Depression - Bakersfield,CA

Hi T.,

You are not alone. My life feels a little overwhelming right now also. Last Sept a drunk driver through a beer bottle at my car. The bottle broke the windsheild and part of the glass from the bottle ended up in my neck. It damaged some of my nervers and now my left arm partially paralyzed. I am currently going through tests to see if they can operate to put the nerves back together. In the past few months my fiance has gotten very sick. He just went through surgery and they removed some mass from his abdomen to biopsy for cancer. It turns out that he doesnt have cancer but we still dont know what is causing the mass and how to fix it. So he is still very sick and weak. Its hard for me to take care of all the cooking and cleaning with one arm but he is so sick that he cant do a whole lot. And if this isnt enough, my 8 year old son is now going through psychiatric evaluation. We've ruled out ADD/ADHD so thats good, but he has to start seeing a therapist.

We've been snowballed with misfortune. But we are trying to make it through. There are times I just sit in a chair and stare out the window. There are times when I just feel like crying. It is hard to be strong and hold up the world. But that is what makes women better. We are closer to G-d than any other species on earth. I suggest to just keep going. No matter how tired, stressed or frusterated you get. It may be a test. Not everything is what it seems. I also suggest talking to your doctor. He may suggest counceling. You may need a mood stablizer or an antidepressent until the smoke clears.

I know I havent given any advice on how to make it all better. But I dont know if it is suppose to be better yet. I do know that you arent alone. If you need someone to talk to let me know.

Hi T.,

I have suffered from depression for most of my life. It comes and goes, usually with the help of medication. My last bout of depression did not respond to ANY medication. I went to the doctor 7-8 times and every time either changed prescriptions or dosages. I decided that I couldn't rely on medication to get me over my depression, which made me even more depressed and hopeless that I would ever be happy again.

Then I was watching Oprah one day (how many times have we all heard that line?) and there were a whole bunch of very happy people talking about "The Secret". After watching the program I ordered the DVD www.thesecret.tv . It's mainly about the power of attraction; if you are thinking/being negative, negative things are attracted back to you. Also, if you are thinking/being positive and putting out good energy, positive things are attracked back to you.

I guess it all depends on what you believe, but I've always believed that your thoughts have a huge impact on your life. I noticed one day that ALL my thoughts were negative.... "I never get a break from these kids", "My husband doesn't help out enough", "We don't have enough $ for anything", I'll never lose these last 20 pounds", ect. I decided when I thought any of these negative thoughts, I would change them for something more positive; "My kids love me, that's why they always want to be with me", "My husband works so hard during the day at HIS job to earn $ so I can stay home with the kids, I don't mind if he takes a break when he gets home.", "We have a roof over our heads, food in the cupboards, and we all have nice clothes, we have plenty of $", "I've already lost so much weight! I can't obssess about these last 20 lbs, I still look MUCH better than I did a year ago!", ect.

I know it sounds silly, but changing how I talked to myself really has made a big difference with my depression! It's not easy to change such a bad habit I've had for so long, I still get frustrated and want to go back to my "pitty parties", but have to keep talking positively to myself. I don't want to go back to dreading having to get out of bed every morning.

I'm not trying to promote "The Secret", but it was what I needed to help me start making these changes. Another really good book/DVD/CD series is "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I actually prefer him over The Secret, just because he goes more in-depth with everything. Also he makes it sound more serious, not so comercial as The Secret can be. You can get any of these things from Amazon.com.

I hope some of what I've written helps you. I know what it's like to suffer from depression and feel like there is no hope of ever feeling happy again. But I've learned to realize that HAPPINESS DOES NOT DEPEND ON WHAT HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF YOU, BUT ON WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE OF YOU!!!!!

Wishing you the best,
~T.~

hi, i can totally relate to not having enough time with your significant other :( maybe you should get counseling, i'm not a total supporter of anti depressant meds but maybe that is what you need. your boyfriend needs to teach william not to tattle tell, since he's the parent its his job to discipline his kids. I think men only know how to show love physically, so don't take it offensively, unless he's being rude about it or pressuring you. you have to put youreslf first if you want to help take care of other people. you have to be 100% to give them 100%. i'm sorry i don't have any other advice. Just keep your head up, be thankful for the good you have, and look forward to a better time. love, E.

