Yesterday evening (Thursday), my 11 year old daughter informed me of an incident that occurred on Tuesday morning as she was waiting for the school bus. She said another boy and girl were waiting for the bus with her, when the boy started talking about having a "BB Gun" in his backpack. He said that since he didn't have any birds to shoot at, that he would shoot them. He proceeded to take the bb gun out of his backpack, and she and the other girl ran across the street, but he managed to shoot my daughter in the leg. She did not tell any adult about this incident until she told me last night, but she did tell her two sisters (neither one of them told me about it). Needless to say, I was very upset with the entire situation and contacted the police and filed a report, but with minimal information since my daughter does not know the name of the boy or where he lives(this is her first year attending in the school district).
When I asked her and her sisters why they had not said anything sooner, they could not give me a good answer. My daughter said she didn't tell me because she knew that I would probably contact the police and she didn't want me to do that. She didn't think it was that "big of a deal." I told all three of them that should anything like this happen again that they need to tell me or their father or another adult immediately. I said that this is a big deal since this is exactly how school shootings occur and that we need to nip it in the bud before someone ends up getting more seriously hurt. They all said that they understood, but I have to wonder now whether they will tell me if something else happens for fear that I will call the police. I understand that she didn't want to stir up trouble in a new school and have to face the boy after he's been reported, but what other alternative do I have? The police suggested I contact the school to see if they can determine who the boy is, which I have already done.
Any advice, encouragement or even admonishment would be great.
Thank you to everyone for their advice. I contacted school officials Friday morning to make them aware of the situation. The assistant principal tracked down the boy as well as the girl who was a witness, and interviewed them and my daughter. The girl and my daughter had the same exact story- that the boy had shot my daughter unprovoked, but the boy came up with a story of his own - alleging that my daughter had shot him with the bb gun too and that she had been picking on him and throwing water bottles at him. The witness said that none of what he was saying was true, but apparently he showed the principal marks on his chest and back as "proof" that he had been shot and hit with water bottles. Never mind that this boy is a full year older than my daughter and that my daughter is a tiny little thing that is smart enough to know not to pick on someone who is bigger and likely stronger than she is. To make matters worse, the boys' parents supported their son's story and said that their son had shown them the marks on his back on Tuesday. How come they didn't contact authorities, the school or even try to track us down to report the situation if they knew about this on Tuesday? I certainly would not have sent my child to the school bus if I knew that my child was being picked on, shot and hit with water bottles, yet there the boy was on Friday morning waiting for the bus. My husband ended up taking my daughter to school that day but had her show him who the boy was when they went by the bus stop.
Although the asst. principal was not able to provide me with details on the disciplinary action taken, he did tell me that "serious disciplinary action" had been taken with the boy. We have not seen him at school or the bus stop since Friday, and believe that he has either been suspended or expelled. According to school district policy, if they are known to have brought a firearm to school, school related function, or transportation provided by the school, that it is mandatory one-year expulsion. One piece of encouragement that I received from the witness is that she told my daughter that she was glad I reported it to the school and police because she had been scared of the boy for a while. Also, as I waited with my daughter for the bus to come yesterday, she (the witness) told me she thought the boy had been expelled. I said "yes, I think so too" and I guess she saw the conflicted expression on my face, and she said "It's okay, my mom would have done the same thing if he had shot me instead."
The bus driver should know his name, they are all on a list at stop they should be at.
I would definatley follow through, and good for you for calling the police.
I completely agree with how you handled the situation. The only other thing I would have done is contact the school's Prin. or Vice Prin. and/or counselor. Being silly is one thing, being mean is another and this is a type of bullying as far as I am concerned. If you don't mind, what school district are you in?
Kudos to you for being proactive! You are so right, this is how school shootings happen. You most certainly did the right thing.
I talked to my now 16 year old son about your posting. If you want to contact me, he and I will be glad to talk to the girls and their sisters about his experience with something sort of like this that happened a couple of years ago. Often it takes hearing it from another kid before it really hits home: you said, "They all said that they understood, but I have to wonder now whether they will tell me if something else happens for fear that I will call the police." Maybe him talking with them will give you more security about that. Also, perhaps we can give you some heads up about the police, the school system and how/why they work together to hide these kinds of incidents - and how to work around that to get results. We learned the hard, frustrating way - maybe you can learn from our mistakes and our successes regarding the follow-through. My son and I have decided if we arent part of the solution, we are part of the problem, so contact me back if you want to talk. - A.
Wow! Can't say I would have handled things any differently.
I don't think you overreacted at all. Kids need to know that they cannot go around shooting people with a BB gun, that is not acceptable. If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing. Remember it up to us to protect our kids and do so the best way we can. I hope you find out who this boy is and get this whole situation taken care of... Good luck!
