Explaining Death, Heaven, Body Vs. Soul to a 4 Year Old

hi DVM mom-

I found this story when my kiddos were VERY young (some even not born!!) and my grandma died...

I copied and pasted it for you...I thought it was a very good analogy.

The other book I would recommend is 'The Fall of Freddie the Leaf' by leo buscaglia (sp?)...wonderfully illustrated...and nature and child centered...

"The Water Bug Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another, "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going?" Up, up, up it slowly went... Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another... " Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third... No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise" they said solemnly.

One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.

He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.

By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

Then the dragonfly remembered the promise. without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...

Dear God, please remember my loved one who has left the pond we live in...and remember me..."

Best Luck!!
michele/cat

Children pick up so much of what we don't say, often they know our inner thoughts and questions and feelings. The other little girl may be picking up her mother's doubts or unresolved questions, feelings or conflicts. They are always telling us something about ourselves if we pay attention. Not that we tell them anything like this. My youngest was 4 when my mother past away but she took it the easiest, she astounded me with her "wisdom" even. But I told her that we all come from heaven, we are really spirits that live in heaven where our true home is (I wouldn't use the word soul for this age) and we come to earth to live in a earth body while we are here and then when it's time, we go back home. When a child gets about 7 or so, they really start understanding more about this and may even start to talk about it out of the blue, this is normal, they're starting to feel things in a whole new way at this age. Look at it this way, your little one is only 4 years from heaven, she remembers it more than you or I. She may not be able to articulate it, she may even say she doesn't remember, but there is a part of her that knows heaven. Try to talk about these things as you would most everything else because they're part of life, not something to fear or make complicated. Remember, children know when we doubt, even if they aren't able to say it. Relax! ~~I hope this helps. May God Bless you all!

p.s. Of course when I said these things to my kids, much later I was presented with the question then why do we leave heaven and come here? Well, we come here to learn about the world and ourselves and others but mostly we come here to help other people on their journey. We're all on a journey here to see what we can discover and create and do. We all carry a special light within our heart that we're born with from the world of the sun and we're here to share our light with others. (something like this anyway) Keep it sweet and pure and simple, children don't need morality flung in their faces, this doesn't make for a moral person in the long run, this makes for a judgemental adult. Whatever religious flavor you choose (if you choose one) God did not intend for children to be immerse in heavy belief systems, he intended the lightness of Being, the sweetness of a child to be cherished. Christ said to let the children come on to me. He is Pure Unadulterated Light. All you need is what is in your heart of hearts.

I can't answer your main question about explaining the afterlife, but the book "Lifetimes" is a great way to explain life and death to children in a straightforward and matter-of-fact way.

I'm not sure that the concept of bodies and souls is really age appropriate, and I'm really not convinced that it's at all important right now. Way too complicated.

The route we chose is almost exactly like Christine D's. Our 5 year old asked us where he was before he was in my tummy, and I told him he was in heaven. I told him that God chose us to be his parents and put him in my tummy. Two of my husband's brothers passed away before our kids were born, but they know about their uncles. They also know that my husband and I both lost our grandparents before our kids were born. We talk about how they are all in heaven now, and one day we will join them.

I understand what Christine W is saying about how sad we get when someone dies, but I completely disagree that that means we can't talk about heaven. I believe heaven is a perfect place and we will all be very happy there, but that doesn't mean I won't miss my loved ones when they die. Isn't that what we're morning really? Funerals, visitations, etc. are ways for us to celebrate a life and remember someone we loved. They don't need us to do that. We don't do it for them. We do it for us.

No one knows for certain what happens when we die. Many of us do believe in heaven and have some ideas of what will happen and when and how. But the reality is, we don't know for sure. The passages in scripture that discuss the afterlife, the second coming of Christ, the final judgement, etc. are full of imagery and vague ideas. We just have to wait and see.

I see you mentioned heaven so since that is where God is we have to go to God and the Bible to find answers. Since he created heaven he has the answers to life and death, etc. I have some links you could read for yourself and you would need to read the Scriptures listed for yourself to find answers for yourself.
http://christianity.about.com/od/christiandoctrines/f/wha...
I am not Lutheran but here is a good link from them:
http://www.orlutheran.com/html/aftersoul.html
Another one is below:
http://bible.org/seriespage/consciousness-soul-after-death
These may help you to understand better how to view it for yourself and then you can better explain it to your daughter.
I could recommend two books for you to read to your daughter that are for children. One is "What Happens When We Die?" by Carolyn Nystrom. The other is "Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven". It's a Zonderkidz book by Maribeth Boelts. It says for children 4-8. It's hard to explain to a child how your spirit is 'you' but I told my kids and tell my grandchildren, that if you see someone with no arm or two arms gone they are still 'them'. So there is a what is really us inside a house body. It's not as hard for a child to understand it as it is for us as adults to accept things by faith.

I appreciate that heaven can be comforting to many. One of my great friends is regretting painting such a rosy picture of heaven now to her younger children. Her 16 month old grandson is on life support in the Children's hospital from drowning...it has been an AWFUL situation for the past six weeks. Two of the kids were saying "what's the problem if he dies? It is so wonderful there like you told us". As wonderful as my friend feels heaven is, she would prefer her grandson to recover whole and is upset that the younger children feel it is OK to die.

My grandmother's 4 year old (my aunt before my mother was born) died and my grandmother got 4 different answers from four different pastors as to what actually happens to you when you die. So your confusion is valid. It sent her on a quest to study the bible on the subject and upon her conclusion, changed religions. This is what I tell my daughter. When we die its like we sleep, but when God comes again he will wake us and take us to heaven. I believe we sleep until the resurrection. After all, thats when the judgment is and nobody gets the reward of eternal life until after the judgment.