Where to Start... - Sachse,TX

N.,

I would be very careful calling any of my children weird. You may think it...but don't say it out loud. I think you need to take him to every dr under the sun until you find out what is wrong with him. Have you looked into him maybe being autistic. It just sounds like maybe he has some very deep problems. Best of luck.

was reading another post that said that the school districts if age 3 or older will do testing free and can probably offer some help in training and behavior type things.

Wishing you the best.

Hello, get a new doctor, sounds more serious. I'm no doctor but I would try a new doctor, maybe try allergy diet as well. Sometimes food coloring dies in foods cause problems, my son has problems with blue dyes, my cousin has problems with red which is in every kid thing, even cherries. Try cutting out preservatives, sugar, aspartane, things you normally would not think of can cause problems.

Maybe try a therapist, phychologist, etc. Maybe it has to do with an OCD, impulse control disorder, something to deal with Serotonin in the brain and not releasing it.

I also have another friend who's son has autism and he does wierd stuff.

Best of luck! but find a new doctor, you may have to go to a few.

You need to definitely get him tested to see if he is on the spectrum. There are tons of things that they can do to help him that is NOT medication including occupational and speech therapy, play therapy, physical therapy, etc.

The first place you should go to is your school district. More than likely he will qualify for their PPCD program that is made for children like him. It is a preschool program for children with special needs that gives them the care and some of the therapies that they need, all paid for by the school district! From there, I would go to a private evaluation organization to see if you can get further therapies and get a 2nd opinion (this is important). We used Our Children's House Baylor (they have several locations), but I know there are other places to do it too. They can give you a plan to supplement the school district. They are so supportive and have so many activities, I suggest them, but I know it's a personal choice.

This is not a problem that you can "fix" on your own. Your son needs help and you need help with how to deal with him. I think you would be very surprised on how much of a difference these therapies and PPCD can make. The earlier you start, the better it is for him and your family.

Good luck!

You sound exhausted! I am a nanny and have cared for children with Asperbergers and I thought I would give you some of the tips that have worked for me. First, I would get your son to a doctor who specializes in children with autism and he/she will be able to give you a diagnosis or refer you to a nuerologist who can help you. Once he is actually diagnosed with autism, you will have more resources available for you, especially as he gets older. I know it is very tiring to keep up with him, but being as proactive as possible will only benefit your family and your son in the future. Gluten/kasein free diets are very helpful in helping with his digestion and lead to improvements in behavior. I would recommend starting one now! And stick to it very strictly! I would avoid places that overstimulate him. It may limit your family's social life, but overstimulating or putting a child with autism in a situation they are not comfortable with will only egg on disruptive and violent behavior. I would get in touch with autism support groups, behavioral therapists, and online autism mother's groups, because they will be able to answer your questions and they will be there to help when you are at your wits end. I cannot stress enough how important it is to adress his condition and do whatever you can do(and afford to do) to help treat his autism. By the way, you don't nessecarily need to use medicines, but I know there are many supplements that are very helpful to kids with autism. I totally understand the holistic approach, too, but I would recommend looking into all aspects of treatments, because you never know how your son will respond to diffferent forms of treatment and you don't want to miss out on something that may benefit him and his condition. Best of luck to you and your family!

Hi N.,
Start with your local Early Childhood Intervention program (ECI). Services are free and it will give you a head start on getting help in the school later on. Also find an occupational theriapist familiar with sensory integration therapy if the ECI program doesn't have one. There is a scrub-brushing technique that may be very helpful. There also is a autism program in Dallas.
I have been out of the field for a while, so I don't have the contact numbers.
I wish the best for you. Remember that prayer can help also.
Victoria

N.
I just want to applaud you for reaching out for help for your son. I have some experience working with kids on the spectrum. I would recommend that you take your son to see a neruologist (pediatric). A neurologist can help confirm or deny a diagnosis and put you on the right track for treatment.
After he sees a neurologist, depending on the outcome, I would recommend therapy services. Most likely he will need both occupational therapy and speech therapy.
I hope that this helps some....please feel free to send me a message if you have further questions.
Good luck and God bless your family.
A.

