Encouraging Creativity Vs. Setting Limits???? at the Dinner Table ??????

Updated on March 16, 2010
J.R. asks from Washington, DC
8 answers

My 17 month year old is beautifully curious and aware, which we are grateful for and are doing our best to encourage and nurture. My question: at meals, at the moment we allow him to turn over his plate onto his dinner tray and eat from there. He enjoys a bit of exploring/playing at the same time as eating such as putting his food in and out of a tupperware dish. My intuition tells me to continue and encourage his curiousity in this manner. Nonetheless, I am open to hearing different opinions to ponder different trains of thought and/or to receive support to continue as we are doing. As an aside, at restaurants, we don't give him a plate, and let him eat from the tray....and we don't mind this as he is very well behaved naturally.

Thank you.

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L.S.

answers from New London on

IT just depends on what you want to manage and what you can tolerate. Dinner time for us was dinnertime, it wasn't playtime and we have well-mannered kids, who use napkins, forks, etc. There were plenty of other times for playtime and creativity for us. He had his own little table for kid play etc. Where we played with glue and uncooked noodles, pretend cooking, etc. It is confusing for kids to play with their food at dinner time , to them it will always be playtime if they associate the dinner table with playing. I mean, using a fork to mash potatoes is fine, but spilling them, throwing things on the floor and creating a huge mess is another thing, so it just depends on what you are willing to put up with.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Let it go within limits. He is still pretty young. But having said that don't start any habits that your going to freak about later. There are cups / plates made that have rings that suction to the tray. I would get one of those and start using it. You will be appalled at the weird times kids choose to do things that you "allow" at home. when we were on vacation once we were driving for what seemed like forever. we couldn't find a rest stop and kids had to go to bathroom. so over we pulled and had them pee in a huge mc donalds cup which we then poured out the window and threw in garbage . for years after any time they needed to go to the bathroom no matter where we were they would say in that loud voice only an irate 4 year old can have that "you always let us pee in the car before" when it in fact happened once lol. so just saying be careful what you allow.

os separate note. make sure if you let him eat from the tray/table in public places. they are not always clean even though they may look surface clean. last time we were at chuckie cheese a little girl threw up all over the table. the mom wiped it up with babywipes but it was not disinfected/cleaned and another family sat down to eat. i went and got a bottle of stuff and rag from an employee. just saying things are not always what the seem

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I don't think you're going to have too big of a problem on your hands, but I do agree that you have to think about habits you are going to need to change later.

We didn't really use dinner time as a time to explore with either kids. It has always been for eating and for talking, but I don't see a real problem with how you're letting him explore.

I did want to let you know about some liners you can take to restaurants and adhere to tables. You can certainly get them at Target - they cost about $15 for several. We found them to be a good alternative to trays/tables at most restaurants because they're sterile and entertaining.

http://www.target.com/b/ref=in_br_browse-box/175-###-###-...=

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D.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

now, not so bad, later...bad.
My kids aren't aloud to "be creative" with their food at the table. They are 5,3 and 21 months and I've ALWAYS been taught that playing with your food and other things at the dinner table is bad manners. My parents weren't strict like it may sound, but that was one thing that was non negotiable.
This past weekend we were at a restaurant and there was a child, about 4 or 5, who was playing and throwing their food everywhere. My 2 oldest were shocked that someone their age would do that. My 21 month old started doing the same thing. We had to move tables because there were other behavioral issues with the child but mostly the food.
Just know when he's old enough that it is bad manners. Even though it may be cute and creative to you know, it won't always be and probably won't be to others later on.

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C.S.

answers from Victoria on

I would probably let him do his pouring & such with other things under your supervision, say while your cooking. I used to give my two uncooked rice & pasta noodles with cups & bowls & let them play while i cooked, then I would sweep & save for next time. At dinner, I didn't start with a plate till they were old enough to understand that it was to stay on the table. I have learned that we as adults keep changing up the rules & it confuses kids. Start with the rules you want later on & so there is no retraining later. I didn't start with plates & utensils until they were in booster seats at the table with the family & they were apart of that accomplishment of getting bigger, now I'm not in a baby high chair, but a booster. I began with only having kids eat in ktichen & dining area, so now they don't question not having food in the living room or having to go into the kitchen to get a drink. Now, I probably wouldn't interfer with him feeding himself unless his food is being thrown or dropped, but I would nix the plate or bowl & just put the food on the tray. In public, I used the sticky place mats until they were old enough not to pick plate up & drop or break out in public. Just my opinion, hope it helps....

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A.S.

answers from Denver on

Baths are for bathing, toilets are for going to the bathroom; never the two shall mix. Dinner tables are for eating, play rooms are for playing. Kids need us to set limits on what is acceptable behavior in certain situations...they look for us to take the lead to navigate the world. There's always debate on how nicely this can be accomplished but the end game is getting your kid to be able to make his own way in the world. To me, this means we show them what is acceptable behavior at the dinner table, and what is not. GL.

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T.B.

answers from Tampa on

With my 16 month old twins, I have started teaching them table manners now. It will just be easier for me down the road=) Here is a little story for you. We had house guests over the summer and my friends 5 year old was sitting at the table eating dinner with us. My friend has always allowed her son to "play" at the table. He started off with funny little things and it quickly progressed to grabbing food from other people's plates, throwing food, and shoving as much food as he could into his mouth. By the time the meal was done, I was speechless and happy they were leaving the next day!! Good luck.

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S.O.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My son is 17 months old and he also "explores" his food in the highchair. It's mostly minor things. As soon as he's had enough though he will start to get crazy and purposefully dump out his milk and splash his hands in it, that's when I call it quits. I know they say to let them explore and make a mess, for now. I'm not sure at what age though this becomes unexceptable.

I say continue to let him for now!

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