When Neighborhood Kids Are Naughty at Your House What Do You Do?

You did the right thing! Though everyone is somewhat defensive about their own children. I have a hard time at parent teacher meetings when they tell me about a facet of my child I didn't see yet!
What worked for me with similar age kid in similar situation is taking the child home myself and discuss it there and then. The other parent will get input about what to do. The first time, the parent got the boy to say sorry then wanted the games to resume but I said they need a bit of time apart right now. Second time the parent kept him home though did want to know what my kid did to "goad" him. I just tried to stay calm and hold my ground, which was that even if she did goad him, I don't believe in retaliation through violence under any circumstances. If the parent disagrees then you have the right to discontinue kid relationship while trying to maintain a semblance of one between the adults.
I don't know what you can do for the best now but you probably do, since you seem to have a strong self-assurance, and you're willing to try and clear the air. They may need time to cool off. Then you could try and talk to her about what she thinks you can do the next time. As if you're asking for her advice. Since she may be feeling that her parenting skills have been slighted. It's worth taking the high road and try not to feel wronged, because it's so hard living next door with this tension. If she will talk to you maybe ask if it's OK to have a talk with both children before they get together to establish rules of the house. If there is no hitting in your house you have every right to lay down that rule in a firm and friendly manner.
Hope you get some help with this issue. It'll work out somehow in the end, as things do!

1 mom found this helpful

I understand your frustration. But I am on the other end of it. My son would be the one to punch someone but I have to say I would have not gotten mad at you for sending him home. Would I be embarrassed by it, absolutely! Would he gotten a time out when he got home, you bet! Nobody wants to admit their child doesn't behave but when you put physical violence into the picture you have to do what you have to do. I guess my only advice would be to ask your neighbor how she would prefer you to handle her son in those types of situations. Maybe even sets some ground rules for your house that all children and their parents are aware of (i.e not sharing gets a brief timeout..hitting,biting,kicking gets you sent home.) That way the parents will know what your rules are and be OK with it or let you know how they would like it handled.

1 mom found this helpful

He's only 4, right? I wouldn't leave my 4 year old to wander around the neighborhood at all and play dates would be supervised by me for at least the first few times (at any location). Why? Because I know that my 4 year old is very well behaved but you can never really know how they're going to act in a different situation or environment. Not to mention, there's the wildcard of the other child to worry about, too.

I think they're neglectful and ignorant. Please don't second guess yourself. You shouldn't even have had to apologize! :(

1 mom found this helpful

Hey T.!

You did the absolute right thing!!! I only feel bad, for you, that these miscreants were able to get you so upset that you felt you needed to apologize. This boy may or may not be back, but I don't think you should hesitate to send him home at the first inkling of trouble. If the parents come over again, just simply say, if he can't behave he has to go home. If they continue, tell them you don't have to listen to this and close the door(not slam).

This is easy to say when you are not in this position, but I am a recovering doormat myself, and we have anywhere from 6-15 kids at our house in a day, so we run into this sort of thing now and again. I've never had such terrible parents to deal with though, thankfully! Anyway, I can see 2 great outcomes from this: (1)either he doesn't come back and you can play with all of the well behaved children in the neighborhood ... or ... (2) he and his parents learn how to behave and then everyone can play and have fun!

Either way, keep strong sister and enjoy the rest of your summer!
D.

Upon sending the child home I would have either 1) walked him over there to explain WHY he was getting sent home or 2) if there were other children that you could not leave unattended, I would have at leaast called and told the mother "I am sending him home b/c he did....; I don't know how you handle discipline, but that behavior is not tolerated in my house" Then the parents would have heard from you rather than the child's version which may or may not have been accurate. Possilby too late now, but just a suggestion for the future. In the future (if the neighbors ever cool down), maybe have playdates with parents present so you can both witness how the kids interact and go from there.

Well, let me start by saying you are nicer than me because I would have done more than just send him home if he punched my daughter! There have been some kids fighting in my neighborhood lately. None of them have actually been fighting with my son (lucky for them, maybe they are scared of his dad). But they were fighting in front of my house and they were told to go home. One of the boys was fighting twice in one week in front of my house and was told to stay completely away and I don't want to see him at my house EVER again. I don't want my son to see fighting all the time and I also don't want them to start fights with him. I know that you still have to live next to these people but your first priority is to protect your own child. GOOD LUCK!

