Do You Correct a Neighbor's Child?

As a young mom I had difficulty disciplining my own child in front of others, that waited until we got home. That said I would probably go with another path, I would hug my child when the other boy is being aggressive toward his mother and say "I'm so glad I get hugs from you, they are so much nicer than punches." As for the hate word, I would just "love" everything he hates eventually the word will get old. I've tried this with my grandkids, usually the one with the bad behavior will respond well with this type of behavior after all who wouldn't rather have a hug than feel the anger when you hit someone?

If it's my house, my yard - then it's my rules. And my children wouldn't have went to his house. I would just say "we don't do that here and explain why." Kids listen to other parents more intently somtimes. So you may be able to teach him some things. If you try and he doesn't respond I would tell him "you won't be able to keep coming here if you keep doing that." And mean it.

L. (H. now)

I see you have a lot of responses and I didn't read them all, but I found a way to speak with children and offer them guidance and draw my boundaries clearly in a language that was not authoritarian. It doesn't come across as 'correcting', so it can be done anywhere. It doesn't matter whose house it is. The funny thing is that this method works with adults as well as children.

My FIL was from a different time and would often say things that we harsh to my sensitivities and too ugly for me to want to have my son around him. It wasn't my place to 'correct' him and it wouldn't have worked if I tried to. But I was able to encourage him to speak differently in my presence by letting him know it hurt me, but in a kind way that didn't force the issue into confrontation. Whenever he said something that expressed racism, sexism, or was just vulgar, I would say, "If I thought you meant that, it would hurt my feelings." I only had to say that twice and he was much more respectful around me. I think he appreciated that I let him know how uncomfortable I was without actually acusing him or expressing a mistrust of his intentions.

I often like to tell children that their words are very powerful in my ears and that some words hurt my heart if I let them in. Then, if they say something pleasant, I commend them for saying words that make my heart sing. If they say something ugly, I subtly express that it saddens me and that I would like to hear their sweet voice putting kinder words in my ears. I like to tell them that I like soft words, funny words, gentle words, powerful words, but there are a few words that make my heart sad and I like to ask my friends to find better words for my ears. Then I ask if he is my friend.

Personally, I don't care whose house I'm in. It's my ears and my heart and I have the right to draw clear boundaries about what I will expose myself to. It's just very important to draw those boundaries respectfully and in a way that does not criticise or condemn the child.

Hope this helps.

I have very strong opinions about this, so please forgive me if I offend you. I have had many experiences with other people attempting to discipline my children (ex, my MIL put my oldest in time out for 2 hours for repeatedly asking, where's mommy?, he was not even 3 yet). with few exceptions, I find it inappropriate for other people to discipline my children. I do not disagree with your philosphy and even if I did, it is yours and you are entitled to it. I don't like for my children to call names, except in jest (silly goose, ect.) and I sure don't want them to hate things. The truth is, children mimic what they are exposed to, especially at young ages such as your neighbor's child. He probably hears this language and the mother may not even realize how it sounds to other people. I suppose it depends on what you mean by discipline. I would find it unacceptable for someone to scold my child or put them in time out in my own home (when I am there). Now, if my child had said "i hate xyz" I would be ok with you asking, "really, you hate it? why?" and provoking the child to give a thoughtful answer and leading them to the, "so you really don't hate it, do you?" response. That would also be the approach I would take with a guest in my home. I would also tell the child, "we don't use that word here, could you please not say it". I think that time out's for other people's children should be reserved for when they do something that child's parent doesn't allow or for things that have the potential to put the child in physical danger. Since this has been a recurring issue and you are uncomfortable with your children being exposed to it, I would suggest speaking to the child's mother. She may not realize her child is offending others or that she is teaching her child those behaviors. It depends on the relationship you have, but I would also mention the physical aggression of the child. She may not know how to deal with this or the child may have seen someone else treat his mother or another person this way. She just may need a friend and a little guidence or she may not care. If she doesn't care, it may be better to try to avoid her and her child. It's a sticky situation either way and I hope it all works out for you!