I agree with going to the school district to get him tested. Not only will this help him, if he qualifies, but it will also be a great resource for you. Explain to them your concerns. PPCD is a great program and if nothing else, he might be eligible for speech/language. The testing and the services are completely free. My son qualified for speech when he was 3 and started services right away. He's still in speech now in 1st grade and made a lot of progress in 4 years. I can't imagine where he would be now if we had waited until he go into KG. What school district do you live in?

Blessings to you :) I have learned that most pediatricians are not specialized enough to really treat Autism. I would suggest you find a DAN(defeat autism now) doctor. There are several in the DFW area, we see Dr. Rao in Plan. You can find great resources on www.camsvoice.com and if you have not read Jenny McCarthy's books they are filled with great info.
Also the first thing doctors recommend is removing toxins and chemicals from your home, the company I work with provides safer alternatives, you can request info at www.LiveTotalWellness.com/texas

You have gotten some very good practical advise and I would take it in a min. I only write to say what an older mother would say. "Normal" is a setting on the dryer and that is as far as it goes. I know his behavior embarrasses you but we all have issues and all our children do too. People who are intelligent and thoughtful are going to cope with the strange behaviors and the people who aren't, well you are going to have to tune them out. God gave you this little boy to raise, to have different experiences, to teach and to guide but mostly to love. Yes, there are going to be some tough times ahead but don't make the little mistakes bigger than they need to be. Don't start out making him think he is "weird", but a strong, intelligent, capable boy that while you try to direct his energy, you appreciate his joy he brings. ECI meetings can help you relax and focus on what you can change and enjoy the unique little boy you have. Good luck!

Contact the Callier Center for Communication Disorders through the University of Dallas, Texas. There is a Dallas location and a Richardson one, just off the George Bush. My daughter is enrolled there in the Preschool Language Development Program, which addresses speech and social issues in a preschool setting. It's a cool program; some of the children exhibit behaviors like the ones you just described while others are there for straight speech. At the very least, the amazing staff there can evaluate him and help guide you into an appropriate environment for him. Also, you might contact your neighborhood Early Childhood Center through your public school system (not sure I'm calling it the right thing - Plano has Beatty...) to get him evaluated. I know there are some private specialized schools, too, like Oakhill, Chase's Place, etc. Good luck. I know it can be so stressful but there are places out there to help. http://www.utdallas.edu/calliercenter/clinic/speech-langu... is the pldp class I mentioned; or http://www.utdallas.edu/calliercenter/clinic/autism/child... has some classes, too. I can't recommend Callier enough.

N.,
It sounds like your son is on the spectrum with lots of sensory issues. He may need some sonsory therapy. Integratvie Pediatric Therapy in Dallas and Plano can do an evaluation on him and help him out. You can read about it here
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

Also there are books by Carol Kranowitz that are great help. Pediatricians are not much help with this. My son is 9 and on the spectrum and we only do holistic medicine. If you want more info about homeopathy or a doctor to call, then email me and I would be happy to share.
L.

have you had your son tested for autism?

Have you contacted your local school district? When kids reach the age of 3, a school district can evaluate them to see if they qualify for Early Childhood services which include speech/language therapy, occupational therapy and much more. The services can be home-based or provided at an early childhood center, if your district has one. Or, if you have insurance, you can seek the same evaluation and services through a private provider, such as Therapy 2000 (which I hear is really good!). As a teacher and mom of a girl with special needs, I agree with your doctor that your son is "somewhere on the spectrum," but I also agree with you that early intervention is KEY. I wish you the very best!!