T.,

Don't feel bad for doing what is right. The idea that you are concerned about how you treated them, tells us where your heart is. This is a heart issue. Hey, if they do discipline their boy do care about how their little boy acts, they would be thanking you for helping them as parents teach their child right from wrong. Remember, there are a lot of people in this world that are "it's all about me" when we used to be about others. It's a simple decision about right and wrong. We can't control how others act, but we can at least stand up for our own family. Great job and keep teaching right from wrong in your home - no matter who is in it!

A.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Kids should respect your rules and behave appropriately when they are at your house. I have sent neighborhood children home as well when they misbehave. I have also sent them home when my children are misbehaving. As far as dealing with your neighbor, I would just stay away as much as possible. When the kids are outside you can be friendly and keep a watchful eye if your children decide to play with the neighbor boy. But, I wouldn't invite him into your home anymore. That is a lesson to your children...that they don't have to tolerate being mistreated by others. It is okay to protect them and yourself from that! Good luck, I know that when it's a neighbor it is an uncomfortable situation!

You did the right thing T., Your daughter is seeing that you will not allow bullying, Too bad that the parents are that way. What a disfavor they are doing to their son. Wait till he gets in trouble when he is a teenager. Then the parents can blame everyone else, just like when he was a young boy. As I have said before. If we as parents don't stick up for our children,then who will? Its one thing if he apologizes but he is being told its ok to be that way. I hate to see what he will be like in ten years if he is not disciplined and has no boundaries. Children want and need boundaries and discipline. Let them make the first move. You did nothing wrong. In fact you did the child a favor! They are setting their child up for the victime role, Blame everyone else for their troubles. No personal responsibility. Thats why are jails etc are filled to capacity. Sorry, I am digressing! Good luck! And since when is a 4 year old allowed to walk over to friends houses, even if its next door. What the heck is wrong with these parents? Are they nuts?

I agree with the others...you weren't wrong to send him home...Mom and Dad apparently think he can do no wrong, and he's figured that out. I'd call and tell her you'd like to have a calm conversation with her. Most parents would be understandably upset if they thought someone else had "wronged" their child, but should be open to hearing the other side of the story -- give her facts, not just your opinion. And ask her questions, as suggested, if any child were to behave like this, how do you think it should be handled? It gives her a chance to be part of the solution and feel like she's involved in the decision-making. If she's not willing to hear you out, she may not be worth having as a friend, and better off avoided until something changes.

I certainly don't think you are in the wrong. My husband and I do the same thing. There is one boy that our son plays with and for the most part he really is a pretty good kid, but if my husband or I catch him being mean or doing something that we do not approve of while at our house, everyone is sent home and our son is told to come inside.

The parents of this child need to know that there are rules at your house and when he is there, the rules need to be followed or he will be sent home (that goes for anyone that is at your house). I can't stand it when parent's allow their children to get away with anything. I don't care if a child is an only child! Just because he is an only child doesn't mean he shouldn't have rules and discipline. I don't have any patience for parents that spoil their kids and let them get away with everything. There have to be boundries. My kids are spoiled, but I would never let them get away with things that they shouldn't or aren't supposed to do.

B.

When we moved into our house 18 years ago with 5 young kids, 27 neighbor kids decided to come and play in our big yard. About 2 days later fights started, the next day, everyone was told the rules my children go by and I enforced them and sent them home. Needless to say the number of children in my yard decreased and everyone lived happily everafter. Now go ahead in time(about 9 years), I hear a scuffle going on in the front yard so I go on the front porch. When the 2 teenage girls see me, the scuffle stopped and one said we can't fight in her yard she doesn't allow it and they moved on. I didn't have to say a word. Rules don't hurt anyone! My grandchildren know-when your are grandma's house it's her rules no matter what rules they go by at home!

A. R

You're doing the right thing. When they're at your house, the kids follow your rules. Sounds like neighbor's kid doesn't have any rules and gets their way often. It also sounds like neighbor's kid may learn a lot from you if the parents allow that child to come over. It's a shame they're so blind and closed minded and giving you the job of parenting only until he's naughty.

You've got to protect your child from harm. That child is only going to get bigger and stronger and be able to do more damage.

