep it up. You might try to find out what she's really good at in school so you can foster that skill - maybe music, art, PE, being kind, following directions, etc. Or maybe there's an activity outside of school that she can excell at. I'm an elementary music teacher, and I'm certainly the last one to suggest that you complain to the teacher, but it might be appropriate to see his/her guidance in helping your daughter feel successful. I would suggest scheduling a conference (without you daughter) and share what you've shared here. The teacher may have more insight into what's really going on and should be willing to help boost your child's self-esteem without babying her. If you still feel like you need help, you could also talk to the school counsellor. He or she will probably have some good suggestions. Good luck and keep up the good work!

It sounds to me like your daughter is a great student and that you are very proud of her. I think you just need to keep reinforcing that those great skills and hard work are the most important things and that there are always going to be people in the world who are just naturally more talented or skillful, but that doesn't take away from her success. My 10 yr old son has had issues with this in the area of athletics; he enjoys baseball, basketball, etc., but he's small right now and there are bigger, more naturally athletic boys who always do better. I try to instill in him doing his best and being proud of himself for that and not comparing himself to others. I'm sure as she grows older, she will understand this more. It's very difficult to see our children hurting, but that too is part of life. I have been amazed to see my son, who was very angry & hurt by 2 of the boys in question when he tried to play football with them & they intentionally tried to hurt him during practices, has now made up with 1 of the boys & they are good friends again. Kids are amazingly resilient if we continue to show them love & listen to them when they're hurting. Also, prayer for God to keep watch over our children is an amazing thing!

Best of luck,
G

Hi T B. I have 2 daughters, 2 1/2 years apart. Although I worked with them deligently when they were in school also, it seems that my younger daughter ALWAYS excelled, while my older daughter just "managed to get by". I cannot explain why some children excel, and some do not, and I can see that your daughter puts in the extra effort to get ahead. I used to tell my oldest just to do the best that she can do. Don't worry about other children that do better, as long as I know she did her best, and she was passing, I was proud of her whether she was in 1st place or last place.

I am the mother of a child with learning disabilities. I know the heartache of trying to explain to your child why she isn't keeping pace with the other children. It is a daily challenge with us and I approach it the best I can. Is it one subject or all subjects that your child doesn't win at? Is she struggling in her grades or is this just localized to the competative parts of the day? I have two suggestions for you. First, ask the teacher to please try and provide an opportunity for your child to win. This may mean pairing teams and not against the children she loses to regularly. The other suggestion is that you need to find where she is excelling at and really whoop it up while you try to downplay the other events. It can become a rut you and your child will focus on otherwise. I have a 3rd grader and a 1st grader. The one is a struggling student and the other is the kid with all the answers. I did nothing different with either during their early learning. My 1st grader is a natural as I suspect the other children you speak of are too. Get to know the parents of the children you speak of and ask them. Chances are they are not doing much different. Otherwise, there are tutoring centers if you feel your child might benefit better that way. Good luck!

It's a hard lesson to learn for a lot of children, especially if they are naturally competitive...but, the truth is, there's always someone out there smarter, richer, prettier, etc...learning contentment in one's circumstances while still reaching for goals is a balancing act we do all our lives...my only suggestion for your child is to cultivate interest in many different subjects, and read, read, read--then read some more. Being a strong reader is the primary indicator of academic success, so if your child is lacking in that area, get her some help, and let her see you reading for pleasure, too. Go to the library together and check out interesting books...and remind her every day that she is a precious child of God, created in His image, made before the beginning of the earth--God doesn't make mistakes!

First of all, your child can't be good at everything, find something she excells at and she will be a winner :) You have taught her good values, these will come in handy in the long run. Tell her to visulize what she wants, down to the last detail and it will happen:)

I am a mother of nine "winners." under the age of 16. At first when they started skipping grades and getting 100s on tests I thought it was a mistake. But now with national honor society and wins in school elections I know something is happening. My kids have had a very structured upbringing. There has been no network telivision. They are all readers. Dad and I read and talk about what we read. Vocabulary is a dinner topic. They are taught to greet adults with "eyes on their eyes." We talk about treating others with our Best manners all the time. We encourage competition but we are just as excited about the third place wins as the first place wins. I have a son who has won third place in a national cyclying competions who is now a varcity foot ball starter. I have a daughter who has gone to many national ballet competions. She has never won the top prize but competing has made her good enough to want a career in Ballet. Competition is good for them win or lose. We enter all competions sometimes we win sometimes we take home third or even fourth place but competing makes them better at whatever they do!!
My advice is to just keep reading and talking to adults and competing in every opportunity that comes along. Unconditional love, optomism and jokes about "Murphy's law" help alot too.