Hi N., I know where you are coming from as we have 3 foster children that are in the Autism spectrum and they have been diagonsed with Aspergers and the 2 girls are level 5 and their brother is level 6 and they are all similar in that they like structured activities and don't handle change well at all. The oldest girl (17) is finishing year 12 this year and she has done very will and not sure what she wants to do when she finishes school. The other girl (14) will be in year 10 next year and hopes to get a trainee ship thru the private school and she loves the feel of the water on her skin when in the shower and will stay in there for ages if you don't chase her. Their brother(15) is obsessed with airplanes and can tell you what plane is flying over, the model of the plane, what time it left and what time it will land at its destination. Over the years he has had several obsessions such as nemo and he had to have a nemo shirt, plate, cup and had to have the same thing for breakfast each morning, sit at the same place in the same chair at the table and the same plate and spoon. He doesn't attend school as he can't take it as kids bump him accidently and he goes crazy. All of these kids will only wear certain clothes as they don't like the feel of some of the material that they are made of and the same with food as they don't like certain textures and its not the same with each of them. We've found that some can drink coke and others can't and some can eat certain colors and the others can't so each one is different and yet have the same syndrone. It will be trial and error with your son to find out what he can eat or drink and if our kids eat too much sweet things or use too much sugar on their ceral it can set them off as well. Some can eat chocolate and not have much affect on them and some can't eat it at all. Usually children with this syndrone aren't picked up till grade one in school and I hope that you can get help with your son now and it will help him when he does go to school. They are also very fussy about who they make friends with and they get along with some people better than others and I don't know why this is its just part of the syndrone and the son gets along better with women than men for some reason. Even our foster daughters get along with certain people than others and its hard to pick why as there isn't any system to it. We've had these kids since they were babies and they know they have natural parents, but haven't had anyting to do with them. The oldest like to do things all the time and can't stand to be at home doing nothing she has to be out with friends or do shopping and the younger daughter likes babies and will take care of them just like the babies mother as she will feed the baby, change the diaper and put it to sleep and the mother doesn't have to worry about her baby when she comes for a visit. These kids like to have their friends over for a visit and when they were younger they didn't like it if we had friends over as they couldn't handle the change. I hope that this is helpful for you and if you would like more information please feel free to contact us as we will be glad to get information for you. We have 4 other foster kids as well as these 3 and we have a total of 4 high needs kids in our care. Will go for now and catch you later. Ed

Hi N.,

I'm sorry you are going through this! You need to know that there are two schools of thought about autism. One says it is a mental disorder and you need therapies to help your child cope, but there's not much you can do. The other school of thought says there are underlying medical issues that can cause autistic behaviors.

We were where you are at 7 months ago with my son. Fortunately, we are with Dr. Bain for a pediatrician and she put us on an alternative route, as most doctors say autism is a mental illness and there is not much you can do beyond therapy. Some doctors are finding that kids "on the spectrum" have metabolic disorders and their immune systems and metabolic systems are out of whack. We performed metabolic lab tests on my son and have been doing a gluten and dairy free diet with him since May, in addition to custom vitamin supplements. His sensory issues have improved immensely!!! His biting, hitting, and constant need to wrestle and bump are mostly gone. We can drive over speed bumps without him screaming in pain. He sleeps through the night most nights now and we just returned from the pediatricians office with all three kids and I'm not mortified by his behavior.

If your son is always craving the same foods, seems to have stomach pains, has dark circles under his eyes, eczema, or other signs of allergies and food intolerances, you'll really want to read more about the DAN (Defeat Autism Now) approach and find a doctor in the area who will look at his metabolism and immune system.

Faye Elaje is a wonderful nutritionist in the area, who does a lot of the testing, custom vitamins and nutritional support. Her website is http://www.glutenfreedallas.com

I have also been reading about Dr. Amber Brooks, a new DAN doctor in the area and have seen some posts from her in some yahoo groups:
http://www.dramberbrooks.com
Her website has some good information about how this all can link together.

From a therapy standpoint, you'll want to make sure to find an occupational therapist familiar with sensory integration/processing issues. You might have to fight a bit with the school district on that one, since traditional OT will focus mostly on fine motor skills. If you have private insurance that is good, I'd strongly suggest Our Children's House at Baylor. They specialize in speech, occupational and physical therapies for kids. They all worked very well with my son and handled his difficult behaviors with a lot of patience and have helped him greatly. My son will be three next month and we've been undergoing his evaluations with the school district as well, but the OT who evaluated him couldn't answer any of my questions about sensory integration.

The Out of Sync Child is a great resource for you for the sensory issues. Here are a few great ones for the autism piece of it:

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-New-Childhood-Epidemics-Gro...

http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Course-Autism-Scientific-P...

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Preventing-Autism-Complete-...