I agree with Vicki, I think it was, who said walk the child home so you can speak to the parents. (maybe even along with your crying child)

Keep up the good work! You're doing the right thing.

T.,

It is important to have a good relationship with your neighbors if you can -- maybe try a letter. You can write down your thoughts in a non-threatening way and they can read it over and over again. You don't have to bear the brunt of their immediate reaction (which will be to yell and deny) and they can take time to really think about what you are saying before reacting to you. Print out all of these great responses and attach it to your letter too. Maybe hearing the same thing from other people will convince them that they are creating a monster or at least make them think a little about the fact that their son is not an angel.

Tell them that you would love for your children to be friends but that you cannot tolerate that type of behavior in your home or against your child. Extend the olive branch and you'll be the better one. If they choose not to respond or apologize and want to leave things bitter, then you are better off without such selfish people in your life.

Good luck to you.
K.

Hi T.,

O.k, honestly, I don't think you did a thing wrong and you stayed your cool which is more than I would have done, had they came yelling at my door!!! I deal with a similar situation here at my house except this little kid is so vindictive, she's not even allowed to play with my daughter in the house. Of course all parents feel their children can do no wrong but for your neighbor to go that far, I would leave things the way they are, you acted with class when they came over to rant and rave! Besides chances are, if that little boy is as naughty with other children, as he is with yours, they'll be at every neighbors door in the neighborhood!!
Good Luck to You!

H.

People can be so blind and biased when it comes to their own kids. Those parents should thank you for helping to teach their boy acceptable behavior. What you did was right, don't let them intimidate you. They will have a lot to deal with down the road. I agree with the other suggestion that if this ever happens again you should take the boy home and tell his parents why. YOu don't know what he told them - kids don't always tell their parents the truth. And now a story:
My daughter played with a neighbor boy (she was 5 and he was a very large 4 year old) who was rough - pushed and hit when he didn't get his way. The parents were of the school that "boys will be boys", so he got corrected at our house but not at his. End result - one day at his house he hit my daughter in the forehead with a garden trowel and she came home bleeding and crying. She ended up with stitches at the ER and still has the scar 5 years later. So, yeah, play at your own house is best with the wild ones.
Good luck!

I'm surprised that they were upset. I can see why it would have been good if you had called and explained yourself before the kid talked to their parents....but still. If I had been that boys mom...and yet I have two energetic boys of my own...

I would have been so glad that you enforce rules that we have in our own home. Kids will test boudaries....especially when mom and dad aren't looking.

He may not neccessarily be this monster demon child. Kids will hit occassionally, that doesn't make it ok, but at age 4? You were right to send him home. When kids hit, they are either too stressed or tired, or something and the play day is over. until another day.

We are pretty clear about rules in our home, but even the nicest kids can have a hard day. It doesn't mean they are a monster, or that he has BAD PARENTS!!!

I'm not shocked by the childs behaviour, because kids don't always know better. That is why we are here to teach them. I'm SHOCKED by the parents. There was no reason for them to get that angry with you.

My son plays with cousins a lot and sometimes there is an issue. We talk as parents. We decide on rules that everyone is happy with. The kids that come over to our house also know that they have to keep our rules when they are our house. My kids know that they have to keep other rules when they are at someone elses home. ie no shoes in the house.

It common sense

We are having a little of the same problem with a neighbor kid too. Stay strong. Sounds like a spoiled brat to me. Don't worry about being on good terms with them either..it may be awkward for awhile, but you will adjust. You don't want your kids picking up those bad habits either. You have to protect your own family, don't worry about what anyone else thinks!

I used to have a similar situation with a neighbor boy who was "always the victim" according to his parents. When he would hit or kick one of my kids I told him what about his behavior was not acceptable and sent him home. But what I also did was grab the phone and call his Mother to tell her exactly what happened and why I sent him home, and I did this before the kid got to his front door to tell his version of the story. I would say that you have a kid next door ewho already knows how to manipulate his parents and will try to do the same with other adults. Kids need to know their boundaries and what is and is not acceptable. You were completely right to send him home. That childs parents will at some point realize that you are not the only one who won't tollerate bad behavior from a visitor. I feel bad for you that this happened with a neighbor, you can keep trying to smooth things over, but don't let them make you feel like you did something wrong.

