29 answers

Destination Wedding - How Do I Tell My Sister Probably Not?

My younger sister wants to get married in St. Lucia. For my family of 5 to go, it will be almost $6k for only 5 days. I told her yes, before I knew the cost. I cannot do that without hurting my budget, even thoguh we have 18 months to plan. We have to pay down our debt and I can't pay for that trip AND pay down my debt. My parents are saying the same thing. Plus her and her fiance (who is not liked by anyone in our family) have a 2 year old (LOVE her!!) and having been living together for 3 years. I think it's a little over the top to do a destination wedding when you already have a family. They want to do destination because it is cheaper for them...beause the rest of us have to foot the bill!

So has anyone ever told a sibling no to going to a far away wedding? My daughter and I are both in the wedding, and they want to incorporate my sons somehow too...it's not like we can't all go. But I just don't see it in the budget at all. And I just think it's a little past that point for them...wrong?? My husband and I got married at the court house, with our 14 month old with us. So I'm not throwing stones here...I was in her shoes, kind of.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks everyone! I will defniitely let her know that I just don't think it's in the budget for us, as much as I'd like to take that kind of vacation. I am sure she will understand, but be hurt. And I will NEVER pass my thoughts on her relationship on to her, that's certainly not my place and I know it - but it's almost my opinion, sadly. I wish it wasn't. I do wish them all the best in the world, even if I can't be there to see it happen.

Featured Answers

Just say, "I love you and support you, but we simply cannot afford to go." It's that simple and straightforward. It's pretty selfish of people to expect others to drop that kind of money on them. She may be understanding about it and not expect it at all like many who do destination weddings, as she should be. If she throws a fit, then don't stress over it, she needs to grow up.

3 moms found this helpful

Let you sister go and have her destination wedding and throw a huge (affordable) party when she gets back.

2 moms found this helpful

Tell them the truth, suggest they have the wedding they want then when they come home just have a get together wedding and let everyone do their thing. The cost is ridiculous.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Well... when I planned my destination wedding, I was kind of hoping that my extended family wouldn't go (or bring their tons of horrid kids, picking fights with each other like they're trying out for Jerry Springer, etc etc). I'm not saying that your sister thinks your kids are horrid. I'm sure they are not. And I'm not saying your extended family fights like mine does. I'm sure they don't. I'm simply saying, she may have thought it through, and she may not be totally heartbroken if people don't come. She may have a tiny wedding in mind, just her, her fiance, and a random minister out there on the beach in St Lucia. But she may also think that her whole family will be annoyed with her if she doesn't invite them... hence, having a wedding in an expensive locale that will eliminate 95% of the guest list without offending anyone. Sure, everyone's invited! But nobody will come. And she is probably okay with that.

Just be honest with her, but try to be supportive of her location choice too. She will understand.

8 moms found this helpful

She has a right to get married wherever she wants, but she needs to understand the consequences of a destination wedding.. Not that you are trying to punish her, but I know it would be difficult for lots of families to afford such a trip..

What are other options? How about just you and your husband attend but only for 4 days?

Maybe when they get back you and your husband could host a welcome home luncheon and your Sister and her husband can show the wedding photos to everyone.

But whatever you do just be honest about the reason your family will not be able to attend. No need to include include your thoughts of what is right for them or bring up your choices.. That is not the point.

5 moms found this helpful

None of you should go if it causes any kind of financial burden. Don't let someone guilt you into it. However, I would keep your comments to her nonjudgemental.
How about throwing a party/reception for them afterwards.

5 moms found this helpful

I NEVER understood the point of destination weddings. Go on the honeymoon where ever you want--but don't make it a finacial burden to everbody else just to see you get married.

4 moms found this helpful

I think a person has a right to get married wherever they want.
That said, when they choose a place that's far away, even out of the country, they have to expect that there will be people who can't attend. Unless the couple marrying can pay for their guests, they can't really expect the expense, in my opinion.

The wedding is 18 months away. I think you need to let your sister know now that you aren't going to be able to swing it.
Leave your opinions about whether or not she is entitled to such an extravagant wedding out of it. Your point should simply be about the finances.

Again, just my opinion.

4 moms found this helpful

If I could afford for just me to go, I would try to make it, but tell her the kids can not be in the wedding because you can't afford it. If even just you going would be expensive, or more than you can/want to spend, I would just tell her sorry, but you can't make it. IF she really wants you all there, she will either pay for your trips or change her wedding location. I will never understand the idea that people have that it is ok for their wedding to cost others tons of money. That is simply not ok.

3 moms found this helpful

Just say, "I love you and support you, but we simply cannot afford to go." It's that simple and straightforward. It's pretty selfish of people to expect others to drop that kind of money on them. She may be understanding about it and not expect it at all like many who do destination weddings, as she should be. If she throws a fit, then don't stress over it, she needs to grow up.

3 moms found this helpful

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. That's all you need to say to your sister. Tell her NOW though, so she can make alternate plans or plan to have her wedding without you and your family.

Whether she's been living with her boyfriend and has a child or is a 22 year old virgin doesn't really matter to whether you can afford the wedding or not, so try not to bring that part up. You'll only hurt her feelings if you tell her that she shouldn't be having a big wedding because she already has a child.

3 moms found this helpful

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