Disruptive Behaviour Due to Focus

Being a day care teacher, I have seen this type of behavior before. The first thing that comes to mind is, has he been in daycare for a long time, or is he just starting? Another question that comes to mind is has he recently changed rooms or teachers? I ask these questions because that when I have typically seen those types of behaviors.

If he has been with the teachers in the same classroom for a while, he may be going through separation anxiety. He is at the right age for that to be starting now.

When I was working at another facility, we had a little boy who did the same thing. He would scream until he was put in a crib to sleep, and then would wake up the same way. It was almost impossible to get him to eat too. What we did was have mom fix him some of his favorite foods for us to feed him. This worked at least to get him to eat. Then as for the crying, one of us would focus on him as much as possible, while the other was able to tend to the others in the class (of course that only works when there are two or more teachers in the room though).

It sounds like they have made up their mind about your little man. Which is sad in my opinion, because he is just a baby. I would see if there is a way that you could observe the classroom, like the other poster suggested. This way you could see what it is that is going on. That is really the only way to know if there is something wrong, or if they are not giving him the attention that he needs at the right times. I know some centers have closed circuit surveillance camera's in the rooms, where parents can sit in another room and watch, that would be ideal in this situation but I know not every center has them.

I would ask that the teachers document everything. Buy a small one subject notebook and put his name on it, and ask them to take notes about his behavior throughout the day. I would then start doing the same thing at home, document everything. That way when you do go to a doctor, if you decide to go that route, you have documentation from both places. Make sure if they do agree to do it, that get the times in their notes too, as that could help with determining if there is a problem.

I know this is long, but it might help!
If you have ANY questions please feel free to contact me privately!!!

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I would definitely remove him from daycare immediately. Who are "they" to say he needs therapy? If he is doing well at home maybe a situation with so many other children isn't right for him. I would look for an in home daycare, maybe a grandmotherly type, who can give him some one on one attention or consider hiring someone to come to your home. He sounds like he's miserable and unhappy there. Good luck!

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A.:

Hello! My first impulse is to tell you to RUN and RUN fast! There is obviously a problem at the day care center and your son is reacting to it.

If your son is not like this at home - then the problem is there and not with your son. If they are not licensed psychologists or psychiatrists they are in NO POSITION to tell you that your 1 year old son needs therapy. Period.

Take him out of there NOW! Talk to other parents and find out where they put their children during the day - I know the YMCA has a great program but unfortunately, I don't know what age they start caring for children.

If the place where your son goes is a "chain" write a letter to the center director as well as the Corporate office explaining the situation - those "care givers" aren't doing their job and it needs to be rectified.

I will keep you in my prayers.

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I second the motion that you should take your son out of that day care. As soon as I read your post I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. They should be more patient and willing to work through this with you all not recommending therapy for a one year old!!

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try to find a way to observe him in his daycare so you can see what the problem is. Is this a home daycare or a center? Is he new to daycare? My daughter started daycare on her 2nd birthday and for the first few months she cried all day long. The center worked with us, not against us. Once she got a different teacher, the crying stopped. children do act a little different at daycare (at her first confernce they told me she didn't know how to talk--she never stopped talking at home). You may want to also investigate different settings for your guy if they aren't willing to work with you. Therapy is a little much for a 1 yr old, I would find out what they think therapy will accomplish. If you really want to go this route, the state of MD has an Infants and Toddlers program. Your pediatrician can also refer you to someone who can help. Good luck.

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"They have decided" he needs therapy? THEY have decided? Sounds like they can't or don't want to cope with what's probably normal separation anxiety. Any decent day care should be able to distract a child sufficiently that the child isn't screaming ALL day. Are they understaffed? Is their staff inexperienced? Is he overwhelmed by too much or too little stimulation there (is it overcrowded, noisy, is he left alone too much, are there older kids who run the show and get all the attention, etc.)? The huge difference between your child's behavior at home and at daycare is a red flag that the issue is the daycare, not his development.

I'm amazed they're throwing around the threat -- and it is a threat -- that if you don't "fix" him they will kick him out. "Therapy" is a huge, loaded word for them to throw at you unless they're trained child development experts or medically trained. I wonder if he's really as out of control as they're portraying him but is crying at times inconvenient to them. I love the idea of your observing him without his seeing you. If the daycare resists this or the other great ideas like keeping a record for you, etc., it's definitely time to reconsider this day care. It also may be time to reconsider sending him to day care at all right now -- he may just not be ready for this change in his life. Good luck and remember, you're the paying customer here, and you deserve their best efforts; they shouldn't make you feel as if you or your child is "at fault" somehow.

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Many others have already responded with good advice. I think going to the daycare to observe him is a great idea. Good Luck.

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Hi A.,

A friend of mine has a grandson who acts exactly the opposite at home as opposed to at school. It was truly amazing, but she actually went to the school and silently observed his behavior. As it turned out, the teacher was right. Although smart as a whip, he really does have an attention problem. He never completed assignments because he was too thorough...nothing to him is cut and dry. But I said this to say, perhaps you should take a moment and just go by the center and observe his behavior for yourself, without him being aware you are there. Suggesting therapy is so drastic, especially for someone so young. Sometimes seeing is believing, but on the flip side, people can also exacerbate situations. It helps to know for sure in order to determine what path to take. Perhaps his actions can be minimized by simply curtailing certain behavior patterns at home.

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I bet it is a sensory issue. It is quiet at home - perhaps he is overwhelmed by the noise or chaos at daycare. His brain may be having trouble integrating what is coming in through his senses...I would highly recommend an Occupational Therapy evaluation as part of the therapeutic evals he gets, if they have not already suggested one. It will be free to you through your county and therapy can be provided at home or daycare, wherever you are more comfortable with. OT is extremely effective, especially when children get it at a young age!

