Does It Bother You Being Ignored on Facebook?

Updated on September 10, 2010
M.C. asks from Berkeley, CA
16 answers

Hi mamas,

I have a Facebook account and have been moderately active. We just moved a couple of months ago and I was pretty sad leaving dear friends behind. They told me that we should keep in touch with Facebook, which I know they are quite active on. So after settling down I started to "follow" these friends, watch their activities and make comments as we would do in any conversation. The thing that offends me is that they just ignore my posts on Facebook. I would expect they acknowledge when I report something special about our new life for example. Usually it's just silence. I understand that they are quite active and have a large circle of friends so they would keep the "conversation" with each others. I feel akward just like in a group conversation, you say something but nobody looks at you. I think I am a nice player by paying attention and making comments on my friends' posts so I am not sure why they would not pay the same respect.
I try not to feel that way but I am pretty upset. Any advice?

Thanks.

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Featured Answers

A.G.

answers from Houston on

Some people just dont always comment on things. Because facebook is just a bunch of adult drama some people boycott "the wall".
I doubt they are intentionally snubbing you.

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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

Here is my two cents - if you want a conversation with someone on facebook, send them a message or post on their wall. Status updates are just that - some people choose to comment, others don't. Try and not get upset about that. The news feeds can be so long especially if you have a lot of friends. So, statuses can easily be missed. Wall post/messages (not just comments) can't. If that is what is being ignored, then it is time to un-friend them and find new friends.

But here is the reality, Facebook can never make up for real friends and real conversations. My suggestion is if you want to talk to them or stay up to date, call.

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M.O.

answers from Chicago on

I find that FB isn't a great resource for "telling" people important things because #1 you never know if they're going to see it, and #2 you don't know how often they are on or the time they have when they are on.

Some friends POST a lot, but don't reply to others posts much.

Others go on to play games, not "converse".

I think that if it's important for you to maintain contact with your friends, then either message them on FB, send them an email or give them a call once in awhile.

Try not to be hurt. Just because people have an account doesn't mean they are on there to check out your posts or reply to them. Some people use FB for other reasons.

Cheers!

13 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

First, I hear you. I hate it when I post something I think is interesting or funny and I have no idea if anyone even read it. Yuck!

But if you have important news to share (or something special about your new life), make it personal. Don't make a general announcement and expect people to respond. I use Facebook to keep up with long-distance friends, to see what people are up to, to post fun articles I think people would find interesting. If I want a conversation, though, I send an email or make a phone call.

Also, (I don't know you so I don't know that you're doing this) don't over-share. More than one posting a day is way too much - don't use Facebook as a blog. People who update their status too regularly fill up my feed - and so I removed them from it. Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful

T.J.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

I wouldn't read too much into their non-activities with you. Like Mom-on-the-go said, some people use it for other activities. I know that only a select few even acknowledge me on facebook out of the majority of my "friends". That's fine with me, whatever. I've sent personal messages before and never get a response back... but I don't fret on it since they aren't my true friends.

I know it's hard that you moved and sorta expect friends to stay in contact at least a little bit. It's not like they have to put out much effort on FB. I've been there too and thinking that it's not hard to keep in touch through email, but people just stop responding and I leave it at that.

Just keep being yourself on FB and remember you can't force them to keep in contact... you did your part and they have to do theirs to stay your friend.

Good luck :)

4 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I don't go on Facebook very often but when I do, I usually check out my friends by reading what's on their wall. I rarely make a comment tho. I've not thought of Facebook as a way to keep touch personally. For me, it's a way to look at their site and see what they've posted. I mostly enjoy the pictures. I would send e-mail messages to those I want to correspond with.

4 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I don't think it is intentional. I think if you really want toshare something, send a private FB message or email them.

I look at the Wall but I don't comment on many things at all. Actually I get tired of seeing some friends post what they are doing all day long, updates on how often a baby poops and every little detail.

Try not to be hurt, I honestly don't think it is something directed at you.

4 moms found this helpful

B.A.

answers from Saginaw on

Outside of what Mom on the go said, they also might not see your posts as the wall changes so much with so many friends.