Mostly, you need to know that you CAN help your son! You are at the beginning of a long road, but there are several moms in the area, yahoo groups, blogs, books and so much out there to support you. If you need anything more, please feel free to contact me and I will help as much as I can. There is so much more out there in terms of resources, but I'm sure you're already overwhelmed with all you have received. Your family is similar to mine and your post could have been written by me. I'll keep you all in our prayers. Best wishes to you and your family!!!

B.
http://mommy3adventures.blogspot.com

I would give ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) a call. Here is their website. They are really great and will be able to help your little boy and you and your family.

http://www.dars.state.tx.us/ecis/index.shtml

I hope this helps!!!

~B.

Have you discussed autism with your pediatrician? There are early intervention programs at the schools where your child can be evaluated and placed in a program. Usually these programs involve one on one learning.
Good luck and hang in there! There is help out there :)

In case you hadn't come across this book, check out Is this your child by Doris Rapp. I know you said you changed his diet, I just wanted to recommend the book :) Totally chnaged our sons life through diet changes. Good luck to you guys!

If your child is on the spectrum meds wont help run if your doc tries to tell you they will! meds are to help with chemical imbalances and the spectrum is caused by nurological probs so...

1st understand the behaviors are responses to two very different problems.

1) imagine if you had to think, really think before trying to say anything. Anything, from please play with me to my stomach hurts, why did you jack with cars...
Your son will need private speech therapy. This can be tricky. If you have private insurance you will have to get your school to deny him and calim its a medical need not educational, because most of the time the insurance will claim the referce so its a process. Since you have a diagnosis file for disabilty- if your income is not to high. You will then automatically get medicaid and it will cover the cost. Again its a process most people have to appeal, but the appeal is won..

prob 2 sensory issues. This will require sensory integration therapy from a qualified Occupational Therapist who specializes in the treatment of sensory issues. In the interum play the following game with him and see if it helps. Its the sandwhich game: have him lie on the floor or bed and tell him your going to make a sandwich. pretend to spread mustard on him with a pastry bruch, then pretend to with different parst of your hand and using differents "pats" place turkey, pickles, tomatos on him then put on the bun (a towel or sheet) and squisch the sanwhich closed. use very deep presure do this daily for a weel and you will likely see improvement. Also when he gets "riled" have him get in sleeping bag or but one of those snuggly things he may not like it at first, but most children find the soft constrait soothing after a short time and a few tries. There are lots of books on sensory information while you are working this out.

There is hope! My son was so frustrating at that age is own grandparents wouldn't spend time with him. His sister dispised him and my spouse and i nearly divorced. He is now 9 does great in the regular classroom, has friends, and while is a little odd most people have no idea he is on the spectrum unless I choose to tell them. I hope this helps.

I too have a child on "the Spectrum." Contact your local school district ASAP to have your child evaluated for services (ECI only provides services up to age 3, when the school district is obligated bu law to take over). Check out www.generationrescue.org Early intervention is the key to the best (and sometimes, amazing)outcomes.

Two things I would consider, getting your son to a top-notch chiro that does nutrition in conjunction with adjustments to provide optimum health. I have a fabulous chiro in Plano - Dr Andrew Shepherd ###-###-####. He is a DC and a CN - so you get the chiro & nutrition care. He is incredible with the kids - they love him and can't wait to go see him. He taught us what to do to keep their immune systems strong so that when they do get sick, they get over it quickly. He uses a cold laser that is great for many things including killing off colds & viruses : ) He has worked with kids & adults with so many ailments & disorders and just knows so much about the human body. He is always keeping on top of the latest, most effective, purest/cleanest, best quality nutritional supplements, etc.

We only go to pedi MD for checkups these days. I would not go to anyone else in the Dallas area : ) We just moved from Plano to Katy and I have not found anyone like him down here.

The other thing I would recommend in conjunction with the chiro/nutritional care is to contact Cynthia Garrsion. She is a child development/family counseling/coaching specialists. She works privately and for Plano ISD. If you need her number just let me know.

Best of everything!