You absolutely did the right thing! Firing a BB gun within City limits, even on your own property is considered illegal. You can look up any city code to see that even air guns (BB guns are not "fire" arms) are illegal when not used in the proper safe setting. Even carrying one around can get a kid into a WHOLE lot of trouble, especially if they appear threatening with it. That boy was definitely seeking attention, the "cry for help" kind, and once he is identified, he will receive the necessary attention to get him some help. Don't feel badly about your girls' reaction to this incident. They are probably afraid of further consequences to them either from the boy or from kids who they think would possibly ridicule them for "squealing", but any sensible kid knows that what this boy did was not right and was not safe. Stick to your guns, praise your girls for being brave enough to finally tell you (better late than NEVER!), and help them raise their self-esteem about the situation. The fact that they told you could mean that they saved someone else from also being hurt by this boy in the future.
I use to work as a family therapist and would sometimes see kids like the boy at the bus stop at our office. What usually happens in cases like this is that the boy and his family will be contacted by the police, a citation for carrying/firing the BB gun will be issued, he'll have to appear in court and then consequences will be doled out...fines, maybe a referral for counseling or a threat assessment to determine the risk of future violence. Don't feel badly about filing charges on him!!! The kids who don't receive consequences or attention for acts like this will simply continue the behavior or go on to do worse. Hopefully the school will reassign him to an alternative school so that your girls and he won't have to cross paths again anytime soon.
Again, you did the right thing and did not over-react!! Good luck with finding out who the boy is so he can be helped.
If you had the name of this boy there is a lot more you could/should do. Namely tell his parents. This would probably have been a good first course of action. I don't know what I would do in your situation, so I won't condone or support your actions, but food for thought. You know he may not have realized the gravity of the situation - he is a kid. Kids are not adults, no matter how much we want them to "understand" he may not have realized the seriousness of his threat. You know,there is a television show called "My Name is Earl" and this happened in an episode where he shot a girl he liked in the rear. . . any possibility this boy was showing off to get the girl's attention? FYI - If I were you, I'd be scoping out the bus stop though to find out where his parents live - I am sure they would want to know about this little bb gun incident.
Can I applaud you. Here is my standing ovation.
I am a former high school teacher, currently a Stay at home mom. You have no idea how it is walking in and out of classrooms when the one day it could happen at your school. I know kids don't want to say anything but so many people have died because no one stands up to them. I am sick and tired of hearing people being afraid of these kids or the fear that no one will like them if the tell. I was very strict with these kids who thought of themselves as invincible to the rules because people are afraid.
Your children need to understand that if the boy had pushed her that is one thing but a gun fake, bb, or real, needs to be told. The teacher or bus driver should have been the first. I'm surprised that your daughter didn't get infected or bleed from the hit. That kid needs to be punished even suspended for bringing a gun to school.
Cud dos to you MOM!!!!!
No you didn't overreact at all and I think you need to keep going by letting the school know and the district. I'd be ALL over that if it happened to one of my kids. Not only did the kid bring the gun but actually shot it! And it hit your daughter? I would think the police department would have to notify the school but I would do it anyways. You need to identify the kid. With everything you hear about on the news, I would say its better to be safe than sorry.
Oh my gosh I would have been livid! You absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. Many cities have laws against BB guns. Those pelets can cause major damage and/or infection. The next thing I would be doing is contacting the principal. They know the names and addresses of every kid on the bus and can track down this little terror. If this kid is talking about shooting birds he will probably not hesitate to shoot someone's pets, esp. he already shot your daughter. He needs help NOW!!! Good luck and I hope he is caught soon.
M.
You did great!
Are you able to stay and watch the bus stop, maybe observe from a distance? If the boy finds out about the report, he may give your daughter a hard time.
Do you know if the school has contacted the bus driver? I am sure they would want to know if a child is carrying a gun of any kind in their belongings.
You did not over-react at all, I think you did a great job. Me on the other hand I would have been at the bus stop this morning waiting for that little punk. I think the kid is very lucky that it was you and not me. You showed great self control, and did a great thing by calling the police. If this child though nothing of bringing a gun (regardless if it was a BB gun or not) to school then he is crazy. There is not a kid in the country that would think a school would allow them to bring any sort of gun to school. He may end up being the next school shooter.
I think you did the right thing. We as parents can't let things like that just happen. Unfortunately your child was injured but of course it could have been a lot worse or it could have been a real gun. That child and his parents need to know that his behavior inappropriate. I would have taken some type of action myself.