T.,
You did the right thing!!! If you choose to let this boy into your house again,(because you do have the right to turn this little Prince away) tell him the rules at the door. If the problem or any problem with your rules happens again, you take this child home and tell the parents exactly what happened and tell them 3 strikes your child is out. Tell them he will not be allowed back in your yard/home until he can follow your house rules while at your house. They won't like having someone on their doorstep either, let me tell you.

This is one of the great benefits of having the kids play at your own home, I do this all the time. You can always see what is going on, and it is always your house rules. I deal with an older set of kids, and their parents are always telling me how great their kids are, but they are never out supervising them. They don't see what I see, or they choose not to see it. Sometimes I think they are trying to convince themselves how great their kids are, they say it often enough. Miraculously these kids keep wanting to come back, so they start to follow my house rules. They hear them often!

Keep up the good work. You don't ever have to put up with someone else's naughty kids, even if their parents are blind to it. They may be at your doorstep again, but you just tell them, my house my rules, if you don't like them... keep your child at home with you.

Take Care,
V.

I think you were completely right to send the child home. It sounds like you used appropriate words with him - telling him he can come back when he could behave. I don't tolerate bad behaviors - hitting, bad words, etc. either. I've just recently allowed my 6 y/o to spend time at the neighbors house. When my children were that young, I usually sat outside with them and talked with the neighbors while the kids played and acted as referee as needed. You could easily do this, especially if you are friends....It would be 1 thing if she left the house with you as a "babysitter", but it doesn't sound like that. Does he just show up or does she ask if he can play over? It used to bother me when the little ones would just show up or be playing in our yard when we weren't home. I had a situation and I just nicely walked her back home and talked to the mom. After that an adult walked her over and asked if she could play. I would tell your neighbor to stay & watch her kid or tell her that when he does something you don't approve of, he'll be sent home. Oh, if we all were to be blessed with that "perfect" child :)

I guess I would make it known that the child is no longer allowed to play at your house or with your children. When I was growing up there was a family that moved in and basically the child was a brat and the mom encouraged it. All of the kids in the neighborhood (there was only one other family besides his and ours) stopped having anything to do with the kid. It took about a year before the family figured it out and the kid started getting a little better. Good luck, the bad thing is that the parents are allowing this behavior to accure and don't realize how it will harm the child in the long run.

I have so totally been in your exact same shoes!!! I feel for you! I say you did the right thing and stick to your guns. It feels terrible right now because it just happened, but you still have a choice of how you act. You can still choose to be nice and friendly AND keep control of your home. Your home needs to be a safe place for you and your children. If that means kicking a kid out then so be it. As far as my story goes, in the end I became closer friends with teh neighbor lady that had steam coming out of her ears because with time she saw I was consistent. I was cinsistent with the behavior I expected from all neighborhood children and I was consistent with my reactions. Hope that is an encouragement to you!

B. C

Now you know how teachers feel when we call home and hear this about their little angels. It will catch up with this boy eventually, but until then I would not have him over to play. Make up excuses about being busy or whatever or have him over only if a parent is present. Make playdates for your daughter instead of having him over to play. Sounds like they want you to babysit him more than having a playdate.

Ah, yes, how familiar this sounds! First, I totally am in agreement that waiting for the bad kids to disappear does nothing for either party, except maybe hold off the nuisance a little longer. If it is your home/yard, and you are the only parent around, you MUST set boundaries. I have sent kids home a couple times, and now that you mention the embarassing them thing, I do agree with the parents on that one (though not their display of anger). HOWEVER... back to the boundaries. If the boy comes over again, and his temper strikes again, stay calm, have your daughter look him in the eyes and tell him, "please don't hit me, I don't like it when you do that". If he'll let you, guide him out of earshot of the other kids,get down to his level and offer him an alternative to hitting, just like you would your own child. Example might be..."I understand you were angry that.... You may NOT hit, but you may use your words, or come talk to me if you need help". I did this with a 4 and six year old, and as time went on, they learned my rules, and respected me for them, and learned to play well.

Hi T.,

It sounds as though these parents have a very distorted idea of who their child is. And any parent who says "I KNOW my little precious would NEVER do that..." is setting themselves up for embarrassment EVERY time. As soon as you say that, quite possibly with the words still on the tip of your tongue, the child will commit the crime! Lesson learned by a mother of four!

