Dont Want a Shower...

Neither am I, but I showed up and smiled and opened gifts. It was ok!

Instead of trying to talk her out of it all together I'd negotiate for what you can live with.....

I insisted that they keep it SMALL and that they waited until I was 9 months (I TRIED to make them have it AFTER he was born, but I lost that fight!) After so many miscaariages I did NOT want an apartment full of baby stuff and no baby :( I was a little paranoid!

If you have the "shower" after the baby arrives, then it can just be a small meet the new baby, kind of get together, and if people want to bring gifts then they can. You can never have enough diapers right?

If you dont need one bc you dont need anything how about suggesting something else as a get together idea. YOu could say something like. Its such a sweet idea that you want to throw a shower BUT i really dont need much if anything for the new baby. How about we have a dinner instead or a Shower the baby after it gets her type shower that way since yourr not a people person if you do the shower after then they will be all loving on the baby and can shower him/ her with gifts that the child will use then.

I see that you have two other young children from previous relationship; could you just tell her that you don't "need" baby things and that you feel uncomfortable since this is your 3rd...
Or could you compromise and agree to a "sprinkler" a very small, family event focusing on new baby?

Maybe talk to her about your version of a shower and see if she'll do a small luncheon with just a couple of people vs the big hoopla with lots of guests and stupid party games. I think she's trying to be nice, and you should talk to her about your needs and wants and see what can be accomplished.

You can decline politely, but in the end you're not in charge of what other people do. If she insists on havng one, grit your teeth and play along.

I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with our second. A friend really wanted to throw me one. I kept politely declining. Another friend reminded me that my friends would really enjoy celebrating with me. It was important to them, even if I didn't need anything. So I compromised. Instead of a full, blown out shower, I met my sister and closest friends for lunch at a local restaurant and had a girl's lunch. Everyone paid their own way (I think my tab was picked up, but I wasn't expecting that). It was inexpensive, hassle free for everyone (including the hostess) and it was fun! And meaningful because it was only people who were most important to me. I didn't need anything but I got a lot of cute clothes and fun items and a few "Big brother" presents for my son. I am glad I compromised. It was a special afternoon.

Is it your first? In that case, you must let her throw you a shower. If it is not your first, I can see how you might be uncomfortable. I am very uncomfortable with the idea of a second shower when the children are either close in age or the same gender. Maybe you can let her throw you a luncheon or a brunch, that way people don't feel like they have to bring a present, and if they do, something little.

In this case suck it up :) She is doing a very nice thing for you. Limit the guest list to a small crowd so you'll feel more comfortable with the arrangement.

She should have a Grand ma shower. I have heard of this before. They just like to get together and ohh and awww over little bitty clothes~

My SIL had her baby the weekend of the shower. We (the hostes ) sat at the locaton to inform any people we werent able to get ahold of. One of the older women wanted to have the shower with out her and open all the gifts. I thought this was very rude and would not allow it! Gently sounding shocked and was like oh no way we couldnt do that! she backed off quickly. But it is something people do.

Why not compromise? If you don't have any friends or relatives that you would invite to a shower. Say yes to your husband's mother with the agreement that there will be a short guest list and things that make you both feel comfortable.

Promoting good will with your husband's family will be good for all concerned. By this I don't mean roll over to their every whim, but try to compromise.

What does your husband think?

Blessings.....

She may not change her mind, I know my Mother-in-Law would stick to her guns and want to do something because of the great joy it would be for her in celebrating the coming of another grandchild. I think one way or another she is going to want to do something, so you will have to figure it out with her on what you two can compromise on.

Maybe suggest doing a SMALL luncheon of 12 or less people, close family & close friends only (or maybe just close family). Ask her to mention "no gifts, please" on the invites or by word of mouth if really want/need nothing.

How about saying you would rather have a meet the baby party after the baby comes instead of a baby shower.

Oh boy.....I don't think you're going to get away on this O..
Can you ask her to keep it very small: immediate family & close friends...maybe at her home?

I didn't have a wedding shower and my MIL was SO upset.

My MIL got over it.
But you're talking GRANDBABY! I'll bet she's not going to take no for an answer.....I'd have it but ask it to be intimate.

Is this her first grandbaby? I think that if you truly do not want to participate in a shower, then you should not do it. If she wants to celebrate becoming a grandmother, then I agree with the small luncheon idea.

Have a sprinkle! People can't resist buying baby stuff, you're going to get it one way or another, might as well be stuff you want, right? Just have a small get together, close friends and immediate family, do lunch, and ask for baby savings bonds!

Sounds like she is being nice. I would let her. If you want to alienate her for the remaining years you are married to her child or until she has passed away I would let her do this for you. You can always use new stuff for a baby. If you truly don't need the things they bring then take them back to the store and use the refund money to buy something you like or have been wanting.

Bridal and baby showers are a part of womanhood. Unfortunately, we have to grin and bear them for the sake of politeness. It's ok to let your MIL know you would be more comfortable if it was small and low key though.

There are not very many opportunities anymore for your MIL to go to showers, I would guess. She probably can't wait!

Maybe it is an opportunity to do something for her by letting her give you a small shower. The more opportunities you have to be gracious will help with your relationship. You don't want to come across as rude or ungrateful.

Just tell her sweetly that you are not much of a people person so you would like to keep it small. Then let her decide what "small" is.