Hi N.,
We are seeing an increase in numbers of kiddos with autism spectrum disorder in our preschools. So much that we've begun getting training on identifying and recommending early intervention. You might want to look into the Autism Society of America 1-800-3-AUTISM. If your pediatrician is suggesting medication and you're not willing to go that route, then you need to find one that better suits you. However, a holistic approach will take a lot of hard work on your part. If you are unable to enforce the suggestions of a holistic provider (dietary restrictions, etc.) then that is an unrealistic route for you to take as well. Get intervention as early as you can. It won't be easy, but will be worth it in the long run! Good luck and God bless!

He does sound like he could be on the spectrum, but I would recommend having him evaluated through your local school district for speech and any other early childhood services they offer. My son was speech delayed too. His speech therapist said that when kids have a delay in a developmental area like speech, they can sometimes show characteristics of the spectrum as they try to compensate for their delay. My son is also easily overwhelmed by crowds and is a little sensitive with tags in his clothes. Alot of his behavioral characteristics improved once he was able to communicate better and be understood. Hope this helps you! I understand what you are going through.

Hi
Your son sounds like he could be on the ASD spectrum and/or have a lot of sensory issues. You do need to get him intervention as soon as possible. If he is over the age of three he is too old for ECI so you can go to your local school district and request an assement. If you have insurance and can afford to..you should also try out a private speech or Occupational Therapy. Occupational Therapy will help with the sensory issues of textures, help him be calm and help to get him more regulated. There are other options too out there but these are the best starting points. You have to be aggressive and be willing to advocate for your child bc this is a grey area and no one is going to take the initiative for you. Your pediatrician is helpful only upto a point...go with your gut and get your son into interventions as soon as you can for the best possible outcome. He will improve and make gains but only if you get him into the right kind of programs and work with him at home. Your best best is going to be therapy and lots of it initially after you get an diagnosis. Good luck. This is not an easy journey but you have lots of moms out here in the same boat.
I just saw your response so I want to add that you are on the right track and that Integrative Pediatric Therapy is hellishly expensive but they are among the best in town If you can get your insurance to cover them you are in busimess!

My youngest has been a handful since birth. He sounds a lot like your son. He's slower when it comes to school stuff too. The would just bounce off the walls. We have started giving him a vitamin that is from Amway call Brainems or something to that effect. It has DHA in it. I have been told my by chiropractor after starting him on those that was a great thing to put him on. She said that they try to get parents with have ADD / ADHD kids on stuff like that. It has fish oil in them. You can get similar things in a whole food store. They are gummys. I also try to watch what he eats. And now am starting to try to go more organic in certain things.

Good luck and God Bless!

N.,
It sounds like your son has sensory overload and bio medically- this can stem from too much yeast overgrowth in his body. That has been my experience with such issues.

Get on google and type in "candida treatments" and follow any protocols that you feel comfortable trying.

Good luck and stay strong.
M.

Oh, Gosh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Clearly, you love your son very much and want him to have an appropriate social life and a positive school experience with other kids. Definitely find a good child psychologist or psychiatrist to evaluate your son. If they are good, it will start with an interview from YOU and your husband about his behaviors & temperament. THEN the specialist will visit with your son to observe & ask questions. THEN the evaluation will happen. The psychologist I worked with this past summer was great and she never even suggested meds, she listened to us and we appreciated that (we didn't want meds either). She was at Cooks Children's in Lewisville. Her name was Whitney something, and she was a Ph.D.

Don't be surprised that your ped didn't offer mor advice on your son's issues... they usually stick to the physical stuff and let the counselors handle the mental/emotional stuff. The more people you talk to, you'll find that pediatricians may suggest going to a child psychologist but they themselves won't do much as far as diagnosing or treating behavior issues.

Good luck to you! Hang in there!!!

I would highly recommend Dr. Bain at Healthy Kids Pediatrics. She speciallizes in sensory integration, autism and really anything to do with "off kids". She has a natural approach to things and will not drug your kid. She will probably suggest a full metabolic test where they will test his blood and urine (my son did this) and see what nutrients he may not be absorbing or just not getting and she goes from there. She gets "broken" kids and fixes them :) www.healthykidpediatrics.com it is quite a drive for me but WAY worth it!!!

