Did Anyone Go Through a Long Separation and Get Back Together?

While I have no PERSONAL experience, there was a family that I went to elementary school with who had this happen. Mom and dad got married, had all their kids, then got divorced because dad had a drinking problem. X number of years down the road (don't remember how long), he had gotten help for his drinking problem so that it was not longer an "active" problem, mom and dad started dating again, and eventually got married again. He's kept his promises and stayed clean, too. My mom is still in contact with them. :) They are really good people.

Personally I think it only happens when the separation isn't a matter of needed but a matter of necessary to open communication.

Hey R.-

I dated my ex husband from the age of 14 thru our sophomore years in (different/long distance) universities.

We remained 'friends' (I was particularly close to his mom...and her work took her near me from time to time and we would meet for lunch/museums etc). We both became engaged...and then 'un engaged' to others.

We met in person again at the 10 year HS reunion. We felt 'destined' to be together. We married...had 7 kiddos...and his alcoholism became a HUGE issue...in ways I cannot share. We were married almost 20 years.

We divorced...and believe it or not...he is now remarried to someone he 're connected' with at the 30 year HS reunion.

*YITE!!!*

Needless to say, I have not attended anymore HS reunions...and sadly, his mom, with whom I had a great relationship when her son and I were 'not dating'...is now NOT in touch AT ALL post divorce.

Sad...but true.

I had kept a fortune cookie saying with me since HS...it said "You will marry rich". The exes name is Richard...lol...

I thought it was destiny...

All I got was 'd***'

LOL

best luck!
michele/cat

Elizabeth Taylor married Richard Burton twice.
First time lasted 10 years followed by divorce.
Second time lasted 2 years again followed by divorce.
He was husband number 5 and 6 out of a total 8 weddings for her.
Most people can't afford to make the same mistake twice, emotionally or financially.
If a relationship is going to work, the problems that got in the way in the first place have got to be resolved.

Sure, over the course of the past 30 years, I have ditched him IN MY MIND a zillion times. I even did it FOR REAL a number of times. Which lasted an average of 2 hours.

Luckily, HE had a lot of other things to tend to and disappeared for stretches here and there.

He is everything I want, and nothing I need.

Tragically I love with my heart rather than my head (sound familiar?), and it's just hopeless. If he'll have me, I gotta go for it.

I DESPISE drama, in every other aspect of my life. But I just cannot quit The Man.

Since I was 16 there really has never been anyone else. Least not in my heart.

:(

Me. Married to the same guy twice. Reason: I was immature both times. That's not necessarily a comment on my present state, but that's the way it was.

I have not, but my MIL did. She and my husband's dad divorced, she remarried, and after a few years they divorced. They remarried maybe 6 years later and have been pretty happily married for 10 years now.

I think that people can change and grow and situations can change and it makes all the difference in the world. When they were married the first time, they were trying to blend families with teenagers and young children. They had very different parenting philosophies- 1 very lenient, no discipline, children were hellions. My FIL's ex was crazy and influenced her kids to behave poorly. My FIL was an alcoholic. All these things were just too much. Once they divorced, they remained friends and FIL would come over and help with "honey do" lists and they would go out on friendly dates but there was not the pressure of raising each other's kids. When they remarried, all the kids were grown except 1. FIL gave up drinking. The crazy ex wife actually passed away due to alcoholism. Anyway, enough of the problems were out of the picture that their marriage works now. Ti be clear, I also think they must have re-evaluated their expectations because their marriage is not some lovey-dovey romantic marriage. They are like good friends. They keep each other company. There are 2 people helping with chores and bills. But they largely do their own thing and they have never shared bedrooms...I do not know if there is or ever has been romance of any kind in their marriage. Still, it seems to work for them.

I think you're more likely to get back together the longer you've been together in the first place.
A short marriage makes for an easier split, there's just not much history.
I've had moments over the years where I've imagined splitting from my husband, but we've been together since 1989, married since 1992.
He's my family now.
And I'm his.
And we have a home, and kids, and friends, and extended family (and pets!) We have history. We have truly built a life together. Our son is almost twenty. We can see grandchildren down the line.
That's not something you just walk away from.
There would need to be serious betrayal, or deep unhappiness, for that to happen.