I have a similar situation, and I will tell you how I have dealt with it...My daughter is 5 and the only girl to play with on our street who is her age is 6 and is EXTREMELY negative. My daughter has her own issues, she can be an emotional wreck! but this neighbor girl is always saying "hate" and "stupid" and "whatever!" Unfortunately, my daughter has picked up on lots of this girl's bad behavior! When the 6 year old is at my house, if I hear her say "hate" or "stupid" I tell her the rule at our house is that we don't use those words. I have had to remind her, but she doesn't do it as much. (actually, what she does is not talk when I'm nearby! lol!) She had a few incidents of hitting (reported to me by my daughter, not seen by me) so I told both children that the rule was no hitting and that they would not be allowed to play together if it continued. She no longer hits.

It's SO hard when the only kid to play with is a little stinker! (heh heh, I know I shouldn't say that!)

I disagree, though, with people being so h*** o* the parent, without knowing the family at all. My daughter has emotional issues, and at times she reaches this boiling point where she cannot control what she is doing. I believe she is sugar-sensitive and might have some other things going on, but she is NOT a bad person and I am not a lazy parent, either. It is not always a matter of the parents being "clueless" or too permissive...there ARE some child behaviors which are not simply the fault of bad parenting.

That being said, I'm all for having rules at your house that other children must abide by when they are in your home!

Hi A.,
The answer is yes, If he is at your house you should let him know when he is doing something wrong and if he still refuses to change his tone or attitude then you must send him home. You should also let his mom know that you had to send him home because of what he was doing or saying and let her know that your children are not used to that behavior and that you don't want them to do the same things. If she has a problem then it is best that they don't play together. If he kicks his mom he may start to think he can do the same at your house if not corrected. Good luck.

Have you thought about simply talking to the other mom? If she is recently SAHM, then it is possible that she does not know how to handle the child. Talk to her in a loving way and ask her what you can do to help. Be understanding and recognize that it will take time for the childs behavior to improve but don't let him get away with hurting other people. And always encourage positive behavior no matter whose kid it is.

You can ask him not to say those things in your house, but chances are, hes not going to listen to you. I, personally would cut this kid off completely, I am sorry but this is a reflection of bad parenting. If this kid is hitting and kicking his mother and she has no control over him, you arent and shouldnt be able to either. Find your kids new friends. If hes this bad now, its only going to get worse as he gets older, and obviously his mother isnt going to give him the guidance that he needs. Im not saying his mother is a bad person, just doesnt have a clue.
I hate to say this, but I have a friend, and her son is a brat, because she lets him. He didnt learn it own his own, he learned how to get his way, and she just lets him. My daughter starts acting like that when she is exposed to him, and I put her in her place. Get rid of him!

Ok I think I am going against the grain here but, this lady is a new stay at home mom right? She may not be totally to blame, the child was probably in day care and therefore had many "parents"- I'm not talking about the workers but the other kids too, that were teaching him. The child sounds like he has some feelings that he needs to sort out, going from daycare to home is a HUGE change, he probably needs a good schedule and some time- I am not saying it is ok for him to behave that way, but I DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT think that you have any right to say anything to the child unless his parent is not around or the child does something harmful to your child, the behaviors are ANNOYING to you not hurting YOU(the other lady can talk for herself lol). Hitting the parent is not right but not your problem, if/when your child picks it up then you do something to YOUR child, and it is a good time to teach your child so they learn it now and not at 10. Believe me we have our fair share of bad influences around and it sometimes turns out to be a good thing to put stuff out on the table and figure it out now as opposed when they are older and therefore you have less clout in their life!! Good Luck!PS it really ticks me off when other parents say something to my kid- every parent has a way of discipling their children and just because YOU don't see it don't mean something isn't being done about it- the kid may be doing chores or no tv.