And BTW, therapy at the age of one is not ridiculous, thousands of young children get therapy at that age and have great outcomes. I'm a special ed teacher for young children and have provided therapy to children as early as three months old...there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

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Debra might have the answer. I am a pediatric occupational therapist and the first thing that came to my mind reading this post is that it is probably a sensory issue. Daycare is a VERY different sensory environment then home. It is loud, bright, busy and overwhelming to some kids. Some things to think about is are the things that you have noticed that bothers him even at home (reacts negative to noises like vacuum, hairdryer, blender... or bothered by touching different textures... or a picky eater). Just some thoughts that could indicate sensory issues. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat about this. There is a good website you can find out more about www.spdfoundation.net Let me know if you have questions. Do I think the daycare is handling it right? They may not understand the problem or how to help it. Before you run as it can be stressful on all to find a new site you might want to see if this is the problem. I would also look into the Parent Infant Education (PIE program) for your county. If you need any help in looking into this let me know. I have worked closely w/ Alexandria PIE.

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If the daycare he is in does not allow for much movement and is actually teaching, but your boy wants to run, jump and then read, you might have an educational mismatch. If he can focus at home, but not in the daycare, it might be too structured for who he is. You might want to put him in a smaller homecare center which might offer more fieldtrips or outdoor play. Maybe he is calmer at home because he is freer to move.

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has he always screamed all day long there? when did they let you know this?
therapy for a year old baby is ridiculous.
it might be worth it for your own peace of mind to get screening done, but babies develop at different rates and what this place requires might just be out of line for your baby. if he's fine at home, it's really not likely a developmental disorder.
sounds they're just a bad fit for him.
khairete
S.

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Post Script: I read the responses you've gotten and really like the idea of doing an observation. But I would suggest that you do a "pop-in" observation or maybe several. An announced visit may very well change what you see. And NO daycare should prohibit pop-in visits. Good luck wiht this - I really hope you update your status because I really feel for you. I know wha tit is like to have discomfort with your day care provider and its torture! It's hard enough leaving them, but then to have it go badly is awful. Please let us know what happens.

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I think it is very unusual for a one-year old to display behavioral problems that a day care can't handle. One side of the equation doesn't make sense - how could it be that bad and you don't see it at all??

First, I would als the day care provider to document his behavior for you. If they are going to break your contract and dismiss him, I think they would already be doing this. That means to provide you a log of his care and outbursts.

In parallel, I would go stratight to your pediatrician and ask for a screening - usually your county will do this for free - to see if he is developmentally on track. You don't really even need the pediatrician I think, but you probably want another chek-up too, even if you just had one.

Your e-mail has undercurrents of you believing that his needs re not being met well in day care. You CANNOT EVER spoil a one-year old. Maybe 15 months, possibly 18 months, but even then... I had a good day care and a bad day care experience. Good day cares should be able to hold and comfort more than one infant!!! IF they tell you othersise they are crazy. If that is true, then you want to immediately look for another - wither they will kick him out or you probably don't want him to stay there. I think there is a tendency to really trust the day care providers who often feel more experienced than we do. But you are the best judge of your child.

I suppose there is always a chance that you don't see problems that others do - we don't want to see that something might be wrong. That's why I think you wnat to get a clear professional opinion. That being said, I find it hard to imagine a scenario where a 1 year old could behave so poorly (without a really obvious developmental problem) that a day care couldn't deal with it, and maybe they are just not competent enough to do so.

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I second Cheryl O's suggestion... RUN! Something is off base when an adult reccommends therapy for a one year old. I would try to find a different placement - if he's in a center, maybe try a home based daycare? I would not leave my son anywhere where all he did was scream!

I believe in the old cliche that dogs and babies know best -- if they are barking or crying, something is wrong!

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Hi A., it sounds like they can't handle him very well. I just can't imagine that a one year old would need therapy without any reason. Also I think they shouldn't make suggestions like that. Are they therapists ??? My advice is to look for another place and see if they can handle him better before paying for therapy. Children go through different phases and maybe it's just a phase or he feels that they can't handle him very well...
Good luck !

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Is there a way to observe him at daycare without him knowing you are there? It seems strange he behaves like this only at daycare, and you've never seen this behavior at home. Is there something making him uncomfortable there? The daycare seems to have already come to some conclusions and from your note it does not seem like they are working with you on this. It might be time to find another day care and see if they are a better fit.

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Hi A.,

Hang in there. I would have him evaluated by Early Start...a state/federal prgram to find early delays. They will evaulate him in daycare or home the number for the office near my house is ###-###-####. They can get you the right number for your address, just give them a call. They will have any number of specialists, ex. a child development expert, a psychologist, a occupational therapist and a speech therapist come in and play with him (all of these specialists work with kids everyday). Both my kids loved being evaluated! This service is free and with the state budget under a crunch it will take a few weeks to get in, but I would take this avenue for sure. Plus try your insurance. If the state finds he is in need of services they will provide them because taking care of such issues at an early age has an incredibly high success rate!

Everything will be fine, you may find it is just the preschool situation and that your son is very sensitive in temperment....Thus explaining his behavior at school.

R.

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Just another thought is that kids dont always act like they do at home. That doesnt mean i wouldnt take into consideration what they say but is this a good daycare, do u like it and them? Does your son like them? I worked in daycare a long time and we would have "new" kids scream for like 2 weeks because their parents left and just one day they stopped and they were completely fine...wild i know! Could it be they dont want to deal with your son?(cuz of his screaming) idk...just giving you something to think about?

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