Get thee to a doctor, post haste.

Depression gets worse over time if it isn't treated promptly. Go to your doctor and ask him/her whether antidepressants are appropriate. Then, drop of your son with a trusted family member, let your boyfriend take over the household duties and take off for a few days. You need some peace and quiet to recharge your batteries. DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow anyone to make you feel guilty about this.

Depression is a very serious condition, and is not your fault. It happens to even the most educated and prosperous people in the world. Taking time to let your mind and body heal is in the best interest of not only you, but all those around you. Ignoring it is what often leads to those moms you read about in the papers who go crazy and harm their kids. While I know you would never hurt your kids, sometimes even little things do a lot of damage, and having a mom who is depressed is unhealthy for them too.

Feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you ever want to talk!

Dear T.,

For the first thing you need to do is to see your doctor and get some pills that will help you with your depression. It is the right thing to do for yourself, for your family and then you will be able to cope with these complex family things. It is not bad to take pills. I know for sure because I have had problems with depression alllll of my life. It runs in both sides of our family.

Then you will be able to think more clearly. Try to make some deal with the older boys that they are examples of men to Jakub, and that family means a lot to you. Tell them family stories about things that happened to you when you were growing up. Don't tell all cutsy things, tell some things that were big problems to work out, and that the whole family had to cooperate to get ideas about what was the right thing to do. Tell
them that you are going to depend upon them to tell you ideas they have about making things better at home.

Complement them when they are being good.

Good Luck, C. N.

T., Sounds like you have your hands full!! The best advice I can offer is to take one step at a time! One day.. one hour.. one min if that is all you feel like you can handel!! You need to find a close friend or family member to talk to and if you don;t have one it might be a good idea to see a profesional. You might need some medication to help you get thew all this. What ever you decide to do just hang in there!! Life really does get better!! Let me know if there is anything I can do to help! Tiff

T.,

Boy you do have a plate full. One thing that you need to do is find time for yourself. There are gyms that you can go to that have kids’ centers so that they can play but you can go and relive stress. You need to make sure you are eating right to keep your strength up. I can help you with that if you have questions.

Most of us go though what you are going though. You need to put your foot down with all the men in your life and learn to say NO. It's my time and you need to cooperate.

My husband and son did this too me. My husband would take on projects (like a new company) and then want me to drop everything to help him. There came a time in my life when I was about to have a nervous break down because of taking on too much and not taking time for myself. I have two companies, I am a full time student, and 8 year old that does karate and baseball and a house to run. But every morning I take one hour for myself. Now I feel like I can rule the world.

Call if you have questions on the nutrition area and good luck with the custody battle. That will take a lot out of you for sure.

L. C
Personal Nutritionist
www.herbalmom.com

Hi T.,

I agree that talking to a counselor sounds like it would be a good idea. I actually should do the same but I have no one to watch my kids and my hubby works over night and sleeps during the day. Then if he is awake if it's something that he doesn't want to do, I don't get any help...as you can tell I'm kind of in the same boat you are. We're not fighting for custody of his older son but he will be visiting soon and I'm already bracing myself for the huge amount of stress that I'll be dealing with. So you're not alone and if you need someone to vent to, I'm here and I totally understand where you're coming from. If possible I would definitely see a counselor though as well. Take care

You sound like you're dealing with a lot of stuff right now. It might not hurt to seek professional help, especially if you'r feeling depressed. I saw a counselor once and she mainly helped me identify some problems in my life and helped me find solutions. take care and I hope all works out for you.

Me too! Come meet a group of us at Lake Balboa on Thursdays at 1pm to chat while we eat then walk. Charlotte (wearing yellow) and I (wearing green), along with at least two other Mom-Baby duo will be by the waterfall. Park in the parkinglot off of Woodley (enter by the golf sign) or the one off of Balboa. There is also parking on the street by Hayvenhurst and Victory (and then you can walk straight in until you get to the lake). The parking on the street might be easiest for your first time and then I can show you later where the best parking is. If you are taking the freeway, get off on Victory (from the 405 going North) then go right until Hayvenhurst. If going south on the 405, get off on Sherman Way and go right on Victory until Hayvenhurst. Hayvenhurst is between Balboa and Woodley. Here's the website: http://www.laparks.org/dos/aquatic/balboa.htm If you need more help, call my place ###-###-####

At 1, bring your lunch, baby carrier of some type, and blanket (though this may not be needed if the group is on the smaller side bcause mine is big). See you soon!

