Does Everybody When Pregnant Feel More Overwhealmed?

OH MY GOD! When I read this I just started to cry. The same thing happened to me. Although the two friends were planning it with my cousin, and the real trouble happened because they weren't including my husband's side of the family (which admittedly is HUGE). They just figured that side would throw their own shower, so they didn't have to invite them to the one for "my" side. It got so bad that I finally canceled it because there was just too much fighting and I was not at all looking forward to being there. A baby shower is supposed to be a happy event, and it was just giving me grief. After I canceled it, my husband's side decided to throw me one, and invited these friends, but they didn't show, and they haven't talked to me since, and my daughter is now almost 5 months old. They've never even seen her. I wish I knew what to tell you. I don't regret my decision, because if they were good friends, they wouldn't have let that end the friendships. I think you should tell them that it's stressing you out, and you don't need stress, you're pregnant. I know traditionally you're not supposed to throw your own shower, but if that's what it takes, you can do it. I really feel for you, and I hope it works out better than it did for me.

Man honey I am so sorry for you. Of course a shower doesn't have to be a surprise; I've never been to one that was. I HATE surprises like you cannot IMAGINE. That doesn't mean you plan it yourself, but usually the host gives you a number and you give her the addresses of that number of people (you can invite anyone you want-- men, women, children, whatever) and they do the rest and kindly consult you about the kind of shower you want, whether you want games, the time of day, food choices, and that's it.

Your friends are probably going through a rough time right now too if they are having such a big dispute that as grown women it's making them act like 3rd graders. If I were you I'd very frankly and as kindly and gently and understanding-ly as possible, set each of them down separately some time soon and I'd just express my feelings. Say you're so grateful they wanna throw you a shower, and you really appreciate it and were looking forward to it, but this nonsense is just killing you and you're already pregnant and emotional and you just can't handle the extra stress. Ask them what you can do t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r to resolve the problem as much as possible. You probably can't get your friends to make up but at this point that's not what you need anyway-- you just need to get through this shower.

Good luck. I felt like you did too when I was having my showers. It's just an uncomfortable position anyway because you haven't had a party thrown for you since you were little (unless you had wedding showers which for me were equally uncomfortable) so you feel on-the-spot already, and since it APPLIES to you it seems to have the stamp of YOUR name on it so you wanna be involved! You don't want people to say "I went to M. A's Shower and had a bad time!" So you naturally wanna be involved, yet you can't throw your own because of some stupid prehistoric etiquette rule that to do it yourself would be greedy. Even though having someone else do it is exactly the same. So showers can just be uncomfortable to begin with and if they're done wrong it's worse. I'm sure lots of people know how you feel and don't worry; you're not being hormonal; your friends are being juvenile. Just remember that they meant well in the beginning and surely don't want YOU to get the bad part of their argument. Just be kind and frank with them and they'll understand.

My friends threw me ababy shower and I had nothing to do with the planning of it, nor was it a surprise. I was way too busy dealing with moving at the time and being pregnant to have helped in any way with the shower! Let them figure it out or drop it. Not your problem.

A babyshower does not have to be a surprise, though I don't think a person should throw one for themselves since that makes it seem greedy. It seems like your friends have lost the whole purpose of the shower-which is to celebrate your new arrival. Maybe you just need to give them a little reminder and step back from helping plan. I could see them asking for advise or names and numbers to invite but they shouldn't force you to take sides or anything like that. If they each want to organize a separate shower for you, let them but don't let them involve you in the pettiness of their arguments and that seems like where this has gone.

Congratulations on your little one and try to relax even though it doesn't seem like they can.

Your friends are being selfish, rude idiots.

Do it the Jewish way. Traditionally, we don't have a shower. We wait til the baby is born and then a few weeks after birth go to see the mother and child with a gift. We always offer to help with chores (the dishes, vacuuming, etc) and actually help the mother instead of sitting there expecting to be entertained.

Tell them you would like to go this route. Tell them to get over their differences (unless of course one of them did something idiotic like have sex with the otherone's "boyfriend"), have one combined guest list and go from there.