Hello PS-
Most definately you did the right thing. Your child is just that a child and it is up to the parent to protect the child. That should be a zero tolerance with the BB gun. It hurts people and is just as bad as a gun. Even if it was a sling shot, etc. it should be treated with zero tolerance. Just explain to your daughter that it was very wrong of the boy to carry the gun and threaten with it. If not your daughter he could hurt someone else and she should not feel any wrong about it. The boy was in the wrong... Hopefully, the parents will stand with the same position and remove the gun from his possession. It sounds like something seriously wrong is going on there...
Take care.
S G
Of course you did the right thing and I congratulate you. I would haunt the local bus stop until your girls pointed out the boy who did this, if they can recognize him. It is a serious matter. However, the issue with none of your girls telling you is just as serious, in my opinion. I'd have a very long, detailed talk with them about growing up and taking on responsibility. They need to be shown the connection between choosing to do the right thing, regardless of the consequenses and getting privileges that they think they deserve according to their age. I'm not saying you should punish them, but I think they need to understand that this was a "misbehavior" on their part and you hold them accountable for using poor judgement. As your girls go into their teen years they can potentially get into very serious trouble if they think a boy shooting them with a BB gun isn't worth reporting.
Good luck,
P.
It's hard to know how to respond. Contacting the authorities is definitely a good idea. But with all three of your daughters (and, presumably, the other girl involved) keeping quiet about it I have to wonder whether things really happened the way you were told. An anonymous boy at the bus stop makes a really good scapegoat as long as no one looks too closely. Most kids know the names of the students that wait for the bus with them by this time of the year. And if you're not getting the truth, then what is she hiding?
That having been said, if you know your daughter and know her to be truthful, even if the truth is difficult/inconvenient for her, then you may even need to take additional steps to protect her, such as having her avoid the bus for a while, teaching her how to avoid situations where she is alone/unprotected, etc. I was the target of some "revenge" bullying when I was in school, and believe me it's not fun, but at least the kids on the other side of the bullying were using their fists, not weapons.
Just my thoughts...for what they're worth.
B.
I dont think that you overreacted. I do agree with some of the other peoples comments you need to find out who that individual is. I work in the courts and I see what happens to kids that have never been punishment for their actions. But do have a good talk with your girls it bothers me more that they didn't want to get anyone in trouble by saying anything. Let them know that that kind of behavior in not acceptable.
You did not over-react. You should call the school and report it and they will find out the name of the boy and he'll probably be suspended or sent to an alternative school.
Four years ago, my son's friend brought a knife to school. It had been his Dad's and he had passed away the year before, so the boy was showing it off at school. But a girl said something to him he took as rude and he made a remark like "maybe I'll use this on you." or something like that. She told the school, he was suspended and sent to alternative school for a year.
Now, I knew he would never hurt anyone, I'd known this boy since he was 8. And I knew what the death of his father had done to him. But none of this makes any difference. He did something wrong and the schools are very strict about child safety.... AS THEY SHOULD BE! So the safest thing for them to do was take him out of school.
The same goes for this boy. He's old enough to know better and he did something worse than our friend, he used the BB gun on your daughter! There's a lack of inhibition that scares me there.
Please report it to the school right away. Today!
You did not over react!!! How long will he get away with bringing a BB gun before he brings the real thing. I would see this thru. I know your daughter is at a new school but her safety is at risk. This boy showed no hesitation in pointing the gun at someone. Be glad you can take care of the problem while it is still a BB gun. I would also see this thru. Make sure the school and the police follow up on this. I can't believe the school told you to find out who it is from the school! I didn't know you had to have a name to report a gun at school, or a shooting for that matter! As far as talking to the parents, be careful. I suggest that you meet on neutral ground with police or school officials present only if you want to discuss whether or not you are going to press charges. Personally, if he shows no remorse and his parent act like it is not a big deal I would, stop him before someone gets hurt. Good Luck and I will be praying for you and your daughter's school and your community.
You did the right thing. If the school gives you no help in figuring out who the boy is, I would even take it a step further, even if it means threatening to go to the media. Maybe they can't tell you directly for the sake of the privacy of those families but there should be a way for them to tell the police. Heck, if it were me, I'd be waiting at that bus stop every day for as long as it takes and find out. You are right, this needs to be nipped in the bud.
I feel you did the right thing, for if this boy was willing to make statements like this he is learning it from somewhere and then he actually carry out the threat what would he do next.
How many other boys are at this bus stop? The bus barn knows how many kids are picked up from that spot. If there is more than 1 boy they will question all the boys or either talk to others that was there.. No worry they will find out who did it.
your daughter has to also understand by you finding out could protect other kids from this bully. Plus the schools will be made aware if this kid makes a threat that he might just carry it out.