Are you asking direct questions they aren't responding to or is it more like you comment on something of theirs without reply. I don't always counter reply if its just someone making a comment. If they ask something I will reply.

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B.F.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with what most of the other moms said. It's better and more personal if you write an email or send a private message via facebook. I mainly use facebook to post pictures for my friends and family, but to keep in contact, I write personal email to everyone separately. I also use video Skype to stay in touch. I like it because I always feel much more connected to the person than when I just call them or write an email. If some of your old friends are up for that, you could have a video chat to catch up, show off your new house, etc. It's a lot of fun.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

let it go.

If you really want to keep in touch, email or text on your phone or call them.

Facebook is great, but it is transient.

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H.S.

answers from Anchorage on

Facebook stinks (I can't say what I really think) totally pathetic - what happened to actually COMMUNICATING with people the 'old fashioned' way ? Write a REAL letter, or pick up the phone. Our society has become so distant, people call others 'friends' on facebook and they don't even know them. Facebook/Twitter are a total waste of time - and one loses all privacy. Does someone Actually want to know what you're doing or thinking every 5 minutes ? I mean, get a life already. Seriously. These things are not a way to keep in touch with REAL friends - so forget about this and write them a letter which is WAY more personal and real.

Here are more reasons NOT to be facebook:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jan/12/priva...

http://www.spiked-online.com/index.php?/site/article/4482/

http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/facebooks_zuckerberg...

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I've always thought that Facebook is somewhat narccisistic. It's all about me, me, me! Here's the latest with me...yeah!! This is just another example. Yes, I know, some do keep in touch this way, but I think the majority are on it, so they can post, all about them.

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T.V.

answers from Seattle on

I agree with what most are saying as well. You don't know for sure they are even seeing your post...they might have a lot of friends who use FB more like a Twitter, which bugs me because it clogs your wall. They might also play all of those games and all of that stuff is clogging up their wall. I block all of the game stuff so it doesn't crowd out the updates!

Another possibility is that they see it, but don't respond because maybe they have nothing more to say than a 1 or 2 word response...like "looks fun" or "cute" or stuff like that. I often won't make a comment, even though I'm interested in it or find it funny, if I don't have anything significant to say. But everyone has their own way of Fbooking!!!

I really wouldn't take it personally! A lot of times I'm reading status updates on my phone and don't necessarily post a comment because I don't have time, or I think I'll do it from my lap top instead, but then forget! I have friends who love trolling around on FB, checking to see what everyone is doing, but they themselves never comment on a post, or do any status updates! I'm guessing (without knowing any of them, of course) that they enjoy seeing what's going on with you and there is no ill-will meant by not responding!

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H.G.

answers from Portland on

Make some new friends, stop following your old friends posts & don't make anymore comments. Move on it's not worth your time & emotion.

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P.H.

answers from Portland on

I personally don't expect responses to my posts. To me it's a generic way of saying something to everyone. Those I want to communicate with either get a phone call, private message, email, or I use the "chat" on the bottom right of the FB screen. I have classmates that I had lost touch with and we often "chat" for a few minutes once or twice a week. To keep costs down we don't have long distance on our home phone and limited minutes on the one remaining cell phone. A lot of my friends would not be a local call so I don't make a personal call unless it's something urgent.

I don't always respond to my friends posts. I try to limit my time on FB and making comments just extends my time on there. Don't take it personally. I wish you luck in making new friends where you currently live. :)

1 mom found this helpful

S.H.

answers from Seattle on

I just want to say that I agree with how you feel. It is helpful to hear what the people have said below, ie: don't expect responses, it's too impersonal, with so many friends your posts can get lost and unseen etc. But I know for a fact that many people have looked at my pictures and it does hurt a little that they have seen them but choose to say nothing. Even a one word comment can make me feel good, like they've taken the time to look at my pictures and are happy for me, or whatever. It used to make me feel worse to post something with no response, so I do it very infrequently and just tell myself that no one is going to comment so then I'm not disappointed. I do it as an effort to reach out, but if they choose not to respond, then that's their choice. I also go on FB for the satisfaction of making my own comments to people's posts and knowing I'm making them feel good. How cool would it be if all your friends commented on your stuff and it was a great way to keep in touch with so many people, but it just is what it is.

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