Wow you have received advice that runs the entire gamut of ideas...I Guess mine falls somewhere in the middle.
Is the mother of your neighbor there when these things are happening?? If she is...I think you need to be careful...you don't want to appear to be stepping into "her territory". If your child comments on the word or action in question..then it is perfectly alright to make it a teaching moment and talk to your child about what YOUR standards are. If the other Mom is not there, I would have no problem at all to you making it a teaching moment for BOTH children...talk to them about feelings, how they can be hurtful to other people if they are expressed incorrectly...etc etc.
As to the physical issues...I agree that if he kicks or hits his Mother, in your childs presence...it would be perfectly alright to quietly tell your child that it is NOT alright to do something like that....it needs to be reinforced right on the spot....and you may be putting the germ of an idea into the other Moms' head and she may realize it is something that needs to be addressed with her own child.
That being said...your children are going to be exposed to all sorts of different behaviors as they venture out to school and other activities...your primary concern needs to be instilling the proper values and actions in your children so they are firmly grounded when they meet people who act or believe differently than they do.
It sounds like you have certainly got a great start!!!

Hi A.,
I certainly agree with alot of the mom and especially Gr ma Karen B. I am grandma also and with my kids and grandkids, when at my house its my rules. When this neighbor says or does something thats against your rules, I call him over to me, and I tell him we don't allow those kinds of words or actions at my house, so if you want to play with my children you have to abide by our rules at our house. If he or mom doesn't abide by the rules then I would say you will have to go home for the rest of the day, and the next day if it happen send him home for 2 days, etc. until he learn you mean what you say. And if mom don't let him come back then your boys will see that the rules are important at your house and this will carry over into later years when the rules are different for their age. They have got to see us parents stand for what is right. Apparently this mom doesn't have any rules for her son, otherwise how could you enjoy your kids kicking you or sassing and not be embarrassed by that. It may help her to see you have rules for your children and are willing to stick to them for their protection. Be strong and teach your children to stand up for what right. They will certainly need that kind of strength in this world they are growing up in today. grandma J.

I am not sure if it makes a difference that I am a daycare provider and have more experience than most people would or could. But I don't draw the line anyplace. If I see a parent struggling with a behavior or neglecting to correct a behavior I step in. I have never done it in public with a stranger. But if I saw the type of behavior you are talking about, I'd probably step in then too! I can't stand it when I see a child so out of control they are beating on their own parent. If I look at my years of experience and all my kids in a very analytical way, I would have to say that the children that would turn any hand or any violence of any form onto their parents were always the ones that had more than their fair share of issues to deal with. No child is perfect and I simply could care less about labels like stupid and hating is a gray area for me. I don't want to discourage a child from using vocabulary to express their feelings. But if those feelings are irrational or designed only to hurt someone else then it's obviously wrong. We all live in this world. It becomes a teaching moment when we can talk about what they are hating or what they think is stupid. Let's get real here. I don't care how high and mighty someone becomes about this issue. It would be very difficult for anyone to put a 100% ban on the words stupid or hate. They are in the dictionary for a reason. Sometimes a child hears a word and they like the way it sounds and the reaction they get from others. So for a time they use that word repeatedly. But it's not just kids that do this. I get really tired of hearing words my husband is kicking around. He'll pick up a new word and then use it in so many ways for awhile. Some of the ways he'll use that word don't even make sense. But eventually he gets tired of the word and moves on.

The bottom line is, you have every right to protect your children from anything you feel will hurt them. It doesn't take long in this world for our children to find out and realize that other people live differently than we do. But it's hard to convince them at a certain stage that we are not the strange ones. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just cut off all contact. You may have to take his mother aside and tell her that if she can't get his behavior under control, your children can no longer be able to play with him anywhere.

