Do You Run into Daycare/schools That Assume You Are a SAHM?

My kids parties have always been at bad times too, but I'll make my boss mad to be there for my kids. Luckily I have always worked for people who understand I am a mom first and then their employee. I do my job extremely well so I am given the freedom to do what I need to do for my babies. It's insane for them not to have before and after care, but I guess even here it is not for the pre-k kids, only the older kids who go full-day. But to assume a parent stays home in this economy is insane! And I would have complained up the chain on that comment.

Having attempted to plan activities and events with the PTA, I have decided there is no time that works for everyone. Everyone has something else going on in their life, every WOHP has a different schedule, and no matter when you plan something, it's going to tick someone off.

I assume that the preschool program does the best they can with public money, but can only provide the educational services they're mandated to provide without killing their budget.

When my son was that age the public school where we were had no pre-school program.
I sent him to a Montessori all day pre-school program and it was fine.
If the public school program isn't going to work for you (and you'll have to get day care anyway for the half day the school doesn't cover) - you might as well stick with an all day daycare for another year.

I guess they figure that if two (or single parents) work, then the child will be in a daycare that does preschool.

I don't think your post exudes entitlement in the least.

I completely understand your frustration.

Granted, I was not present for the entire conversation, but if someone at a place where I send my child and pay them (yes, we still pay public school teachers) acted that way toward me, I would be tempted to search out other options.

I also find it very ridiculous that you get the schedule one week prior to start time. I sense a lack of organization on their part.

I would be irritated too. Try to let off some steam (hopefully it worked just by posting that) and move on. I hope you have better experiences with the others at this school.

i'm wondering if she meant that they assume that parents that choose to enroll their children in that particular program have a plan in place for the child's care... truthfully, if i were a working parent, i can't imagine that preschool program would work out very well... additionally, what time would be convenient for a working parent to leave work? should they hold their special programs after daycare hours? you're right - it's not about SAHM vs WOHM, it's about just figuring out what does and doesn't work for your family - maybe this public preschool just isn't a good fit for your family. it does seem excpetionally crappy to only give you a week's notice - that would be hard for any family to figure out!

Perhaps she worded that badly but if you want schools or daycares to work around being a working parent you pay for it. I have never heard of a public school providing transportation for kids just because the parents work. They have their regular buses but it is your responsiblity to have someone there and by there I mean your home.

There are a lot of preschools that provide latch key and transportation but it costs.

Sorry but your post is worded in a way that makes me feel like you think all these extras should be provided to you free of charge just because you work. Sorry for my tone if that is not the case.

I work and I have had to do some pretty fancy juggling to get my younger two where they need to be when they need to be there.

Thankfully neither my childrens sons or school assume one of us stays at home, however I get annoyed all the time as everywhere else I go I get the "Now that you have two children you're going to stay at home right?" or, "You're not going back to work are you?" All sorts of versions from people at church, work, family , etc. I get most irritated as I feel disrespected - I am the primary breadwinner of my family - not by choice but due to necessity - why is it assumed that because I am a woman I am staying home. I hear from so many women how much they appreciat how hard their husbands work so that they can stay home and I am so happy for them but it is such a sore subject that my family isn't that way that anytime I get one of those questions I flare up again!

Yes, so much is geared toward the SAH parents. We chose not to do public preschool because it was only two hours long, a couple days a week. I only work part-time in the mornings, but even that wasn't going to work. So, we're paying for pricey private preschool.

That's really awful they don't tell you about the schedule until a week in advance! Wow. And the attitude at the school is even worse.

My annoyance is that we only find out our oldest's teacher assignment the Friday before school starts, so we have to buy school supplies the very last minute and we often miss the big sales (each teacher has a different list of supplies to buy, so we can't just buy in advance).

