Discipline with Our 4 Year Old

i think we can all relate to what you are dealing with in one way or another, at one stage or another of development. so, first, take a deep breath, this too shall pass!

so, as far as what to do about it. my #1 rule when my kids are acting up is to make it THEIR problem. so, in the situation you are describing, i'd start the "getting ready to go" process about 30-40 minutes earlier than usual. this means he loses that time that he would normally be playing, watching tv, etc. and i would say "okay, since you're not listening to my directions anymore, we aren't going to have time to watch tv in the mornings anymore since you are causing us to lose so much time with your behavior". i would start the normal routine, and try to give choices where you can. i can take the tension out of a lot of situations by offering two choices that are okay with me, then my kids feel like they're "in control" of something. the minute he starts acting up, i'd just strong arm him and dress him/get him ready yourself after giving a warning/consequence(ex: if you choose to not put your coat on right now, you will not be allowed to "xyz" tonight) - the STICK TO THE CONSEQUENCE, not matter HOW well he is behaving that night - he is old enough at this age to remember why he is being punished. on the other hand, you could say "if you cooperate very nicely and do what i ask, you may play your leapster/ds(if he has a video game thingy) in the car on the way to school/church, or you may have a bag of fruit snacks in the car". lots of different ways/punishments/rewards to help with stuff like this. hope it improves soon - but give yourself enough time to discipline and make this HIS problem rather than yours. good luck!

Just want you to know that you are not alone. I am having the same trouble with my 4-yr-old boy. Contact me if you would like. I am so enjoying the answers to your question. I think I am going to try the ABC idea and the put your jacket on while standing on one foot - right or left - given by 'forty and fabulous'. I think being silly will help ease the tension of trying to get out the door. I am also going to try the tv idea. My son has a couple of favorites he loves to watch - but the reward must be immediate for him. So, i am going to have him get ready EXTRA early, so his reward can be to watch the show before we leave. (Veggie Tales, they are only about 1/2 hour long)
Good luck to you!!

We went through something similar with our daughter, now 5 1/2. EVERY morning was a struggle. Not really defiant, but just dilly-dally, no sense of urgency to get ready, and you would swear she had never been told to do any of her morning routine (go potty, get dressed, brush teeth, get hair done), even though we've been doing the same thing since she was about 2 years old! We also tried MANY rewards, with sticker charts seeming to bore her after a couple days. I feel your pain b/c I agree--time outs don't work when you need to get going in the morning. FOr whatever reason, she is all of a sudden motivated by my "prize bin" (not sure why now and not before)-- but if she makes it 5 days of getting ready nice, Friday after school/daycare she gets to pick a prize. They are simple things from the $ section at Target. As she gets the hang of it, we will be increasing the number of cooperative days between prizes. It is tricky b/c I have not been very consistent with my requirements of "cooperative" (how many times do I have to tell her before she gets moving?!)--so I am currently going with if I am ready on time without losing MY cool, then that's progress! SHe is very slow to get ready/wake up but changing bedtime or wake up time are not really realistic options (bedtime 8:30, wake up approx. 7:15)...anyway. Hope that helps. From many parents I know, this is common at this age. I think the trick is finding what motivates him!

My first recommendation is to try the 1-2-3 Magic book and see if it helps. Kaiser had use try this in our early stages of working through our son's ADHD (when he was four). It's highly recommended for spirited kids.

Second idea is to have him earn the things he wants, such as TV time. We learned this one from our son's behavioral therapist. If our son wants to play his Wii at all, he needs to have a good day at school and have good behavior (no talking back or running away when it's time to get dressed). He can earn more after eating his dinner (another common battle time). For your son's age, you might make TV time contingent upon sitting through church and listening to you, for example. Dole out the time in small increments during the day, too, so they're constantly motivated. If they have to wait until the end of the day, it can seem like an unattainable goal.

If things continue to be extreme and the "uncaged animal" feeling persists, you may be dealing with a medical condition and want to talk to your son's pediatrician.

In cases like those, I often use natural consequences. At 4 he is plenty old enough to hear a request like, "it's time to get coat and shoes on," and do it. If he doesn't, then we got to the car without coat and shoes. If it is warm enough to safely walk without shoes, he goes. If not, you may have to carry him, but either way, he will feel the consequence for his actions. I've had this problem with my son (3yo) and he has walked to the car without a coat (I, too, live in MN.) and even gone to church in pajamas and getting dressed once there. He needs to know that your time is valuable and what you say means something and if he can't follow directions, then there are consequences.

my 4 yr old is also too busy messing around to get ready to go. At first i thought we didn't have time for a time out, but then i realized that we had started getting ready earlier due to how long it took, so maybe that time would be better spent in a time out. If you are wasting the time anyway, why not? Being in MN sometimes in the winter no coat and shoes is not an option so the natural consequences isn't always the best option for us. It doesn't usually take many time outs for my daughter to change her behavior so this seems to have helped ... for now!

Have you tried natural consequences? If he is refusing to put his jacket and shoes on take him witout them. Bring them along of coarse. He will hopefully ask for the items to put on. Tell him that he needs to put them on before you go. Kepp trying this until he gets the hint. If it's something fun for him to do or a place to be try letting him miss. If he is refusing to do as told what is he doing or trying to do instead? That is what you need to take away.

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.