Suzi

If the child is at your house I don't see a problem with correcting him, but when you are at the kid's house it gets a little stickier. You might explain to your little ones that different families have different rules and in your family the rule is those words are not used and kicking people is not acceptable.

If he is hitting and kicking his mother, there is very little you can do to stop that.

I did put rules into place when my kids were little though, and I stuck by them. If a child is in my home, and they do not have a parent with them, I let them know immediately that we do not use that word in our home, if it happens again you will have to go home, then I follow through with it. If the child is agressive or hittting, they do not get a warning, I would say, we do not hit in our house, you need to go home now!

If the parent is there, and the words are being used it is perfectly fine to tell his mother that you dont use those words in your home and then turn to the child and let them know as well. If it continues you just stand up and say well we have a lot to do today and "justin" seems to be having a bad word day so we are going to get started on our house work, or our errands, or whatever you plan to do that day. That is an invitation for them to leave, after a time or two, they will both get the picture.

If the parent is there and he hits, pushes or shoves, I have and would again, walk over and let him know that in our house we dont do that. If it happens again, it again time for the play date to be over.

His mother has a different parenting style. He is being taught that it is alright to do those things, so for you to tell him it is wrong, is going to fall on deaf ears. All you can do is let them know the rules in your home.

My kdis were lawasy taught that if they were at friends house and that friend started behaving in a way that I did not approve of they were to tell their friend that if they were going to use those words, or play like that, they had to go home. And my children would come home. Their friends usually got the idea and behaved while they played with my children.

A., Yes, I think it makes a difference if the child is at your house. Your house, your rules. I would tell him we do not use that word at our house, if you want to play here you'll have to go by our rules. I would also explain to my kiddos that just because someone else uses that language that doesn't make it right.

Good Luck, M.

A.,
Maybe you could talk to your neighbor. I would let her know that you do not allow your children to talk and behave like that. Make sure to keep it in the "I" perspective so she does not get offended by what you have to say about what you feel about this. And if the child is at your house and talks that way, tell him he will have to go home or change how he talks. You may have to be the good influence in this child's life. I wish my granddaughter had someone like you to be a good influence in her life. Hang in there! You are being a good mom.
God bless you! K. ____@____.com

Hi A.,
I do. I do it gently and explain myself, but I do. When they are in my house and yard, I feel like my house rules apply. I have told my daughter that when a friend is in our house or yard, our house rules are in affect for them too, so if there is a problem, she needs to let me know because she will be held responsible since it is her friend. (She has just turned 6, we implemented this when she was 4 - so kids do understand.) I have also told her that when she is at their house/yard - I still hold her to our rules. She needs to obey their rules, but if they offer her soda - she doesn't drink it here OR there. If they take her somewhere - she has to be in her booster seat, etc. So far, it mostly works. Sometimes I feel frustrated and like a tyrant, but I still think it's important. Our neighbors are great and their kids are very good, we just do things a little differently, I guess I am more strikt (sp). When I have to tell the kids something, I say, I'm sorry, but this is the rule at our house - and they don't seem to have a problem with it. So far, so good!

This new sahm mom and her son are in serious trouble and need to talk to a counselor-NOW. The best thing you can do for both of them is find out if you can help her find someone to talk to. Look in the phone books or check on-line in your area. Often there are places that offer lower rates for women in trouble. He cannot help himself. He has a lot of frustration building up and it is starting to show when he hurts his mom-this will get worse! Is there a women's center in your area-they can find someone to talk to also. Go quick and help her and the boy and teach you children some children act mean when they are really hurting but you still do not let it go in your home-tell him he must follow your house rules when VISITING WITH YOUR CHILDREN- this way if you are out with them then he must also follow your rules. Simple but striaght rules-then when he does this, remember to praise his efforts-he really wants the structure and must not have much right now. Get her help!

If it were me, I would tell the neighbor kid, "That kind of language/behavior is not allowed in my home. You can either stay and obey the house rules here, or go home and obey your house rules there. The choice is yours." Then allow him to decide. If he does it again, say "Well, I guess you decided you would rather live by your own house rules. Sorry you have to leave now."