That's a pretty ignorant assumption, especially in this day and age! I don't expect the school to cater to our family because both DH and I work (and I don't think you do either) but I do expect them to acknowledge the reality that a lot of families use child care and need information in advance to make plans for before school and/or after school care, especially in pre-school and Kindergarten. I did find that "pre-school" was/is geared towards SAHMs. We never bothered with public pre-school because the hours were ridiculous and it wasn't worth the logistical hassle of getting a child to and from pre-school from daycare or a sitter's house. It was easier to use full-day day care and rely on that for pre-school instruction, but I do know a lot of families whose daycare providers pick up from pre-school or are on the bus route.

I am lucky that there is an excellent after-school program in my town that picks the kids up at school and brings them to an amazing center with lots of space and activities. Of course we pay for it, but it's nice to be in a community that acknowledges this need and excels in meeting it. Hopefully the woman you spoke with was representative of the general attitude in your school system!

Well, preschool, is not required. But being a working parent i know what you mean. Luckily at my daughters school we are allowed to request whether we want morning or afternoon. Morning means I can take her to school and arrange for someone else to pick her up. But there were field trips and special programs, parent meetings and so on that if I wanted to attend I had to go during work hours. Luckily for report cards, I can reschedule the appointment they always give during the day to a time after work. Its frustrating, but unfortunately we just have to work with it.

Yeah, I don't get that either! The private school I taught at had before school daycare, morning preschool, and afternoon daycare. They also had afternoon preschool, but the first option was really nice for working parents! As a result, we had over 80 kids in preschool and about 200 total in the entire school. A lot of parents sent their kids to our preschool because of the convenience, then to public school for Kindergarten and up. You may want to check into something like that instead of the public school just for preschool! You could also check into a daycare that has preschool or transportation to preschool.

"It's just not finding out her schedule until the last minute and the really odd hours that struck me as unhelpful to working parents."

That's unhelpful/inconvenient to everyone - not just working parents.

And yes, public schools that offer a pre-K program don't typically offer before or after care (although ours offers transportation to/from home). You have to make those arrangements yourself.

And while I think the administrator that you talked to was out of line, she did have a point. It's not her job to make your life easy. It's her job to provide the best education to your child.

And that might conflict with your schedule. This is something that all parents have to figure out: how to reconcile their work schedule with things that happen at school - during the day - you know - when your kid is in school.

the public schools in my area that offer the pre-k option have an after school care. you have to pay extra for it, but it runs from 12:30-5:45p. did you check to see if they have that option for you? or maybe put your child in a daycare that has that option? wait until you get the awards when the start school. everything is right in the middle of the morning. it's the stupidest thing ever! and i am a SAHM, and i still think it's stupid. i don't know why they can't do these things (like plays, awards, etc) in the evenings like they did when i was little.

In response to your first point-I think it is unreasonable of you to expect that that the daycare NOT have parties or anything because you cannot make it. WHile you may not have the flexibility to attend there are many parents who CAN swing it and would like to be there with their children.

I am suprised that your public school does not have any before or after care options and even more surprised they wait so long to let you know. I would definitely make a stink about this-esp the late notice on time. I bet if you would appeal to the school board they could help change it.

I have not read all the answers. But in this world it's very hard to survive on one income. I agree it would be nice for schools and such to at least give you more time to figure out how you're going to juggle things. Bussing options would also be nice, but probably too costly for preschool.

I work so no stones being thrown about that but many public schools don't even offer preschool. It's preschool so not a requirement. I think if you need full day etc, you pick daycare or another program. She probably figured you'd already looked into that before you selected their program. And like some people said, everyone's shedule is different so convenient for you might be incovenient for others...

That response from a paid employee makes no sense. She is in no way a decision maker. The school district votes on and approves the schedule a year in advance. She doesn't get to assume anything and no decisions are made based on her assumptions. And it wouldn't be rational.
Call YMCA, Boys and Girls Club of America, and The Maverick Boys and Girls Club. Find out if they pick up from your school or if they have an afterschool program set up for that school.