Check out pg. 51 of the online version of Dallas Child magazine, http://www.pageturnpro.com/Dallas-Child-Magazine/8281-Dal.... I see Q&A's from this Dr. Walker in this magazine all the time. He seems to be a doctor who believes in treating ADHD and other behavioral disorders w/o meds.

Hi N.,

My suggestion is to read the Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz - I suspect you will see what you are dealing with in the first few pages of the book which describes many of the things you are dealing with in association with Sensory Processing Disorder. SPD is treated conservatively with Occupational Therapy - desensitization/sensory input awareness is increased through activities and exercise. Most of what the kids end up doing is fun. Many times kids with SPD appear aggressive (even though that is not what is in their hearts) because they require additional sensory input - they crave the physical interaction. Many also are easily overstimulated in public situations and deal with it poorly resulting in tantrums and breakdowns. They are overstimulated by normal things. Things that we take for granted. They don't have control over it so they just act out. The therapy is very effective. It does take a while and it is a time commitment, but the results are completely worth it.

What I did was read the book, took the information to my pediatrician and asked for a OT evaluation for SPD. They tested my son and based on that set up a program and treated him. Everything you are dealing with may not be related, but if you can start figuring out what some of it is then it may lead you to the rest.

Good luck and don't hesitate to contact me if you have questions.

Sensory integration disorder.

I don't know what your pediatrician means when he says that he is somewhere on the spectrum (autism?). But SERIOUSLY, my son had sensory integration disorder and like you, I always thought he was a little weird. NO ONE would listen to me. My pediatrician blew me off. Finally, I begged pleaded and cajoled and at least got a speech therapy eval because he was speech delayed (my son was 2 at the time). At the 2nd session of speech therapy, I'm not sure why, but the speech therapist put a toy in a bucket of rice and asked my son to reach in and get the toy. There was NO WAY my son was going to do that ( and I knew he wouldn't). When he would not do it, she looked at me and said, "Would you like an occupational eval?" I said yes, and that was the beginning of our path to healing. He ended up doing occupational therapy AND physical therapy two days a week for probably 6 months. Concurrently, near the end of the therapy (because I could tell it was coming to an end), he also did gymnastics. And, like your son, he didn't really want to participate in the group. I continued him in gymnastics and signed him up for dance after the therapy ended.

He finished the dance when he was 3. He liked to dance, but since there were no other boys, he didn't want to continue. He did the gymnastics until he was 6. He is now 6.5 and I honestly can't see a single thing wrong with him.

Look for a book called "The out of sync child" (by Kranowitz) at the bookstore. it has some checklists in it and just go through the checklist and see if they apply to your child. I can't remember, but I think there are 4 checklists and my son hit almost 100% of the items on one checklist and a couple of items on the others. Then, if your son is on the checklist, PUSH for therapy. My ECI did NOT cover his therapy. They said he was in the "normal range" (which was unacceptable to me) and so I did private insurance and covered it. It was WELL worth it.

Just so you know, the "Out of sync child" book advocates therapy before age 4 because they say you can "re-train" your child's synapsis. For us, it totally worked. If you wait too long, these behaviors are ingrained and can't be changed. They can be managed, but not changed.

Good luck!
L.

My peditrician suggested that we start with a Pediatric Neurologist. He was able to see signs of aspergers and suggested that we get an OT/Speech evaluation through Baylors Children's hospital and to get him evaluated through the school system. He also has a play therapist to help with the social skills. My DS is about to be released from OT after 5 months. The OTs that worked with my DS were wonderful. He attends PPCD and is excelling and he has been at the same daycare for a year now. He is making huge progress in play therapy. Very big for us! He is even making friends.

I read your post and remember last year at this time I was where you were. I cried many nights. I am a firm believer that medicine is the last resort and by finding the right team of people for my son, he is doing so well. I think that it is great that you are trying to work with his diet, but I really think by expanding his support system with PPCD, OT, Speech and social skills training, you will be so pleased with his progress. My insurance includes a Pediatric Neurologist so we were able to go that route to get the other therapies paid for.

Good luck and hope this helps!