You should not discipline someone else's children. Ever. I would not stand for someone telling my son what to do, and I ask you - would you like it if someone told your son what to do? What you can do is stand your ground as to what is allowed in your home. AND if I ever saw my neighbor's son hit or kick his mom in front of me and my son, I would tell my son - so the other mom would hear - "That is inappropriate behavior and very disrespectful. I never want you to treat me that way, do you understand?" Maybe she will get the hint. If not, at least you are not letting teachable moments (for your son AND your neighbor!) pass you by!

I also recommend the Love and Logic books by Dr. Fay. Here are a few good articles to read to start you off!
http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/whatis.html
http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/aggressivetoddlers.html
http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/promises_and_requests.html
http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/child_swearing.html

A.,

This is a very touchy subject, but I think there are some things that you can say that would help correct him and also indicate to his mother (if she catches on) that a little discipline is needed. In regards to the use of "stupid", you could say, "oh 'Bob' we don't use that word at our house. We try to use the word silly or something not so harsh at our house." If you see him kick his mother (at your house), you could say, "that is not very nice. You shouldn't kick your mother. We don't kick at our house, and you will have to go home if you can't behave." It can be a very sensitive situation, but even if his mother gets upset or mad at you, maybe she will take the hint and realize that her son's behavior needs to be corrected. As much as you want her and her son to feel welcome at your home, he (and his mother) need to know that there are expected behaviors at your home.

If it does make her mad that you correct her son, you can simply tell her that you have expectations of your children, and while they are always welcome if he can not behave and sets a bad example for your kids then maybe they should not play together for a while. She might make a fuss, but if you say all this "with love and care" she might appreciate it later. It is hard to know whether to say something to someone else's child if you are out somewhere else like their home (probably would not say anything), but depending on how you correct or discipline them (tome of voice, etc), it could be ok. Hope it all works out for you. It might show your kids as well that MOM MEANS BUSINESS! Ha!

Have a great day!
D.

My rule is that at my house, we follow our rules. So I say things like, "at this house we don't use the word hate..." So you aren't correcting the child, you are stating a fact about the rules at our house. Then if it doesn't get better then say something to the mom, or just don't let the child play at your house as often, the mom will ask why, and you can tell her.

It's your house. I would say something along the line of I'm sorry we don't use those words in this house and tell him the appreate words. He's acting out no doubt, just try to be as loving as you can but stand your ground if it was your children would you feel the same. As far as him kicking his mother in your present I would nicely say now honey that wasn't very nice to kick your mom say your sorry she might appeciate it she going through a lot too.

If it were me... I would want anothe parent to correct my child if he was doing crazy things like that, so I personally think it would be okay to tell the 4 year old, "Bobby, we don't use that word at our house" or something to that effect and if you hear him continue to say it send him home. As for the kicking his mother thing, maybe you'll actually do HER a favor by saying to the boy, "it is not nice to kick anyone, especially your mother, you have to be kind to her". Sometimes children respond more to someone other than their parents. I'm sure she doesn't enjoy her child kciking her and she has probably told him the same thing a million times herself. So, I have no problem explaining the rules at our house when a visitor is over to play or for me to babysit, etc. I know as an adult I'm always more comfortable in an environment when I know what I'm supposed to be doing or not doing, I can only imagine it would be the same for a child.

Good Morning A., Most know that I am a Nana (gr ma) so my thinking would probably not be like some other younger mama's out there. We have 5 gr kids and the 3 oldest one have the same kind of problem. Asher *5 next month* will tell you Leave me lone, get away, your stupid. Since he is my gr child I can handle it any ole time i please and I please ALOT.
That is very inappropriate behavior and language for a child. He gets time out the first time, then he gets to wash those ugly words out of his month. I know alot of it he picked up from the older kids, and school. Hence, Corbin has picked up alot of this type of language, since they have played together alot more lately. He receives the same type of discipline. I am a Nana who didn't allow the word butt to be used. I say hinny. One of the older two gr kids several years ago were calling names Austin called Tia a butthead. Tia said Nana said never to say that word, Austin turns around and says You HINNYHEAD..