Yeah...whatever. Most homes have 2 working parents (or at least 2 parents that aspire to work given the current economy). The school marm is out of touch with reality and doesn't know how to service her clientele. I would look elsewhere for childcare. You don't need to deal with that. With that type of attitude, you are going to run into further issues down the road.

we put our dd in a preschool/daycare, although I'm a bit miffed that they dont do as much preschool during the summer. I would have kept her in her other daycare until fall if I'd known that.

In this day and age and this economy, I don't know how anyone can assume that "at least one parent is in the home to care for the child." Ummm, that hasn't been the trend for, what, 3 decades?? That would have irritated me, too, and I probably would have had a retort to that one. And btw, I haven't read your other responses, but your post doesn't sound "entitled" to me.

I find her response odd, and the having no transportation especially in this decade. However, I don't think the hours are inconvenient... any set of hours provided will be inconvenient for somebody. Also, pre-k is not mandatory, so you don't have to enroll her. The one week notice is ridiculous. I would plan transportation on both timeframes in the meantime, with the knowledge that one of them will not be needed.

You have every right to be ticked at this, especially the person you talked to on the phone. She was rude...But I will come to the defense of the school district taking so long to get the class list and schedule up, by saying this. So many schools are all sitting, waiting for the state to balance the budget and see what has been cut from the school budget and how many teachers they will be allowed to keep, and what funding they will have for busing and food and supplies. Its not always the school districts fault if it seems to take too long. Im sure it would be great if we all knew what to expect and could plan for it months in advance. Just isnt possible. Also, I know preschool hours are short and not convienient for a lot of parents. State laws again enter the equation. Even SAHMs barely get home, and start whatever they have to do that day, and its time to go get the kid. The stores barely open and its time to go get em. Baby brother cant get a decent nap and its time to go back to school. You cant make a Dr or dentist appt and be sure youll be done in 2 hours. Its not easy. This is why so many daycare people try to work around the parents hours. They have some who go pick up, drop off and do all hours of the day and night. Think about the single M. who is a nurse and has night shift. Who keeps her kids? Who gets them to school? and home? She cant expect the school district to change all their times to suit her, and shes by far not the only one who needs special times and help. The schools plan what they can and hope for the best to suit the most. And if you want the teachers to do parties and award programs later in the day, so you can be there after work, who is home with the teachers kids while he/she is still at work? Shes working too, and hopes her daycare can keep her kids the hours she is working. How do we solve it all? Not an easy answer. But yes it is very frustrating. So here I am, a former day care M., who bent over backwards for many many parents, charged very little and was never given much time to go to my own kids programs because I was home with someone elses kids. But when my kids came home, I WAS here.
Next generation, coming up, my grand daughter starts preschool in the fall. Her school has already told us she gets 8:30 to 11:15, 5 days a week. My daughter works 2-3 mornings a week, sometimes all day, never knows for sure, and goes to school 2 days a week, afternoons and/or evenings. She has a heavy study group schedule also. This means, grama will be responsible for several days a week transporting to and from school. I plan to do it and will enjoy it. But, I sure wish someone would call my daughter and tell her how LUCKY she is to have this luxury.

I hear you loud and clear. Our school district contracts with the park district for aftercare, but ONLY for aftercare. School starts at 8:40 so I guess they assume everyone begins work at 9:00. I've never been able to figure this out. My bigger pet peeve is with our park district, all the classes are during the day. Out of maybe 100 classes one or two will be in the evening and on the weekends. When the park district was touting its summer schedule on its FB page, I commented on why this is, and how about considering working parents too. A bunch of others piped in and then all of a sudden - POOF - all our comments were gone. Hey, we pay taxes too! Don't know about where you are at, but here, it's like it's 1950 :)

There are a lot of schools out there that only offer 1/2 day programs and, from what I've seen, usually only families with one at-home parent apply to these schools. Typically, when both parents work full time outside the home, they don't bother applying to schools without full time options, at least from what I have seen. So the lady at school probably is just speaking from experience, as in most families she deals with do have an at-home parent.