Hi Natalie,
I am a mom of 2 and now a young grandmother of 2. I feel your pain, this must be really exhuasting on the whole family.
Ive got a couple of questions for you first. What type of discipline do you have in your home? Time out?
I grew up with my parents spanking us and I have NEVER done that, and I used the time out chair, or the naughty corner, etc. and it worked great. My kids are 27 and 16.
If you are giving in and letting him have his way, because he wears you down, then I suggest really you watch Nanny 911 and Super Nanny. I really think that using the time out techniques that she shows will work for you.
The other question I have is that do you think he might could be some form of autism? or ocd?
I dont know for sure, he could just be picky. I would keep socilalizing him with other children. 3 is young for gymnastics in my opinion, but play dates wiht other children his age at your home or others.
Dont get angry, dont loose your temper, but also DONT GIVE IN.
Use the time out chair until he apologizes for what he did.
My prayers are with you. Having a challenging child is always very h*** o* the entrie family. I would also take him to a specialist and see if there could possibly be any austism issues.
Maybe not. I agree that medication isnt always the answer.
I wish you luck. You sound like a loving mother.
God Bless!

CAVEAT....I am going off what you've written and am not a professional :)

Go to ECI...if you pay your federal taxes, then you've paid for these services :) It's Early Childhood Intervention and they'll be able to evaluate your son in a home-like setting and get you going. They're not the only game in town, but it's a good place to start. You can also try your public school system once you get input from ECI.

It rather sounds like he might have several things going on, like some sensory issues (strong aversion to certain touches & smells), plus maybe some social processing & self-control with the not realizing he's hurting and not picking up on social cues.

Good Luck and don't take no for an answer! Mom's instincts are usually right :)

Check into the program they have at UNT. It's intensive, but the results are amazing. I'm a school counselor and wish all parents dealing with a child on the autistic spectrum could get this kind of help...
•The Family Connections Project
The program addresses the needs of families with toddlers with autism. FCP teaches parents to look for or create opportunities to interact with their children in ways that will increase motivation and social responsiveness. By doing this, children learn increasingly complex skills through everyday family routines and activities.
•Teaching Partners in Early and Intensive Behavioral Interventions Program
The EIBI model is similar to that of a teaching hospital. The North Texas Autism Project director and senior-level masters and doctoral students demonstrate for and closely supervise trainees. Students are critiqued during individual intervention sessions with autistic children and attend weekly clinics with supervisors to review case data and participate in clinical decision making

I am so sorry to hear about your frustrations. I was a Preschool for the last 6-years, before we moved here. Just guessing, from what you are describing, your son may be somewhat Autistic, please don't panic. There are lots of forms of autism, but common characteristics include, communication delays, lacking empathy for others, poor social skills (for example not wanting to make eye contact), the "weird" beharviors you listed above, like the ordering of activities, the tantrums. These could all be indictators, now please understand that I have NEVER met your child, but would just like to give you some information, so your can do some research. In most cases, autistic children are not medicated, they recieve services from the school district (in Kansas anyways). They provide speech therapy, sometimes an Occupational and/ or Physical therapist. These professionals would help your son and your family know what is going on and what to expect. Please understand, I cannot possibily tell you for certain if this is what's going on. Also, Autistic children can be high functioning and grow into high functioning adults, so I know the word is scary, but do some research, talk to your doctor, maybe call your school district to see if they offer an Early Childhood intervention program. If I can be of any help my email address is ____@____.com please let me know. I wish your family all the best and hope you can find some support.

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Early Childhood Intervention would be a great place to start, research Sensory Integration Disordered, and get your local school district involved. If you can afford not to wait your son in to an occupational therapist. I would not medicate until you have done all of the above. I know that you may have to wait a bit for an appointment with ECI and your school district. We had to wait a month and are actually still waiting for our evaluation with Denton ISD they typically do them once a month. While I was waiting thought I was able to start Occupational Therapy with my little girl. Some of the moms that I have met there say that it has made the world of difference with their children who have autism spectrum disorders.

Stop apologizing for him, he is not doing anything wrong. There is a reason for how he is behaving and if you can start to help him deal with that you will make leaps and bounds. I wish that I had more words of wisdom but we just started this journey. Good luck!