That being said, I would get together with all of the mothers/fathers of the kids who play together and set up some ground rules. It also wouldn't be a bad idea if you came up with consequences, as well.

Should something like this happen in my house, the very first thing I would have done was make a call to the parent and invite them to come help you solve this problem. I would say to the child in front of the parent, "tell Mom what just happened" and if the child has a "memory" problem, I would recount the entire scenerio to the parent while never taking my eyes off the offender. Any reasonable parent would then step in and say "oh my, I am just so disappointed in your behavior towards this little girl, this parent, this home, etc. I think it is time for us to go home and maybe we should take a break for a week and try it again next week. But before we go, you need to apologize to child, mom, etc. for your behavior."

When the rules are the same, across the board, kids understand boundries (and parents, too!) These parents sound like a royal pain. Remember that kids learn by making mistakes and that a punch to the stomach is not a life-threatening injury. If this child is welcomed into your home again, I would certainly take the children aside and remind them that we do not hit, we do not bite, we share our toys and that we are respectful of this home. And if anyone violates these rules, your parent will be called over for a visit and you will have to go home.

I hope this helps.

C.

I have a friend who had a daughter 5 mnth younger than mine and a son 6 month older that my daughter and her kids like to pick on my daughter. my friend doesn't have a car so when we go places we all pile into mine. Her daughter will poke and pinch my daughter until my daughter puls her hair and the will scream at the top of her lungs and my friend yells at my daughter, so now whenever they are in my car I watch in my mirror every so often and catch her daughter in the act, when my daughter fights back and my friend gets mad, i expalin to her and then she tells me her daughter is well behaved and wouldn't do that. Her daughter does not behave well, but in her mothers eyes can do no wronge. I do not feel that there is anything wrong wth protecting your child from other children and there is nothing wrong with seding another kid home if they are not behaving when at your house.

It seems like today's society says that their children are perfect, but the rest of the worlds kids are not. I know my kids are perfect and someday I feel like carrying around sorry notes in my diaper bag, though my kids never start anything, they will finish a fight in a manner that isnt proper, especially if the kid hit or pushed them first. They didnt learn to fight from me, but I do teach my kids that it is ok to defend yourself. I use to babysit this one kid who was 8 and still threw temper tantrums, which included kicking and hitting everyone and everything. When he tried to run out of my house on me, I had had it with that family. They told me over and over again he never acted that way at home, so it was my problem. I know he got notes from school about the same behavior he did at my house, yet the parents were in denial. Its crazy, when a kid has a temper like that and its not checked at a young age, I can only imagine what that kid will be like as a teenager or an adult. I think you did the right thing, its your house and their kid. You dont have to put up with that behavior. If you want to stay friend with these people, it will be very hard. I would advice to stop having the kid come into your house and try to have the parents over from time to time so they can see how their kid acts around your kid. I am afraid that nothing will probably change, as they will probably tell you that your kid started it anyways. Good luck!

Uggg!!! I am sorry this happened to you! YOU WERE NOT WRONG! You have every right to defend your child or any child, especially when someone else is hurting them or playing too rough. I know it must be difficult right now to live next to someone and have this hanging over your head, but if it were me I wouldn't let my child play with that neighbor anymore since the parents obviously won't take ownership for their part. I am a school teacher and I have worked with kids and parents like this. It can be very frustrating, but usually they will come around at some point and realize there is another side of the story.

As far as wanting to find a lesson/message here I would simply explain to your child and any other playmate that they are welcome to play in your house/yard/whatever is comfortable to you as long as they treat each other with kind words and do not hit, kick or hurt each other. Consistency is the key here. Children respond to boundaries and actually like knowing what you expect from them. As with your neighbors, as hard as it may be, always treat them with kindness and respect. The good behavior YOU model for your own child is the best way to teach them right from wrong. I know you probably want to tell them off, but it is better that you don't. This will happen (to them) again with someone else I GUARANTEE IT! One of two things will happen, they will either find that this will happen over and over again and their child will end up with no friends to play with, or they will cool off and come to their senses. Good luck and try not to let the incident infuriate you.
Hope this helps!

A.