It sounds as though you are trying very hard to work with your child. Since I am a teacher(M.Ed.) as well as a Mom and a Grandma, I can give you some advice on this issue. First of all, remember that all school contests in elementary school are set up to encourage children to do their best. If you are not sure of the directions for the contest, talk to the teacher and clarify what they are looking for in the project. Then, guide your child through the project making sure she is doing most of the work herself. You can take her to a library, or a craft store, but let her look up the information or choose the materials for the project. Also, stress that the point of the contest is not necessarily for her to win a "prize", but for her to learn and have fun with the material you are working on. Teach her to be happy when her friends and classmates win and succeed. School is about more than winning contests. It is also about learning social skills and the give and take that occurs in the classroom, the school, the community and the world. If you become a parent volunteer in the classroom ,or the school, that would also give you more of an idea of how the school operates. I hope these ideas are helpful and give you some peace of mind. You love your child and are trying to help her succeed. Don't let stress make the learning experience a difficult one for her. J. K.

Okay this would really upset me if I were the teacher and I would want to know. I would meet with the teacher to let her know how "not winning at these contests" makes your daughter feel. Teaching academics comes so easily to most teachers but helping with self-esteem issues doesn't seem to be a focus anymore. It should be. I was a very intelligent student in school who suffered with ADHD and math disorder. I felt stupid most of the time and I, too, didn't win many contests. Find out from the teacher more about the types of competition she's conducting...what are the objectives...what are the rules...how is a winner determined. Perhaps the teacher needs to find other ways of playing the games in order to include others that may know the answers but don't respond as quickly or whatever the reason may be. Perhaps if the teacher is aware how your daughter feels about these contests she can find another way to help her feel like a winner.

This is such a small problem. I would just tell her you are so proud of her accomplishments. If you know she is doing her very best, that's all that matters. So what if she is not the winner in her projects. Do you really think it's going to make a difference whether she wins now when she is off at college? I really don't recall a college application asking how many awards a child won while attending elementary school. Don't make an issue out of this and make sure this isn't about you. Give her lots of hugs and let her know how proud she makes you. That's all kids want. They just want their parents approval.

Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Find the area where you child excels and develop that. This doesn't mean push school by the way side, just that she may have another area where she excels.

I think you are doing great things already, by encouraging her, teaching her to be a good sport, and loving her. Keep it up mama!

This is multidimensional and I don't think any of our advice would count since you know your child better than any. You are a human with emotions - this in itself can spill a lot of the issues you mentioned. Know what they are first. List, identify and decide which are keepers and which are not. Is it acceptable that your daughter is reacting like so? Should she be responding differently?
I learned that the words I choose projects the results. For example - in order to tame my alter ego in ruling my emotions - I choose the words respond v react. When I first applied this modification in dealing with my children I noticed that I didn't focus on the person nor the situation but the intent. We talked about why they did what they did and what we need to do according to our beliefs as a family. I think it showed my children that if "Mom is not perfect then it is okay that I am not perfect." don't get me wrong - we strive for excellence but not to the demise of the spirit. Striving is good enough for us because we believe that in our kids will find joy in what they do and not who they do it for. Together we are in the discovery what their true talents are. Personally - I found the book The Five Love Languages of Children very very helpful by gary Chapman.
My kids got it! I got it! Response - requires reason / React - begets action. Which one has a better lasting impact? You decide.

Hi TB! I read your post and understand your dilema very well. One of my children (mother of 3) was an underachiever in school related subjects. I noticed that no matter how hard he tried, he was not able to be the winner. Someone was always better than he was, he thought. Sadly enough, some of the teachers that he had did not understand him either and thus promoted a failure type feeling to him always. But not all children learn the same ways and unfortunately they are all put in the same box in school. When I realized this, I started looking to see the things that he did excell in and focused on those things instead. Don't get me wrong, he still tried in the other contests and I supported him in that. But we started concentrating on his positives and that really helped. And we are all winners in the end if we do our very best. Hope this helps you. bj

I would like to know some of the responces. I have/am going through the same thing.

I understand you wanting your child to have her turn at winning. But we try to focus on the joy of participation and learning. My 9 year old is a great student. He often competes in school events like UIL, chess tournaments, spelling bee... He also loves sports and plays football, basketball and baseball. Our school has over 650 kids. Multiply that times the 6 elementary schools in town and there is a lot of competition out there! Even if your child is very "smart" it is statistically hard to be first. Our son didn't win the spelling bee, but he was one of only 50 kids in his whole school and he made it to the final 12. For many of these competitions they get to be out of class for the afternoon, get a certificate and recognition at an assembly... all of those things are bonuses. We talk to him about all of the extra fun he has participating. We tell him that he did a great job. He is one of the top students just for doing these extras. He keeps all of his ribbons and certificates in a book with pictures we take at the events so he can look back with pride in all of the things he's done. Sometimes we also give small rewards at home like a movie night or letting him choose a place to eat dinner out.