I've always thought it was ridiculous that the kindergarten programs in my city don't tell you until a couple of days before school starts whether your child is in the morning or afternoon Kinder program. I don't understand how working parents can possibly make the arrangements they need.

For your situation, you might be better off finding a school that can accommodate your schedule, rather than trying to figure out how to get your daughter to and from school each day and hiring someone to watch her when she's home.

It is very hard to find childcare/transportation in just a week, yikes! There are private companies in my area that provide after school care to public school students. The kids either walk with or are driven by private aftercare staff to the program. These programs work with the early dismissals too. So I'm not surprised that the public school has no after school options due to budget constraints. However, I'm surprised no local church, organization etc offers such service.

I used to struggle to find a reliable babysitter for odd school hours. However, its gotten better the older my kid gets. Just know after school planning gets better after Kindergarten:)

I’ve been a FT working mom ever since my oldest DD was still in diapers and so I feel your frustration. I don’t agree with those that said you have a sense of entitlement. My oldest daughter has been in four different daycares (1 large in-home daycare, 2 small in-home daycares, and one daycare center) and I’ve never encountered that situation with the daycare activities. The only time they would schedule activities in which they expected the parents to attend would be during pick-up hours or later in the evening. So maybe that problem was isolated toward that specific daycare? You said your child doesn’t go there anymore so I wouldn’t dwell too much on that daycare facility. Now, I have heard of daycares that have the preschool program holding their preschool “graduations” during mid-morning hours. I think that’s in part because families utilize the preschool program and not the daycare program. I don’t think the preschool hours are strange though. I’ve actually think those are pretty normal hours and similar to the half day Kindergarten hours. I know that a lot of daycares offer their own preschool programs so those are the programs that are geared toward the working parents. Maybe you can research those? I do think the lady could have been nicer in offering an explanation but in reality I find that a lot of people are not that sympathetic towards working parents.

I hate to tell you this but the problem will continue when your children get into actual school…there are always tons of classroom parties during the day that parents get invited to, school events, etc. But most schools also have activities in the evenings as well…..back-to-school night, etc. I remember when my daughter was in Kindergarten her teacher use to regularly post notes on the outside of her classroom door for the parents who were picking up their children! These were not reminder notes either they were first time notes about parties, etc. That drove me nuts because I was NOT there picking up my child the daycare provider was & she rarely stopped to read them. Not to mention that my DD wasn’t old enough to read the notes herself. And on top of all of that I was not the only working parent in the classroom. I talked to one of my coworkers about this and she mentioned that she was having the same problem. So yes, I do *sometimes* think they assume that we’re all SAHM’s. Just keep reminding them that we’re not =0) Hang in there!

P.S. As others posted, I also hate it that story times are always mid-morning where we live.

First of all, I agree with you in that sometimes schools (both daycares/preschools and public or private schools) act like everyone either has a stay at home parent or at least one parent works for the school district and can be at 2 PM activites. I used to get so frustrated with my son's school and their activities (they scheduled stuff late enough in the morning or early enough in the afternoon that 1/2 day off was always required by the time you figured in travel time).

As for the last minute scheduling info...that is ridiculous. If you can't find out anything sooner, I would suggest that you start contacting a daycare or two and finding out what options are available and maybe try to tenatively reserve her spot now. Then when you find out her schedule, you will just have to make the final arrangements and a phone call.

As for her response, I would have probably said something like "That is great for stay at home parents but what about the rest of us? Many families can't afford to have a stay at home parent and it would be nice to have some options available or at least a little more than one week's notice."

Good luck.

That is irritating. I think that's also irresponsible not to let people choose, maybe first come first choice til that class is full. You may want to consider talking to the PTA and/or other parents to see if that rule can be changed. You should be able to find out about your child's day more than a week ahead. What if you had 2 kids and they got in different classes? Her attitude is rotten and I'd tell them so.

I don't find it that odd? To me it makes sense (common sense) that there is at least 1 adult somewhere who is responsible for taking care of the children!!! If not, who is taking care of the kids??