NO you are not wrong. I would do the same. Eventually they will see different when their child plays with other children and those moms say the same thing or when he goes to school and gets into trouble. You handled things right. You also gave him the choice to behave or not by telling him that he could come back if he chooess a different action. You did nothing wrong.

Well, you hit the nail on the head. They did not come over to resolve anything, they just came over to yell at the bad neighbor lady who would yell at their perfect angel. I know, we have the same situation here. The lady across the street feels her only child can do no wrong, and it is our son who is the naughty one. Though I have seen her son throw rocks at my child, call my child names, beat our trees with his sword, step on my child's fingers in our backyard, etc. She only sees what is done "against" her child. The sad thing is that this lady (your neighbor) is going to run into a lot of problems when her child goes to kindergarten and is the kindergarten teacher's nightmare. And it will happen. SHe is not teaching him any accountability, nor how to make friends, nor how to treat people. You keep on sticking up for your daughter, you continue to greet your neighbor with a friendly wave. That's all you can do. You can't change people. Believe me, you will not be the only one to come into this situation with her, there will be more because her child will punch another child in the stomach. SO, you just do what you can do protect your child and at least you let this kid next door know it is never OK to hit anyone. Good Job...at least he heard it from someone, because he sure isn't hearing it at home.

Good for you to do the right thing! I sure don't think you crossed any lines. I would send home a child who punched hit or kicked my child in a heartbeat. We need to protect our children the best we can. That said, it sounds like your daughter may need to be taught how to respond in those types of situations when you aren't right there to help and send the child away. Do you want to hit back? Do you want her to run away? Do you want her to verbally stand up to the person who hit her? To come to an adult right away? However you want her to handle that sort of thing, she needs to know and needs to get some practice in since you all will still be neighbors and they will likely cross paths whether the neighbor parents want them to or not.

If my kid hit somebody at 4yrs of age, I would be mortified and there would be correction for my child, and both he and I would be issuing an apology. (Now at 2 yrs old, he has gone through the hitting stage, and we addressed it and hopefully are past it for the time being, but at 4yrs old, a kid should pretty much know that it is not ok to hit.)

I think you handled it quite well.

It is easy to see why that child is a "brat". Unfortunately there are parents out there who think that their children do no wrong. They are only hurting their own kids by not teaching them how to behave.

When neighborhood kids come to my house and misbehaves, they are sent home immediately, and I will call their mom. I also tell the mom's in the neighborhood my phone number and that if my 12 year old son misbehaves at their house, not only should they send him home, but that I would like to know what happened so that we can deal with it. (Needless to say, since my son knows that I keep in touch with them, we have very little problem with his behavior at his friends house.)

With this child, maybe you should not let him come over to your house unless and until his parents realize that you will not put up with aggressive behavior towards your children, and that you are not being mean to him by sending him home, but that you will not tolerate that behavior from their child. Lets face it, you are not their babysitter and playing at a neighbors house is a priviledge that has to be earned.

All I can say is that you were definitely in the right. If that child ever comes over again I'd just turn on a video camera when you confront him about hitting and videotape his admission and his attitude about leaving. Then tell him that he can stay and invite his mother over and you can all watch it together. Don't even tell her what it is just put it in and watch together. Then you can just ask her how she would like you to deal with this :o)
J.
Mom to 4, soon 5 through another adoption and hopefully more :o)
http://oneverybusymomma.blogspot.com/

I would say that you did the right thing by sending him home. If he is going to play at your house he needs to follow your house rules. As for handling the parents. I would not have apologized, I would have rather insisted that their son apologize to your daughter for hitting her. But what is done is done. I personally would go back next store after they have had a chance to calm down. Tell them that you are sorry that they "feel" that you embarrassed their son but that he was misbehaving at your house and you thought the most appropriate form of action was to send him home. And then ask them what they think the most appropriate action should have been. Ask, them how they would like you to handle any further situations that arise, as this one did. Maybe you can work something out with the neighbor so that you both can feel comfortable with the children playing at each other's houses.

AMEN to all the responses so far!
Your house, your rules--so simple!
I've noticed that people get very defensive when they look bad for any reason. As a teacher, I had parents who would defend their kids in any situation, it was always the teacher's fault, and guess what, these were the worst behaved kids.

I imagine your neighbor will either a)not send the kid over again, or b) miss the convenience of having him play at your house and pretend after a while that nothing has happened--after all she probably thinks she "set a boundary" with you by blaming you for the problem.