If this child is at your home when he says these things and his mother has just sat there like a frog on a log, I would calmly but sternly tell this child we do not speak that way or use those words in our Home. Let him & Mom know if he continues he will not be allowed to play with your children for a few days.

As for kicking, hitting, pinching, biting his mom or anyone for that matter. What is She doing when this happens?
Does she even acknowledge he has done something terribly wrong or just ignore it?
The first time I heard Corbin say to his momma to go home he wanted to stay with Nana, I lit into him and asked him why he would want to hurt his mama like that.
I would do that same thing with this little stinker. Why did you Hurt your Mama? Does she kick you? WOULD you Like her to?

Anytime a child is in my home and they act up I give the parent enough time to correct the behavior. If they do not, then I do it. If you are at their home when this happens A. you can always take your children out of the situation and leave. No one's child is an angel all the time, bad behavior can rub off on others if it is not contained or corrected quickly.

God Bless you A., I hope other Mama's will have even better advice for you that fits how you handle things in your home.

K. Nana of 5

PS the only little guy other then gr kids lives next door, they have the same rules as we do, so there isn't a problem with them sending Corbin home or if I send Austin home.
We let each other know what the reason was and go from there.

If the child is at your house, and the mom is not, you are well within your rights to enforce your house rules. You can tell him that language isn't allowed, the hitting/kicking isn't allowed and if it continues you'll send him home. You can also talk to the mom(alone) and let her know what you allow or don't at your house and if her child keeps getting sent home she'll know why. However, if she is with her child and he misbehaves its not your place to reprimand him, the only course of action is to take your boys home, or ask them to leave, and explain that his behavior was unacceptable and they can try again tommorrow, etc.

I believe it takes more than just mom and dad to raise our kids. I never think twice about correcting other kids when I see that it's needed. I have found that as they grow, they begin to have more respect for the adults who care enough to correct their behaviors. It sounds like you may have an opportunity to really give this child what he needs and wants.

We've taught our daughter the same thing. She knows that hate is too strong of a word. It's okay not to like something but we don't hate.
Good luck.
T. H
Raytown, MO

This is a child with some issues. I would gently tell him that saying those things are not acceptable around your kids. And if you continue you will not be allowed to play with them. Yes i would correct them. If any physical contact i would stop allowing him to play with them. He will be teaching your kids to be negative and have anger.

We don't let your kids to use hate or stupid either. If they do they are corrected, even in front of their friends, My kids are 19,12,and 9. /////we have a rule that whom ever is at our house follows our rules. Like no running in the house,and not use hate or stupid. I do explain to them even with parents present that we don't allow that . They respect our wishes or not come back to play. Have had no problems with this. If you are at their house and you see behavior you don't like then go home. And when you do leave explain to your kids why you left that way they know that you don't approve of that behavoir. Good luck we have kids next door that push the limit every day.

Correcting someone elses child In front of said parent is dicey and I would say probably not something I was willing to do unless I thought someone was in physical danger. HOWEVER at Your house you have the right to enforce your rules. A few healthy and kind reminders of what the rules are if the child wants to play at your house is not a bad thing at all. I mean...I would not Punish another parents child who is simply over on a play date...but consistant patient non accusatory reminders will go a long way IMHO.
Lots of luck!
B.

Put is this way A....if your child was doing something that your friend saw was going to hurt them, your friend would correct your child before they got hurt. You should do the same to other people's children. My friends know that they are allowed to correct my children when they do something wrong or inappropriate. And we do the same to other people's children. Some parents think that it is wrong and makes them look bad to correct their children in public or around other people, but in actuality it makes them look bad to not to do that. So hopefully this helps you with your neighbor's child...Good luck and God Bless.