I try to think about myself too... did I win every contest or sporting event? was I first in my high school class? No.. but I think back foundly on my childhood and have a great life which includes two college degrees, a family, many tallents and interests. It sounds like you are a wonderful, caring parent. Try expanding your definition of "winning" and maybe you will both feel more satisfied. Good luck!

Find your child's talent and encourage it. In elementary school my daughter was discouraged because all her friends were going to be in the school talent show. Her talent was art and she asked how she could show that off in a talent show. I encouraged her to talk to her art teacher and ask if she could draw something for the program. To her surprise, the art teacher thought it was a great idea and she felt like she was part of the show. Unfortunately, some elementary school don't have sport days anymore which were a great way for kids who weren't the best students to showcase their athletic talents. But if you get involved at the school, soon you will find your child's niche and encourage a way to showcase her and other kids like her. There are always going to be kids smarter than ours and if they work hard they deserve rewards, but that does not in any way take away from the talents and effort put forth by our kids. I suggest you encourage your child to appreciate the talents those other kids have but also appreciate what she has to offer. As a mother of older kids, I know this is a good life lesson!

OK - honestly there are academics and then there are the other competitions and contests.
One elementary school in our area consistently saw the same outcome to a contest every year. You 'could set your clock to it'. The chairpersons child (or children) would be the grade level winner. It was different kids each time as there was a different chair person each time. The schools in our area are extremely influenced by who volunteers, how much, and for what. It often seems to me to be a contest in itself to see who can 'out do' the others! There is a great deal of pressure from the school to participate in said shenanigans! It has gotten WAY out of control! Is your school similarly afflicted? We have seen this same phenomena in two Houston area 'highly regarded' ISD's. Are the situations in question judged by the pta (where the parents are influential)? What about the winners mom always being in the class room? Perhaps dad's company donates money. It happens here all the time. It's sad for the children really but certainly not the children's fault. Some kids honestly get preferential treatment based on who their parents are. I don't see an easy solution. Perhaps an honest look at the pattern in your school will help you both to see that it isn't your fault at all!
Best wishes!

My son has always been a fabulous student and he participated in all kinds of academic competitions in elem and jr high. Math club (he went to STATE!), spelling bee's (2nd place one year), etc etc etc...he is labeled GT, but I think he is just an all around great kid. The truth of the matter is...none of that matters now that he is in high school. NO ONE knows about that stuff, nor cares...! ha! :) His grades are still fantastic (hard studying and a momma that won't let anything slide in the academic department!) He isn't interested in academic competitions any longer, as he has grown into a super cutie young man, and I guess that isn't "cool" enough--but he keeps his grades up and that is what is important to all of us here. Your daughter IS smart enough or she wouldn't even be competing! And honestly, don't we all learn more from not winning than we do from winning? I would focus on the fact that she works hard and is learning what it takes to compete--if that is what she wants to do and enjoys doing. Does she enjoy it? Does she enjoy other things? My son has recently become interested in cooking! Who knew??? So, along with all of his AP classes, he is taking the first food nutrition class in the fall. I am just proud that he wanted to compete and be a part of those thing when he was younger because it all taught him something--good study habits, he made GREAT friends (with good kids), determination, and how to set goals. He learned these things whether he won or loss. I think that is more important than the trophies, etc. (which by the way, we threw out with the last garage sale!) We have the photos, the memories and some certificates...but colleges won't see that and neither will his future boss. So, in the grand scheme of life, what matters is that you love her and encourage her in the path that she wants to take. :) Good luck and take care! jen

These kinds of contests drive me crazy. My daughter goes to a private school that doesn't allow contests in an effort to prevent unneccessary damage the children's developing pictures of themselves. I have heard the argument that kids need to learn competition to learn what the real world is like. But do we really want a world like that -- where people are always "competing"? If people focused more on helping each other and working cooperatively, we might have better relations with other countries and fewer wars. Look to Russian President Putin for an example of someone who is trying invent competition with the West when there is really no trouble between his country and others -- does he really want to go back to something like the Cold War era?

I might suggest sharing the following article with your daughter's teachers to see if that will help.
http://fcs.osu.edu/hdfs/bulletin/volume.3/bull25b.htm

I hope our public schools will figure out a way to stay more on top of some of the research that is being conducted and integrate those findings into classroom practice.