Stay calm and in the big picture of things, I agree with the person who said it would be good for this child's future to play in a house with actual rules.

I have a friend whose child hit mine a few times early on in our friendship. My child was not used to that, but we worked through it. The difference was that my friend was there with us, and that she didn't flip out when I didn't like that behavior. We are great friends today and so are the kids.

I send the child home and discuss the event with their parents. It's unacceptable behavior. When/if it keeps happening, deny the child visits with your kid. If the parents have a problem with it, tell them why...but hopefully, if you keep them in the loop of their misbahavior from the beginning, they will know why you are denying playdates with their naughty child. It the child is in my home, I fell I have the right to parent them and they need to follow my rules. If they can't follow the rules in my house, they have to leave. I even say, "In our house, we don't use words like that. That's the rules of this house. If you don't want to follow our rules, you can go home and I'll discuss it with your mom/dad."

If a child is in your home w/o their own parents, IMO you have every right to parent them. Within reason, of course. :) And in the situation you stated, you had every right to send the boy home!!! As long as you were calm, told him what he did wrong, and sent him on his way I see nothing that you did wrong. I didn't read anything that sounded like you humiliated him. As far as hurting his feelings, he should be upset that he did something wrong and had to be sent home!!

Sounds like his parents need to figure out that no child is perfect--and neither is theirs! IMO, you did the right thing!

You did the right thing. I ALWAYS expect kids to act a certain way in my house. If they don't, then they go home. Wait and see if things calm down with your neighbors, but stick to your guns! You saw and heard what happened, and if they continue to be a**holes about it =) then it's not worth being friends with someone like that.

Ps. I hate to see what kind of a bully this kid will turn into if his parents keep letting him act this way.

Dear T.,
Do not beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong. You did the right thing. When you have a child it is your responsibility to keep them safe. I have some neighbor kids who are very aggressive also. I run an in home daycare and I would let them come over once in awhile but they very mean and pushed and said alot of foul language so I told them they could not come back unless their mother came with them. That way she could see how they were acting and I wasn't having to watch more children while I was "working". They stopped coming over and asking to play because their mom wouldn't come with them. I figured it was the best thing anyways. I don't want my children around that behavior and learning those things. Also running a daycare I know that lots of children don't act the same way when they are with their parents as when they are not. Maybe the little boy is behaved with them (and maybe he isn't but they want you to think he is) but thinks he can do whatever when he is somewhere else. Like you said "you aren't my mom". I would just live your life be a good neighbor and maybe they will come around. If they won't is that really a big loss to you? They don't seem like the kind of people you really want to be friends with anyways. Take Care and I hope you find peace with your neighbors.
S.

Whenever my kids have friends over, I treat them just like they were my own. If they are misbehaving, I get after them like I would my own. I tell the parents of their friends to do the same thing. I would have not only sent the boy home, I would have informed the parents that he can only come back if he could go by the rules. If he couldn't or wouldn't, then he wasn't welcomed back. I don't pull any punches, I expect kids to respect me and my house, if they can't, they don't need to come back.
My daughter has a best friend that spends a lot of time here. She once told her mother that my husband had sent her home because she wouldn't follow the rules. I told her in front of her mom, that she didn't follow the rules, so she got sent home. We didn't have any problems after that!

I'm sorry you have to be so stressed over this situation T.. What you did was just fine. I've threatened to send kids home if the behavior continues but have never done it except one time-but the parents weren't home and didn't bother to pick her up until the next day!! I don't recall problems with kids against my child who is a friend, it's always against a sibling or just general behavior. I typically tell my child, in front of their friends, what is happening that's not allowed and if they can't tell their friends when they're breaking the rules then their friends won't be able to play here. I'm not sure if that's the best tactic or not, but it doesn't apply to your case anyways.

My point is at your home you have the right to enforce your rules. You can try to teach this child boundaries by keeping him at your home and using time out or a lecture or you can send him home with no apologies for protecting your own kids from his violent behavior. Unless your child is great friends with him normally and doesn't have aternate choices, there's no reason to invite him back. I often tell my kids they can't invite someone bc I don't want to deal with the friend's behavior.

Unfortunately I know from experience neighbors can't always be friends as well.