I remember when a girl called my mother when I was in school that I didn't get on the bus.. my mother knew I did. Therefore she knew something must of happened to me. She called the school to talk with me, I was ok, but the problem was this girl made this kind of call to make my mother worried when she had heart problems. The situation was tooken care of by the school...it was
h*** o* me to face the girl, and vice versa for her, but as time went we made up...
Don't question your daughter on a daily basis but be there if she wants to talk about it.. if this doesn't seem to work, talk with the school or the police maybe they would talk with your daughter to help her to understand it very very important for her to tell you these things and you did the right thing.
Again you were protecting your daughter and others from this bully that you have no idea what he might would of done on another day...
Plus you got to treat a gun with respect.. it not the guns that hurt people it those that are using them for the wrong reason that hurts people..
Not sure about your schools but I know our schools has a zero torant problem if you have a fight or threat you get yoru self into trouble... this boy has to learn you just don't do these things... I hope he gets himeself in trouble my his parents too.
I don't think you over reacted at all! If he's crazy enough to take a BB gun to the bus stop and shoot at the other kids, it's really scarey to think of what he might do when he gets his hands on a real gun. I'd be standing at the bus stop daily until I figured out who this kid is! Good luck with this!
You did the right thing, getting on the bus and entering school property with a firearem is a federal offense, he could certainly be expelled if he is caught. His parents certainly need to know that this happened. Was he not back at the bus stop this morning? If he rode the bus yesterday, seems like he would be there again today. Hope you catch him and teach him a very valuable lesson. I'm not a violent person but if I found out some kid shot my daughter with a bb gun, I'd probably want to tear him apart!
I agree with all teh other posts on your reaction being the right one. A couple more things to consider, could this be a pattern with the boy? You said it was his first year at the school and since school just started, it made me wonder. Second, he didn't just threaten, he executed his threat. He had no hesitation in shooting randon kids with a BB. Too many video games make is easy to do these things without thinking of the consequences. I would follow up and find out who this kid is and not let my kids be alone (without an adult) at the bus stop until he is removed from the situation. Btw, have you spoken with the other child's parents?
OF COURSE, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!
I also understand that your daughter is scared of repercutions (sp?). It's so magnified when you are in school. The boy has a problem; this is more than just popping a bra strap, etc. A gun is a gun, whether it is a BB gun or a deer rifle and neither should ever be pointed at a human being.
You're her protector - just keep reminding your girls it's your job, your passion and that you love them so much.
Great job and stick with your gut feelings. I find them always to be right.
Wishing you well,
B.
You go girl!
The only way to teach your children to be responsible citizens and report when someone has put them in a dangerous situation, is to model what should be done. Your children have every right to know that they need never accept any type of bullying from anyone. They need to understand that their safety is extremely important, and a top priority to you.
You might want to speak with the school counselor about ways you could speak with your children about how important it is to stand up for their own protection, and that includes sharing their concerns with an adult. The counselor might have some creative ways, and fictional stories you could share and discuss, allowing you to address this issue indirectly - yet still get the point across.
Good luck! If more parents took actions like yours - perhaps there would be less children carrying (and threatening other children with) BB guns.
Regards,
S.
I don't think you overreacted at all. What a horrible thing to do. I wouldn't rest until the school figured out who this boy was and addressed the situation. I would also speak to the bus driver or go with your daughter to the bus stop and try to see who this boy is and make sure he doesn't harass your daughter again. Let us know what happens. What an awful thing for a kid to do.
I would have found out who the boy was. If you had to go to the bus stop everyday. Then I would find out where he lives and go and talk to his parents. And tell them if this happens again, or if he brings it to the bus stop. Then you will call police. He's a boy, they aren't the smartest on the planet!! I don't know if I would have called the police, until I talked to the parents first. Then depending on how that went, would help me decide if I would or not! Gotta think of your daughter and with a new school.
No, you didn't. You are not overreacting at all!! I know it may be hard for your daughter to understand why you reported the inccident. She just doesn't want to cause problems. There is a lot of peer pressure going on at this age. But, I really think you made the right choice. I just read a novel based on school shootings. Although it was fiction, the author did a lot of reasearch on the subject. It seems that all those involved in shootings gave some sort of clue before the actual crime. It may seem silly to report it at first. But it may prevent a tragedy later. That boy may be crying out for help! His parents should really know about his actions. Good job!
No, you absolutely did not overreact!!! I would have done the same thing. And also found out where the boy lived. Your daughters also need to realize the seriousness of the situation!!! What if it was a different gun?
I think you did the right thing. I think the appropriate thing to do would have been to contact this child's parents but since you don't really know who he is, you couldn't very well do that. I would however, be waiting at that bus stop with her the next day and let him know who he's messing with.
One little boys shouldn't pick on girls and especially with guns, BB or otherwise. I'd sure like to meet the dad who raised the son who would shoot at a little girl!
