Disobedient 10 Year Old.

Put him to work. He needs constructive and physical outlet for his emotions. Do something together for the less fortunate. Make him run, mow lawns, whatever and then try to talk to him when he is exhausted. Make a deeper bond. He sounds very angry and you need to find out why. It sounds like to me that he needs less stuff and more connection. Is there anything going on that is making him anxious? It seems like a more and more common issue with kids today.

welcome to mamapedia!!

It's easy to say NO and make him EARN his stuff.
Take away all of his toys. ALL of them. And make him EARN them back.
No means No.
Set rules, boundaries and be CONSISTENT. If he whines...DO NOT give in! No means no.

Children NEED consistency. They do NOT need to be showered with toys and electronic devices.

Set rules. Set consequences for breaking the rules. CONSISTENCY. This will take more than ONE day doing it. Even more than one week - you have allowed him to behave like this with no consequences...now to get him to change you will need to firm. Don't yell. Don't scream. Be consistent.

Make sure he knows the rules. The consequences for breaking the rules. Swift and firm. No delays. If he misbehaves in a store - consequence.

Don't forget to reward him or catch him being good.
Give him chores and things that he must be responsible for.
In order for him to earn his electronics back? Set the rules. Tell him what he has to do to earn each item back. Not all in one fell swoop...this will be weeks of earning...will it be easy? nope. But if you want control back - you will have to be consistent.

When you say no to something, you gotta stick to it... despite his overgrown "tantrums" about it.

Does he have any emotional problems?
He is a Tween now as well. Try Google Searching "Tween Boy Development."
How is he... in school? Any trouble per the teachers?
What are his friends like?

He does not take you seriously.
He knows he has the upper hand.
Is there a Husband? If so what the heck is he doing about this?

He seems to get whatever he wants... without much reciprocal, behavior. And he seems to have a real attitude of Entitlement.
Undoing this... it ain't easy.

Take all his toys away.

As others have said, take EVERYTHING away..... take away the bed frame and just put the mattress on the floor..... take away most of his clothes, giving him just enough for the week..... take away all the furniture in his bedroom, give him a box for his clothes.... take away ALL books and toys, especially electronics.

Then.... set up a reward schedule where he has to EARN back his items....

Dr. Phil calls this "Commando Parenting" ....... google it and you might find a bunch of links explaining how to do it.

The biggest thing is... YOU have to stick to your guns and DO it..... your son may rebel at first, (behaviors often get worse before they get better), but in the end, it will be worth it.

You need to give him consistent and immediate consequences for his misbehavior. My daughter found that sending her children to their rooms when they acted like this quickly reduced the lack of respect. They can do whatever they want in their room but they could not come out until they could say sorry for their misbehavior and behave appropriately.

I suggest you talk too much. You want him to want to behave but some kids just aren't able to do that. He has to have a consequence that stops the behavior at once. No lectures. It's just, "go to your room now." Discuss with him ahead of time what the rules are for this consequence. Then do this every time he misbehaves.

Yes, he has emotional issues. I suggest he's quite angry. I urge you to get involved in some counseling with him.

Doesn't sound like you really took his stuff if he still has every electronic device a child could want.

Children who treat their mothers poorly CERTAINLY should not get to have these luxuries which they did not buy.

I would have that house completely gutted of all but his necessities and his stuff put in storage. He can earn things back one at a time with a full week of respectful behavior and proactive chores and volunteer work in the community PER ITEM. One rude comment, and it goes right back in storage. And that's not ALL. He also needs firm immediate consequences that are hard for him, like very hard chores, etc. Remove the TV form the home if you have to. He is not having any understanding whatsoever that he isn't entitled to everything no matter how he acts.

In general, I would say get this book, "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson and shake this kid up a bit. If he's smiling and treating you this way and still has all his stuff at ten, he's at risk for some very tough years ahead. You have no time to lose. It is impossible that NOTHING works. He just hasn't had anything serious enough yet. I hope the man in your life sets a good and firm example and does NOT allow your son to act this way either. Get a hold of some back episodes of World's Strictest Parents if you can. There are great tips in there for at-risk teens with family members who deserted them etc, building their self pride and empathy, and he'll be a teen soon enough.

i'm not surprised. you have carefully constructed a monster.
why on earth does he have so many electronic devices and toys? your coping techniques are all over the map.
kids don't need all that stuff. they need consistency and boundaries.
do that.
khairete
S.

This program/methodology is literally being given away for parents to try-maybe there's a catch, I don't know-but I think it gives a consistant process to implement-and that's a start.

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/

Where is dad when it comes to discipline? From reading your post, it sounds like you're in this alone and dad doesn't play a part in directing your son's behavior.

I'm going to tell you a secret, that some may find sexist...but boys learn to disrespect their parents, especially their mothers through the way their fathers relate to their mothers and run the home.

If dad doesn't take an active role in modeling appropriate behavior in the house, in particular in how he communicates with you, and in how he supports you when you have to be the one who disciplines, then you're dead in the water. You need consistency and a unified front, and most importantly, the head male in the house setting the example of what is appropriate behavior and treatment of mom and thus any future female in his life.

If your husband is absentee or soft on the discipline, doesn't talk kindly and respectfully to you and expect and demand immediately that your son do the same if he should back talk and challenge you in his presence, fails to show his love for you openly and in a healthy way in front of the children, and isn't working directly with you to come up with consistent and firm discipline, he needs to get on the ball. You can't do this alone, and the older your son gets, the more difficult this will be for you.

Lastly, stop buying everything for him. It's time he earns it through chores and an allowance. In three to five years, he'll be old enough to get a job and earn a real salary, and in another 6 years he'll be old enough to drive. He needs to learn financial responsibility now, or you'll be like so many of my friends who have self-entitled kids who are running up cell phone bills, credit card debt and more because they think it's their right. What a rude awakening these kids have when they go off to college and don't know how to manage financially or responsibly because everything came to them so easy for their entire lives.

Get tough on this kid, get tough on hubby too, if you have to. Sounds like things have been too soft and priorities spent on making people comfortable to detriment of you. You can't parent if no one in the house respects you and your rules and only sees you as a maid, walking ATM machine, and nag.

I hope you don't think this is too harsh, but I think you deserve better. Demand it. It's your right as mother and wife of this household.

You might want to check out the following for some inspiration and affirmation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Raa45wCt9bA

http://www.amazon.com/Back-Family-Encourage-Traditional-C...

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Good-Kids-Family-Basics/dp/...

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-That-Lasts-Lifetime-Best...

http://www.amazon.com/Good-Discipline-Great-Teens-Guarend...

Take him to work at a food panty or soup kitchen.
Then do some visiting at a VA hospital and a children's hospital.
Talk to him about entitlement, gratitude and privilege. Discuss sacrifice and personal character.

Then, review and POST your house rules, and the consequences for breaking them.

Then enforce the rules and be consistent with the consequences.

Read the book Smart Discipline by Larry Koenig. (Your library might even have it for you to check out.) I found that this approach has worked better than anything else with my 10 year old son. Good luck!