As a teacher, parent and grandparent, that's one of the tougher questions. If you are truly concerned about your own child's development, you might check into some alternative learning styles. Project based learning is a new field getting a lot of excellent results. you might not have to change schools, you can do some activities at home, There's all kinds of learning tools out there, experiment with what you are both comfortable with. About the "smart" kid that always wins - yep, I see it all the time. Talk to the teacher, principal, school couselor - help them to understand they are creating a difficult situation, not just for your child, but lots of others. Help your child find other things she can excel in, art and/or individual sports (karate, tennis, swimming) And I applaud your interest in your child's academic development, so many parents are not active participants.

Understand....We have one child that IS the academic "winner" all the time, and one who is in the same position as your daughter. It is another one of lifes' delicate issues that we as parents are given to set an example-(sigh). I have learned that teaching your kids how to handle different situation in life holds far more importance than being the best at something. We've all been given different gifts and celebrate when one discovers theirs. I tell mine if were all given the same gifts, we would not function as a community. I always remind my daughter that her position in life is her own, and there are special plans in place for her to discover and they may have nothing to do with academics. Celebrate and appreciate others as an example, so when her time comes, others can celebrate her.
Peace

Dear TB
I, too, have worked with my child since the day she was born (which was good to give her a little head start in school before she began), but the day I realized there must be boundaries as to how far I should go is when I was taking my then-kindergarten daugher to school one morning. As we got closer to the campus, I witnessed a mother in the car ahead of me reviewing flash cards with her child as she was driving. Now, for anyone who reads this, as long as the Mom is being a safe driver, I'm not criticizing this practice--perhaps the child enjoyed it; perhaps that was the only time of day mother and child could review their addition/subtraction facts. But for my daughter and me, this was (and still is) the time of day when we talk and she prepares herself emotionally for the events to come--we need this time and I'm not going to compromise it for anything else.
What do the teachers say about your child's performance? Is she developmentally (cognitively, emotionally behaviorally) where she needs to be? If so, don't worry about it; if not, perhaps your teachers or the school counselor can make recommendations to help her along the way. Does she have a particular talent or innate gift that she excels at--like art or music? If so, then perhaps this needs to be more the focus, particularly if she is not struggling with the academics, but is right where she needs to be for her age.
My advice to my daughter is to never look to the right or to the left, but to simply do her best. The rest will take care of itself. Moreover, the things that she has a passion for--like art--I want her to pursue with that same passion, and to that end I am helping her develop her talent. And not because she needs to be better at it than everyone else, but because that is what gives her joy and happiness (which always needs to come from within and not external circumstances such as another person's opinion that results in a first prize ribbon).
All this is to say that your daughter's opinion of herself should not be guided by how well she does in comparison to everyone else. She has her own unique self to develop. Recently I began a series of children's storybooks that focus on the meaning of good character. Each book deals with one particular character trait, but the series appropriately begins with "Wonderfully Made." Because it is most difficult to develop good character in one's inner core if he/she does not understand his/her own worth. For more information, you can go to my Web site at www.villagerdustbunnies.com. If you choose to order, type in "Clover" for the promotion and receive a 10% discount.

Best wishes--your child is most wonderfully made, and she should know it from within. J. Bloom

Every child is good at something - even if it's "just" being helpful or having a cheerful smile. Unfortunately there are no contests for helpful and cheerful people, but the world would be a much worse place without them! I have 2 girls 13 and 6. My older daughter is a good student and usually brings home A's. We have always let her know (through reading, helping with homework, taking an interest in what she's doing at school, etc) that education is important. My younger daughter is smart, but doesn't do as well in school (so far). Each one responds differently to the traditional classroom setting. I suspect that my younger daughter will have to work much harder to do well in school. However, we try to find things she is good at and enjoys doing (like cheerleading or fixing her hair) and let her excel in those areas. You might want to remind your daughter what she IS good at and praise her for her efforts in school. Ultimately, the kids who have to work harder in high school will have an easier time in college than those who just breeze through high school. The kids who make A's effortlessly in school are in for a shock in college when they have to learn how to work and study. And many of them fail because they have never had to learn how to be persistent and work at something - it's easier to just give up. There are some studies out now saying that you should praise the hard work and effort rather than tell your kids they are smart. I tend to think this is probably the right thing to do because the effort is more important. "Smart" kids who have not had to struggle in school will give up or not try because they don't want to fail. Kids who have had to work hard in a subject have learned to be persistent and most often succeed. They have also learned the valuable lesson of not giving up. I think easy in academics comes with the personality and abilities of the child more than what the parents teach or do. I've seen this with my own 2 kids as well as my sister's 2 kids. So keep encouraging your daughter and help her find something she can excel at - even if it's outside of school. And remind her of how proud you are of her hard work and effort. Good Luck!

Do you go to St. Mary's in Humble? If so, your child will never win. Unless you kiss someones behind, the principal namely, she is the judge. Also advice take them out. They are pretty slow on the math, science, and English compared to public school. This is from experience. Your child is not slow academics.