Sincerely,
G.

Hi T.! Hope that your day is going well. Listen, I know you don't know me and I don't know you. But, I've been where you are. It's good that you're reaching out, because so many more people than you know go through the same thing EVERYDAY.

I've had depression my whole life, but was only offically diagnosed with it in 2001. Since then I have tried every medication there is, including Lithium. Honestly, none of them helped. You know why? I think it's because I was expecting one of them to be my magic "I'm at peace and I'm jolly every day pill". What I found after 4 years of trying different medications is that I had to do it on my own. I had to take a good hard look at my life and find out why I had the feelings I had and make some changes. Some of the changes were for outside influences, but most were from within me. I know this simplifies everything, but I honestly wake up every day and make the CHOICE to not be "down" that day.

Don't get me wrong, I still have VERY difficult days...days where I sit in the shower and cry, or just don't want to eat, or whatever. But, over time I realized that I still got thru that day and woke up the next day to try again. And, after awhile I thought, "Why am I wasting this day to sadness? Get off your butt and make the choice to be in a good mood!"

It will take time...and you'll probably always have that little "depression monster" in the back of your mind. But, with the right tools you'll fight him off and in the end you'll be so proud of yourself.

So, bottom line, take a good hard look at what you need in your life and start trying to make that happen. Take every day as it comes, and surround yourself with positive people. I also find that giving to others makes me happy. Find what you're good at and pursue it! Even if it's folding the laundry or being a respectful, caring human being.

Oh, my gosh, I could go on for hours! Good luck, my friend, and keep this in mind...even if you think there is no one out there thinking of you or willing to listen, remember this response and remember that you'll be in MY thoughts. You're not alone!!! Have a great day and keep us updated on how you are doing.

PS - Also, I should have said that if you feel the need for meds, give them a try. No one will think badly of you, and if they do, they're not your friend. Sometimes it takes a little jumpstart to get you on the road to feeling better. I gave up on the meds, just because they didn't work for me...but, that doesn't mean they won't work for you. You do what you need to do to take of yourself. And, in turn, you'll be able to tackle any other issues in your life and be a better mother and partner! Take care!

Hey T.,

I have battled depression for years. Then recently I read a book called "postpartum depression for dummies" it was fantastic and the author Dr. Shoshanna Bennett talked about all kinds of depression as well. She found a nutritional system that feeds the brain so you don't need any medication. I just started the system and it works!!! Here is what she says in the book and you can call her as well, she is soooo nice to talk with. Best of luck,
C.
THE SYSTEM THAT I FOLLOW

I’ve always had a deep interest in nutrition and feeding the body what it naturally needs for optimum functioning (including brain functioning). A health nut since the 60”s, I’ve tried every way of healthful eating out there (a couple that were on the weird side, now that I lock back!). I believed in nutrition-not diets. My incessant search for a complete, simple system finally ended a little over two years ago-I found it. Since then, I’ve been using this nutritional system and introducing it to my clients (and all others I care about). It’s complete with high quality organic protein shakes, amino acids such as tryptophan (which raise serotonin), live enzymes, the essential fatty acids (Omega,6, and 9) in the correct ratios, vitamins, antioxidants, and ionic plant minerals. The system, which consists of foods that you eat in addition to whatever healthful food you’re already consuming, has a total body cleansing and detoxing component as well. The results have been quick and dramatic, and I’m thoroughly passionate about it. Some of the problems that I’ve seen either totally disappear or at least decrease significantly with this system are: depression, anxiety, decreased energy, difficulty losing weight, insomnia, sugar cravings, low sex drive, and difficulty concentrating. I’m not mentioning this system by name because I want to make sure you’ll be ordering only what you need and should have, depending on whether you’re pregnant, nursing, or finished with both. If you're interested, feel free to contact me for more information by calling ###-###-####.