I know you got a lot of advice so if i repeat sorry! But I have to say I do not agree it is your place to suggest to the other parent that they need professional help! One that is rude and two you don't know the whole situation.

with that said you have every right to tell the other child you don't allow certain language and if he does start hitting your child then you have every right to send him home after telling him why it was not right. personally if a kid is in my house and disobeys the rules I don't care if they are mine or not they will get time out. I would expect other parents to do the same. Just so long as they tell me why she got time out so I can ask my daughter. although she is still to young to understand right now.

I know from experience that a lot of kids listen to other adults better than their own parents. I'm the oldest of 18 grandkids and have been the "boss" of all my cousins and sisters. I have a friend who has a set of twins and a boy and now another girl. they all listen to me better than they have ever listened to her. she never knew how to put her foot down and manage the time spent with each kid. so as you can see there are issue the child may have including food allergies that make him react like that.

so if you can talk to the mom and ask her what her rules are and how they are enforced. Also ask if he has any kind of allergies just incase that is the issue. If she confides in you that she is at wits end then make a few suggestions. sometimes you have to get to know the other parent and once you do and they don't fit with what you want your kids around don't allow them around each other. After all not everyone makes good parents.

As a SAHM myself my children get to be outside most of the time.We live in a neighborhood where there is alot of children I don't have a problem with telling these children to leave my house they don't need to know why.If there is a disruption or causing my children do disobey I will be stearn with them that it isn't acceptable and they need to go home now.Put it this way these children aren't watched the doors are closed to where they live and are outside all day long without supervision and i'm not going to be a babysitter to these children when they have parents at home sitting down watching television.So yes I do correct other peoples children when they are on my property and don't need to be,as for being at their home and correctiong them I will often say somethjing like thats not nice to speak to your mother that way etc.

If the neighbor's child is at your house, its your house, your rules. Tell the child, even if his mother is present, that we do not behave that way in this house. If he cannot follow the rules of your home he will not be allowed to come over and play, inside or outside.

Absolutely, the first thing I would do is say something to the parent. Simply let her know that you don't allow your children to use language like that and ask her to speak to her son. If that doesn't work the next time he's at you r house firmly tell him that that kind of language will not be tolerated (he's 4 he understands). If all else fails though you don't want to limit play time with that child until his parents get the picture that their son is a potty mouth! Sounds harsh, but I don't like when my children come home and repeat what another child has said especially when it's inappropriate.

We are very close to our neighbors whose children are the same age as ours (6 and 3). We are very fortunate in that we have very similar expectations. But, here is what I do.

1. Safety issues - if the parent is present but doesn't see their child doing something unsafe, I will tell the child to stop.
2. If the parent is present and the child says something mean etc I don't discipline but I may talk to my children about it later.
3. If the parent is not present,I discipline if I know it is something the parent wouldn't approve of, it is unsafe or creates discord among the children.

I also expect the other parents to discipline my children as needed when we are outside or my children are in their home.
Yesterday their daughter went swimming with us. I had the neighbor explain her expectations to all the children so that no one would ask if she could go to the deep end without floaties, etc.
One thing is that we have different bed times. My children HATE to go to bed if they are outside. So, that's when we discuss how families are different and just because something is ok in one family that doesn't mean we have to do it in ours.
Good luck

Yes, you can tell him you have rules at your house that he has to follow. My kids are not allowed to use certain words. They are now 9 & 10 and their friends know the rules too. I dont' discipline the children but I remind them we don't use those words at our house, if you can't remember then you are going to have to go home. I don't have to remind them again. My kids usually keep them in line too.....

Kicking his mom, is between him and the mom, you can't get involved in that......at least I wouldn't. What you could do is like the words tell him kicking is not allowed at your house....