Well not to get into much detail but my MIL and FIL did go through that last year and now they are back together. They were on the edge of divorce but they worked it out. They have been married for 28 years I believe. So far it's working out for my in-laws. I'm going through this right now but not sure of the outcome yet.

Yes, I was married at 18, him 19. Had our first son at 19 (me) and found out 2 months later he was cheating. Seperated, but couldn't quite stay away from one another, got pregnant (our older 2 are 11 months apart). Tried to work it out for a bit and gave up. Now his son with her, is only 2 months younger then our 2nd child.

We were apart for 5 years, both immature and not ready. He had another child with the other woman. then one day we started talking again and the we were back together. We never divorced. I have also been raising 'his' children all of this time, and went on to have 4 more for a total of 8.

For us it was never about whether or not we loved one another. We both just had a lot of growing up to do.

My sister got deployed three times. By the time she got back from her third deployment her husband had begun an affair and they had grown completely apart. They separated for almost a year. (who knew, it was like one more deployment you know?) Eventually, she realized that she wanted to be part of their kids lives more and that that would only happen if they were together. So they reconciled. They managed to hold it all together for another ten years and then she gave up for good. He could not stop running around or trying to run her down. He could not tolerate her successes. I think they never would have gotten back together if it had not been for her religious beliefs.... But, even those could only cover for just so much.

Well - my parents separated, divorced (rather quickly) remained separated for a full year (maybe a bit more) then remarried and are still married today. They've been married now for more than 35 years (not counting the separated time).

My Mom claims she made a mistake of asking for a divorce rather than just separating and continuing therapy (they remained in therapy for the whole separation/divorce). My Dad ended up on Zoloft (and continues to to take it now) and they worked through a lot of issues that came up when we all moved out (empty nest) and my Mom went back to work (after being home working with my Dad on their home business for 20 years).

I'd say they are happy now.

I think that as we age, the dating field gets smaller and we may have the desire or need to recycle old relationships. I find it easier to go back to an old flame (I am 54) than to try to meet anyone new. Old flames KNOW me. I KNOW them. I know what to avoid and vice versa.

Its funny that you ask this question because an old flame and I are trying to get back together from a relationship we had in 2003.

I married my high school sweetheart in this order.

Met at 17, he was 20. Dated 'til I was 20, he was 23.
We split due to age difference & my horrible maturity level.
We would occasionally "hook up" (we could not resist each other)
I got pregnant with our son
He married, had a daughter, divorced (SHE was not his soul mate : )
We didn't see each other for a while.
When our son was five, his daughter was 6, we got back together.
We married and had our daughter.

We had to go full circle. I had to mature, as did he and we both had to see that we belonged together. We mayured enough to admit we missed each other and worked beautifully together.

My friend & her husband went through this. She asked him to move out & they were separated for several months. That was what her husband needed in order to realize what he had & what was missing. Sometimes the person that is doing the most damage to the relationship needs a wake up call.

This was for their particular relationship. In a situation where it was more 50/50 then I don't know if a separation would make a difference.

My FIL and MIL were on the verge of seperation when DH and I were dating. It lasted about a year to my observation. My SIL and her hubby married young (early 20's) and divorced because her mother couldn't keep out of the relationship and my SIL couldn't stand that. Her ex was still around for the next year and half. They married again and have been married for 9-10 years this time. I had every intention on leaving my husband one night. I didn't want him to know so I was going to wait until the morning. Things happened the next morning and we are still together 19 years now. I still don't think he knows what I was planning.

R. - I'm sorry I am late to the game on this one.

No, even after separating and TRYING to be a couple, my ex and I couldn't get past the issues that tore us apart.

I know there are couples who have split up and found their way back together. Broke again and got back together AGAIN...

I guess it depends upon the people...

Yes, I know someone that did.
Her husband was an alcoholic and she separated from him for her sake and the sake of their children.
Must have forced his bottom up to meet him because EVENTUALLY he realized that alcohol had caused him to lose everything he lived and he sought and received help for his addiction.
I also have another friend that left for the sane reason, only her husband never did realize his addiction or get help.
Either way, both of my friends got on with their lives and that's good, right?

My parents have divorced three times. They remarried the first two times, and now they have moved on. They were together a total of over 30 years.

Why? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.