87 answers

Is It Tacky to Have a Shower for Your Third Child?

I have two boys. My husband and I had resigned to the idea of just having two boys even though I desperately wanted a girl. We found out that I was three months pregnant in January and I'm due in August and we just found out yesterday that it's going to be a girl. My mother-in-law hesitantly threw me a shower for my first child and never invited any of my friends and just one family member on my side and the rest of the invites were her family only and she never even told them that I was registered.

I would love to have a shower, not so much for the gifts, as I've already gone crazy shopping, but more just to celebrate because this is what I've always wanted, plus I love to throw parties and I can really knock myself out with this one.
Do you think it would be tacky to have a shower for a third child? Even though the first two were boys and this is a girl. Everyone I've asked so far says no. I know more and more moms are doing their own showers because they want it to be the way they want it and that's what I want to do too. I want to have at least one perfect shower to remember! Help!

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I think my opinion is fairly consistent with the others. I have no issues with showers for every baby. I do think it's strange for a mother to host her own shower. As some others suggested, I think a "sip and see" to meet the baby after the birth would be a better fit, if you plan to host.

4 moms found this helpful

I'm pregnant with #3 also. I am definately having a celebration.

Every baby is worth celebrating and so is the momma to be! I love going to baby showers and buying gifts for the new baby.

I would not give myself a shower, that's what friends and family are for. If I were you, I would talk to a close friend and see if they would organize a baby shower for you. I would be more than happy to organize a shower for any of my friends.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so happy for you!! I know you want to celebrate her coming but I would do it after she arrives. Go all out for it!! make it special for all of you!

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More Answers

Congrats on your little girl!

Consider having a "Meet the Baby" party after she arrives. Much less tacky.
I have never heard of a mom having a baby shower for herself. IMO, I think that's plain poor taste.

***ADDED*** I, too, think every baby is a "reason to celebrate" but I don't think it's a reason to ask for gifts! And the word "shower" implies registry and gifts.

7 moms found this helpful

Do you want an honest answer? Yes, its tacky to have a traditional shower for a third child and yes, its tacky to throw one yourself. I can see from your tone that you mean well and are just very excited and want to share this with everyone. I would ask yourself why you want this shower and what you hope it will be. It sounds like you feel you got cheated out of the first shower and now want to have the one you wanted. I would suggest throwing a party either before or preferably after the baby is born. But put a twist on it because yes, every baby should be celebrated. If you do throw yourself a shower (and listen I understand you wanting to since my mom threw me a shower and I was involved in the planning and picked out the invitations) please don't register.

6 moms found this helpful

We had baby welcomings (no showers) for both of our kids, and it was great. I think that the point of a shower is to a) give gifts and b) to mark a big change in your life. So I think it is a little tacky to have a shower for #3. But I think it's awesome to have a party once she arrives.

(Also, I would be careful about thinking about the party as "because this is what I've always wanted" because you don't ever want it to get back to your boys that you were especially excited to have a girl. I'm not judging you for feeling excited; I'd just be careful not to inadvertently hurt someone's feelings).

Congrats on the new little one!

4 moms found this helpful

I think my opinion is fairly consistent with the others. I have no issues with showers for every baby. I do think it's strange for a mother to host her own shower. As some others suggested, I think a "sip and see" to meet the baby after the birth would be a better fit, if you plan to host.

4 moms found this helpful

Yes, very tacky to have another shower. However, if you want to have a party and make sure you tell everyone "NO GIFTS PLEASE", that would be ok. Dont make it a shower and wait til the baby is born. Otherwise, i would forget it and would be offended to be invited to another shower. I was just invited to a second shower for a couple and thought it was extremely rude. I talked to some other invites and they felt the same way, rude and ridiculous. We didnt go.

4 moms found this helpful

I think every baby is a reason to celebrate. We have always given showers to people at our church who had a baby. Any mom on her 2nd or more child usually got a "sprinkle" with diapers and supplies and such.

That being said, I don't think I have personally ever heard of a mom throwing her own shower. The fact that it is your third child is not a tacky reason for a shower. A mom throwing her own shower seems a bit tacky. But, that is just my opinion because I have never seen it the other way.

I understand your excitement in having a girl after two boys. I had two girls, THEN a boy! If you want to celebrate the birth of a baby girl, why not just have a party. A shower definitely implies gifts, but if all you want is a celebration, just have a nice little party with food, cake and games for your close friends and family to share your excitement.


PS...I don't mean to discourage you, all that I said was just my opinion.

***edited to add ~
the "meet the baby" party is a great idea.

3 moms found this helpful

Throwing a shower for yourself violates most rules of etiquette in general. You can't control if other people want to throw a shower for you, but it is generally only done for the first child.

I have attended showers for 2nd children, but the invitations explicitly said that gifts were not expected, rather this was an occasion for people to get together and celebrate the up-coming baby's arrival.

I looked it up just to see what today's rules of etiquette are vs. Emily Post's recommendations:

If you'd like to have a get-together, there's nothing to say you can't invite some friends over and use the excuse of being concerned about the feasibility of being able to do it with 3 kids. But, I'd not recommend saying anything about gifts, registries, gender, etc. Or, it may come across that you're only looking for people to bring gifts.

3 moms found this helpful

I guess I am in the minority here when I say that I would not expect a shower if I was in this esact situation, nor would I think I was obligated to give one to a friend in the situation you're describing. It has nothing to do with not celebrating the new baby, and you, but more to do with an expectation and pressure put on people that they "have" to give you a gift just because you're having one of a different gender. Especially in times like these, where people are watching every penny they spend. The way I understand it, the first shower for the first baby is because you need pretty much everything, and it's a major turning point in your life - the arrival of a child into your marriage. After that, you have the basics and the rest you supplement yourself. Now, it's very likely that people will end up giving you gifts, cute outfits (especially for a girl) and things they know you need to help you along, simply because they want to help you and celebrate the event! I just think if you want to celebrate what you've "always wanted", the time would be after the baby arrives, and everyone can meet her and see how you are doing. I guess I'm out of the loop - I had no idea moms now throw their own showers or help with them! I'm currently planning one for a friend and she only had input on the date and location of the shower, the rest she is leaving up to her mother and me and other friends to take care of. Regardless, enjoy whatever you do!

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